by Beth Wiseman
“I hear we have another young one on the way,” Jonas said when he saw Kade’s eyes filling with water. His good friend tried hard to blink back the tear, but it spilled onto his cheek anyway. Jonas reached for Kade’s hand and held it tightly.
“Ya, we do.” Sadie swiped at her eyes. “Jonas . . .” Her voiced cracked bit, but then she smiled. “If it’s a boy, we would like to name him Jonas.”
Jonas wasn’t sure he could keep his own emotions in check. He took a deep, labored breath. “Nothing would please me more.”
They all shifted their eyes to the bedroom door when it creaked open.
“Jonas, you have two more visitors.” Lizzie smiled. “I just wanted to let you know. Linda is here. And she’s brought—she’s brought a friend. But you take your time, Sadie and Kade. Sarah Jane and I will visit with them downstairs.” Lizzie closed the door.
Kade said he would like for them all to pray, and Jonas was pleased that it was Kade who made the suggestion.
Jonas realized this was going to be harder than he’d suspected, saying good-bye to his loved ones.P
Josie wasn’t sure about Linda’s reasoning for bringing her to a dying man’s house. Nor could she understand Mary Ellen’s way of thinking, agreeing that it was a good idea. Didn’t Linda or Mary Ellen consider that Josie wouldn’t want to see this in particular? Sadness filled the air around them and threatened to suffocate Josie. She’d have enough of this when her own time came.
“More coffee, dear?” Jonas’s wife, Lizzie, offered to refill Josie’s cup, but Josie shook her head.
“No, I’m fine.”
For nearly fifteen minutes, Josie and Linda made small talk with Lizzie and Jonas’s daughter, Sarah Jane. Josie’s stomach was better, but she really just wanted to go home. She was starting to get tired already, and she missed Robert.
A few minutes later, a couple descended the stairs. Sarah Jane made introductions, and while Josie suspected Sadie and Kade knew she was Linda’s birth mother, no mention was made. Sarah Jane had simply introduced Josie as a friend of Linda’s, and once Kade and Sadie were gone, Lizzie escorted them up the stairs.
“I know this man is a friend of yours, Linda,” Josie whispered to Linda, “but maybe I should just stay downstairs.”
“Everyone should meet Jonas.” Linda smiled. “Jonas has something for everyone, whether it’s words of wisdom, or just a simple prayer to offer on their behalf. He’s a special person.”
“But he’s so sick and I don’t want to intrude.” Mostly, I don’t want to stare death in the face. If it had been anyone else dragging her up the stairs, Josie would have refused to go, but it seemed important to Linda that Josie meet this man.
Lizzie turned her head around. “You’re not intruding, dear.” Then she chuckled. “My Huggy Bear can be a bit gruff sometimes, so if he acts like that, you just ignore him.”
Josie nodded. Great. An old, dying man, who is also gruff. She was getting more and more upset that Linda brought her here. But when they reached the top of the stairs, Linda grabbed Josie’s hand and smiled, and any anxiety Josie felt melted away.
“You are a popular old man this morning,” Lizzie said when she pushed the door open. “Linda and a friend of hers, Josie, have come for a visit.” She turned to Linda and grinned. “You make him behave, Linda.”
“I will, Lizzie.”
The older woman left the room—a room that smelled of disinfectant and sickness. Josie hoped they wouldn’t stay long, and she lagged behind near the door as Linda walked to the bedside and kissed the old man on the cheek. Josie suspected he must have been a handsome man at one time with his square jaw and big blue eyes, but now shades of gray beneath his lower lids were accentuated by his pale color, and his features were sunken in beneath a tangled mass of gray beard.
“Sweet Linda,” he whispered. He attempted a smile, but Josie saw him cringing with pain.
“Jonas, are you in pain?” Linda clasped his hand within hers. “I thought Noah was changing your medications and that you would feel better.”
The old man sighed. “He lied.” Then he grunted, but with the corner of his mouth tipped up on one side. “They did change my medicines, but turns out this old body just has too much going on inside to hold up much longer.”
