by Rae Kennedy
“What the fuck are you doing here?” He might as well have spat in Adam’s face.
I speed past Cade to Adam’s rescue. “He’s here to pick me up.” I smile at Adam, but I can feel Cade’s eyes boring into the back of my skull.
“You’ve got to be shitting me. This jackass?”
I give Cade the steeliest look I can muster. “You’re the asshole here, Cade. Now stay the hell out of my business.”
I turn and pull Adam with me down the walkway, facing straight ahead. I will not give Cade anything else. Adam seems oblivious about the exchange. He beams, puts his arm around me, and I immediately feel warm, relaxed, and safe. It feels right.
It also feels right in the car when he reaches over and offers me his hand. I hold it the whole ride, not saying anything. His thumb rubs the top of my hand. He looks serene, a smile in his cheeks. It is peaceful.
He brings me to a park curved over a hill, dotted with large rustling oak trees. We park near a group of weathered picnic tables. It is just getting dark outside and the cool blue blanket of the evening sky casts a somber air over Adam’s normally cheerful face.
“We’re not going to a restaurant?”
“Uh, no.” He looks up at me, a little worried. “I really wanted to talk to you, and I thought we could use some privacy.”
Oh. “Okay.”
Two beams of light shoot into my eyes as another car pulls up next to us. Adam gets out and runs to meet the driver. I can’t quite see what is happening, but it seems weird. Am I in the middle of a drug deal? I feel the need to bolt. But I’m too wishy-washy with the run-or-stay verdict and am still sitting in the seat when Adam gets back in the car, carrying a giant pizza box. My stomach rumbles as the cheesy aroma comes to me. The pizza guy is already pulling away and we are alone again.
“Do you want to eat outside? I brought some blankets. Or would you rather stay in here?”
It is freaking freezing outside. “Can we just stay in?”
His smile is gorgeous and comforting. “Definitely.”
The pizza is hot and delicious, though the sauce burns the roof of my mouth. I didn’t realize how hungry I am. Adam is a little over-zealous with his slice as well—he lost half of his toppings and a good portion of cheese to his lap. I can’t stop laughing.
“Ah, man. That was like the perfect piece too.”
Luckily, we have several napkins, Adam is quite cute, though, wiping up the mess, mumbling that he hopes it won’t stain. It feels like I am back with the charming Adam I remember from that first day at the coffee shop. I eat my slice in the time it takes him to eat three. Afterward, he exhales and looks at me gravely.
“I guess I can’t put it off any longer.” Those big brown eyes of his are deep with sincerity. “I messed up. I don’t even know how to start saying how sorry I am, or how to explain myself. I have no excuse. All I know is that I drank way too much wine and I wanted you so badly I couldn’t see straight.”
My throat constricts. I already know how I feel, and my answer to him. I know deep down he is a good guy. The right guy. I just can’t get it out yet.
“I know I have no right to ask this of you, but if you’d forgive me and take me back, I promise I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you. To earn your trust back. And I swear I won’t push you into anything you’re not ready for.”
I swallow hard at his words. A saltiness stings my eyelids. Dammit, a week ago I never cried.
“Will you give me another chance? I’ve been dying this last week. I...I’m... I think I’m falling in love with you.”
At that, I pounce on him, wrapping my arms around his neck and planting kisses all over his cheeks and forehead and nose. Finally, I kiss his lips. He pulls me to him, encasing me in his arms. The kiss is slow and deep, full of relief and longing.
* * *
Adam walks me up to the door and kisses me goodnight. He doesn’t need words. The smile he has had on his face all night says it all. I know I made the right choice. So, he isn’t exactly the perfect guy I had built up in my head, but he is pretty terrific. And kind. And handsome. And he deserves a second chance.
I watch from the porch as he walks to his car. He gives me a goofy sideways smile and waves goodbye as he ducks into the driver’s seat. And I know that he is the one I’ve been waiting for—a guy who truly cares about me. Someone who will treat me right. I am ready.
