by Beth Wiseman
Linda watched Josie and Robert glance at each other and smile, even though Linda wasn’t sure why.
“Then meatloaf and potatoes it is.” Josie was smiling, and Linda wanted her to be happy. But she wanted Mamm to be happy, too, and she wasn’t sure if this news would make her mother very happy, or if Mamm would even allow her to stay overnight with Josie. But the thought of bathing in that warm bathtub, with the air-conditioning running, and maybe even the television on, told Linda she was going to ask for permission.
But she couldn’t help but be leery as to exactly what Josie wanted from her, and how much she had to give in return.
9
MARY ELLEN ALWAYS ENJOYED HAVING WORSHIP SERVICE at their home, and her family hosted about every nine months. Much preparation went into readying the house. On this Sunday morning, she was pleased at how well things had come together. Her house was clean, benches were in place, food was prepared and ready to serve, and Linda had stayed unusually close to her throughout the morning.
Her daughter didn’t say too much about her visit with Josephine, just that she’d had a good time and that they’d gone to the movies. And she mentioned meeting Josephine’s husband, commenting that he seemed like a good fellow. Mary Ellen still wasn’t comfortable with the situation or pleased that Josephine had disrupted their lives in such a way, but Noah’s information certainly shed new light on the circumstances. It stood to reason that Josephine would want to know her daughter. Mary Ellen’s heart ached when she thought about Josephine’s short future, but she also wanted to make sure that Linda was grounded in her faith and would stay on course with her studies of the Ordnung in preparation for baptism. Mary Ellen and Abe had worked with all the children from the time they were young to make sure they had a good understanding of the code of conduct by which they lived, so that each one would know the Ordnung well and be able to choose baptism into the community.
Mary Ellen glanced at the clock as time for worship service drew near, then looked out the window to see a line of buggies coming up the driveway. Her yard was green and plush, her flowers in full bloom, and Abe had even cleaned up the inside of the barn, knowing the men would gather there in the afternoon to tell jokes and possibly sneak a few cigars, or even a glass of homemade wine. Everything was ready.
“Stephen’s here.” Linda bounced across the living room and out the front door. Mary Ellen watched through the window as the two met in the front yard, showing no affection, but Mary Ellen could see the looks in both their eyes. She was quite content knowing that Stephen would someday be her son-in-law. They were both still young, but Mary Ellen hoped he would ask her to wed soon. Somehow, in her mind, that would solidify Linda’s staying in the community and dissolve the threat that Josephine brought into their world. Even though Linda was of age to experience her running-around period, Mary Ellen knew that her exposure was heightened when she was in Josephine’s fancy house and doing things Mary Ellen certainly wouldn’t approve of.
At eight o’clock everyone was seated, and the service began with thirty minutes of song in High German, followed by the opening sermon which always lasted about twenty minutes. After the sermon, there was a short silent prayer before the deacon read a Scripture verse. Mary Ellen caught Linda and Stephen winking at each other from across the room. However inappropriate, Mary Ellen couldn’t help but smile.
Two hours into the service, they listened to the minister give the main sermon, and today he seemed to be speaking directly to Mary Ellen. “We don’t always understand the circumstances that we find ourselves in, but we must remember that to question His will is a sin and often leads us down a path that is not of His choosing.”
Mary Ellen knew she’d been guilty of questioning God’s will from the moment Josephine showed up on the doorstep. However, she tried to recall that day Josephine arrived at Mary Ellen and Abe’s house seventeen years ago. She suspected it was just as hard on Josephine then, if not more so. Mary Ellen cringed when she thought about the way Josephine’s mother spoke to Josephine all those years ago, and it had been clear at the time that Josephine was being forced to give away her child. Perhaps Mary Ellen and Abe should have backed out of the adoption because of that.
Her thoughts were interrupted when the congregation began to sing, and she regretted allowing her mind to drift and missing the end of the sermon. She sang with conviction her praises to the Lord for the next fifteen minutes of the service, and then worship came to a close. She hurried to the kitchen to start getting things ready for the meal.
