by Mercy Amare
I look over at Gabe. He’s watching the road, but even in the dark I can see the outline of his features. Gabe has nice, toned arms. They’re not too big, but definitely not too small. He has a surfer tan, which seems to be common in California, and he rocks it. His shirt is clinging to his abdomen and I can see the outline of his muscles through his shirt. Seriously, so hot.
Stop looking. Stop looking, I chant to myself over and over again. Finally, I force my eyes away from his too good to be true body and look at his face. He is looking at the road, but I can see his mischievous smile.
“What are you thinking?” I ask him. I have to know what is making him smile like that.
“Nothing.” He grins. “I’m just thinking that if you keep looking at me like that, I’m going to pull over the car and things are going to get very heated, very fast.”
To say that butterflies filled my stomach would be an understatement. It’s like my stomach packed up and flew back to St. Louis without me and left me here. Never have words affected me so much.
I force my eyes forward.
“You’re so fucking cute.” Gabe glances over at me, and I swear his blue eyes are looking right through me. In that moment, I feel exposed… It’s like he knows what I am thinking, and what I am feeling.
“Thanks.” My voice comes out shy. I want to be brave.
It’s just Gabe, I remind myself. He’s just a friend. A good friend. A FAMILY friend. I look over at him again. A very sexy friend.
It’s in that moment that I realize I am in way over my head.
3:02 AM
He’s irresistible.
Around three AM, we arrive at our destination. The cabin is not at all what I had pictured… I thought a cozy little log cabin with a couple of rooms, a fireplace, and a hot tub. I should have known. When my dad does something, he goes all out. The log cabin is a huge A-lined house in the front, and in the back I can see that it’s three stories high. From the front I can see huge windows. They’re dark, so you can’t see inside, but I’m already excited about the view.
When Gabe opens the door for me, I’m surprised to feel how cold it is. I’m used to cold winters back home, but in Mountain View, the temperatures stay pretty much the same year-round. I’m suddenly glad I packed hoodies for the trip.
When we walk inside, I’m surprised to see a deer antler chandelier. There is also a huge bear rug in the middle of the floor, and the furniture looks rustic. I quickly decide this must be my dad’s doing, because Veronica doesn’t seem like the adventurous type of girl who would have a bear rug. There are even a few deer heads hanging on the wall.
“My dad and your dad like to hunt,” he informs me. “They love deer hunting. Once they even flew to Alaska to bear hunt. Your dad actually killed that bear.”
I look down at the rug.
Creepy.
Gabe shows me around the house. There is an indoor, heated pool in the back. I look out the windows and see that snow is starting to fall. How perfect.
“This is incredible,” I say.
“Just one of the many perks of being Kihanna Evers…”
I roll my eyes. “Right, ‘cause being Gabriel Johnson is so bad…”
“Being Gabe Johnson isn’t nearly as impressive as being Kihanna Evers. Someday, you will see what I mean.” He pulls my hand, and we walk up the stairs. He shows me my room.
“Wow,” I say, looking around. It has already been decorated for me. It looks very similar to my bedroom back home. There is a bay window overlooking the mountains, there is a huge four-poster bed with an elegant purple bedspread and light gray carpet. The carpet is the softest carpet I think I’ve ever felt. “I don’t think I will ever get used to this life.”
“I can’t imagine ever not having this life. Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to be normal and not to have to live up to Jack Johnson.” He looks over at me, and his blue eyes sparkle in the light. “Do you want to know what my dream is?”
I nod. More than anything, I want to know. I want to know everything about Gabe.
“I don’t want to be CEO of my dad’s company,” he starts out. “I want to change lives, Kihanna. I want to build houses in Unicef for a year. I want to backpack around Europe, but I don’t want to plan it, and I don’t want to bring money. I just want to live day by day and sleep in a tent. I want to skydive. I want to climb Mount Everest. I want to live every day like I won’t have tomorrow.”
