“No problem, babe. I’ll be round in ten.”
I thank him again and hang up before looking down at myself and running back upstairs to dress. I decide to skip Minnie Mouse today and throw on a pair of leggings and a baggy but very snuggly thick woollen jumper that comes mid thigh. It seems to provide some comfort for me to cuddle down into. I pull on some thick slipper socks and pull my hair up into a messy bun to dry. Just as I head downstairs I hear Baz knock on the door.
I unlock it and greet him with a fake smile, one I really don’t feel. “Morning, thanks for bringing my things round,” I say taking the proffered bag.
“It’s no problem, Tara. I wanted to check you were okay, anyway.” Baz seems to shuffle his feet at this and I’m touched by his words. I signal him to come in and we go through to the living room. I flop down onto the sofa but Baz stays stood.
“I’ll be okay, Baz. You know me.” I grimace/smile but Baz doesn’t say a word. “I was just in a bit of shock last night.”
“You found out about Lucy then?”
I flinch before stammering. Even Baz knew? For crying out loud!
“Yeah. Did everyone know except me? Christ, you must have all thought I was a proper idiot!” I cringe just thinking about the private conversations they’ve all undoubtedly had. Then the thought strikes me how Lucy and Shaz must have been laughing it up. Bastards.
“Nobody thinks you’re an idiot, babe. I think we all saw this coming though. Question is, how does it affect you and Dominic?” Baz practically blushes and I bet he never saw this coming. Him offering me relationship advice.
“I don’t know, if I’m totally honest. I think I need some time to absorb it and see it from all angles. I partially blame myself.” I sigh and Baz looks at me like I really am an idiot.
“How can you be in any way responsible for where his cocks been?”
“I can’t. But I knew he’d screwed around. I knew his reputation, yet I was dumb enough to still let him in and I was dumber still to actually let myself feel for him.” I pick up a scatter cushion and lay it in my lap, bringing my knees up I plant my face in the cushion.
“Tara, you can’t think like that. You can’t live in a world where you don’t let yourself connect with people. The DJ image is just that, an image. I know you thrive off of it and it keeps your walls strong. But it’s not the real you. I know you, so do Pops and Shazza, and like it or not, so does Dominic. Another fact you’re going to have to face is that he loves you, just as we do, not because of the image or your reputation and popularity, but just for who you are.”
I look up from my face-cushion plant and offer Baz a watery smile while trying to fight back more tears. Baz sits beside me and wraps his huge arm around my tiny balled up frame.
“You want my opinion? About you and Dom?” He asks and I don’t know if I want to hear this but Baz continues regardless. “I don’t think him fucking anything that moved is the issue here, not even the fact he banged Lucy.” I grimace, the thought sickening me. Baz pulls an apologetic face. “I believe the issue is you, being scared to commit yourself to him. I think everyone else’s opinion, especially Shazza’s, as made you doubt him, and your own judgement. I also believe if Dominic loves you as much as I think he does, he won’t just let you shut him out. He’ll stalk you and devote every minute to changing your mind about him. The more you fight him, the harder he’ll fight to win you.”
The thought doesn’t sound appealing and I deflate. I don’t want stalking. I want space and unbiased opinions, even though Baz’s doesn’t fill me with hope of a happy outcome.
“I just don’t want to get chewed up, spat out and deserted again,” I choke, the same desolate feeling of grieving for my parents hits afresh. I remember it too well. I lived with it for long enough. “After my parent’s died, I was totally alone. Until Pops, and now you and Shazza, too. I don’t ever want to feel like that again, Baz.” I swipe at a stray tear I didn’t manage to choke back.
“No matter what happens between you and Dom, or you and anyone else in the world for that matter, you will always have us,” Baz murmurs before pulling me tight into his bulk of a body, all solid ridges of muscle. He kisses the top of my head, like you would a child. At that very moment in time I feel fifteen again and I wish I’d had Baz back then, when I had no one.
When Baz releases me I kiss his shiny head and sniffle a weak smile. “Thanks, Barry, for everything. Coming to rescue me last night, returning my things, everything.”
