by Jenni James
Was this a trick question? “Yes.”
“It concerns me that you believe this about yourself.” She patted her knee. “Come here.”
“Mom, I’m taller than you are. I’m not sitting on your knee.”
“Excuse me, young lady. I am and will always be your mom. Now sit down and let’s talk for a second.”
I sighed and awkwardly perched on her legs.
“There. See?”
She wrapped an arm around me, and I tried really hard not to flinch or squirm. What was it about someone touching me that sort of freaked me out?
“I love you. Do you know that?”
Okay. So this was going to be one of those moments. “Yeah. I love you too, Mom.”
“You are amazing and stunningly beautiful, and any boy at your school would be a fool not to notice the great things about you.”
“It would seem there are a lot of fools, then.”
She sighed. “Ellie, stop. You’re driving me crazy.”
I said what Dad always said to her. “I fear it was a short drive.”
Mom laughed. “Enough.” She squeezed me tight and then said, “I miss him too, you know.”
I relaxed a bit and rested my head on hers. “I know.”
“He would always know what to say, wouldn’t he? You two were so close.”
I nodded and felt strands of her hair brush my cheek.
“What would he have said to you just now if he heard what you really think about yourself?”
I shrugged and then sat up. “I don’t know. Probably something about how pretty I am and how boys are stupid and don’t realize what’s right in front of them until it’s gone. He’d crack some sort of joke to make me smile. And then he’d ask me if there was any guy I liked.”
“And what would you say if he asked you that right now?”
I took a deep breath. “I’d say, not really. But there was this new guy who seemed to like me, and he walked me home from school and talked to me about scientists, and he said I’m a genius because I have autism.”
“Really?” Mom seemed shocked, but she quickly covered it up. “What do you think Dad would’ve said to that?”
I grinned. “That Zane sounds very intelligent and like the perfect boy to try out all his dating scare tactics on, and that I should bring him over. He’ll be sure to clean his gun.”
She chuckled and then asked quietly, “Would Dad like him?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“I think so too. In fact, I’m kind of curious about him now. When is he coming over?”
I glanced at my alarm clock. “In about ten minutes.”
“And are you ready to drive around the area with him? Do you feel safe?”
Safe? “What do you mean?”
“I’m just making sure he isn’t sending off any creepy vibes and that you’re completely comfortable with the idea of hanging out with him. Since this will be your first real date.”
I was pretty sure I’d never be comfortable on a date. “No creepy vibes. And I don’t think it’s possible to be relaxed when you’re getting to know a cute person.”
“You’ve got a point.” Mom squeezed me again, and then after a few minutes said something quietly to sober the mood a bit. But I guess, in a way, it needed to be said. “You—you don’t think this is a joke, do you? Some sort of bullying?”
It’s exactly what I feared most. I closed my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat. “I hope not.” I’d gotten pretty used to the odd looks and the mimicking echoes in class, as well as the giggles and whispers as people walked past and glanced back at me in the halls. I already knew what it was like to be excluded from the awesomeness of Maralyn’s friends. She always tried her best to include me, but I knew I’d never feel comfortable around a group of people who’d mock me as soon as my sister turned away.
That was probably the worst thing about having autism. Just. Not. Fitting. In. The cruel reality that tells you every day that you’re not worth being around. That just because you talk differently and think differently, you’re stupid, ugly, freakishly weird, and basically a nuisance.
Lunches were always alone. Homework, study groups, sitting in class… I was always by myself. No one to share my frustrations with, my excitements of the day, or even laugh with me when something silly happened. Only my dad tried to be there.
He was my best friend.
And now he was gone.
I sat in my room a lot thinking late at night, wondering why the universe would choose to take him from me. Was I always supposed to be alone?
“Hey, you okay?” Mom jiggled me a little
. “I’m sorry. I should’ve never mentioned the bullying thing. I’m sure this guy is legit. Don’t worry about it.”
I sniffed and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. “Yeah. It’ll be fine.” Very slowly, I pulled out of her arms. “Can I get a few minutes by myself? I just need to think for a minute. Is that okay?”
“Of course.” She stood up. “I’ll call you when he gets here.” When she got to the door, she turned back. “Ellie?”
I looked up. “What?”
Mom searched my eyes for a few seconds and then shook her head. “Never mind. Take some time for you, and we’ll talk later. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
When the door shut, I gave a huge sigh of relief and plopped down on my bed. I stared up at the wooden beams below Maralyn’s bunk and just waited. If I was really still for a while, my heart would eventually release all the heaviness, and then my breathing would get better and I could just relax. The pain was still too real and fresh to disappear completely, but at least I’d balance what I could.
After a few minutes of processing, I began to wonder about Zane again. I hoped with every bit of me that it was really happening, and that he wasn’t some jerk or something.
However, it was pointless to imagine the worst when there was no evidence of it yet. And it was hopeless to believe there was anything more than just friendship here either. The reality—as I knew it—was that a nice guy wanted me to feel welcome in Bloomfield. That was it. And if anything worse came of it—well, it wouldn’t be the first time. And if anything better came of it—then . . . then . . . yeah. I might just die. But there was no reason to get all worked up until I knew for sure. Period.
