by T. S. Joyce
She shook her head as emotion crashed over her at the memory of that awful fire. “The cats,” she whispered. “They were so scared. I could hear someone banging on the door, trying to let me out, but the cats were screaming, and I thought if the wall caved, they could maybe get out. I was opening their cages when the beam fell from the ceiling.”
Dade gripped her knees and spread her legs wide, then brushed his lips against the sensitive skin of her inner thigh. “I knew it as soon as the cats ran past my legs. I knew you’d taken a risk to save them. Brave, selfless, beautiful woman.”
Quinn exhaled slowly, her breath shaking as she leaned back on locked arms and let him kiss her other leg. His soft smacking sounds pooled wetness between her legs. “If we do this, you’re in this with me. No half-in, trying to convince us both we’re not right together.”
Dade’s eyes snapped up to hers, and a slight frown took his face. “Quinn, we don’t have to go that far right now. You and Jay took your time, and I can wait, too.”
Heat flooded her cheeks. “I thought you said I was your mate.”
“You are.”
“That sounds serious.”
“It is.”
“Then I’m asking you.”
Dade’s eyebrows arched high, and two dimples bracketed his sensual lips as he offered her a surprised smile. “Asking me what?”
“I’m asking you to be with me. Not just intimately either. I want to feel like you have my back, no matter what we go through with shifters coming out to the public. I want to know in my heart you will be there for me, like I’ll be there for you.”
“Quinn, sex doesn’t have anything to do with that.”
She smiled sadly and pulled at his shirt until it came off his head, leaving his hair mussed. His skin was smooth between the shrapnel scars. She understood now how big an injury had to be to leave a mark like that on a bear shifter, and he’d somehow survived everything that had marred his body. She traced the chemical burn on his throat, and this time he allowed it, though his eyes lost their smile. “You’ve trained yourself to not feel sex, Dade. It has to be different with me. I want all of you. I don’t want you to fuck me like you’ve trained yourself to do with other women. I want you to feel me.”
At her words, he weaved like a drunk man, his eyelids closed half-mast, and now his hands were stroking up and down her legs rhythmically as if he didn’t know he was even doing it.
“I want you to stay for breakfast,” she whispered.
“I won’t be any good at this.”
She leaned down and kissed the burn on his throat, then whispered in his ear, “Make me come slow.”
“Fuuuck,” he said on a sigh, pupils dilated. Stretching up, he kissed her.
His lips turned soft in an instant and molded to the shape of hers. His thumb drew little circles just under the hem of her knotted up shirt, and when he pressed the palm of his hand upward and against the flat plane of her back, she gasped and arched toward him. His touch brought fire in its wake, igniting her nerve endings. She’d always been sensitive to touch, but with Dade, it was different. It was more.
He pulled her hips closer until she hovered at the edge of the mattress, until his taut torso pressed against her sex. Rolling her hips gently, she bit her lip as her clit brushed against her jeans.
She’d pulled her hair back in a ponytail earlier, but now Dade reached behind her and tugged the hair band from her locks, freeing them. He lifted the hem of her shirt, then tugged it over her head and unsnapped her bra with a practiced snick of his fingers.
She closed her eyes for a moment, hoping he would like what he saw. For years, she hadn’t been bare in front of a man, asking them to enjoy her body. And even then, it had been Jay, who she’d known for years. When she opened her eyes, Dade was drinking her in with a stunned gaze that settled her thumping heart. The corner of his lip turned up slightly, then fell as he lifted his eyes to hers. “You’re perfect.”
She traced a moon-shaped scar on his shoulder and whispered, “So are you.”
He cupped her head and kissed her again, slowly this time, gently sucking her bottom lip before easing back and then kissing her again. She loved him as he was, wild and on edge, but Dade like this, tender and affectionate, plucked at her heartstrings and attached them to him, one by one.
