by Mary Ting
“Are you okay?” she said, squeezing me tightly. “We were so worried about you. Did you fall hard? You must have, for the ranger to keep you that long.”
As usual, Patty had too many questions, so I simply nodded. “I’m fine. I don’t remember much,” I lied. I was hoping that would be the end of it, but I knew she wouldn’t let me off that easily.
“Now that you’re fine, what the heck were you thinking?” Her voice was steady. “Who goes there in the middle of the night?” She pointed toward the off-limits area. “Are you crazy? What possessed you to go there all by yourself? And to top it off, you got hurt. Do you know how worried I was when I couldn’t find you in the middle of the night? I thought you were kidnapped or…and…I just had these images of something horrible,” her voice trembled, holding back her tears. “For goodness sake, I’m the one who made you go camping!”
Filled with guilt, I felt sick to my stomach that I had put her through all of this. The whole time she was giving me the third degree all I wanted to do was to tell her the truth, but I couldn’t. There was nothing that I could say now to make her feel better, so I just grabbed her and held her tightly. “I’m so sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry, Patty. I don’t know what came over me. I promise never to scare you like that again.”
She let out a heavy sigh. “Okay, don’t scare me like that again, ever. You nearly gave me a heart attack,” she said as she let go and looked at me. My heart sank to the ground, seeing her eyes slightly teary. “I’m never bringing you camping again,” she said, nudging me on the arm.
Although she seemed to feel better, I continued to feel horrible, and I had to find a way to make it up to her. One thing about Patty, she doesn’t hold a grudge.
“So, you were with that ranger, Michael, all this time?”
“You…you met the ranger?” I said in shock, and I felt my face flush with guilt. I knew Michael had spoken to Andrew, but I couldn’t recall Michael mentioning anything about meeting Patty.
“Sort of. He spoke to Andrew, and Andrew filled me in.”
“Oh,” I said.
“So, were you with the ranger the whole time?”
“Yeah. He wanted me to rest,” I said with a straight face. I knew Patty could see right through me if I was not careful with my facial expression and my choice of words. Patty knew I wasn’t a good liar, and I thought she was going to get mad at me for not telling her the truth, but she didn’t suspect anything. Either that, or she decided to let it go.
“I would rest all day if he looked after me,” she said. “He is one hot ranger.” She looked at me from head to toe. “He gave you his shirt too? And what happened to your sweat pants? Looks like he cleaned you up pretty well.” She moved her brows up and down, insinuating there was more to my disappearance from the camp.
I blushed and lost my words. “I…umm…he had to cut it, and…I tore my sweatshirt from the fall.” That was the lamest excuse, but that was all I could come up with.
“Uh huh…” Patty smiled.
I hated lying to her, but what choice did I have? Patty started to say something else when Andrew interrupted. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m good as new,” I said cheerfully.
“Just stick to the perimeters, please,” Andrew said blankly and walked away.
I looked at Patty. “Is he mad at me?”
“What do you think? He was worried because you sort of went in there when you weren’t supposed to,” Patty said, pointing to the forest, trying not to sound accusatory. “Don’t worry. He’s fine. I told him not to be mad at you, and that I would handle it since I brought you here.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling guilty for not sticking to the rules. I was just glad Andrew didn’t give me the heat like Patty did.
As Patty and I walked toward our tent, she finally noticed the flashlight I was holding. “So, you made use of the flashlight,” Patty said suddenly.
“Oh, this thing. It’s pretty useful. Very bright.”
Patty just smiled. “I’ll wait for you outside.”
As I changed into my jeans and T-shirt, I quickly reached for my cell phone, wondering if I had any missed calls. Several missed calls from Mom. Then I looked at my text. It was from Kristina. Don’t forget to RSVP to Ryan’s B-day. Missing U at the movies. Hope U R having fun camping!
I texted back. Amazing! We sud go. Say Hi to Maggie for me.
Just as I stepped out, Patty approached me with her cell phone.
“Please don’t tell me you called my mom!” I whispered.
