by Rae Kennedy
CHAPTER 21
Sitting alone on the floor in Cade’s room, I am keenly aware of the sound of my breathing as I wait for the phone to connect.
Why did he call? What is he going to say? What am I going to say?
A high-pitched tone sounds in my ear followed by a pleasant robotic female voice stating that the number dialed is no longer in service. I’m confused. I recheck the number. It’s correct. I send Cade a text asking if he reconsidered my request to talk. I get an error message back. It didn’t go through either.
I officially no longer have Cade’s number.
* * *
Monday rolls around and I tell myself I only have two weeks left in the semester. I can power through. Focus. On anything but Cade. Finals will suffice. I go to every class and take diligent notes. I am now a robot. When I get home, Tuck is there already. With Court. This is new.
They are sitting on the couch and she jumps up and runs over to me. She gives me the biggest, tightest hug ever.
“How are you doing?”
Ah, the dreaded question. The very reason I refused any visitors during my two-week pity party with Cade’s comforter. But she has the most sincere look of concern in her eyes that she instantly melts my guard. That’s the thing with Court, she truly cares. When she listens, she’s not just waiting for her turn to speak. She is a true friend and suddenly I am overwhelmed by her support. Tears bubble up.
“Let’s go sit.” She ushers me over to the couch.
Tuck stands. “I’m going to go get us some food. What do you want?”
“Oh.” Court scrunches up her nose and bites her lip. “I could go for some chow mein right about now.”
“Chinese? Does that sound good to you, Hale?”
It doesn’t.
“Sure.”
Tuck leaves and Court and I talk. About nothing in particular. It feels good.
Tuck comes back with the food and we all sit and talk. Well, Tuck and Court seem to be doing most of the talking but it is still keeping my mind preoccupied and I’m thankful. I manage to take a few bites of sweet and sour pork and even steal a piece of Tuck’s beef and broccoli. He must have said or done something hilarious that I missed because Court is rolling around in a fit on the floor, laughing hysterically. Tuck is laughing too. I’m glad they amuse each other, at least. Then Court, laughing so hard, snorts. Like really loud. This makes Tuck bust up and she is still unable to stop her fit, silently shaking her head and holding her hand to her tummy. I’ll admit the scene makes me a chuckle a bit too.
In the morning, I actually wake up feeling starved. As I rummage through the kitchen, Tuck comes out, dressed in his suit and tie. Since I haven’t been eating much lately, and Cade usually did the grocery shopping, we have next to nothing to eat. Also, our cookware (or should I say, Cade’s cookware) is now severely depleted. There’s not even a frying pan. This is what I’m lamenting to Tuck when he hands me his credit card and tells me to get anything we need for the kitchen.
That afternoon, after class, I buy the cheapest, most non-Cade-like cookware I can find.
* * *
Over the next week, things slowly start to feel a little more normal. I go to classes. I study and try not to stress about finals coming up next week. Tuck is home all the time. Court comes over almost every evening for dinner and stays until bedtime. Each morning when I wake up the day feels a little less heavy than the one before, like I can stand straighter, and it’s okay to smile and not be sad. It helps that the gray skies have miraculously given way to bright blue and rays of sunshine to lift my mood as well. Court has even succeeded in getting me to agree to attend the end-of-semester party at her place.
I wake up Sunday night with a prickly throat. I better not be getting fucking sick right before finals week. I sleepily pad down the hallway to get a glass of water, but before I turn from the hall, I hear Tuck and Court whispering. She’s here late.
I halt when I hear his name.
“Is it true that Cade is dating Mary Thompson?”
I peek around the corner.
Tuck sort of shrugs. “Is that what she’s saying?”
“Yeah, she told everyone in our study group this weekend.”
“I know he’s gone out with her a couple of times in the last week, which is...unusual for him.”
There is a sudden pang in my chest. Cade’s dating someone? Actually dating? Was it that easy for him to move on? To forget about me?
“I’ve already invited her to our party on Friday. I just got Haley to agree to go.”