He trailed soft kisses down her throat as his hand gently pressed her lower back until she bowed closer to him. His taut chest was warm against her. Lips soft, he pulled her nipple into his mouth and lapped at her gently. She ran her fingertips through his hair and watched his jaw move as he brushed his tongue against her sensitive skin, his sensual affection pooling wetness between her legs. When he looked back up at her, the fire had died from his eyes, and only adoration remained. Slowly, he unsnapped his jeans, then pushed them down until they joined their shirts on the floor. Taking his time, he pulled at her shorts, careful they didn’t touch the scars that should’ve been painful if Dade hadn’t saved her from the burning. Her panties tickled her ankles just before he pulled them off. Tiny kisses brushed the inside arch of her foot as he worshipped her. Soft bites trailed up the inside of her leg, and when he reached her scars again, he touched his lips to the fevered flesh on both legs, soothing the burn with his attention.
Outside, the crickets and cicadas sang a quiet soundtrack for this moment that was shattering all the walls she’d erected around her heart. Dade ran his fingertips up the sides of her legs. His short whiskers tickled her stomach as he pressed his lips on the soft area right above her hips. He seemed as thirsty for her skin as she was for his, exploring her with his mouth and touch. She understood. She couldn’t stop rubbing the skin of his back and running her fingers through his short hair. Petting, adoring, discovering her mate in that slow way that drew her heart into her throat and made her feel like she was falling all at once.
Eyes on hers, Dade stood slowly and settled her back against the mattress. The nervous flutters in her stomach washed away as he covered her with his body, skin warm down the length of her. She rubbed her leg against his, and a soft rumbling noise rattled from his chest.
“Sorry,” he whispered, as if any volume to his voice would break the magic of this moment.
“Don’t apologize,” she said, matching his quiet tone. “She pressed her hand against his chest, just over his heart as the sound rattled him again, softer this time. “I like that you can be yourself with me. We’re the same now, you and me. No more hiding.”
Dade searched her face and nodded. “No more hiding,” he repeated.
The swollen head of his cock brushed her wet seam, and she spread her legs instinctively, ready for him. “Please,” she begged as he eased back. “I want to feel you.”
With a helpless noise in his throat, Dade cupped the back of her neck and pushed a strand of loose hair away from her face. With a slow, powerful thrust of his hips, he slid into her, gaze never letting her go.
He filled her, stretched her, made her feel whole and steady in ways she hadn’t experienced before. “I’m falling,” she whispered.
His lips turned up in a ghost of a smile just before he kissed her. His tongue brushed hers as he pushed into her again. “Me, too.”
Teeth grazing her lips, soft sexy noises in his throat, hips rolling slowly, eyes on her, always on her. Dade was hers now. Arching her back, she relaxed her muscles as he pushed into her so deeply he brushed the oversensitive place between her legs. Gentle grip on her hair, his thumb stroked her bottom lip as he leaned in to kiss her again, his graceful body warming hers, covering hers, protecting hers. She was safe here with him. Safe in his arms. Coveted against these sheets in the eyes of the man she was falling into, falling for, falling with. Pushing in, easing out, building the inferno inside of her. Pressure stretched from her middle until she gasped out his name. So close.
His arms trembled and his breath shook as he drank her in, watching her, touching her reverently. Gripping his wrists, desperate to keep his touch close, she bucked aga
inst him and closed her eyes as soft crashing waves pulsed around his swollen shaft. She opened her eyes to watch him, this beautiful, masculine, feral man who was showing her how tender he could be.
His hips rocked faster against hers. Three more strokes, and he brushed his teeth against her shoulder, then searched her eyes. God, she wished he could see himself through her eyes. Strong, loyal…loved. Dade froze, muscular arms flexed as he groaned. Warmth filled her in hot jets as he bucked into her, and as he throbbed inside of her, matching her own release, he cupped her face like she was precious, and kissed her lips softly with his own.
Quinn ran her nails up and down his back as they lay there, tangled up together, bodies melded, kisses gentle. The first tear slipped the corner of her eye before she even realized she was crying.
