by Nancy Adams
Paul took his neck away and the two continued walking arm in arm down the frosty street. It wasn’t long before they reached Claire’s apartment building and Paul was walking her up the steps to the front door. Paul never stayed over, and it was a regular sight to see his car parked up outside until late at night when he’d jump in it and zoom back to his own campus lodgings.
“So,” Claire began as the two faced each other on the top step, only a couple of feet between them, “it was a nice night.”
“A very nice night,” Paul agreed, an awkwardness developing quickly between the two.
“And I guess you gotta go back.”
“Yeah,” Paul said, a slightly sad look on his face as he faced yet another late-night journey back to his own place all alone.
Something in Paul ushered him forward, to take her in his arms, to kiss her warm lips, to be with her. But another part of him put a brick wall up in front of him, told him to back off, that she didn’t want this, that he would ruin their friendship if he pushed things too far and got rejected. The two states of him constantly battled with each other, and never more than when it was time for him to return to his car and drive away from her.
“Claire,” Paul begun, a sudden resolve broadening in his heart, “you know how much I—”
All of a sudden Claire’s phone went off, interrupting his speech, and Paul went silent, seeing it as a sign.
“I’m sorry,” Claire said as she dipped her hand into her handbag and retrieved the phone. “Oh shit! It’s my ma,” she exclaimed as she checked the screen. “I’m sorry Paul, I gotta take this.”
“It’s okay,” Paul said, smiling meekly as he did.
“Anyway,” Claire said fitting her key into the lock of the front door and readying herself to answer her phone, “thanks for coming to my class and thanks for dinner. I’ll ring you later on, after I finish with my ma.”
“Okay,” Paul uttered with a half smile.
After that, the door slammed and Paul was all alone in the cold. He checked his neck and realized that she had his scarf. He merely smiled, shook his head and made his way to his car, feeling a lightness to his step. A part of him was glad that Claire’s mum had interrupted then, because now, when he considered what he was about to tell her, it made him inwardly recoil. He had to watch himself. He loved this girl with so much of his soul that he would rather spend the rest of his life side by side with her as a friend than risk pushing her away by demanding a part of her that she was unwilling to give.
Meanwhile, in her apartment building, Claire was climbing the stairs to her floor while talking to her mother on the phone.
“Ma, I told you,” she was stating in annoyance, “I’ve been invited by Paul’s parents to North Dakota for Christmas.”
A few months ago, Claire had told June that Paul was her boyfriend, a part that he was more than willing to play. June had been excited by this news, but it hadn’t been to pep her mom up that Claire had told this particular lie. It was so she had excuses for not coming back to Colorado.
“But it’ll be the first without you, sweetie,” June let out in frustration. “You already went to them for Thanksgiving. Why can’t you and Paul come back to Colorado this time? I mean we haven’t even met him yet.”
“Look, ma,” Claire let out as she reached the final flight of steps, “they invited me first.”
“But I haven’t seen you since you went back to college. The other day I was so close to taking some time off at the hospital and driving up to Maine—”
“NO!” Claire snapped.
“You see, it’s stuff like that—flying off the handle—which makes me wanna come up to ya. I’m worried.”
“Ma,” Claire said breathlessly as she made it up the last few steps, “I just…got…a lot…on at college. You coming…up here…ain’t gonna help.”
“You outta breath?”
“Yeah, ma.”
“That’s no good. You still jogging?”
“Not so much, ma,” Claire said feeling her womb.
When she’d reached her floor, she shuffled her way to her apartment door and let herself in. Once she was inside, Claire made it to the couch, threw her handbag in the corner and threw herself onto the couch.
“Look, ma,” Claire said as she sat in the apartment, feeling relief that she was sitting at last, “it’s not that I don’t want to see you, it’s just that Paul and I are studying hard together. This year has been really hard for me.”
“You still haven’t recovered from your work at the hospice, have you?”
“Not really,” Claire replied.
That wasn’t a complete lie. Of course June meant it in a completely different way, but Claire’s experiences in that place were something that she was yet to recover from. Inside her womb grew a baby, the direct result of those experiences. That baby was her secret and something that would disappear from Claire in three months when the child was adopted. After that, she could go and see her family. All she needed to do for now was keep her mom away for a little longer.
“I promise, ma,” Claire said to her mother softly, “that as soon as my exams are over, I’ll head straight down to Colorado and spend as much time with you as I can.”
“And you’ll bring Paul?”
“And I’ll bring Paul. Now, please, if you can just put off any ideas of surprise visits until then, it’ll be wonderful.”
“Okay, I promise.”
“Now, ma, I got an early lecture tomorrow, so I’m gonna go, okay.”
“Okay, sweetie, love you.”
“Love you too, ma.”
Claire put the phone down and let out a melancholy sigh. She hated herself for leaving her mother out of this, but she felt a need to. When it really came down to it, Claire was more concerned with not letting her father know at any cost than her mother. She felt that he’d shame her in it all, that he’d smirk to himself about it all. She’d considered telling her mother in secret, away from Joe. But then she’d have to add that she would be having the child put up for adoption.