She bumped into her friend, Sadie Saunders, who was with her husband, Kade, and their two children. They chatted for a moment, then Mary Ellen excused herself.
“I’m going to put the meal out so everyone can get started.”
Sadie handed Kade their daughter, Marie. “I’m coming to help.”
By the time Mary Ellen and Sadie worked their way through the crowd to the kitchen, several of the ladies were already putting the food on the counter. Every two weeks after worship service, the noon meal consisted of the same thing. Mary Ellen had wondered for years if that would ever change, but it didn’t appear so. Ten loaves of homemade bread sat next to large containers of peanut butter and cheese spreads. Sandwiches were made by swiping both spreads onto the bread. The tastes complemented each other, and they’d all been raised on it. Occasionally, an Englisch person was invited to worship service, and they were always interested in the consistency of the peanut butter spread, which was made using traditional peanut butter, but with added ingredients that made it sweeter and thinner.
Pickled beets, seasoned pretzels, pickles, and snitz pie were always served as well. On this late morning Mary Ellen’s stomach was growling, and she was wishing for more than the usual offerings.
“I notice that none of Lillian’s family is here. Not her, Samuel, or the children. And neither are Jonas, Lizzie, and Sarah Jane.” Sadie twisted the lid from a jar of pickles and placed them on the table. “It wonders me if everything is all right.”
“I haven’t heard anything.” Mary Ellen poured the homemade pretzels from a plastic bag into a large bowl as speculations about the family’s absence began to stir worry. “I reckon maybe Linda can pay them a visit this afternoon, see if everyone is all right. She enjoys visiting with Jonas.”
“Did I hear my name?”
Mary Ellen turned to see Linda snatching a pickle from the jar on the table. “We’re just concerned that Samuel, Lillian, and the children aren’t here, and neither is Jonas, Lizzie, or Sarah Jane. I was wondering if maybe you’d like to go check on them in a while.”
Linda nodded with a mouthful, then swallowed. “Ya. I noticed they weren’t here. I hope Jonas is all right, but don’t you think Barbie or someone would have gotten word if—if something bad happened?” Linda paused, bit her bottom lip, and waited.
“I think so.” Mary Ellen comforted herself with that thought.
“Mamm . . .”
“Ya?”
“Do you think I could drop off a piece of snitz pie for Josie and her husband on the way? I mean, if there’s any left.” Linda tucked her chin, then raised her eyes to Mary Ellen. “They seem to like pie,” she said sheepishly.
“I reckon that would be all right.” Mary Ellen recalled her conversation with Noah and she offered another silent prayer for Josephine.
Linda shared a kiss with Stephen back behind the far barn after almost everyone had gone home later that afternoon. His touch sent a tingle up her spine and caused her body to react in ways she didn’t exactly understand. She immediately thought about the movie she’d watched with Josie, and she edged away a bit.
“Have you told your mamm that you want to spend the night at Josie’s house on Tuesday?” Stephen pulled his arms from around her waist and sat down on a nearby stump.
“Not yet. I’ll talk to her tonight.” Linda was dreading having to ask permission. She could see the tension in her mother’s expression anytime Josie was mentioned.
“Linda . . .” Stephen pulled his straw hat off and swiped his forearm against beads of sweat building on his forehead. “I reckon you gotta be careful ’bout what you’re doing.”
She sat down on a stump facing him, rested her elbows on her knees, and cupped her cheeks. “What do you mean?”
“Gotta be careful ’bout getting unequally yoked with outsiders. We hear about it at worship and in our studies of the Ordnung.” He twisted his mouth to one side. “That’s all I’m saying.”
Linda sat up straight. “I know that.”
“Daadi says that lots of them are gut Christians, but we don’t know for sure, so it’s best to stick with our own, not be tempted by their ways.”
Just because your grandfather is the bishop . . . “I’m just enjoying my freedom during my rumschpringe, that’s all.” She paused, feeling defensive. “It wouldn’t hurt you to do a few things in the Englisch world, while you can. We’ll be baptized soon enough, and you’ll never be able to experience some of those things.”
