Letting Go

by Katie George

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Joel

  JOEL DIDN’T LOOK at his phone until the next morning, because it had been forgotten in Manny’s old pick-up. He and his best pal had spent the night playing video games at Abuelita’s house in Thunderbolt before retracing their steps home to Manny’s two-bedroom apartment in a ball of tiredness around midnight.

  So it was not until Manny drove Joel back to his grandmother’s around ten in the morning when Joel finally looked at his phone and the cryptic messages from Sarah. He did not understand what they meant exactly, but he inferred something about a sister and Karli. He debated what to do next, but Chloe appeared on the porch, and she called out, “Hey, Joel!”

  Joel waved bye to his buddy, whose ancient truck sputtered down the road, a piece of metal dangling from its rear bumper. He rushed up the concrete steps to where his sister sat swinging.

  He fell into the swing, his long legs hitting the floor as Chloe’s languidly drifted in the air. “So, you missed a lot.”

  “I’m sure I did. I always miss everything important.” He looked out into the golden morning, where the birds chirped nearby, and wished he could go fall into his bed at the house in Breezewater. For a split second, he imagined a bright Saturday morning in which both his parents were downstairs, maybe sipping coffee together, and Chloe was there too. However, he knew these mornings were like one finding diamonds in a glass of water. Impossible.

  Chloe nodded her head. “Mom and Grandma got into a giant fight, mostly about Dad, but about other stuff too. Mom ran off, and Grandma was accusing her of all these horrible things.”

  “Where’d Mom go?”

  Chloe shrugged. “Dunno. But she left in a hurry late last night, and she hasn’t been back. She hasn’t texted me at all.”

  “And obviously, you’re hiding out on the porch swing so you don’t have to be around Ruby Nolafez.”

  Chloe clenched her teeth. “It’s absolutely unbearable, Joel. Like nails across a chalkboard—or slicing a fork with a knife.”

  “What kind of metaphorical analysis was that, Chlo?”

  “I wish you brought your Jeep, because this is so crazy. We need to go back home. I don’t know why we’re even here.”

  “Because something big happened, and we’re going to be collateral damage, so we had to be taken out of the picture.”

  “Well, what do you think happened?”

  He guiltily looked at his feet, before choking out, “You know, I don’t know.”

  He prayed Chloe would ignore him, or not even see his reaction to her inquiry. He could not bear to lie to her, but he couldn’t bear to inform her of a truth he’d sworn to keep to himself, per the request of Sarah, who’d begged him for this form of privacy.

  Instead of doing anything, Chloe sat in silence, until she could bear the silence no more. She jumped up and did a cartwheel across the grass, the dew mixing with her skin. “Joel, let’s do something today.”

  “You want to be seen with your older brother? Doesn’t that violate everything about our relationship?”

  Chloe laughed. “I don’t care. Anything’s better than Grandma Ruby.”

  “Well, where are we supposed to go, with no car and no mom? Plus, it’s not like I have money.”

  “Call a friend or something. We could go somewhere. Anywhere.”

  Joel thought for a moment. The one person he desperately wanted to see, just for the sake of seeing, had no car. However, he could ask her to bike over to his subdivision and drive the Jeep over. In fact, he realized he hadn’t checked back with her, and so he whipped his phone out and dialed her number quickly.

  “Hey, Sarah?”

  Her voice was harsh. “Hey. How are you?”

  “You sound beat.”

  “Yup. Last night was pretty rough. Anyway, what’s up?”

  “Well…”

  Something rattled nearby, like an object had careened to the floor. Joel waited patiently, hoping she was okay, because she was acting completely weird, as if something catastrophic had happened. Chloe was still twirling around in the grass, her long hair pinned at her scalp. She looked much older than thirteen, which scared him. She was already starting to bloom into something beautiful.

  “No, you know what, you tell me what happened.”

  She breathed. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m still a little shocked that the first person to check up on me was you.”

  Something stirred deep inside him.

  She paused before continuing. “That sounded ridiculous, didn’t it?”

  “And never in a million years would I have thought I’d be talking to you either. You were always untouchable.”