“Why can’t you do all that stuff?”
“I wish. But my life is already planned.” Gabe looks a little sad but quickly recovers. “So you weren’t raised in this life. You have had an opportunity to dream… really dream. What are your dreams?”
His question stuns me, because I have no clue what I want to do with my life. As bad as I want to say something awesome and clever in response to his question, I just can’t. “Honestly, I’m still trying to figure out what I want. I guess I always thought I would be a teacher, like my mom. But now that I know my dad, I feel like I have so many more options.”
“At least you have a choice. My dad planned my future before I was even born.”
Part of me wants to feel bad for Gabe, but the other part of me wants to slap him. How can he not realize how lucky he is? He has been given the world, and yet it’s not enough for him.
“Have you told your dad how you feel? I’m sure he would understand if you wanted to take a year off school to have a crazy adventure. Your dad is pretty awesome.” I like Gabe’s Dad. He isn’t like the other stuffy, golf-playing, rich snobs. I can see why he and my dad are so close.
“I can’t ask anything else of my parents. I’m such a screwed up person, Kihanna…” His voice breaks. “I want to tell you something. But when I tell you, I’m scared that you will hate me.”
“I could never hate you,” I quickly counter.
“No, you will.” He falls back onto my bed and stares up at the ceiling. I can tell it’s going to be a long story, so I lie down beside him. “About a year and a half ago, right after I turned sixteen, I killed somebody.”
Wow. That was so not what I expected. He takes a while to continue, and I just lay there silent. I know he needs this quiet time before he tells me more.
“I had just got my license and was taking my girlfriend, Lily, to the mall. She wanted to go dress shopping for some charity event. I didn’t want to go and was complaining.” I hear Gabe take in a sharp breath. “I was texting Ty while I was driving on the freeway. I didn’t realize that traffic had come to a stop. Lily screamed at me, and I slammed on the brakes, but I couldn’t stop in time. I ran into the back of the car in front of us. Lily wasn’t wearing her seatbelt, so she was thrown from the vehicle.”
Gabe stops talking, and I can tell he’s crying, but I don’t dare look at him. Gabe is definitely not so great at showing his emotions, and if I looked at him it would ruin the moment. The fact that he’s shared this much with me is surprising.
My heart is breaking for him.
“She died instantly. And I lived. I wasn’t even fucking hurt.” Gabe’s voice is angry. “She was fifteen years old and will never get to live her life because of me.”
And now I get it. I get why he wants to live extreme. He gets to live.
“The sickest part was that my daddy got me out of trouble. I should be in jail right now. But since my dad is Jack Johnson, I get to continue living my life as if it didn’t even happen.” He turns his head toward me, so I look at him. I can see so much pain in his eyes. I feel a sharp pain in my stomach, and I want to cry for him. I know that in this moment that I have to be strong though. For Gabe. “I wish I could take her place, Kihanna. She had such big dreams. She was going to join the Peace Corps for a few years, and then go to school to be a doctor. She was going to go to a third-world country… somewhere she was really needed.”
Wow. Lily sounds like a really sweet girl. She sounds like somebody I would be friends with. I’m sad for her, that she never got a chance to live. But mostly, my heart feels
broken for Gabe, because I know that he is broken.
“She made me a better person.” He closes his eyes for a second, and when he opens them he looks me deep in the eyes. “She was my first love. And I never thought I would feel that way again. But you make me feel things… I’m not sure I deserve to feel this way.”
I hear my sharp intake of breath. I’m surprised, because that was not what I expected. I caught my boyfriend cheating on me just a few hours ago, and now here I am with Gabriel. I haven’t thought about Ty since we left Mountain View. Shouldn’t I feel heartbroken? I don’t. If anything, I feel relief because I don’t have to feel guilty for the way I feel about Gabe anymore.
Gabe leans closer to me and puts his lips on mine. He kisses me gently at first, almost as if he’s asking my permission. When I kiss him back, he kisses me harder.