“No problem, babe. I’m gonna go, give you that thinking space.” He stands and before he walks out he turns with a smirk. “Oh, and I’d charge that phone up. I think you’ll find there’s plenty of messages from everyone who loves you on there. Not to mention Pops called me this morning and I think there’s an ear bashing with your name on it for wasting a couple of hundred quid’s worth of cake.” Baz’s smirk makes me smile a genuine smile and I even manage a little chuckle.
“I’ll charge it up, thanks, Baz. See you soon.”
“Lock this door behind me. Stay strong, Dis-Diva.”
I do as I’m told, locking the door behind Baz before popping my phone on charge and raiding the fridge for sustenance. I scramble myself some eggs and throw them on toast with a sweet cup of tea. I’m not exceptionally hungry but I know I can’t go on hunger strike over this. I take my tray through to the living room and crash on the sofa watching some mindless TV, switching from a wildlife documentary because I’ve never been able to eat whilst watching animals rip each other up or mate. I leave my tray on the coffee table and pull my stress cigs out of my bag and light up.
I spend the next hour going up in smoke whilst staring at the TV screen but I’m not watching what’s being broadcast, I’m deep in my own head.
I come to the conclusion I can’t stomach thinking about Lucy and Dominic together and I don’t think I’ll ever be totally comfortable about being in their company whilst together ever again. I recognise my anger and know that it’s aimed at everyone for not letting me in on the fact they knew Dominic and Lucy had a history.
Memories of the argument I had with Dom over trying to drop me for Lucy on his radio show replay in my head and I realise he probably knew she was a bit of a trigger for me. Did he do that on purpose? Probably. That hurts. But what hurts the most was the fact he didn’t just fess up from the beginning. I doubt she meant as little as he claims she did when he admitted going back for second servings. I have questions, not just for him but for Shaz and Pops, too. After smoking the better part of a full packet of cigs I take my tray away and retrieve my phone.
Back on the sofa I crack open my can of Dr Pepper and turn on my phone, which promptly springs to life with voicemail messages, missed calls and text messages. I go to my inbox first and see five messages. Three from Dominic and the other two from Shazza. I take a deep breath before opening Shaz’s messages.
Dominic just texted Lucy wanting my number. I told her not to give it him but Lucy says he sounded worried. Is everything okay? Do you need me? Let me know ASAP x
Bitch, answer me. I’m worried. Dom just texted again and he’s freaking. If you insist on ignoring everyone I will come round there and strangle you. ANSWER ME! X
I want to smirk at Shazza’s typical threats of violence but the fact that Dom even has Lucy’s number makes my blood boil. I hate that he would even have the ability to contact her if he felt so inclined. He’s freaking? Not that badly. He knows where I live. I hit reply just to stop Shaz coming around here to commit murder.
I’m okay, bitch. No need for the strangulation. I left my bag in the back of Baz’s car so only just charged up. Why the fuck didn’t you tell me my boyfriend had boned your new BFF? (no kiss, you’re a traitor and I should be strangling you!)
I do grin at my playful text but it fades when I set my jaw to read Dominic’s text messages. I take a calming breath before opening it.
I know you said you wanted space, sweetheart, but I need to know you got home okay. I meant what I
said, Lucy meant nothing. You’re my everything. Please call me when you get this message. I need to hear your voice. xXx
Tara, now I’m getting worried, please, answer your phone. I want to come to your house but I know I’m the last person you want to see right now. Answer me soon or I’m coming to you regardless. xXx
That one was sent almost two hours ago. About the time Baz said my phone went dead. Shit.
Okay, I’ve spoken to Shazza and she hasn’t heard from you either, I’m officially freaking out. I’m coming to your place, even if I do get a kick in the balls. I need to see you xXx
That was fifteen minutes ago. Fuck. I relax a little when I realise I’ve locked the door and he can’t get in anyway. I dial up my voicemail and find I have five voicemails. The first one is Dominic.