  She chuckled, but he knew it was out of propriety. He wanted her to open up more, show her true honesty, but that required time. Time which, unfortunately, was already a fast mover. Even if he and Sarah did pursue something over this summer soiree, she had to return to California. She would leave, and he would stay. But for whatever reason, this thought had no power over him.

  “You’ve gotta stop saying that, Joel. Anyway, I meant that I’m shocked we’re talking like we are. Like real friends. You know, Coach Brendenburg’s words are coming back to me.”

  “How could I forget Coach B?” He thought back to last year, his senior year of high school, in which he’d endured Coach Brendenburg’s prosyletizing for two entire semesters. Coach B was infamous for his aphorisms and catchphrases.

  “How he said, ‘Girls, you’ve gotta be on your guard. You’ve gotta watch out for boys, because they’ll lie to you. They only want one thing.’”

  Joel gulped, wondering where this was going.

  Then he heard something raw in her voice, something passionate. For the first time, like he’d wanted, she was opening up. “But he never said the same thing about parents.”

  Joel waited, knowing this was a delicate topic and it would be best for him to give her space. Eventually, fanning the flame deep inside him, his voice cracked, “Sarah, I want you to bike to my house. Grab the key under the yellow geranium pot on the porch, and get inside the house. There’s no security code. Go to the kitchen, and in the drawer above the toaster, my keys are sitting. Pick them up, get in my Jeep, and come get me. 3676 Roselina Guard Road.”

  She said nothing for a while, and thinking she’d hung up, Joel bit his lip. Eventually, she breathed, “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I think you’re going to need this more than I do.”

  SARAH ARRIVED AT Grandma Ruby’s in less than an hour. She looked exhausted, with black under her eyes and the tiredness in her pupils lacing over. When she pulled up to the curb, Joel smiled and hooted, and hurried over to her. “Why, if this isn’t a sight, I don’t know what is!”

  She smiled, but it took a while for it to reach her eyes. “Here’s the deal. I’m supposed to be under house arrest, but I took off again to do this. I may be Rapunzel for the rest of my life when I get back.”

  “You ran away? Again? What did you do?” Joel was in shock.

  She shrugged. “What can I say?”

  “Okay. Well, do you mind if Chloe comes too?”

  “Absolutely not. This is your car, and your time.”

  “Okay. Well, let me go get her, and tell Grandma we’re leaving.”

  A few minutes later, the three of them were buckled up and on the road, heading down to the coast. None of them had swimsuits on, or suntan lotion, or food to feed them. They had close to no money, but the thing going for them was spirit.

  Liveliness.

  Chloe liked Sarah immediately, and Joel was thankful for this. Chloe usually met his girlfriends early on, but she seemed to really enjoy Sarah’s presence, and the two of them were busy dissecting the reality of California as Joel found a parking spot near a littering of dunes overlooking Cape Violet. They found themselves seated on the sandy floor, overlooking a few swimming beyond in the summer sun, just chatting away about nothing really. At first, Sarah had been sort of shy around them, bu
t she had grown out of her shell. Even Joel wasn’t nervous to be around her anymore, and Chloe was never nervous around anybody.

  Eventually, Chloe saw one of her friends from school and rushed over. Plus, if Joel knew his sister in the slightest, it was to give them privacy to hang out, even for a few minutes. Under the baking sun, Joel glimpsed golden streaks throughout Sarah’s brown waves. She had flopped over on her stomach, so her long legs were poised behind her, and her pretty face was rested on her hands. She looked out at the ocean and thought of Olivia.

  He looked out at the ocean and thought of her.

  Finally, Joel found the courage he’d been seeking. “So, do you want to tell me?”

  “Not yet,” she said, blinking up at him. She wasn’t one for many words, and he appreciated this. He chatted enough for everyone in the world. But around Sarah, words didn’t matter as much as emotions and actions. Words meant nothing if he could prove himself to her in other ways. She rolled over on her back, so she was underneath his gaze. She looked up at his brown eyes and said, “Okay, I’ll tell you.”

  “Please don’t rush it. If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.”

  “Chloe will come back eventually, and I can’t say any of this in front of her.”

  Joel shrugged. “You know, you don’t have to tell me. I could just say I’m on your side.”

  “Without knowing the story? That’s biased, don’t you think?”

  “There are a lot more things that are biased than my freedom to choose.”