Stephen shrugged. “I reckon I don’t care to experience that stuff. I’m happy here. With you.” He reached over and latched onto her hand.
“I’m happy here, too, with you.” Linda blew air upward to clear a strand of hair that had fallen from beneath her kapp. Stephen pulled his hand from hers and was gently brushing the hair from her face when they heard footsteps coming around the corner of the barn.
“Daadi.” Stephen rose from the stump as his grandfather approached. Linda stood up also.
“Hello, Bishop Ebersol. Lovely worship service today.” Linda forced a smile. Bishop Ebersol made her nervous, always had. His gray beard stretched the length of his chest, and his bushy brows jetted inward, giving him the appearance that he was always angry. He was tall, slightly bent over, but with an air of authority and the appearance of someone who demanded instant obedience. Stephen said he just looked scary, but really wasn’t.
“Linda, I came to speak with you about this woman, Josephine.” Bishop Ebersol looked briefly in Stephen’s direction, as if he wasn’t sure whether to continue talking to her in front of his grandson.
“Ya.” Linda waited as she twisted the strings on her apron.
“This is an umgwehnlich situation.” The bishop paused, then narrowed his eyes, which only made him look even scarier. “My door is always open if you would like to talk about this.”
Linda nodded, but knew she’d never approach the bishop about anything if she didn’t have to. She recalled a time when she was about ten years old, when the bishop came to her house to speak with her parents. She could still recall the scared look on both her parents’ faces when Bishop Ebersol pulled into the driveway that Saturday afternoon. Linda never did find out what happened, but just his presence still sent her knees to shaking.
“Danki, Bishop Ebersol,” she finally said. Although if she needed to talk to anyone, she knew exactly who it would be, and she’d be seeing him later. Jonas.
The bishop glanced back and forth between her and Stephen, and Linda could feel her cheeks reddening. Bishop Ebersol just seemed to know things, and Linda wondered if he knew she and Stephen had been kissing behind the barn.
“Stephen, I think your parents are preparing to leave.” The bishop raised his brows, as if waiting for Stephen to walk back to the house with him.
“Ya, Daadi.” Stephen gave Linda a quick wave good-bye, followed by a wink when his grandfather wasn’t looking, and Linda watched them both walk back to the house.
About fifteen minutes later everyone was gone, and Linda loaded up two pieces of snitz pie in a basket, prepared to stop by Josie’s house before going to see Jonas to make sure everything was all right. It made sense that Jonas, Lizzie, and Sarah Jane couldn’t make it to worship, but it seemed odd that Onkel Samuel’s family wasn’t there either, unless Jonas was in a real bad way. She decided to go by and see Jonas first.
When she pulled in, she saw several buggies out front, and her heart began to pound against her chest. She parked alongside a buggy she thought she recognized to be Lillian’s, and when she took a peek inside the buggy, she saw the car seat her aunt and uncle used to cart baby Elizabeth around in. She hurried to the front door and knocked.
Linda could tell her aunt had been crying when she looked at Lillian’s face. A knot rose in her throat as she fought the tremble in her bottom lip.
“Hello, Linda.” Lillian pushed the screen door open and motioned for her to come in.
“Mamm wanted me to come and check on everyone, since no one was at worship today.” She wanted to just go home. David’s eyes met with hers when she walked into the den, and she could tell her cousin had been crying as well. Her knees began to tremble.
“Jonas has had a hard day.” Sarah Jane placed a hand on Linda’s shoulder. “But I know he would want to see you.”
“Is he in pain?” Linda cringed and drew in a deep breath and held it.
“He is feeling better than he was earlier today.” Sarah Jane motioned her toward the stairs. “Go on up, dear. Lizzie is upstairs with him.”
Linda didn’t move. “I can come back another time.”
Sarah Jane smiled, but her eyes welled with water. “I think you should go see him now.”
Oh, no. Dear God, don’t take Jonas. Not yet.
Linda’s feet were rooted to the floor, and she glanced at David. He nodded toward the stairs. “He’ll want to see you,” her cousin said.