By the time my mom knocked on the door to let me know he was there, my heart was beating normally again and I was ready to face whatever fate came my way. After straightening my clothes and hair, I walked into the living room.
“Hey, Ellyn.” Zane’s smile brightened the whole room. “You look great!”
CHAPTER SIX: Zane and Ellyn Sittin’ in a Tree
After the introductions were made and the odd chitchat over with, Mom finally let us head out of the house.
“Your family is nice,” Zane said as he opened the car door for me.
“Thanks.” I climbed in and waited until he entered on the other side before speaking again. “You’re sweet for saying that.”
“What?” He started the car. “It was fun getting to know them.”
I fiddled with my seatbelt and then looked around, deciding to change the subject. “So, is this your car?” I didn’t notice the outside when I got in, but the interior looked ridiculously new. Too nice for your typical high-school kid. It had the feel of something a rich businessman would drive.
“Yep. She’s mine, all right. My dad said he’d match whatever I saved toward a car. For two years, I put every penny away so when it came time to buy it, I think I surprised him.” He gunned the gas a little as he headed down the road. Nothing scary, or even above the speed limit. However, it made an impressive sound.
“This car looks much more expensive than anything we’ve ever owned. What is it?”
He looked a bit sheepish and then replied, “Tesla Model S.”
“Wait—what? Tesla invented cars, too?”
“No. This is just Tesla Motors. They named their company after him bec
ause of his inventions, and they thought he was a pretty cool dude.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t sure what to say.
“It’s an electric car.”
Now things were beginning to make sense. “Not bad.”
He grinned. “Yeah, Tesla Motors is making history. This is the only completely electric car on the market. They even have recharging stations in almost all the cities.”
“Wow. I didn’t know they made those.”
“My dad was shocked. He thought I’d be all over a sports car or something.”
“But you chose a much more practical car.” Now I was even more curious than before. “So, you said you work for your dad. What does he do?”
“He sells cars, actually. We were able to get a discount for this one.”
“Oh. Do you like working for him?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. My dad’s been pushing me to get a business degree so I can take over the dealership one day.”
“Wow. You guys have your own dealership and everything? You must really like cars, then.”
“Sure, as much as the next guy. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love driving this car around, but I wouldn’t say it’s my passion to sell them to people or anything.”
“Wait. You don’t want to take over your dad’s business?” Was he crazy? It seemed to be successful enough, if he could afford to pay for half of his son’s brand-new car.
“No, I’d rather get a degree in biophysics or biochemistry, something that continues to enhance and change the world. Maybe find the cure for some disease or something.”
Now he was speaking my language. I smiled.
“What? You don’t like that?”
How was I always sending off the wrong signals? “No, I love it. I . . . I was just thinking how similar we are.”
“Oh, sorry. My dad thinks I’m a loser for setting my sights so high. He sort of laughs at me. He thinks those kinds of goals are a waste of time, especially since he already owns a thriving business and I wouldn’t need to spend years in college learning a skill I’d never use.”
“Huh.”
“Never mind. Let’s not think about my dad and work and junk. Instead, let’s focus on the awesomeness of your new city.”
While he continued to chat, I did just the opposite and thought about Zane’s life. I couldn’t help myself—it was a puzzle that made no sense to me. I couldn’t imagine a man not wanting his son to learn. As in, he actually wanted his son to stay home and never challenge himself. It seemed so odd. My dad had always encouraged me to grow and develop every day. He wanted me to have a normal life of challenges and of chasing my dreams. Zane’s relationship with his father seemed pretty sad.
“Hey, you’re really quiet. Did I bore you, talking about my family? You haven’t said much since.”
I blinked. It took me a minute to catch what he was saying. “Sorry, no. I’m not bored. Not at all.” I glanced out the window at the different shops. Bloomfield had more stores and restaurants than I’d imagined it would. “I was just…” I trailed off as I compared Zane’s life to mine again.
“You were just…?”
“Huh?”
“You stopped talking. I was wondering what you were going to say.”
“I did?” I laughed nervously. My elbow began to itch again. “Sorry. I really like the buildings and stuff. Thank you for showing me.” All at once, I wanted to go home so I could sort out Zane’s mess. What if he were to talk to his dad and really explain things to him? Or better yet, show his dad the amazing things biophysics could do for the world—or biochemistry, for that matter. Knowing his love and fascination for science, there was no limit to what Zane was capable of doing. Why couldn’t his dad see that?
After a few minutes, he said, “Ellyn?”
I bit my lip. Dang it, I’d forgotten he was there again. “Yes?”
“Would you like to go home?”
Yes! “Uh…” Wait. What was the right thing to say here? I could never remember the rules. Something was bound to hurt Zane’s feelings, but I couldn’t understand what. He asked if I wanted to go home. That meant it was okay, didn’t it? “Yeah, I’d like to.”
He nodded his head and then asked, “Are you mad at me?”
“No, not at all.”
“Oh, okay. You seem a bit quiet, is all.”
“I’m really not here right now. I’m thinking way too much.”