“Tara, answer your phone. I need to know you got home okay. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Please, call me, text me, even if it’s just to tell me to fuck off. I need to know you’re okay. I never lied to you, baby girl, I love you… I think I loved you the first time I saw you play at Sphinx.” The line goes quiet for a while and I realise I have a lump in my throat. “Please, just call me back.”
The next three messages are all similar and before I know it a tear rolls down my cheek and I hate that I can’t bring my anger towards him to the forefront when faced with his begging requests. Damn you, Dominic Clayton. My head is screaming ‘Bollocks to him, who cares?’ but my heart is slamming back with ‘I fucking do!’ The voicemail beeps again and this time it’s Pops.
“Hey, silly bollocks. I guessed you would be dodging my calls. I’m predicting you’re still in bed sleeping off a gallon of DisDiva vodkas,” he chuckles before clearing his throat, now down to the roasting. “Anyway, I just thought I’d let you know that Wonderlust weren’t too impressed with the Tara and Shazza show last night and there is a bill here for the team of cleaners who are no doubt still scraping sugar icing off the dance floor. I am, however, pleased to say your cleaning bill is more than the cost of the cake. That thing wasn’t cheap you know? You can pay for the next one if you’re going to slam it in people’s faces. Cracking shot with your first throw by the way. Lucy looked like you’d just hit her with dog shit,” Pops laughs his arse off and I find I’m grinning while sniffling. I want to see that video online. I think it’s going to prove to be very therapeutic. I just wish it was dog shit I threw now. “The whole world is talking about Xtreem online this morning. All the tickets sold out and the bar takings were through the roof. You done good, Tara. I’m so fucking proud of you right now. Thank you, for everything. You’re work ethic is meritorious. I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow morning, treacle.”
My heart contracts at Pops’ praise. That man truly is a legend in my book and I don’t think anyone will ever be able to replace him. If Dominic is looking for a role model in his new step dad then he has a quality example in Pops. I make a mental note to hug Pops when I see him. Really fucking hard. Then I’m gonna ball him out for not telling me about Lucy because if Baz knows there is no way Pops didn’t know.
I’m just pondering on how Baz knew when the door opens and slams shut. I panic for a minute before Shazza storms into the room and looks relieved when she sees me, the relief soon turns to concern and she launches herself at me. Pushing me back on the sofa and playfully strangling me. “I’m not a traitor you stupid bitch, don’t ever panic me like that again or this choking will be for real,” she bites out whilst throttling me and when I start to laugh she lets me come up for air. “Okay, bitch, spill. What went down last night?”
After I’ve regain my composure I groan and light up a cigarette. “I asked Dom what I needed to know about him. The coke dealing is a lie. He assaulted a police officer. He’s never been a stripper and tried to book me to play in Birmingham and I refused. Oh, and he fucked Lucy. Twice.” I summarise before blowing a plume of smoke out and flicking the ash from my cigarette.
“Okay, rewind. He told you those things?” I nod that he did. “It wasn’t twice, Tara.” Shazza looks sickened herself. I close my eyes, not wanting to hear more. “I’m sorry, sweets, she played for him more than once and he paid for her lodgings for the whole weekend. They went at it numerous times. I think Lucy wanted it to turn into something more but he refused to have her play at his event again. We aren’t talking years ago either. She played at his event just three months before he moved down here. I told you, babes, he’s a complete bastard,” Shaz snarls before lighting up her own smoke.
“It just gets worse, Shaz. Why didn’t you tell me before? It’s a bit late spilling now when I’ve already given myself to the sexy lying fucker,” I grumble.
“Because you would have said I was purposely trying to come between you. Anyway, as bad as it sounds, I was hoping he would hang himself by being honest from the start. The fact that he didn’t just makes me hate him more.”
“You hate him? Like.., hate-hate?”
Shaz blows out her smoke before shrugging. “Not to start with, I just disliked him but I hated how quickly he got his feet under the table at Xtreem and how quickly he seemed to sink his claws into you. I knew by the way you gawked at him the first time you laid eyes on him you were a goner. I should have kissed my bitch goodbye that very day. Hanging around to see you batting your eyelashes at him and him constantly eyeing you up just pissed me off even more.”
