I glanced up and smiled through my tears. "But then we would be gods."
"And what fun is there in that?" He smiled and moved back to wipe the tears off my cheek. "McAdams loved your dad too, Terra. He's gone through a lot lately, and I think that's the only reason I haven't kicked his ass off the team. He's close to Jeremy Denning, so the kid getting popped for steroids hit Daniel harder than he'd want anyone to know." He released me fully. "He was almost a mentor to the kid."
"I know." I wiped away my tears. "I'm sure we have a lawsuit of some sort coming from Oakland, or at least Paul Thompson. Danny just beat him to a bloody pulp down here a few minutes ago. You just missed the show."
Joe glanced at the ceiling and let out a long sigh. "Fucking guy is going to have to pull himself together."
"I wish I could help with that, but I don't know what to do." I crossed my arms over my chest.
He tilted his head back down as his face filled with sorrow. "Maybe just talk to him about everything. He's not going to bring anything up to you or anyone else. Guys don't do that." He smiled sadly. "Ask me about the night your father died."
The tension in the air grew so thick that I almost couldn't catch my breath.
"What happened the night my dad died, Joe?" I reached out and took one of his hands in mine. I could remember a time when his hand dwarfed mine when he would toss me to my dad in the air, and my dad would toss me back.
"He wanted to go home, but Danny pushed him to come to Ruska's and hang out with the team."
"Oh, no." I lifted my free hand and pressed it to my lips. The pressure and pain Danny had to be carrying around left me feeling ill.
"Yeah." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I told Martin it would be good to see the guys outside of the field. He needed to reconnect with them. So, he finally agreed thanks to Danny's request and my prodding."
"Joe. You know it's not your fault that my father died. That's ridiculous."
"I know that’s what you believe, but I can't shake that it is partly my fault."
"No." I squeezed his hand and stepped closer. "Someone hit you guys going fifty miles per hour. We're lucky you both didn't die when the car rolled."
"I sometimes wish I would have." He glanced up and locked eyes with me. "I'm not taking up for Danny, Terra because he's being an idiot, but I am telling you that there's a lot going on inside that kid. Step up and help him out, or move back and let someone else do it."
He pulled me into a tight hug as I took quick breaths through my nose. It felt almost like the world was closing in around me, and the only person I wanted to comfort me was the one that kept striking out to hurt me.
It was because he was hurting, but it didn't matter. I was defenseless against him.
"Come on. We got a ballgame to win." He moved back and offered me his arm. "Let's go pull this one out of the shitter for your father."
"You know he could care less if we win or not." I slipped my arm into Joe's. "He used to say that as long as we were all-"
"Having fun?" He finished my sentence and laughed. "Try again. That was a cute thing to say to a sweet little girl. Your father was a tiger, a fighter, a winner. Much like the pitcher you've given your heart too."
I smiled and released him. "Thanks for everything. I don't look at you with an ounce of blame, nor does my dad, Joe. We both love you, and I'm grateful that you're here to be the glue during this transition."
"Me too, kiddo." He leaned down and kissed my cheek. "Now, get upstairs where you belong unless you plan on picking up a bat or a glove and helping an old fella out?"
I laughed. "Not a chance."
He walked away, and a part of my heart healed. Maybe Danny was hurting too much to be the man I needed or even wanted him to be right now. He had so much going on in his life. I just needed to figure out what part I was supposed to play, or if the season for us to be together was officially over. The thought of living without him caused my heart to shrink in my chest.
So maybe just backing off a little to let him heal was the answer. It sounded like a good idea in my head, but I knew myself far too well. There was no way I could let the idea of us go and still remain owner of the team. Having him in my face all the time would do me in.
"Stop it," I mumbled and made my way to get a hot dog. I didn't have to make any decisions right then, and it was probably best that I didn't.
I pulled out my phone and texted Danny, asking about his Dad. We were friends before we were lovers, and if nothing else, I was his boss. I could ask how his dad was doing seeing that I was genuinely interested.