“I can see that.” He gave a lopsided grin. “Can I ask what you’re thinking about?”
“You.”
He seemed surprised. “Me?” A quick chuckle burst from him. “I don’t believe you.”
Why wouldn’t he? “It’s true.”
“Really?”
“Yep.”
“And just what are you thinking about me? Ways to kill me or something?”
I nearly choked. What in the world was he talking about? I’d never kill him. Ever. Unless he hurt a cat or my family or turned into a creepy weirdo—was he a weirdo?—and . . . and I really wanted to go home now.
“I’m kidding,” he said. “I was just trying to tease you.”
“Oh.” I must’ve looked really nervous because he pulled into the empty lot of a church and parked.
“I’m sorry.” Zane turned toward me. “Let’s start again. What were you thinking about?”
Why did we stop? “I was worried about your dad not wanting you to go to college.”
“Really?”
“I was trying to think of a way to get him to change his mind.”
“Why?” His eyes stared into mine.
I quickly looked away. “So you could be happy.” My heart started to pound. It’s like it finally dawned on me. I was out with a really cute guy, and he’d stopped the car and was looking at me, and … All at once, I was totally nervous. I’d seen this move a hundred times in the movies. This is when the guy kisses you, isn’t it?
Zane scrunched his eyebrows and shook his head. “Where did you come from, Ellyn Dashwood?”
“Um…?” Did he really want to know?
“You’re amazing.”
Oh, my gosh! This was it. This was when he’d kiss me. I wasn’t even sure what I’d done to make him want to, or why, but I licked my lips and held my hands so they wouldn’t shake.
Zane’s eyes were still looking at me. He hadn’t moved. “I wish there was a way to get my dad to see me like that.”
“Are you going to kiss me?” Gah! Why did I say that? My hand flew to my mouth as I went bright red.
He laughed. “Um, I wasn’t planning on it. But I have thought about it today.”
“Sorry!” I was so embarrassed, I almost didn’t catch the last part. “Wait. What? You have?”
“Yeah, a few times.”
“You’ve thought about kissing me?”
He sighed. “Yes, but I shouldn’t. Do you have a boyfriend?”
“A what?”
“You know, from your last school?”
Was he out of his mind? “No. I’m not really the boyfriend type, remember?”
He looked at me for a minute before he spoke. “I think you’d make the perfect girlfriend.”
My heart somersaulted in my chest. I couldn’t even say a word even if I wanted to. Was he asking me to be his girlfriend? As in, right now? Is this what that was like? Holy cow.
Suddenly, his phone began to ring.
“Ellyn, there’s something I need to say.”
“Okay.” His phone still rang.
“You know how when you’re young, you do stupid things?”
Huh? That was the last thing I expected him to say. “Yeah.”
“Well, I’d always wanted a girlfriend, from the time I was in sixth grade. It was kind of a goal of mine to get one.”
He actually said “girlfriend” again. I smiled. The phone wouldn’t stop ringing.
“So when I met you…” He glanced down at the phone. “Oh, shoot. This is my mom. Hang on.”
I attempted to calm my pounding hear
t and nerves while he talked to her.
“Dang! Was that today? So sorry. I totally forgot. I’ll head home now.” He put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking lot. “Is everyone else over there right now?”
He listened for a moment and then glanced at me. “I’m with a friend. I’ll drop her off and head over there.”
I guess this date’s over. It didn’t matter. The guy I was beginning to crush on nearly asked me to be his girlfriend. That had to count for something, didn’t it? That never happened to me. What were the odds that the guy I liked liked me too? It was crazy.
“Sorry about that.” Zane set the phone down and then pulled into traffic. “My mom needs me home as soon as possible.” He headed straight toward my street. “I hope you had fun today.”
“I did. Thank you.” Grinning, I watched the buildings pass by through the window. “This has to go down on the record as the best first day of school day ever.”
“Ever, huh?” He raised a brow and then looked back to the road. “Glad you liked it. It’s been fun getting to know you. Bloomfield High definitely won’t be the same now that you’ve moved in.”
“You’re pretty amazing yourself.”
“Me?” He shook his head. “Nah, once you get to know me, you’ll realize I’m your typical geek, through and through.”
“And that’s what I find so cool!”
He pulled up in front of my house. “Then I’d say we’ve definitely got something here.”
I grinned and opened the door. “You think?” I knew he had to go, and I didn’t want to make him even later than he was. “Thanks so much for showing me around.”
“No worries. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
Without another word, I headed up to the house. By the time I’d turned back to close the door behind me, he was already gone. I could hear my mom call out, “Hey, Ellyn. That was short. How was it?” But I didn’t answer her. Not yet. I needed to be alone for a few minutes to gather my thoughts. I locked my bedroom door, crawled into bed, and stared up at Maralyn’s bunk. Then slowly, I began to breathe again. Long, deep breaths. Was this really happening to me? Was I about to get my very own boyfriend? My emotions were jumbled just thinking about it. I wanted to squeal and giggle and act like a weird version of Maralyn. Not that I would—it really wasn’t my style—but I definitely began to see why she did.