No. It’s best if no one knows, she’d said to herself when she’d first decided to keep it from her loving mother. And that was how it had been kept ever since.
Claire switched on the television. A sudden chill of loneliness consumed her and she curled herself up on the couch, grabbing a blanket from the back of it and wrapping it around her.
This was when it was hardest for her. When she was all alone. This was when she thought about Sam the most and began to wonder what might have been if they had met later on, without the guilt and shame that surrounded their affair. She wondered if they could have had the baby together and be a family with Jess.
But this thought had entered her head many times over the months and she had always dismissed it. If she revealed the pregnancy to him, it would ruin her future. Sam would tug at her heart and pull her away from her career. No. She couldn’t go toward Sam, she had to stay away, continue her life in the same vain.
It was these thoughts that sat upon the mists of Claire’s mind as she gently slipped into sleep upon the couch.
CHAPTER TEN
The sunbeams were twinkling in little pools of light as they cascaded down through the gaps in the trees as Juliette, Jules, Margot and Claude made their way through the forest, carrying various items in their arms. Margot and her man had returned to L.A from South America several days before, and the friends were now going on a picnic in the San Fernando Valley at Topanga State Park. They’d parked the car up and were strolling through the woods to emerge out on an open ridge where there was a nice spot overlooking the whole of L.A.
When they reached the place, they unfurled the blanket and set the hampers down. That morning, the four friends had spent almost an hour in Juliette’s kitchen making food. The Frenchman, Claude, had spent several hours making a goat cheese and broccoli flan based on an old Bordeaux recipe of an ex-girlfriend’s, a detail he hadn’t shared with Margot. Jules meanwhile braised some thin steaks a
nd caramelized onions to make steak sandwiches on ciabatta bread. The women prepared everything else—of course—and grinned to themselves every so often as they watched at how much attention the boys put into their respective dishes, as well as the amount of mess they made.
It didn’t take long to set themselves up and soon they were all sitting down eating, laughing and enjoying life, the valley flowing out underneath them, leading to the city of L.A and the Pacific ocean beyond. A warm breeze blew over them and the sky was full of eagles circling in the blue, cloudy sky. As they ate and chatted, Margot secretly brought out a bottle of Cristal Champagne and began unwrapping it from its plastic covering, pulling off the gold label so synonymous with the brand.
“My word, Margot!” Juliette exclaimed when she saw the very expensive bottle.
“I kept it hidden until we got here,” Margot said to her as she handed out the glasses. “I wanted to surprise you.”
“With overpriced champagne?!” Juliette retorted with a playful smirk.
“Cristal is not overpriced—it’s exclusive!”
“Sounds like the same thing,” Jules commented.
“I think what my love is trying to say,” Claude piped in on Margot’s behalf, “is that the champagne’s not the surprise, but if you’d seen it, you may have guessed.”
Juliette furrowed her brows and looked from Claude to Margot.
“What does he mean?” she asked her best friend.
Margot grinned from ear to ear. “We’re getting married.”
“Oh, my!” Juliette burst out and took her friend in her arms.
Jules meanwhile shook Claude’s hand and congratulated him.
“And there’s something we want to ask you both, too,” Margot added as she poured the drinks. “As you both know, my parents are dead and I’ve decided not to invite any of my family. So I’d be honored if Jules could give me away and if you, Juliette, would be my matron of honor.”
“Of course,” both Jules and Juliette said in unison.
Margot beamed with joy and hugged them both.
“And I too have a favor to ask,” Claude said as the couple were released from Margot’s arms. “Well, it’s of Jules, really. I know we’ve only known each other for six months, but in South America we shared some pretty crazy times. So, I guess what I’m trying to say, is will you be my best man?”
“Of course, man,” Jules replied joyfully, reaching forward and taking the Frenchman in his arms.
Claude smiled as the two hugged warmly. After that, they all drank champagne and sat with happy, beaming faces for a while until it was time to go and they packed everything up. Walking back to the car, Margot and Juliette found themselves several yards ahead from the men.
“So when did you decide to get married?” Juliette asked her friend in hushed tones.
“He proposed when we were in Argentina,” Margot replied.
“But he’s proposed several times before. What made this one different?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it was the look in his eyes this time—like he really meant it. Plus, he’d been so sweet these last months and we’d not argued at all. I could tell that he was correcting his behavior to suit me. I found that really touching. I could tell that at times he wanted to scold me, to tell me off for things I’d done that annoyed him. But he didn’t. He held firm. He moderated himself for me. What more sign of love is there than someone willing to do that? I really see myself spending the rest of my life with him, Juliette.”
Juliette smiled and put her arm around Margot, giving the friend a squeeze.
“Plus,” Margot continued, “lately I’ve been thinking about being old.”
“Pah!” Juliette let out. “You’re fifteen years younger than me, don’t talk to me of being old.”
“I said old, not ancient!”
“Cheeky bitch!”
“Anyway, I’ve been thinking lately—well, thinking for a long time really—that I would really like a family sooner rather than later. My own family experience was pretty awful, but Claude’s nothing like my father and I’m nothing like my mother. I think that I could really be a good mom. I have so much love in me—so has Claude—and it would be good to share that love with something.”