I got a one word answer back and my heart dropped.
"Okay."
It was good to hear that his father was okay, but I knew one thing for sure... we weren't.
Chapter 27
Daniel
I paced the floor in the cafeteria until my feet hurt. Dropping down at a table, I pulled out my phone and called the only person I wanted to talk to - Lance. We'd been friends my whole life, and he was the only guy that shot straight with me. Without a sibling in my life, I needed him. Especially now.
"Danny?" His voice was thick with sleep.
"Hey man." I pressed my forehead against my hand and closed my eyes. "I'm at the ER with my dad. I just needed to hear a friendly voice."
"Fuck, dude. What happened?" He seemed to wake up fast.
"I don't know. He's been having some chest pains lately and refused to have it checked out." I sat up and glanced around to find a scattered handful of people that looked about like I felt. "He had a mild or minor heart attack tonight."
"Did you find out on the field?"
"No. I'd come down into the locker room after getting in a fight on the mound."
"Oh shit. You played Oakland tonight, didn't you?" He yawned loudly. If it were anyone but him, I'd have felt like shit for calling so late in the night.
"Yeah, man. That bastard that used to date your sister charged me because I accidentally hit him in the hip with a fastball." I smiled, feeling a bit of warmth for the first time that night.
"Accidentally? Something tells me that's a fucking lie." He chuckled. "He deserved it. He badgered Terra a million times to get into her pants. I should have gone down there and beat his ass myself."
Guilt swam through me. I'd taken Terra's virginity and turned into an asshole shortly thereafter. She probably hated me for it.
"You doing okay up there in the big apple?" I walked to the small cafeteria at the end of the room. Coffee would be helpful for my long night ahead.
"Yeah. I miss you guys and the rain, but it's a good life." He cleared his throat. "We just got this new surgeon in that's a total prick. I'm thinking about dragging his ass out behind the hospital and putting a hurting on him."
I laughed and fixed myself a cup of coffee. Light brown. Like dessert. It was the way Terra drank it, and somehow, she talked me into loving the girly ass drink myself when we were younger. Pressing my hand to my heart, I took a shallow breath.
"Hey. I fucked things up with Terra pretty bad. I just wanted you to hear it from me."
"Oh yeah? Sounds like the good old days. Give me the juicy deals, but leave out the juicy parts."
I smiled. He's been saying the same thing most of our lives. "I don't know, Lance. I love her with everything inside of me, but everything feels so fucked up right now. With losing Martin and having to raise Lyndsay to my dad having chest pains and the guys in the club getting popped for HGH. Just feels like nothing is going right."
"So why can't what you have with Terra be that one thing, Danny? She's a rock that you could lean on."
"That's not fair, and you know it." I paid for the coffee and walked back to my seat amid a million empty ones. "She's trying to figure out who she is in this new ownership position and deal with me, and let's not forget how badly she is hurting from losing your dad."
"She's much stronger than you're giving her credit for. Just don't hurt her or make her feel unprotected and you'll be fine
."
The image of her glancing up at me from the floor in the hallway brushed by my mind's eye. The horror on her beautiful face as she screamed for me to leave Paul alone was enough to scar me for life. Maybe she still had feelings for the guy?
"You think she still wants something between her and Paul?" I could ask Lance. He was my best friend and the closest thing I had to a brother.
"Not in the slightest. I think you're looking for something to come in between you guys."
I snorted. "No way. That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard."
"Is it? You've spent so many years running from love and now it's right in front of you? That's a scary feeling, Danny."
"No shit." I reached up and ran my hands through my hair as a nurse walked into the cafeteria, her eyes wide as if she were freaking out. "Let me call you right back."
"Alright. Just real quick."
I stood as she headed my way. "Make it fast."
"Do you think I need to fly down and take care of Terra? Does she need me there? Did I leave too much for her to deal with?"