I put my smoke out and turn to Shaz. My best friend. I think I understand why she got so pissed off with me now. “Is that why you signed those tracks to Serious Soundz?”
She nods at me with a trace of regret in her eyes. “It was worth the shit royalties just to get a break from the Tara and Dom show. Plus, as much as you might hate Lucy right now, after you, she is the best to work with. You have to admit the girl got skills.”
I’ll give her that much. I can’t take Lucy’s talent away from her. “Fair enough. Pops is still hurting though. Why did you have to bring her last night? That really made us think you’d gone serious.”
“Because believe it or not, Lucy is more like you than you would think. I know you don’t want to hear this but you know how secluded the life can be when you’re on top of your game and everyone wants to crawl up your arse and claims to be your biggest fan but you can trust no one? Lucy doesn’t have any real friends from before her fame and now she does a Tara.” Shaz shrugs. I raise my eyebrows in question. A Tara? “She puts up a guard and let’s no one in. She has been shit on by the best of them in this industry too, Tara. And you can’t blame her for going back for a repeat performance with Dom, she was no more immune to his sexy cockiness or hot body than you or any other hot blooded female.”
I sigh. I can’t hate her any more than I do any other woman Dom has slept with just because she lives in my world, not just locality but the DJ world. “Fair enough, Shaz, point taken. That bastard has some serious explaining to do. He never mentioned how many times he slept with Lucy last night, he just admitted it was more than once. What a fucking mess,” I grumble and Shaz puts her arm around me.
“I know, sweets. Don’t worry, you’ll get through it. Listen, next weekend, let’s go out and get hammered for your birthday?”
I shake my head, I hate my birthday and haven’t celebrated it since my parent’s died. It’s also only two days before the anniversary of their death. “I’m sorry, Shaz. You know I can’t celebrate my birthday. I’ve made a point of booking next weekend off for the first time this year. It’s cost me hundreds because when I turned down the gig in Scotland they offered to fly me first class and upped their offer by another 25% but I still refused. Next weekend I am doing nothing except staying home, reading some good smut and watching some mindless TV. I have agreed to dinner at Pops and Val’s though on Sunday.”
Shaz sighs and her shoulders sag. “You’ll have to break this tradition eventually, you know? If word got out you refuse to work on your birthday there will be a bidding war between promoters to book your first birthday gig.”
“Keep it quiet t
hen?” I plead and Shaz nods. “What am I gonna do about Dom?”
“Babe, if you want my honest opinion, if it was me, I wouldn’t gamble my heart on the bastard.” She grimaces. “That said, I don’t know him like you do. I suppose it comes down to whether you trust him? I’ve got to say in defence of the egotistical tosser, I haven’t heard of him banging anyone else since he moved to London. Lucy said he was really worked up this morning when he rang. He seems to really have it bad for you.”
“Truthfully, if it wasn’t for this Lucy bullshit, I’d trust him to be loyal. It just makes me think if he’s not being honest with me about this what else isn’t he telling me?”
Shaz shrugs. “Only he can answer that, babe. Take your time, get some space and think it all through, then give him his chance to speak. Until then, let him sweat it out. Just text the numb nuts and let him know you’re okay and will speak to him when you’re ready. Put the drip out of his misery.”
I nod and decide to follow her advice. It’s the only plan I can come up with that makes sure when I make my decision, whether to end this thing with Dom or not, it’ll be the right choice for me. For self-preservation reasons now, I want time to myself. I pick up my phone and reply to his text messages.
Listen, Goliath, you can stop texting Lucy now. I’m fine. I got home okay and left my bag in Baz’s car, hence why I didn’t reply before now. I’m asking you again for space and time to think. I’ll speak to you once I’ve had some time and when I’m ready to hear your answers to my questions. Now, please, leave me be for a while. I’ll hear you out, but not until I feel ready. I’m sorry, Dom, it’s the best I can do at the minute. Xx
Disrespectful Diva (DJ #2) Page 16