“We will pray right now, Jonas.” Linda’s voice was desperate as she bowed her head.
Jonas gently lifted her chin and gazed into her eyes. “Don’t pray for me to stay on this earth, dear Linda. I’m ready to go home.” He tenderly brushed a tear from her cheek with his thumb. “You are a special one.” Jonas glanced at Josie, then back at Linda. “Introduce me to your birth mother.”
Josie straightened, shocked that he would verbalize her true relationship to Linda.
“Jonas, this is Josie.” Linda waved Josie to move closer, and she inched forward. She extended her hand to Jonas.
“Nice to meet you, Jonas.”
His touch was frail, but he locked onto her hand and stared into her eyes. “Nice to meet you too.”
“Oh, no!” Linda slapped her hands to her sides. “I forgot something in the buggy. Stay here, Josie. I’ll be right back.” Linda scurried across the floor, opened the door, slammed it closed, and left Josie with her mouth hanging open, prepared to oppose being left alone with Jonas.
She pulled her gaze from the closed door and slowly turned to face Jonas. She smiled and glanced at the water pitcher on his nightstand, just like the one in Linda’s room. “Can I get you a cup of water?” She moved toward the nightstand.
Jonas shook his head and scowled. “Now, why do you reckon that girl left you here with me? You do realize we’ve been set up?”
Josie couldn’t help but smile at his honestly. “Yes, it appears that way.”
Jonas arched one brow high. “Why is that?”
Josie shrugged. “I—I don’t know.” But she had a pretty good idea. “Probably because I have cancer too.”
He cringed, but raised his chin as he spoke. “Ah, yes.”
“You say that like you already know.”
“Ya, I do. Noah was worried about Linda, and he told me you were ill.”
“Did Noah tell you that I am staying with Linda and her family until my husband returns from overseas?”
His eyes widened. “No. I didn’t know that.”
Josie looked toward the floor. “I had a seizure while Linda was staying with me. I guess everyone got worried, because I don’t really have any family here, and I passed out and spilled spaghetti sauce everywhere, and—and I’m sorry. I know I’m rambling.” She looked up and locked eyes with this man, and the strangest feeling came over her. “Why am I here?”
“I don’t know.”
Josie shook her head and sat down in a chair by Jonas’s bed. “I’m sorry I asked that. What a strange thing for me to say.”
“Why do you think you’re here?” His face twisted in pain.
“Oh, no. What can I do?” Josie leaned forward, but he waved his hand and seemed to let the pain take its course, then took a deep breath and refocused on Josie.
“So? Why do you think you’re here?”
Josie leaned back against the chair and sighed. “I think Linda is hoping that by talking to you, that I won’t be afraid of dying.” She locked eyes with his. “Are you afraid?”
“No.”
“Just like that? Just no? You don’t have the least bit of apprehension about dying? Because, I have to tell you . . . it terrifies me.”
Jonas smiled. “Now we know why you are here, and why we’ve been set up to have this little chat.”
“Why?”
He grimaced. “Because you are afraid of dying, and I’m not.”
“Sir, with all due respect . . .” Josie paused and thought about whether or not she should speak her mind. “You are much older than me. I’m only thirty-four-years-old, and I’ve recently met my biological daughter. I’ll never see her marry, have children, or any of that. I feel cheated.”
“
By who?”
“By God!” It just slipped out, and Josie regretted immediately that she’d said it. “I’m sorry, I just . . .” She fought the knot building in her throat. “If there is a God, I don’t understand why He’d cut my life short after I get the only thing I’ve ever wanted, a relationship with my daughter. I have six months, at the most! That’s not long enough. I want more time. I’m afraid.” Josie didn’t understand what was happening to her, why she’d opened up to this complete stranger who had enough problems of his own. She cupped her face in her hands, embarrassed at her display, but too upset to have any dignity.
Jonas twisted his mouth to one side and stared at the woman before him, a woman with no hope. I guess there are two things I have left to do, instead of just one.