"No, and I'm here if you did. Later man." I dropped the call and slipped my phone in my back pocket as the nurse stopped in front of me.
"Daniel McAdams?"
"Yeah. What's up?" My pulse spiked. Something was wrong by the look on her face and the fact that she was breathing hard. Had she come running down to the cafeteria to find me?
"Your father has had a massive heart attack and a possible stroke. You need to come help us with your mother. She's not taking the situation very well." She turned and motioned for me to follow her.
"Wait. What? I thought it was a minor heart attack." I jogged after her, and she picked up her walk to a jog.
I turned the corner as my mother flailed in one of the large male nurse’s arms, screaming as she lost her shit completely. "I want to see him. Let me see him. Please."
"Mom?" I ran over to her and took her from the nurse as she wrapped her arms around me and sagged into my arms.
"Please Danny? Please. Tell them to let us see him one more time. Please." She moved back and hit my chest with her fists as tears poured from her eyes.
"One more time?" My heart almost stopped in my chest as I turned to watch one of the doctors hit my dad with an electronic bolt to the chest. His limp body convulsed and dropped to the bed below, motionless.
"Oh shit." I pulled my mom in again and cupped the back of her head as I held her tightly, not letting her see what they were up to. I watched in horror as they tried a few more times.
The young doctor trying to help glanced up and locked eyes with me through the glass, and I knew.
He didn't make it.
"We need to go home okay, mom? We'll come back-"
"No!" She screamed and pulled back to turn around.
I grabbed her arms and manhandled her to the front door as my voice broke. "We'll come in tomorrow morning and see dad, okay?"
"Mr. McAdams?" The doctor walked out with a needle in his hand as my mom lost her shit again. "You need some help?"
"What is that?" I held onto her as my world crumbled around me. I searched in my mind for the last thing my father and I had talked about. Terra. He'd given his blessing on my girl. Or was it something else?
"Just something to calm her down. I'll get a wheelchair and help you get her into the car."
"No! No!" My mom reached behind her and knocked the needle from the doctor’s hand, sending it flying. "Don't take him away from me. I'm nothing without him." She turned and grabbed me by the shoulders hard. "He's everything to me, Daniel. Don't let them take him."
I choked on a sob and held onto her. "They're not taking him anywhere, momma."
"Here, Mrs. McAdams. It's going to be okay." The doctor got the needle into her arm and she slumped against me as I cried in the hallway.
"It's alright mom. I'm right here." I helped her down into the chair and stepped back as my insides melted. "Fuck." I turned and walked down the hallway, gripping my head and trying to make sense of what was happening.
I stopped by the window to watch them pull a blanket over my dad's limp body.
"Mr. McAdams. Can I-"
"No! Leave me the fuck alone for a minute." I pressed my fist to my mouth as another sob ripped my heart open. How the hell were we going to survive without my dad? Why me? Why us?
I glanced over at my mom as she laid slumped over, her eyes closed but her crying could be heard down the hallway.
Why her?
Chapter 28
Terra
I hadn't seen Danny in a few days, and he wouldn't return my call. It was driving me nuts. I finally decided to call my brother as I drove out to Danny's place. I had to see him. I didn't care what kind of fool I looked like.
"Terra. How are you? You holding up okay?" My brother sounded far too concerned for a normal Thursday afternoon.
"Yeah. I'm worried about Danny. Have you heard from him in the last two days? We have a game on Saturday that he's supposed to pitch." I rolled the window up and tried to not sound as fucked up as I was.
"I'm not sure if he's going to be there. I talked to him yesterday and he lost his dad Tuesday night really late.
I swerved to the side of the road as the air was sucked from the car. "What? Lost his dad where?"
"His dad died at the hospital."
"Oh, my God." I put the car in park as a million emotions raped my insides. "Why didn't he call me?"
"He's pretty fucked up about it right now, Ter. You know he and his father were close. Just like you and Daddy were."