I bounce inside, humming on the way to get ready for bed. A tall girl with bad highlights storms out of the bathroom, ramming her shoulder in my chest, almost knocking me to the wall.
“Who the hell are you?” She glares down at me.
“Excuse me?” Who the fuck is she? And what the hell did I do?
Then Cade walks out of his bedroom, thankfully completely clothed.
“Come on. I’ll take you home,” he says with a sigh.
“What? No!”
He looks her dead in the eye. “Yes.”
His eyes shift to me just briefly like he hadn’t realized I was standing there. Still no emotion shows on his face. He turns abruptly and leaves, the tall girl follows.
I get ready for bed then crawl onto my fluffy mattress and under my cozy blankets. I ease to sleep and dream of cars and Adam and flowers.
I have only a vague recollection of lasagna and cheese.
CHAPTER 9
I groggily stagger into the kitchen in my sweats, hair still in a messy bun when—surprise!
“Morning sleepy-head.” Tuck is waiting for me at the kitchen table.
“Hey, I was beginning to think you didn’t actually live here.”
He smiles his big Tuck smile, all teeth and dimples. “I was thinking we could hang out today. You free?”
“Sure.” I pour myself a large glass of orange juice and grab the box of cereal I’d bought—since I seem to be on my own for breakfast lately—and sit next to him. “What are we doing?”
“You up for a road trip?” Tuck has an adolescent gleam in his hazel eyes.
“Always.”
Tuck doesn’t tell me where we are going, but honestly, the drive is the best part. We stock up on junk food at the gas station and hit the road. We play the usual car games and argue over what kind of music to listen to. Tuck claims slow, soothing music will make the drive more relaxing and I insist that I will fall asleep if we don’t have something upbeat to rock out to. Eventually, we turn the stereo off and just talk.
I like talking with Tuck. I am always reminded of how smart he is—how grown up he is. I have missed his stories, his advice.
“So, I hear you’re dating some guy.”
“Oh yeah? Where’d you hear that?”
“Cade.”
Duh. “Some guy’s name is Adam.” I smile sweetly. I have a feeling he is going to go all protective big brother on me.
“Cade says he’s a tool.”
“Cade doesn’t even know him. He’s a great guy. I like him a lot.”
“Is he good enough for you?”
“Why don’t you send me a memo on the definition of ‘Good Enough for Haley’ and then I’ll get back to you. I have a feeling no man would live up to it.”
Tuck chuckles his deep, good-natured laugh. The corners of his eyes crinkle and he suddenly looks just like our dad.
“You’re probably right. But you’re my baby girl, Hale.” And he looks at me, no condescension in his voice at all, only love. I should hug him more often.
“Well, I can assure you Adam is worthy. You’ll have to meet him sometime. All you have to do is, I don’t know, be at home like any evening.”
“I’ll have to take you up on that.” His eyes are focused on the freeway. I haven’t been paying attention to where we are going. “But seriously, I’m glad you have a boyfriend. I’m sure he is as wonderful as you say.” He seems to be grappling with whether or not to continue. “Honestly, I’m just glad I don’t have to worry about you dating...I don’t know...Cade. I was a little worried about having you move in with us because of him. I m
ean, he’s a great guy, just not if you have boobs.”
I roll my eyes at him so hard. “I got that from the second I met him, Tuck. Trust me, you don’t have to worry about him and me. We’re not even really friends.”
My voice shakes on that last part. That hadn’t been true a week ago.
Tuck turns off onto an exit and I realize where we were going. Our dad’s hometown. The town is more of a street with a few buildings on either side—a couple of restaurants, gas station, motel, a biker bar, and a school. Homes are scattered around the town center on large plots of land and the occasional cow can be seen wandering the hillsides. I haven’t been here in years. Twelve years. Since we buried him.
Tuck pulls up to the cemetery, turns off the ignition, and just sits. I hardly even remember this place. He finally gets out of the truck and I follow him through the maze of graves, walking the paths of beaten-down grass and crunching leaves. Tuck stops in front of our dad’s headstone. He touches the top and bows his head, breathing heavily.