“We’re not on the best terms right now, but I’ll see what I can do.”
“Thanks.”
I go back to bed but I only seem to be able to toss and turn.
* * *
I try my best to push thoughts of Cade and his new girlfriend out of my head and focus on school. I’ve never been so grateful for such challenging exams—they are graciously taking up most of my brain-power. But as the week comes to a close and I turn in the last test to my professor Friday morning all of the bad thoughts come right back to the forefront.
What if he is at the party tonight? Will he acknowledge me? Ignore me? Be so crazy infatuated with this new girl to even care?
My nerves are getting the best of me as I get ready at Court’s place. The boys are busy setting up the keg and tables and shot glasses while Court does my makeup and insists I wear one of her super tight dresses. By the time the first partygoers start trickling in the door, I look gorgeous (toot, toot) and Court hands me a shot of tequila to calm my nerves.
I look in the mirror. Court put me in a deep plum dress that hits me at mid-thigh—she’s so much taller than me I wonder how the dress even manages to cover her bum. My hair twists into soft curls past my shoulders and the dark liner makes the glints of gold stand out in my light brown eyes. Ready or not, here we go.
We down our second shots together and start coughing, which kind of turns into giggling.
“Hey!” Court has to speak loudly over the speakers that have just been blasted on. “Are you excited this damn semester is finally over?”
“Hell yes.”
“Then let’s go celebrate!”
And with that, we step out of Court’s room and into the party. The living room is already starting to fill up and Nick meets us with two more shots.
* * *
Court, eternally the social butterfly with an endless list of friends (not-to-mention the ever-hopeful males on her dance card), is understandably busy through the evening. I see her mingling through the groups of people and getting swept up into endless conversations. Nick has been entertaining me and a couple of other people with stories of the many ways he and his brother got in trouble growing up. He is very animated, especially a bit inebriated. Jake hands me another drink and I realize I am having a pretty good time.
Court runs up to me, a little flushed, huge grin on her beautiful face.
“How are you doing? Having fun?”
Nick steps over, putting his arm around my shoulders. “Of course she’s having fun. She’s been hanging out with me.”
He gives me a nudge and Court nods. “Good.” And she’s back to entertaining her throng of admirers.
Nick still has his arm around me. He finishes the beer in his other hand and sets it hard on the counter. “Hey, you wanna dance or what?”
“Sure.”
We dance to a few songs—the blaring hip-hop beats overpowering and shaking the floor. We are dancing close but he doesn’t try any grab-ass shenanigans, which I appreciate. He has a huge smile and is making me laugh by mouthing all the lyrics to songs and busting out some seriously old-school dance moves that weren’t even cool when they were cool. I finally need some air so we make our way back to the kitchen.
“You want another drink? A shot?”
“No, thanks.” I’m plenty tipsy as it is. “I’m good.”
“Okay.” Nick goes about making himself a drink as Caleb and a few other guys come in. They al
l start talking about guy stuff—sports and cars and boring. So I step out. I notice out the window that it has begun to snow. I’m suddenly reminded of the last time it snowed—the day Cade left. That was almost a month ago.
It's almost midnight and I’m thinking about calling it a night. Then I hear it. Just a little chuckle. It’s from across the room and I can’t see its owner, but I would recognize it anywhere, even covered and distorted by loud music and forty other voices.
It’s Cade’s deep little laugh.
It’s like I’m in a trance being pulled toward it. A bug flying into the blue light that will zap the life out of it. And even though, unlike the bug, I realize it might kill me, I can’t stop it. I wander through the crowd searching for him.
And then I see him and stop. He is sitting in the corner, very cozy with a cute blonde, big tits. And they are laughing. She has her hand on his thigh, really high up on his thigh. A sharp pain jabs in my stomach. I can’t stop staring. I can see his perfect profile, the bump in his nose, soft lips, hard jaw as he lowers his face to hers and whispers something in her ear. She closes her eyes and giggles, bringing her hand up to his cheek. And then she kisses him. Right on the lips they are kissing and he is kissing her and I am not breathing. I can’t breathe. I feel like I am gasping for air, my throat is closing up. My chest is heaving. All around me are drunk people having fun, dancing, and laughing while my world is coming apart.