I leaned back and closed my eyes as tears burned me. "I should have known. I would have gone to the hospital with him. He needed me, Lance. Why didn't he call?"
"He's a hard shell to crack, Sis. You know this. You've been trying for years. Just go to him and help him out. I'll be flying in later tomorrow."
"Do you know what the arrangements are?"
"Not really. I would assume they're having a small family gathering this weekend. His dad wanted to be cremated, so there isn't really going to be a funeral."
I pulled back on the road, driving even faster than before. "Just because you're cremated doesn't mean you don't have a funeral."
"I realize that, but he and his mom aren't interested. After losing Jannie, I think they both swore they would do a simple celebration of life for everyone else in the family."
I could understand that. "I'm going to try and find him. I'll call you later."
"Sounds good. I'll grab a cab at the airport. Dad's house still ours?"
"Yeah. I kept the staff and stuff, but I rarely go out there. I'm sure they'll be happy to see someone."
"Okay. Be safe and good luck. He's pretty fucking broken."
"Thanks, Lance. See you soon." I dropped the call and tossed the phone in my passenger seat as I turned a corner a little too fast and almost hit an oncoming car. I screamed and hit the breaks. "Slow the fuck down, Terra. No one needs another tragedy in their lives. Period."
After catching my breath, I pulled back onto the road and concentrated on slowing my racing heart as I made my way over to Danny's house.
I was sure he'd had plenty of memories of other women in his bed to suffice for a lifetime. I parked in front of the house, grateful to see his bike and his truck in the driveway. I took a shaky breath and got out of the car. The last time I'd seen him a few days before, we'd been in the middle of a full-on fight. I didn't want to upset him in the middle of his grief, but there was no damn way I was standing on the sidelines while he was hurting.
Reaching up with a shaky hand, I knocked on the door and held my breath.
A cute little blond with Jannie's big eyes and innocent face opened the door. "Hi. Do you have our pizza?"
I smiled and knelt. "I don't, but I can surely order you one if you're hungry."
She tilted her head to the side and reached out to touch my cheek with her tiny hand. "I know you."
"Do you?" I glanced up as Danny jogged to t
he door in a pair of shorts and nothing else.
"Lyndsay! What did I tell you about answering the door, Peanut? Someone could snatch you up." He scooped her up and held her tightly as he opened the door further. "Terra."
"I do know her!" Lyndsay slid down the front of her daddy and moved to me, hugging my legs and looking up at me. "Mimi said you were going to be the queen in my daddy's castle."
"I like the sound of that." I picked her up and put her on my hip, feeling almost too comfortable with her. "Can I come in for a few minutes?"
"Yeah. I'd like that." He moved back and closed the door behind us. "Lyndsay. Go grab your new teddy bear that Mimi got you and come show Miss Terra, okay?"
I put her down and smiled as she took a shallow breath and looked up at me as if I were something special. "You’re so much prettier out of the pictures."
"Peanut. Go do what I said." Danny reached out and ran his hand down my forearm to grip my hand tightly. "I'm so fucking sorry for what happened on Tuesday."
"Danny." I moved closer but didn't slip into his arms like I wanted to. "I just heard about your dad."
"I don't know what to say about that." He looked so tired, so beaten by life. "I left the game after getting in that fight with you and Paul and-" His voice broke as his face crumbled.
"Baby." I closed the gap between us and pulled him into my arms as he wrapped me in an almost too-tight hug. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, okay?"
"My mom is so fucked up right now. She's not even talking, Ter." He pressed his face against my neck.
I held him as his large body shook against me. "She'll get better. We'll help her too, okay?" I kissed the side of his face as Lyndsay walked around the corner holding a little teddy bear.
Her eyes were red and tears were streaking down her cheeks. "What's wrong with my daddy?"
"He's just tired, sweetheart. Go sit on the couch for me, and I'll put him to bed and make us something delicious to snack on while we play with your dolls, okay?" I smiled and offered her every ounce of calm I had.
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