Jonas reached his hand straight out. “Take my hand.” She was hesitant, pulling her hands away from her tear-streaked face, but she eventually latched onto his hand. “You are afraid because you don’t believe, is that it?”
“What if there is nothing after this?”
“What if there is?” Jonas tilted his head slightly.
“But there’s no way to know, one way or the other.”
“Of course there is.” Oh, Lord, I need more time with this one.
You don’t have much time, My son.
Jonas sighed. “Does Linda know this? Is that why she brought you here?”
“No. Linda just knows that I’m afraid. Mary Ellen knows, though.”
Jonas lay quietly for a moment. “Listen to me, Josie. Listen very carefully. I don’t have much time. Mary Ellen is a gut woman. Listen to her. Trust her. She will show you the way. Oh, dear child. Learn of our Lord and His son, Jesus. While you can.”
“I want to believe. I need to believe. I need hope, Jonas. I need something . . . I need . . . I don’t know . . . I just need . . .”
“God.” He squeezed her hand as best he could. “Open your heart, not your mind. Forge out falsities, and make way for His words to reach you. Once that happens, you will be filled with hope, and your fears will be no more.”
She shook her head. “You seem like a very kind man, and I very much regret that I won’t get to know you better. But I don’t know how to do that.”
“Then I will show you.”
Lord, give me the strength, the knowledge, and the words to perform this last task for You, to help this soul find her way to You through Jesus.
“Close your eyes and picture the most perfect place imaginable, and then add the happiest moment in your life to that picture.”
Josie closed her eyes and whispered, “When Linda was born.”
“How do you feel?”
Her eyes were still closed, and Jonas gave her a reassuring squeeze with his hand, glad she couldn’t see the look of agony on his face as another shot of pain seared down his spine.
Josie smiled. “I feel like I want to love unconditionally, this beautiful child, for the rest of my life.”
“That is how God thinks of you. He loves you now, the same way He loved you when you felt His love through the gift of a child.”
Her eyes opened, and her face filled with anger. “But He took that child away from me.”
“Did He?”
“Yes, God took my baby away from me to be raised by someone I didn’t even know. My own flesh and blood. And now I am dying, and I won’t even get to see her grow into a mature woman.”
“This angers you that God would do this?”
“Yes!” She stared at him with tears pouring down his face. “I am angry with God!”
Jonas breathed a sigh of relief. “Then tell Him that.”
“What?” Her face twisted into confusion.
“Tell God that you’re mad at Him. If you don’t believe in Him, what harm can it do?”
“I don’t know. It doesn’t seem right to blame . . .” She let go of Jonas’s hand and brought both hands to her head. He could see her right hand trembling, and Jonas worried he might be pushing her too hard.
“And yet, you do. Blame Him.”
“I’m confused. I’m scared. I need something, and I don’t know what it is. I feel lost.”
“We all feel lost before we are found, dear Josie.” Jonas sighed. “Look at me.”
She sniffled, then pulled her hands away from her face.
“I’m leaving soon. I can feel it. And I regret that you and I won’t have more time together. So, I’m going to offer you these parting words.” He took a deep breath, hoping, praying that Josie would understand what he was saying. “The fool hath said in his heart, There is no God.”
Josie felt like she might faint when she heard Jonas speak the words she’d heard before—words not harsh, threatening, or fearful, but a declaration that brought on emotions Josie couldn’t quite identify.
She stared at Jonas, wishing she would have more time with this man. Linda and Mary Ellen were right. There is something special about him.
“Jonas, is it too late for me? Too late for me to reconcile with God?”
His eyes were barely open, and his lips moved slowly. “It’s never too late.”
“But won’t God think I’m just trying to get in His good graces because I am—I am not going to be here long?”
Jonas fought to keep his eyes open. “Josie, you don’t sound like a woman who doesn’t believe, but a woman who has lost her faith somewhere along the line. God doesn’t care what brings you to Him, just that you go to Him. Pray, Josie. And talk to Mary Ellen. She is a wise woman.”