Ty’s kisses were soft. But Gabe’s kisses are aggressive. He takes charge. And I like it.
His tongue slips inside my mouth, and he slowly starts massaging my tongue. I can feel his kiss all the way to my toes.
I never felt this way with Ty. I never felt like I wanted him. But with Gabe, I could see myself easily losing control really fast. I have never wanted anybody so bad in my life. It’s like all the fear I had about my first time is gone, and I just want to feel him — all of him.
Somehow, in the midst of kissing, Gabe climbs on top of me. I feel his hand start to explore my body, so I do the same. I put my hands under his shirt and feel his abs, then I run my hand over his chest. I’ve never felt so brave. I tug on his shirt, hoping that he’ll take the hint — I want his shirt off.
Gabe backs away for just long enough to throw off his shirt, and then he starts kissing me hard again. I love the feeling of his bare chest, and I wonder how it would feel to have his skin against mine.
I feel his lips leave mine, and he sits up beside me. “Kihanna, we have to stop.”
“Why?” I definitely do not want to stop.
He groans. “You have no idea what you do to me. But we can’t. You and Ty just broke up. It’s too soon. And he’s my best friend. He would never forgive me.”
He’s right.
But I don’t care.
“I want you, Gabe.”
He considers my words for a few seconds, and then he starts kissing me again. This time his kisses are desperate, and I know that before he was holding back. This time he knows exactly what he wants — me. And I want him.
He pulls my shirt over my head, and as he’s kissing me I feel him unhook my bra. His chest is against mine. I love feeling his warm body against mine, but he’s still not close enough. He stops kissing me long enough to take off his jeans, and quickly pulls mine off too.
I can feel how hard he is, and it makes me want him even more.
“Gabriel, I want you,” I whisper, as his mouth leaves mine. He puts his lips against my breast and begins to suck. I can feel my breathing grow faster. His mouth moves over to my other breast and he gives his the same amount of attention. He gently rubs his tongue over my nipple. After a few more minutes of this, I feel Gabe move away.
“Are you sure?” he asks, looking me in the eyes. I can see that if I asked him to stop, he would. But I don’t want him to stop.
“Yes.” I nod. “I’m sure.”
He pulls a condom out of his jeans on the floor, and then takes off his underwear. He slowly pulls down my thong, and then rolls on the condom. He slowly enters me, and at first it hurts. He gives me time to adjust before he pushes it in further. Finally, he’s all inside me, and slowly he starts moving. “Are you okay?” he asks, sweetly.
“I’m fine. Just don’t stop,” I plead. It’s a mixture of pain and pleasure, but after a few seconds the pain subsides and pleasure takes over.
“You feel so fucking good.” Gabe slowly pushes into me harder and harder, and I can feel the pleasure building. I moan at the sensation, and I feel like I should be embarrassed, but it feels too good to even think about anything else.
Gabe’s lips once again go over my breasts, and the pleasure is almost too much. I feel myself going over the edge of ecstasy, and can’t stop the moans that come out.
It’s in this moment that I realize, all this time, I’ve been falling in love with Gabe.
Saturday, November 20
10:24 AM
Consequences.
I wake up thinking, Where am I? It doesn’t take long to remember. I am in the mountains, at my dad’s cabin, sleeping next to Gabe. I smile, remembering last night. It was perfect. After he made love to me, he pulled me into his arms and that’s how we fell asleep.
I look around the king-size bed for him, but he’s not there. I get up and realize that I’m naked, so I throw on my clothes and go look for Gabe. I find him downstairs in the kitchen. He’s cooking.
“You were supposed to stay in bed,” he says, smiling sweetly at me.
“I didn’t know that you knew how to cook,” I reply, motioning at the food. “It looks good.”
He takes both plates and sets them on the bar, I sit down beside him. He cooked an omelet and then put a huge bowl of fruit on the side. It has all my favorites — grapes, strawberries, and blueberries. I take a bite of the omelet first.