“No, I didn’t,” she replied with a stone-cold look on her face.
I was glad she didn’t, but wondered why she had that expression on her face. “What is it?” I asked immediately.
“Talk to your mom.” She handed me the phone and left quickly.
I cleared my throat and tried to sound cheerful, “Hi, Mom! How are you?”
“Hi, honey. Are you okay?”
Immediately I was furious with Patty. How could she just lie to my face? “Yes, I’m fine. It’s nothing. Who called you?”
“Andrew called me.”
As soon as I heard his name, I felt bad for thinking Patty was lying. I was glad that I was thinking it and didn’t say it out loud. I should have figured that Andrew would have called since he was our camp leader. She immediately changed the subject, which I thought was strange. I thought she would beg me to come home; instead her voice sounded different. “Mom, what is it? What’s wrong?”I asked as I walked further away from my tent to get more privacy.
“I tried calling you many times.”
“I’m so sorry. I forgot to take my cell phone with me,” I said.
“Honey, I don’t want you to worry. Everything is fine. It’s just that she is in the hospital, and I—”
I didn’t let her finish. I immediately knew. “How is Gamma? And just tell me the truth.” I sounded firm.
“She had a stroke, a massive stroke in her brain. She is in a coma. I don’t think she’ll make it.”
As she spoke, streams of tears fell down my cheeks, much like the waterfall I had seen earlier. Guilt pounded through me, knowing that Gamma would have been against me going camping and that Mom and I had told her that I was sick. I lied to her so I could go. Had I stayed, I would have been with her the whole time. She needed me, and I wasn’t there for her. Could I ever forgive myself for this?
“Honey? Claudia? Are you there?”
“Yes.” It was all I could say without sounding like I was crying.
“I know you’ll be home soon, and I’m sure Gamma is waiting for you to say good-bye. I know this is hard, honey. She had a wonderful life. We all have to be happy for her. She’ll be in a much better place. I’ll see you when you come home…okay?”
“See you at home,” I said, my voice trembling.
As soon as I hung up, Patty ran toward me and held me tight.
“I’m sooo sorry!” she whispered.
I knew I didn’t have to say a word. Everyone already knew. I was too busy elsewhere. I felt guilty for not being there for her, and I would feel worse if I didn’t get to her on time. I realized at that moment that everybody was already packed to leave. They were just waiting for my return.
Patty had already packed my bags for me while I was on the phone with Mom. What would I do without her? What would I do without Gamma? With Gamma on my mind, I immediately sat at the same seat on the bus. I knew it would happen someday, but not now and not like this, when I was not with her. It felt like a dream. Was Gamma really in a coma? I closed my eyes and tried to come to terms with reality. Just then, I heard a voice. It was Austin.
“Claudia, Andrew said it was fine for me to take you home since I can get you there faster in my car.”
The idea of riding with Austin didn’t appeal to me, but it would be faster than the bus. I looked at Patty questioningly. She nodded and motioned for me to go. “I’ll call you later,” she said. Then she grabbed my wrist when I was halfway out of my seat.
“Don’t worry about your bag. It will slow you down. I’ll drop it off later.”
“Okay, thanks,” I said, as I headed out of the bus.
“Drive carefully, Austin. Remember you are fully responsible for her,” Andrew said.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” Austin replied back. “Talking like a true leader.”
“Thanks, Andrew,” I said. I was glad he was sensitive to the urgency of my situation, and then I felt terrible again for not following his rules. “I’m sorry about not—”
“Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you had your reasons. Anyway, I hope you get to see her in time,” Andrew said sincerely, placing his hand on my shoulder.
“I hope so too.”
“Let’s go, Claudia, before the bus gets there before you do,” Austin said. He opened the car door like a gentleman, and I got into his black Infiniti Coupe. It was sleek, and the body of the car looked futuristic. Everybody was looking at me from the window of the bus, including Patty who was waving and smiling. We drove for a little while before Austin broke the silence.
“Sorry about Gamma,” he said tenderly.
“Thanks,” I said.