“Oh, my love,” Juliette said softly, “you will make a brilliant mother.”
Meanwhile, behind them, Jules and Claude were having a similar talk.
“So, you two gonna stay in L.A once you’re married?” Jules was asking his friend.
“Oui,” Claude replied. “It’s been a long time since I was in one place, but at forty-five maybe it’s time to stop somewhere and grow some roots. I haven’t been static since my twenties when I lived in Paris and Marseille. But even then I was always moving around Europe or going off to Asia.”
“Yeah,” Jules replied. “Constant movement is something for a young man. I saw most of Europe in my twenties and then a lot of Asia and South America. It was only when we had Danny that we weren’t on the move, when we lived in Colorado Springs. I guess a kid always keeps you rooted to one place.”
“Well, that’s the exact reason we’re going to stay here.”
“You mean you’re gonna try and have a kid?”
“Just that, mon ami,” Claude smiled. “Just that.”
The four got back to Margot’s little Mercedes convertible hatchback and were soon heading down the freeway with the roof open, gliding along the coastline back to Venice Beach, the wind rustling through their hair, smell of the ocean in their nostrils. It was a beautiful journey back, the beaches, coves and glittering water to one side, the valley with its forests and rolling hills on the other, the late afternoon sun hanging over their heads. A half-hour after they’d set off from Topanga, they joined the city traffic in Santa Monica and moved slowly toward Venice Beach.
“You never said,” Juliette began, talking to Margot from the passenger seat, the men in the back, “when do you plan to marry?”
“A week from today,” Margot replied. “It will be a small affair. I plan to have it on the beach at the back of my place in Malibu. It’ll be me, Claude—obviously—you, Jules and the priest.”
“No one else?”
“Most of our friends are travelers somewhere out in the world. To get them all together for a wedding would be almost impossible. Plus, Claude hasn’t seen his family since he was a kid, and I’m not really that bothered if my brothers and their wives and brats aren’t there. A nice, quiet affair.”
“Sounds wonderful,” Juliette remarked with the glint of a smile in the corner of her mouth.
They all arrived back at the apartment and, because it was such a wonderful day, they decided to drop their things off and go for a walk along the beach. As they strolled barefoot in the sand, someone mentioned ice cream and they all agreed. Soon, they were at Venice Beach Ice Cream buying giant waffle cones full of different flavors. They then strolled along the boardwalk eating and chatting, simply enjoying the sun-kissed day in Los Angeles.
As she walked, Juliette felt blessed. She was surrounded by everyone that she loved and she thanked God for that privilege. In the last seven months, with her love back by her side, Juliette had laughed and smiled more than she had in all the previous sixteen years that she’d lived in darkness without him.
Now she was basking in the light, and how it flooded her soul, filled her and made her glad of life. What despair she had felt before he came back into her life. And what joy she felt now watching him laugh and smile as he strolled along eating an oversized ice cream.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The day after Jess’s birthday, Calloway called to inform Sam that they’d chosen the psychiatrist that would come out and evaluate him. Her name was Jenna Blackwell. Sam searched online for details on her and found that she was one of the best psychiatrists in the country regarding the psychological effects of partner loss. She’d been on television several times, often promoting one of her books. In fact, she’d even been on Oprah three times.
Sam also went to the rather drastic length of hacking her. He was interested to see if she had any involvement with corporate espionage. Through the information generally available on her, Sam discovered that he wasn’t the first corporate member that she’d evaluated. In two of the three cases that she had been brought in on, she had given the patient the all clear and they had been allowed to return to the board. But Sam wanted to know if she was acting objectively in each case. So he hacked her bank accounts, criminal record, searched the FBI for anything on her, hacked into the IRS to search her tax records and broke into her private e-mail.
On each of these, he found that Jenna Blackwell was clean.
It was now three weeks after the birthday and Sam was awaiting her arrival at the Cliff Face. Her visit filled Sam with trepidation. Even though he’d found nothing on her through his hacking, Sam suspected that she may merely be a stooge sent to give lip service to the process, the board having already decided to class him as unfit. At least Jess had been sent with Maud to her grandparents in Massachusetts for the duration of the psychiatrist’s visit.
At around ten AM, Sam got the call that Jenna had arrived and was waiting upstairs with her bags. He immediately left the lounge where he was sitting and went to meet her in the upstairs hallway.
When he emerged at the top of the stairs, the first thing that caught Sam's attention was the strong fragrance of Jenna's perfume. He was instantly cast back to his time with Marya—it was her fragrance, Chanel No. 5—and he paused at the top step for a second, almost expecting to find his wife up there waiting for him.
He shook it off and continued on up the stairs. When he reached the landing, he found standing before him a very attractive blonde woman with mahogany-tanned skin. If he had to guess, Sam would have placed her age in her mid-twenties, although he already knew that she was thirty-three. Her attire was a neat cream knee-length dress cut off at the shoulders and showing only a portion of her neckline. Around said neck, she wore a string of glistening pearls.