“I just miss him,” he says.
I have several pictures of my dad. I have his face memorized in all of them, the exact expression, his smile, his eyes. But when I try to picture him outside of those pictures, in real life memories, he is always blurry. It isn’t that way for Tuck. His memories are clear. It is harder for him. I put my arm through his.
We stand there for a while. Silent, leaning on each other.
“Do you visit Dad often?” I didn’t know he came at all.
“No. A couple times in the last few years. When I’ve been feeling a little lost.”
“You feel lost?”
Tuck is my beacon. He is never lost. He sighs again.
“Work is crazy right now—all the hours, plus the hour commute into the city every day... Sometimes, I just don’t know. I want to know I’m on the right track. That he would be proud of me.”
“Of course he would be. You’re amazing.”
He looks over at me, shakes off his heaviness and grins. I love his effortless smile.
“I am pretty awesome.”
I sock him in the shoulder.
“Damn, that was almost a real punch.”
I put up my fist, threatening another but he just chuckles. Ego intact.
“Seriously though, I’m glad you’re here with me.” He hooks his arm around my neck and pulls me in for a half-hug, half-headlock. “One thing I know I’ll never let him down on is watching out for you. I’ll always be here for you, Hale.”
Good thing he changed the subject quickly, I was starting to get weirded out by all the seriousness. It is just too unnatural.
“Let’s go get something to eat.”
Finally.
We go to the little diner in town. It feels vaguely familiar and smells like grease and pie. Our waitress’s name is Cindy and she takes every opportunity she has to call me sugar, or punkin,’ or honey-child. Tuck is cutie-pie and sweetie pants. The food is as fatty as promised and delicious. My burger drips with cheese and my strawberry shake is too thick to drink through a straw. Tuck is in high spirits again all through the meal and the drive home. Or at least for the first half of the two-hour trip—I sort of fall asleep an hour in.
He wakes me up with a quick jab in the shoulder. I instinctively go to bat his hand away and grunt angrily. I crack my eyes open, we have just pulled into town and there is a weird buzzing noise in my ear.
“Hey, cranky—your phone is ringing. It’s the boy.”
I look at him still a little groggy and confused. Then I process the phone in his hand pointed at me. My phone. Oh. I snatch the phone from him. “It’s Adam.” What is with these boys not acknowledging his name?
“Hello?”
“Hey, gorgeous. What are you up to tonight?”
“Oh, nothing...” I am trying to be coy, but I can see Tuck out of the corner of my eye, head bobbing as he snickers. It’s very distracting.
“Can I see you?”
I find a pen to throw at Tuck.
“I’d like that.”
“Cool. Pick you up at seven.”
* * *
Adam is right on time. Unfortunately, I am not. Tuck gets to the door before me, and I get there just in time to see the look on Adam’s face when Tuck answers it. He isn’t quite as surprised as when he met Cade, but Tuck is tall—much taller than Adam. And he did recently cut his light brown hair quite short. I always thought of Tuck as rather goofy, but I guess he could sort of look intimidating to someone who doesn’t know him.
“Uh, hi. I’m Adam.” He puts his hand out.
Tuck takes it, and I can tell he gives it an extra firm shake. “I’m Tucker.”
“Oh! You’re Haley’s brother.”
I slide past Tuck. “Yup.”
They both seem taken aback by my sudden appearance, obviously unaware I had witnessed their exchange. I’ve wanted Tuck to meet Adam for so long, maybe even all have dinner together or something, but something about the vibe Tuck is giving off has me on alert. He’s probably been talking to Cade, sharing in their mutual hatred of my boyfriend neither of them knows.
“See you later, Tuck.” I grab Adam’s hand and start walking toward his car.
“Nice to meet you, Adam,” Tuck says dryly as we walk away. To the untrained ear, it might have even sounded polite.
Adam nods back in reply as I pull him away. I am ready to get out of here.