He continued. “I know what it feels like to lose someone.”
“You do?” I asked curiously.
He stared straight into the window and sighed. “My dad passed away, many years ago.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“That’s okay. I’ve learned to deal with it. We all have to in order to move on with our lives. I’m sure my dad didn’t want me moping around for him. He would want me to be happy and continue with my life while I hold on to his memories.”
“You’re right, but it must have been extremely difficult.”
“You have to grieve. It’s part of the healing process. I cried. I cursed. I was a bit rebellious at times, and I didn’t make things easy for my mom until I realized that she was feeling the same as me. She had lost her husband. I was being too selfish thinking about what I had lost.”
“So it’s just you and your mom?”
“Yeah.”
“Brother or sister?”
“Nope. Only child. Thank goodness I have good friends. Andrew was there for me. I’m lucky to have a friend like him.”
I knew what he meant. Patty was the same way for me in many different ways. I only hoped that I was the same kind of friend for her as well. The motion from the car made me sleepy, especially since I had hardly slept at all the night before. As my thoughts turned to Gamma and Michael, I drifted off to sleep in the soft leather reclined seat, and the sounds from the cars on the highway faded.
Chapter 17
“Claudia! Claudia!” It was Gamma calling me, but I couldn’t see her. Where was I? My vision cleared as I looked around, only to realize that I was at the same unpaved road. It suddenly came to me that I was at the Crossroads. Why were we here? Then I heard Gamma’s voice again.
“Claudia! Claudia!”
“Where are you, Gamma?” I yelled.
I started walking around in circles, looking for her. I was about to give up when I saw her at a distance, inside the field.
“Gamma?” I shrieked in disbelief.
She walked toward me with a horrified look in her eyes. Her expression frightened me.
“Run, Claudia!” she yelled. “You don’t belong here.”
My mouth dropped in shock from what I had seen and heard. I didn’t want to run. I wanted to hold her. She said it again, but this time with more urgency.
“Run, Claudia! They’re coming for you.”
I did as told. I didn’t know why I was running or whom I was running away from, but my heart was pounding. All of a sudden, I couldn’t breathe; I grabbed my throat, gasping for air.
“Wake up, Claudia.” I recognized his voice. Austin was shaking me. “Are you all right? It must have been some dream.”
I roused from sleep and realized we were still in his car. “Yeah…um…sorry…didn’t mean to scare you like that,” I replied as I sat up, feeling embarrassed. I quickly rubbed the back of my palm to my mouth to make sure that I wasn’t drooling.
“It’s okay. It looked like you couldn’t breathe. I thought I was going to have to do CPR on you.” He winked with a smile.
“Very funny,” I said, fixing my hair.
“Well, here we are.”
He had driven me to the hospital instead of my house. I couldn’t remember what I had asked him to do, but I was glad we were at the hospital because this was where I wanted to be. “Thanks, Austin.” I dashed out of the car, anxious to see Gamma. “I really appreciate it.” I closed the car door behind me. I was just about to walk away when he rolled down the window.
“Glad to help. I would go in there with you—”
I interrupted because I didn’t want him to feel like he had to act like a gentleman and walk me in. He had done enough. “No, don’t worry. I should face this alone. I wouldn’t want you to see me…” Searching for the right words and anxious to get going, I said quickly, “You know what I mean. See you later.” I took a few steps, but he wasn’t finished.
“Claudia, I’m not saying that she is going to die, but you have to prepare for the worst too.”
I nodded, half listening. “You’re right,” I said quickly.
“You can call or text me anytime,” he said.
“Thanks,” I replied and walked away quickly. I didn’t mean to be rude, but I was anxious to get to Gamma before it was too late.
I took a deep breath and headed toward the hospital entrance. I felt tiny approaching this huge building. I glanced at all the windows and wondered which room was Gamma’s. In the middle of the hospital building was a big and bold sign that read General Hospital. A person would have to be blind to miss it. A security guard at the entrance stopped me and asked what the purpose of my visit was.
“I’m here for Gamma, I mean, Lucy Reed.”