Easing back, Dade wicked the drop of moisture away and frowned. Still whispering in the soft light of his room, he asked, “Are you okay?”
She nodded and let off a thick laugh. She pulled his palm to her mouth and let her lips linger there as she tried to get ahold of her emotions. “I’m just happy is all.”
Smiling, Dade pulled out of her slowly, then rolled off beside her. Pulling her back against his chest, he wrapped his arms around her middle and kissed the back of her neck. “I’m happy, too.”
His satisfied sigh tickled her shoulder blades, and when she stretched back against him like an overgrown cat, he pressed his lips against her hair. His warmth disappeared from her back for a moment, and a country song sounded from his stereo before he returned and pulled her more firmly against his chest.
Soft guitar notes filled the air as a crooner sang about a woman with a wild spirit he’d fallen in love with.
“Mmm, I like this song,” she said languidly.
“What else do you like?”
She frowned at the wall, trying to come up with a good answer. “You know, it has been so long since anyone asked me about myself. And now it feels like there is nothing interesting about me.”
“That’s not true at all,” Dade murmured, plucking her earlobe gently with his lips. “I want to know everything. I want to know what made you into this shy, caring woman.”
“I like animals.”
“That’s a given.”
“And I like riding my bike. I like being outdoors. And I like…I like you.” Her voice faded to a whisper.
“You said you mourned Jay with his mother. What about your mother? Was she there for you?”
Quinn gritted her teeth and closed her eyes at the momentary slash of pain through her insides. “I don’t have a mother, or a father. And it’s not some tragic tale of losing them or anything like that before you start thinking I’m pitiful. They gave me up for adoption when I was five.”
“Jesus. Do you remember them?”
“I know I’m supposed to, because I was old enough, but I really don’t. I mean, no blurry faces in my dreams or anything. I just sort of…let them go.”
“Who raised you?”
“I was in the foster care system until I was released at eighteen. The last ten years were spent with one family though, and it wasn’t so bad. A woman named Meryl Brady took me in, along with a revolving plethora of other foster kids. And she wasn’t one of those people trying to scam the government for money, either. She got paychecks for us, but she put that money straight back into feeding us and buying us clothes and getting us school supplies. It was a situation where the older kids raised the younger ones because her husband had passed away, and she was working two jobs to make ends meet. Sometimes I think that’s maybe why I tend to be quieter. There were a lot of loud personalities in that house, and the cast never stayed the same for long. I was a little overwhelmed with everything, I think. Anyway, it wasn’t a bad childhood. Not like it could’ve been. It was different from most people’s, but it was all I knew, so I didn’t feel jipped or anything.”
“When did you meet Jay?”
An accidental smile took her face. “Freshmen year of high school. He was the complete opposite of me. Loud, never met a stranger, talked to everyone, and seemed to remember every detail about his conversations with them. He was athletic and played sports, and I was a quiet geek who was so clumsy I could barely walk in a straight line. I don’t know why he took an interest in me. I think over the four years we dated and the year we were married, I didn’t ever come to grips with why a boy like him would look twice at a girl like me. I’m still a little baffled when I think about the girls that flocked him. He could’ve slept with anyone in that school, but he chose to wait for me.”
She sighed as pain unfurled in her chest. “I moved in with his mother, Ruth, when he joined the army. If I ever had a mother, I think Ruth was the closest. We both answered the door when they told us Jay had been killed in combat, and I held her hand all during the funeral. We were both a mess, but we kept each other strong enough to get through it while everyone was giving their condolences. And we fell apart together when we’d been left to our grief. She didn’t have a husband, and all the sudden, she didn’t have a son anymore, either. And I’d lost my whole world, too. I still talk to her. She was the one who told me to move out here and start fresh. She was worried I’d never move on. I moved out right after the funeral and got a job waiting tables, but she said I deserved a better life and offered to pay for my vet tech school. Right before I moved here, she made a big home cooked meal and had me over. It was hard going over to her house after Jay passed. She kept his room just the same, and her walls were covered in his pictures. She had turned her home into a memorial, while I hid everything that reminded me of him so it wouldn’t hurt so bad. But I went for dinner, and I didn’t even cry when she told me she was afraid I’d never move on from Jay and I would end up just like her—alone. She said it was her biggest fear, and she wanted me to learn to live again because Jay wouldn’t have liked me moping about for him after so much time. It’s just…” She swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat. “It’s just hard to move on sometimes, you know?”