Linda left them all, and the sound of sniffling echoed behind her as she made her way up the stairs. She didn’t turn around and silently prayed that Jonas was not in any pain. When she pushed open the door to Jonas’s bedroom, she wanted to pinch her nostrils as the smell of sickness hit her in the face, but even worse was the way Jonas was propped up in the bed, his hands folded across his stomach. Like he was dead.
“Hello, Linda.” Lizzie cupped her hand to her husband’s cheek. “Mei lieb, Linda is here.”
Linda stood in the doorway not moving as she watched Jonas’s eyes slowly open. He licked parched lips as white as the rest of his face, and Linda closed her eyes for a moment.
“Linda,” he whispered. “I’m glad you came. I’ve been . . .” Jonas took a deep, labored breath. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you.”
Lizzie stood up from the chair beside Jonas’s bed. Don’t leave me in here with him, Lizzie.
“I’ll be back in a bit.” Lizzie clutched the footboard on the bed as she eased toward Linda. “Go sit. Talk with Jonas, dear.”
Linda nodded, but didn’t move. Then Jonas’s lips parted into a slight smile.
“Don’t look so scared.” Jonas licked his lips again. “Could you pour me a glass of water?” He pointed to his nightstand where a pink plastic pitcher was surrounded by pill bottles, a box of tissues, several small white cups, and a pair of reading glasses.
“Ya, ya.” Linda moved quickly to the pitcher, filled the glass, and hurriedly handed it to Jonas. She waited for him to finish sipping the water. “Are you in pain?”
Jonas raised his brows. “I’m dying. I reckon so.”
“Ach, no. How bad? How much pain?” She sat down in the chair, reached over and touched his arm. “What can I do?”
“Tell me about meeting your birth mother.”
Linda wiped clammy hands on her black apron. “Right now?”
“Unless I die while you’re talking. Then be best to stop and go get Lizzie.”
“Jonas!” Linda wished he was teasing, but his expression was pained and it seemed to take effort to keep his eyes open. Then he smiled.
“I ain’t gonna die this very minute. Tell me about meeting Josephine.”
Jonas’s voice took on the tender tone Linda loved, and she watched his eyes widen with concern.
“I reckon it’s all right. Meeting her, I mean.” She paused, pulled her eyes from Jonas’s, and tucked her chin. “I wish someone would have told me.” She looked back up at him. “You knew, didn’t you?”
“We all knew. And then
we didn’t know.” He slowly raised his hand to his beard and stroked it slowly. “We forgot, Linda.”
“What?”
“We forgot,” he repeated as he gave a slight shrug. “You were as much a part of this family as if our blood ran in your veins. We simply forgot.”
Linda pulled her eyes away again, not sure how to respond, but feeling like she wanted to crawl in the bed beside Jonas and have him wrap his arms around her. She blinked back tears.
“Dear Linda, from the time your mother held you in her arms, you were Mary Ellen and Abe’s child. There is no love like that which a parent has for a child. It’s a different kind of love. I reckon I’d lay myself out on a train track for Sarah Jane.” He chuckled. “Don’t know if I’d do that for Lizzie or not.”
Linda smiled.
“You won’t understand what I’m tellin’ ya until you have kinner of your own.”
“Mamm and Daed will always be mei parents. That will never change.”
“Of course not. And I reckon they’d lay themselves on the train track for you and both your brothers.” Jonas raked his hand through his beard again. “But here’s where it gets tricky.” He squinted in her direction and then pointed a finger at her. “I reckon Josephine would lie down on a train track for ya too, give her life willingly for you. That puts you in a unique position. All these people that love you. Do you have room in your heart for all of them?”
She thought about what Jonas was saying for a few moments.
“I don’t really know Josie, though. I don’t know how I feel.” It was true. Linda liked Josephine, but . . . “I can’t love her just because—because she is the one who gave birth to me.”
“True.” Jonas smiled slightly. “But I reckon she already loves you an awful lot.”
Linda sat quietly for a moment. “I don’t think Mamm likes this, me spending time with Josie. And I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish pluck-eth it down with her hands.”