I was so used to calling her Gamma that I had almost forgotten her real name. I was also quite shaken up by the fact that I was actually here, which meant that it was real. As I was waiting for him, I squinted for fear that he would inform me that I was too late. Instead, he gave me a long plastic strip.
“Please place this on your wrist. Here, I can help you. Go straight through the door, hang a right, then a left. And a lady will be there to help you.”
“Thank you,” I said, feeling relieved.
He gave me some hope that I was not too late, but then I wondered if he even knew anything about the patients in intensive care. As I walked further in, I discovered I was alone. There weren’t any other visitors. For a hospital this big, I would’ve expected to see many more; however, it was dark and I was sure visiting hours would be ending soon. Go straight through the door, hang a right, and then a left, I repeated his instructions over and over in my head so I wouldn’t forget. Every which way I looked was a corridor leading to another hallway. It was like a maze in here. A lady was behind a counter, seemingly not very busy.
“Yes…?” Her voice lingered, as she looked up at me, appearing to be annoyed. “May I help you?” she asked in a rather snobbish manner.
How rude! I thought. No wonder people don’t like going to the hospital. “I’m here to see Gamma, I mean, Lucy Reed.”
“Who?” she asked again, looking irritated.
“Lucy Reed.”
She quickly looked at her chart, flipping through a few pages. “Fifth floor, room 512,” she said, pointing straight ahead.
“Thank you,” I said, as I moved ahead anxiously.
The long hallway seemed endless as I stepped out of the elevator. Curiosity got the best of me as I quickly glanced at the occupied rooms. I couldn’t help but feel depressed by the ambiance, although it was comforting to observe the families caring for their elders. My mom always reminded me to see Gamma as much as I could. Her words were strongly embedded in my head, “Be good to those who are alive, because what good is it when they are dead?” It made more sense to me now, knowing th
at it may be the last time I would see her. I wanted to be able to tell her and show her how much she meant to me.
The numbers read closer to 512; I was almost there. I could feel my heart racing. I concentrated on the room numbers, afraid that I would pass her room. As if my heart wasn’t racing fast enough, it started beating even faster and louder, so that I was certain the nurses could hear my anxiety attack. Finally—room 512. Apprehensively, I walked in; it was a sight I hadn’t prepared myself for. Gamma looked lifeless and motionless. She was hooked up to an IV, with an oxygen tube in her nose, and a tube running down her throat, forcing her mouth open.
“Oh, Gamma.” My heart sunk to the floor. I thought I was going to lose control, but I forced myself to feel nothing. I was afraid to touch her or to hold her; she appeared so fragile. Gently I reached for her hands, but they were cold and unresponsive. Softly I cupped them with my two hands to give her some warmth. I took a deep breath, not wanting to have a breakdown. I completely blocked myself from reality and pretended she was asleep.
“Can you hear me?” I asked softly. “It’s me, Claudia.”
Startled by the twitches from her fingers, I immediately dropped her hands and stood up. Was that her way of communicating with me? I was hopeful that she would wake up, so I asked again. “Can you hear me, Gamma? Please wake up. I’m here. I know you’ve been waiting for me. Let’s go home,” I pleaded, touching her forehead, her cheeks, and finally, her hands.
Upsettingly, there was no response. I looked at her intensely, as to not forget her face. I realized the deeply rooted wrinkles in her forehead had eased. Was she in pain? Could she hear me? Many thoughts ran through my mind. Just then, a doctor entered, and I jumped with surprise to see someone come in. I was startled to see such a young doctor. Would he have the experience to help Gamma? He was attentive and tried to answer all my questions to put my mind at ease. He started off with words I could not understand, all that medical jargon, but immediately realized I wasn’t comprehending.
He paused and spoke again. “Basically your grandmother had a massive stroke. She is unable to breathe alone, as you can see. She is hooked up to an oxygen tube. Given her age, surgery would only complicate the situation. Most likely, if she even wakes up from her coma, she will be severely impaired. To what extent cannot be determined. I am very sorry.”