Several quiet heartbeats of time passed as he stroked his fingertips up and down the curve of her waist. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything that deeply. Not loss or joy or love or anything. Not until I met you. I think maybe you are a much better person than I am, Quinn.”
“You love your family.”
“I do, but I don’t remember crying at my dad’s funeral. I didn’t cry when we found out he’d had an affair either, even though my brothers were pissed. I didn’t feel betrayed or anything. Just saw it as getting a surprise half-brother. I looked up to Bruiser just as much as I looked up to my other brothers. Still do.”
“You’re the baby of the family?”
Dade ran his fingers through her hair, smoothing the tresses before pressing his lips against her neck. “I am. Ma used to try and coddle me relentlessly, and I remember I would get so mad. I wanted to be tough and immovable like my brothers, so I trained myself not to be affected. I became the get-shit-done member of our family. And when things went bad, I forced myself not to feel anything. I just looked for solutions and tried to find ways to get my family out of whatever shit storm we were weathering. And after a while, it was easy. Life was easier because I had no feelings when I took out our targets. Other soldiers struggled, hell, even my brothers struggled when we went overseas to fight, but I didn’t. It was just a place to be at the time, and the danger part was something I was already used to. I was a bear shifter in Krueger’s sites. My shelf life wasn’t going to be a long one, so I lived like I was already dead.”
“What about when you got your scars. Were you scared then?”
“No. Just hurt and ready to not feel the pain anymore. Feeling was an irritant, like an itch deep in my muscle or a splinter in my hand I couldn’t reach.”
“You feel now, though. I see how much your eyes have softened up. When did that happen?”
He was quiet so long she thought he wouldn’t answer, so she rolled over and snuggled her cheek against his chest.
“You’ll think it’s silly,” he murmured.
“I swear I won’t.”
Dade rested his chin on top of her head and inhaled deeply before releasing a long breath. “Cody chose Boone over me, and I was hurt for the first time in a really long time.”
“How did he choose Boone?”
We were in this barn Krueger had lured us to by kidnapping Cody’s mate, Rory. We all had the trackers in our necks, but Cody had the only knife to cut them out. I know Boone was right beside Cody, so it made sense that he cut his out first, but there was still this part of me that wondered if he’d chosen my brother to save first for a deeper reason. Like, maybe Boone was more valuable or Cody cared about him more.”
“Dade, I don’t think that’s it. I think he just made a split second decision in the heat of battle.”
“I know. That’s why I haven’t pissed and moaned about it to him, but I was bleeding out, and it hurt so bad and that’s just where my mind went. I told you it was stupid. If you saw Cody’s hand, you’d think I was an ass for even bringing it up. My kill switch was detonated while he was pulling it from my neck. The acid burned us both. I’m alive because he didn’t care about his own skin as much as saving me.”
“You know it’s okay to feel emotional about that time though, right? Maybe you should talk to Cody about how you felt. Maybe it’ll be better if you get it out into the open with your brother.”
“Nah. I feel better saying it to you, but I can’t imagine it would make anything easier by putting more guilt onto my brother’s shoulders. As the alpha, he carries a bigger burden than the rest of us. We all lived. That’s what matters.”
“You are a strong man, Dade Leland Keller.”
“Mmm, I used to be. Now, I don’t know what I am anymore. You’ve got me all mixed up.”
“No,” Quinn said, pressing her lips against his collar bone, “I’m making you feel again. That’s not a bad thing.” She smiled as she traced a long, curved scar on his chest. “Welcome back to the land of the living.”