Josie couldn’t picture chatting with Mary Ellen about God. Then Robert flashed into her mind. I miss you so much, Robert. What would Robert think about her attempt to have a relationship with God? Would he think she was silly? She stood up from the chair and walked back and forth across the room, eventually zoning in on a calendar on the far wall with bright yellow flowers for the month of June. She stared at the colorful blooms as her mind raced.
“How will I know I’ve connected with God?”
“You will know.”
Her back was still to Jonas as she folded her arms across her chest. She noticed her right hand trembling. “I don’t think I could ever believe in miracles, but I want to go with an inner peace in my heart, hope for something after this life. My husband doesn’t believe, but I should make my own choice. I haven’t really allowed myself to explore the possibilities.” She sighed. “I’m confused, I admit, but Jonas, I feel something I haven’t felt throughout all of this.” She relaxed her arms and reached up and touched the yellow flowers on the calendar. “I feel a glimmer of hope. Thank you for talking with me.” She turned and faced him.
“Jonas?”
He smiled as he stared off in space at the rocker in the corner of the room. “Irma Rose is here. God’s peace to you, Josie.”
And he closed his eyes.
19
JOSIE’ S VISIT WITH JONAS WORE HER OUT MORE THAN she’d expected it would, and she’d spent the remainder of the day napping on and off. It was eleven that night when Josie’s cell phone buzzed on the nightstand between her and Linda, and she quickly reached for it.
“Robert, I miss you. Hold on.” She jumped from the bed, tiptoed across the wooden floor, and stumbled down the stairs in the dark. “I’m going outside so I don’t wake Linda up,” she whispered. “Are you all right?” She groped her way through the den and onto the front porch.
“I’m fine, sweetie, but I am so frustrated. Still trying to get out of here. Are you all right? How are you feeling? Any more seizures?”
“I’m okay. I had another seizure after Noah called you, but I haven’t had one since then. No headache either. I miss you so much, Robert. But don’t worry about coming home. I’m with Linda, sleeping in the same room with her. If anything happens, she’s right there, plus I’ll really get to know her this way. So you should plan to finish your business there. Really. Even if the airports open in the next few days.”
“No, Josie. I should have never come. I should have never, ever lef
t you. I just want to come home and be with you. Maybe Linda could stay with us some of the time, but I don’t want to be away from you. This whole trip was a bad idea. I love you so much, baby. I’m going to hope the airports reopen soon, and I’ll be on the first flight.”
“I love you too, Robert.” She paused. “You’re never going to believe what happened this morning.”
“What’s that?”
“Linda took me to meet a friend of the family. Well, actually, I think he’s a relative by marriage, but anyway . . . he was a wonderful old man, and Robert—he died right in front of me in his bed at home.”
“What? Oh my gosh! Are you all right? That must have been horrible.”
Josie thought for a moment. “You know, I’d just met the man, but I cried when he passed. Strange, huh?”
“Why would Linda take you there, to a dying man’s home?”
She sighed as she recalled Jonas taking his last breath, unsure how much to share with Robert. “She said he was special and that she wanted me to meet him.”
“Hmm . . . Seems odd.”
“I wish I would have had more time to spend with him.” She paused with a smile. “His name is Jonas. This entire community seems rocked by the loss. Poor Linda cried really hard earlier tonight. And, Robert, she climbed in the bed with me, and I just held her. It was the first time I felt like—like a mother.”
“Oh, baby. I’m so glad you’re getting to spend time with her. I know how much you wanted that.”
“And you made it possible. You are the best husband in the entire world, and I don’t deserve you.”
“I’ll do anything for you, Josie. You know that. You’re my wife, and I love you.”
Josie had thought a lot about her life all day, on and off between naps, about the possibilities of something to look forward to. She’d prayed tonight, really prayed. Prayed for strength and courage, for Linda, for Jonas’s family, and for the knowledge to understand what having a relationship with God really means. Maybe she’d imagined it, or was just relieved not to have a headache, but a calm had settled over her.