Cade is kissing her. My Cade.
I need to get out of here.
I don’t even think. I just turn to run in the opposite direction to get away from him as fast as I can. Right now there is no one I want to see less than Cade Renner.
I run right smack into a firm chest and almost fall back on my ass. I look up. Correction—there is someone I want to see less than Cade and it is the person standing in front of me. Adam.
“Well, looky here.” His breath smells like cheap beer.
I definitely need to go home. “Hi.”
“You look hot.”
I know. Thanks. Bye.
I roll my eyes and step around him to leave but he grabs my arm. “I’ve missed those pouty lips of yours.”
Oh God, fuck off.
“Please let go of me, Adam.”
He doesn’t. “Hey, you know I’d be willing to throw you another bone, for old time’s sake if you want.” His eyes are a little glassy and they dart down to my mouth and then my cleavage as he licks his lips.
“Um, no. Now let go.”
His grasp on my arm starts to get a little tighter—it’s on the verge of hurting and I look around for someone I know through the crowd.
“Oh, come on. You owe me a round two considering how lousy last time was.”
Then I don’t see or hear him, but I feel him behind me. Cade grabs Adam’s wrist and applies pressure with his thumb, Adam immediately lets go of my arm and rubs his wrist with his other hand, obviously in pain.
“What the hell, man?”
“Fucking leave. And never touch or speak to her again.” Cade’s face is hard, but he puts a gentle hand on my arm and steps between me and Adam. He whispers the next part. “And I don’t know about your problems in the bedroom, but they must be coming from your end because she’s the best I’ve ever had.”
“Oh, you had her?” Adam’s smirk is wicked. “The repressed ones are the best, aren’t they?” He looks over Cade’s shoulder to me. “Thanks for that text practically begging me to come do you. It earned me an extra grand.”
“You better stop talking right fucking now,” Cade says through clenched teeth. His body is rigid.
Adam doesn’t seem affected by Cade’s tone and says, louder than he needs to, “Did she moan pretty for you too?”
Cade punches him square in the jaw, sending him to the floor.
“Whoa!” Nick calls out. He and Caleb are instantly between them.
“You stay out of it,” Cade spits at Nick. What’s that about?
Nick and Caleb have to hold Adam at bay as he is desperately trying to get back at Cade. Cade just stands still. Eyes fixed on Adam, hands ready in fists at his sides. Steady.
Court runs up to us, and her eyes go wide as she looks between Adam and Cade. “What the hell? Who even invited you?” She gives me a horrified look. “Get out of my house. Both of you!”
Cade turns to leave. Our eyes meet for a second, his mouth twitches like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t. He walks past me toward the door as Adam shakes off Nick and Caleb.
“Fucking fine with me,” Adam says as he leaves after Cade, but his face is still twisted. In a fraction of a second, he thrashes his almost empty beer bottle against the wall and lunges at Cade’s back with the mangled glass weapon.
It happens in slow motion. I scream out and dive toward Cade. I reach for him just as the broken bottle makes contact with my arm. I don’t feel it but I can see it slice my skin. The room is silent. I look at my arm—the white line goes from wrist to elbow. Then the white line turns red. Red starts to ooze from the cut.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry, Haley!” Adam actually sounds sincere. The look on his face is panicked.
The blood starts to gush. Cade turns around, realizing what happened.
I’m feeling a little queasy watching my arm covered in surging blood. Cade rips off his shirt and wraps my arm with it. I can see the dark crimson starting to seep through his white shirt already and my head feels like it’s floating away from my body.
I almost don’t notice when he scoops me up in his arms. Then we are outside. I’m starting to feel fuzzy. I can remember a shirtless Cade, carrying me in the snow, only the streetlights shining off his bare chest as the snowflakes melt against his skin.