“Wow, this is amazing.”
He smiles proudly. “My nanny thought that cooking was something everybody should know how to do. I hated it at the time, but now I glad she taught me. I can’t depend on other people to always cook for me.”
I can’t cook that well. My mom always did all the cooking, and the extent of my cooking ability ends at the ability to cook a frozen pizza and heat up ravioli. I’m so not telling him that though.
“My mom called earlier,” he informs me. “They’ve all decided to come up early too, and should be here sometime this afternoon. Which sucks, because I was kind of liking sharing a bed with you.”
“I guess you will just have to sneak in my room.” I instantly feel my face blush. Wow. Did I seriously just say that out loud? When did I get so brave?
Gabe grins at my suggestion. “I’m kind of loving your idea.”
I don’t know what to respond, so I just take a bite of my food.
“So last night was… possibly the best night of my life,” he admits.
Again, I’m not sure what to say, so I go with sarcasm. “It was in the top ten for me,” I say, nonchalantly.
Gabe looks at me for a second, and then starts laughing. He knows that I’m joking. I’m glad he’s not offended. “Let’s go swimming while we wait for them.” He gets up and leaves his dirty plate on the bar.
“Aren’t you going to wash the dishes?”
“The maid will be here soon.” He shrugs.
“Right. So you can’t depend on other people to cook for you, but you can depend on them to clean up after you,” I joke. I leave my plate on the bar and follow him upstairs. He grabs his bag and takes it to his room. My room now feels so much emptier. As excited as I am to actually spend time with my dad, I’m kind of sad that my alone time with Gabe is almost over. I hope that we get an excuse to come to the cabin sometime in the near future — alone.
I change into my bikini and then decide it’s time to look at my phone. I power it up, and sit it by the window where I get one bar of service. I watch the text messages flood in. I delete all the ones from Ty without reading them. I’m sure that they all say something like — I’m sorry. It didn’t mean anything. I love you. Blah, blah, blah. I open the rest of my messages.
Toby: I heard what Ty did. I will beat the shit out of him. Just say the word. Nobody messes with my sister.
Toby: I also heard that you went to the cabin with Gabe. Alone. Just be careful. And tell him if he touches you, I will kill him.
I laugh as I read that. Too late now.
Mom: I hope you have fun at homecoming with Ty. I love you, and wish I could be there. Send pics.
I quickly reply to my mom’s message.
I broke up with Ty. It’s a long story. I will tell you all
about it later. But don’t worry, I’m ok. More than ok actually! I love you, too! Miss you! <3 Kihanna
There are more messages from Courtney, Ariana, and Victoria. They all basically say the same thing… Are you ok? And I am going to kill Ty and Jacqueline. And my personal favorite — Alone time with Gabe? Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. Which makes me laugh. Because there is nothing those three girls wouldn’t do. Which is why I love them. I send the three of them a group text.
I’m good. No need to beat up anybody for me. Jacqueline can have Ty for all I care… Last night with Gabe was amazing. And I will tell you all about it. After Thanksgiving break. And don’t worry. I didn’t do anything you guys wouldn’t do ;) <3 Kihanna.
I immediately start getting responses from all three of them, but I put away my phone when I see Gabe walk in. He’s wearing just his swimming trunks, and I am loving the view of his abs.
I’m pretty sure it just got twenty degrees warmer in here.
When at look at Gabe, he’s openly staring at my chest. I want to cover them up, but he’s already seen them naked, so really there is no point. He looks up and sees that he’s been caught.
“You have a very nice body, Kihanna.”
I’m not sure if I should feel complimented or offended. I decide to just go with complimented. “Thanks.” I bite my lip. “So Toby texted me last night. He said to tell you that if you touch me, he will kill you.”
This makes Gabe laugh. “I’m pretty sure my death is going to be painful, for all the ways I touched you last night.”