We go to dinner and a movie. The movie is basically one big action scene. Not my favorite, but I have a nice time, anyway. Really, I love going anywhere with Adam.
“Do you have plans for Halloween next weekend?” He looks super excited.
I am about to say no when I realize I do. “Actually, yes. I promised my friend Court I’d go to her Halloween party.”
“Oh, I know about that party. I have to make an appearance at the frat’s party, but I can meet you there later.”
“Sure.” Now I just have to figure out a costume. Always the worst part.
* * *
The following week I am so busy with school I still haven’t thought of a costume. Midterms are coming up and it seems all the professors have decided to jam in an extra chapter or two of new material we need to know before the test. I am studying every night. Plus, I have two papers due. By the time Friday night and the party rolls around, I am scrambling.
I run to the costume shop after class which, of course, is practically picked clean. I decide to go for something easy—just wear a skimpy dress and add an accessory. It looks like they have cat ears, a halo with wings, and devil horns. Not very creative. Oh well, that’s what I get for waiting until the last minute. I don’t want to be a cat—that would require face makeup or something. The wings seem like they would just get in my way, and I already have a red dress, so the devil wins.
I make my hair extra big and curly, apply heavy black makeup around my eyes and a deep red lip to match my tight dress. I also put on the sky-high red pumps that I never wear. I will probably sprain my ankle at some point but I’ll take that risk.
Court is kind enough to pick me up and I agree to help her finish setting up the decorations.
“You look sexy,” Court says to me, gleaming from the driver’s side of her white Jeep Wrangler. She has creamy white makeup over her porcelain skin. Big, dark lashes fan around her too-big blue eyes and there’s a pop of red the shape of a heart just in the center of her lips. With her blonde hair in perfect ringlets around her face, she looks like the perfect living doll.
“Wow! You go all out.” I slip into the passenger seat.
“I effing love Halloween.” She flashes her pretty white teeth, grabs the gear shift, and peels out so fast I have to hold on.
We get to her apartment and set up the food table. She has already streamed the living room with fake cobwebs and various skeletons and skulls. Her roommates return with the dry ice for the jungle juice and with that final touch, it looks perfect. We turn up the music and test the jungle juice. It is pretty amazing. By
the time all the party guests have arrived, I am sloshed.
Court goes off, mingling with her seemingly endless line of friends. I wonder if she notices she has at least three guys following her around like puppies.
A few hours have passed. I expected Adam would be here by now. Instead of continuing to pound drinks at the refreshment table, I decide to go dance.
The music is loud, but everyone is having a good time. A guy dressed as a Smurf keeps trying to dance up on me and I keep dancing away—he seems like a nice enough guy, but I don’t want that blue body paint on me. He is irritatingly persistent, so I break away from the dance floor altogether. I stumble into the hallway, laughing and try to catch my breath. It is friggin’ hot in here.
I step outside on the balcony to get some fresh air. The sky is black. Yellow streetlights shine in regular intervals down the road against bare tree branches, casting eerie shadows on the sidewalks. The breeze is cool, a slightly smoky scent in the fall air.
“Hey.”
I turn around to see Cade behind me. He comes out and leans against the railing, crossing his tattooed arms at me. I think this is the first time he has spoken to me nicely in almost two weeks.
“Hey yourself.”
He looks relaxed in all black. He doesn’t seem to be in costume. He has this half-grin on his face as he looks me up and down, lingering at my lips.
“A devil, huh? Tempting.” He slurs his words so badly that I can’t stop myself from bursting out laughing.
“You are drunk.”
“Maybe a little.” He moves a step closer to me.
I can sense his body heat and it gives me the chills. He’s leaning in toward me, his blue eyes not quite focused but still burning into me. His perfectly soft lips are slightly parted, his breathing getting heavier.
“You want to dance with me?”
My heartbeat quickens immediately, and my face feels hot. My legs are already starting to tremble at the thought of him close to me again. My body is so easy to respond, and it is saying yes. God yes. I am surprised in my inebriated state that I am able to think straight.