Then I remember being in his front seat. He looks upset. He says something I can’t make out.
It’s dark in the car. I remember the knobs on his radio, the glow of the green lights in his dashboard.
The snow outside is heavy.
Then I remember a bright light in my eyes.
Screeching.
Being jarred and jerked.
Cade screaming my name.
CHAPTER 22
My eyes try to open but they feel glued shut. I hear shuffling around me, a steady beeping near my head. I feel a thin blanket over me and a pain in my hand when it twitches. There’s a metallic taste in my mouth. I can’t move. I fall back asleep.
* * *
My eyelashes flutter again. This time I can sense light behind my eyelids, off-white, and shadows moving. I can hear them. They sound like they are far away or under water.
“...she’s very lucky...Mr. Renner is in room 305... He won’t be there much longer...”
Mr. Renner? Cade? I try to shoot up. I want to jump out of this bed. But I can’t. I think I manage to move a leg and groan a little.
* * *
Cade? It’s the first thing I remember thinking before my eyes finally open. I am in a hospital bed. The room is all beige and yellowed, bumpy ceiling tiles. I turn my head and see gauzy tan curtains over the window, letting in a hazy, filtered light. Then I see Tuck, sitting by my side, his eyes tired and anxious.
“Hi, sis.” He smiles the sweetest, most relieved smile at me. He looks like he just let out a breath he had been holding in for a week.
“What happened?” My voice comes out all weird and foreign to me. It sounds like I’ve smoked a pack a day for the last forty years.
“You and Cade were in a car accident—"
I sit up stalk-straight. My heart is a heavy thud in my chest. “Where’s Cade? Is he okay?” My breath is shallow and my head hurts and I’m starting to feel dizzy again.
“Lie down.” Tuck tries to calm me, his hands on my shoulders but I can’t lie back down.
Where is Cade? What happened? I can’t get enough air in my lungs. Get me out of here.
“Hale, relax.” Tuck is up, physically restraining me. “Cade is fine.” I feel my heart start to beat slower, but still on high alert. “The accident itse
lf was actually pretty minor, thank God. But the front axle was dented. Cade couldn’t drive it and you lost a lot of blood while waiting for the emergency responders.”
“Oh.”
I am trying to put together the events of the evening, but it is so slippery at the end—the details keep disintegrating as I try to recall them.
A doctor walks in, takes out my chart and flips through a couple of pages, looking up over his glasses at me. He has kind, light gray eyes with lots of laugh crinkles around their edges.
“I’m glad to see you’re awake. How are you feeling?”
“A little lightheaded.”
“That’s to be expected. You lost a lot of blood, and it looks like you’re also a bit anemic so your reaction was even more severe than anticipated.” He writes a few things down on my chart, then smiles as he puts it away. “Your vitals are looking good. We will probably keep you here one more night for observation, but if things continue to go well, you’ll be discharged in the morning.”
“Okay, thank you.”
“No need. You should thank that young Mr. Renner. It sure is a good thing he was here.” And with that, he turns and leaves the room.
“What did he mean by that?”
Tuck looks like he is deciding what to say when we hear muffled voices outside the door. There is a quiet knock. It cracks open and Cade is there—holding a small bouquet of orange tulips.
My chest tightens.
He and Tuck make eye contact, giving each other the slightest of nods. Tuck stands, clears his throat, and goes toward the door as Cade walks in. He gives Cade a solid clap on the shoulder as they pass, exchanging another look but not saying a word.
My eyes follow him as he places the flowers on the small table next to the window and sits. He puts his elbows on his knees, resting his chin on his knuckles. I can’t stop staring at him. He is looking at me too, with his heavenly blue eyes. My pulse quickens and I can hear the beeping behind me pick up slightly. I wonder if he notices it too.
After an awkwardly long few seconds of just looking at one another, Cade says, “Hi.”
“Hi.” I return. I don’t know what to say. “Um...thank you...for...” For...I’m not sure how to finish that. For taking me to the hospital? But we got into the accident and he didn’t actually take me to the hospital...