  “It’s just my parents.”

  “Just? C’mon. Parents can be great, but they can also be disappointing.”

  “Just like their children, I suppose.”

  Joel nodded. “Yes. That’s accurate.”

  “Well, you’re not the only one who will spend this summer in complete confusion. It turns out I too have a hidden sister.”

  “What do you mean?”

  She breathed. After returning home to the bleak, sad house of her youth, she’d slipped into bed. Her mother had entered moments later and started slapping her legs with her manicured fists. She’d broken a nail but didn’t complain. When Scott came in, there was a bit more violence, but only verbal violence, in which Sarah was given strict curfews and rules to abide by. They asked if anyone had influence over her decision making. They accused her of hanging out with boys, and that inevitably led to Joel’s presence. She’d denied all allegations, but felt extremely guilty, as a large cross hung nearby, watching.

  In the morning, she’d been hassled awake by the smell of bacon and eggs. She’d walked downstairs to find her mother cooking for the first time in ages, a giant feast. They acted like nothing was amiss. They said nothing except, “Remember the new rules.” Then a plate was placed before her. They left for work. Zach went to Joey’s. Sarah did nothing until she got Joel’s call.

  She told him the full, naïve, and ridiculous story of the previous night’s adventure, and he stared at her, agape, unbelieving.

  “Impossible,” he breathed.

  “Actually, totally possible.”

  Joel looked at his fingertips that held little granules of sand. He tossed the goldness away. “You…”

  “Yes. I walked miles to get home, from the worst part of town to Breezewater. I didn’t die, but I wasn’t really living either.”

  “Do your parents know? What about your ankle?”

  “It’s a little sore but not too bad. It never was bad. You just decided to carry me for fun. Also, not a clue. They think I went over to a boy’s house.” She winked, but Joel knew it was a wink of hurt. Her parents had caused her a lot of pain in the past, when all he’d ever thought was how perfect the Towson family name—unblemished—truly was.

  Chloe returned a few minutes later, and the three of them decided to go back to Grandma Ruby’s area of town and eat food there.

  On the way back, Sarah asked, “You’re just allowed to leave the aquarium for a week?”

  “I explained the situation to my supervisor, and he let me have the week off. I’ve gotta be back in Breezewater by Monday, though.”

  “Monday is June 18th,” Chloe shouted from the back of the Jeep. “Please tell me you know what that means, Joel!”

  “Yes, yes, I do.”

  “What is it?” Sarah asked.

  “Two weeks and four days until the church-wide dance!”

  “Church dance?” Sarah thought briefly of prom, something she’d refused to partake in. She remembered Karli drooling over a beautiful turquoise dress painted with sequins, and how she’d scooped her hair into a white blonde up-do. And she remembered bitterly how she’d sadly went back home to her bed and watched random, cheesy 1990s movies all night.

  Joel had been at prom, she thought. She could have imagined him, dapper in a suit and tie, or even a tux. She wasn’t sure which was which. She wanted to see him dressed up, but she also knew that he would never have asked her to prom. Back then, they had no communication in the slightest. She wondered if, even now, he would ask her to a dance.

  Joel breathed and smiled. “Yes. Our church is hosting a thing on July 6th. It’s a tie-in with July 4th activities, but I’m sure you can come. I’m taking Chloe. Has Zach mentioned anything about it?”

  “Not a peep. That’s so strange. Well, that sounds fun.”

  Chloe butted in. “Hey, you really should come, Sarah! It would be really cool if you showed up.”

  Sarah cocked her head. “Well, I’ll have to ask Zach about it, but it sounds interesting.”

  They ate at a low-key sub restaurant overlooking a beautiful garden. As they finished, Chloe kept them entertained with stories of her youth. She was definitely a firecracker, and Sarah appreciated her unabashed approach to people she didn’t even know.

  After they ate, Joel drove them back to Breezewater so he could drop Sarah off near the entrance of the subdivision. As they waited in the Jeep, the three of them, Joel said, “I come back in a few days. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

  “Yeah, yeah.” For one slight moment, she hoped he would lean in closer to her, so she could inhale his scent, but she took the silence as a cue to leave. She jumped out of the car and found herself approaching the somber Towson residence.