Letting Go

by Katie George

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Sarah

  THE BEEPS AND monitors, the stink of bleach, the antiseptic, and the nurses and doctors. Even sterile and white, like an angel with no personality. This was how Sarah imagined hospitals. Instead, she sat on an uncomfortable chair in the cafeteria, sipping water as Zach sat beside her, his eyes puffy. Across from them, Alison also sat, like a demure little princess observing her engagement ring, how it sparkled in the fluorescents.

  “When is Mom coming down?” Zach asked for the umpteenth time.

  “She never said,” said Sarah, yet again.

  “Can you believe this is happening?” Zach’s eyes widened. “What are the chances?”

  “We’re going to be strong.”

  “Strength,” said Alison, “is reserved for those who need it most. This is not the end of the world.”

  “Alison, please, just for once, don’t be such a brat,” Zach said without a hitch.

  Alison rolled her eyes and scrolled through her phone. “I don’t understand you two. You’re always so quick against me, but I guess it’s always been like that.”

  “No, what’s always been is that we’ve been guarding ourselves from your projectory. You are like a flung baseball, waiting for the perfect moment before you blind someone right between the eyes.”

  “Zach,” Sarah whispered.

  Alison frowned, although she was prone to frowning. “Thanks.”

  “You’re mighty welcome.”

  “Zach,” Sarah hissed.

  “You know, I never wanted you two in my life,” Alison said, her eyes slits. “I really only wanted Olivia. Then, when she died, it became, ‘Mom and Dad are bringing home a new baby. A new one, Alison!’ And I was so excited. I prayed it would be Olivia. You know. Mom discovered she was pregnant around the same time Olivia died. What poor timing. And so our parents brought home Sarah, this little girl who always seemed to stick her nose up at everyone and everything. Seven years later, it was a boy. Zach. By that point, I was already too old to dream of getting my sister back.”

  “Alison, that’s just plain weird.” Now it was Zach’s turn to roll his eyes. “So that’s why you’re so angry at us all the time?”

  “She doesn’t have to like us. Siblingship is a relationship just like a friendship,” countered Sarah, who anxiously observed her sister in the falling light from the windows.

  “That’s true,” Alison whispered. “I love you guys, and I hope you know that.”

  Sarah and Zach blinked, cocking their heads.

  “But even though I love you, I’ve still been dealing with who I am and everything. Life isn’t a bunch of roses in my opinion.”

  “Because in all reality, it never was a bunch of roses. And it never will be,” Sarah cut in.

  “Do you think Grandpa Rob will be okay?”

  “I honestly have no clue,” Alison said, for the first time that day her eyes clouding over.

  The news had hit them like little poison darts, perfectly aimed at the beating, bleeding target. Grandpa Rob had too many drinks, and his passenger, Joan Richards, was also drunk. It was a Saturday afternoon, but together, they’d spent time out-drinking each other, just to see who could handle themselves better without puking up a storm. Grandpa Rob left in a kerfuffle, along with his gal pal, so he could visit his daughter Helena Towson at the local mall. She had important news for him.

  He’d swerved a few times, scared a few citizens who would later testify against Rob. In the afternoon sunshine, his red sports car smashed against Manny Dominguez’s old mobile around four-thirty. Manny had noticed Rob’s haphazard driving as they approached each other, and as they passed Ethan Sealet’s shoe shop, something catastrophic happened. Rob, in a moment of fleeting bliss, had leaned over to plant a kiss on Joan’s lips as she squealed in giddy excitement. Rob had just proposed to her.

  Then, moments later, his car was flipping through the air like a tossed pancake. It rolled to a thud in a gully nearby, on the edge of swampland mixed in with green patches of grass and yellow wildflowers. Blood dripped from his forehead in rivulets, and upon further examination, Rob realized he was hanging upside down, like a bat in slumber. Beside him, Joan Richards screamed for dear life. Her wails shot electric signals from the base of Rob’s spine to the tip of his cerebellum.

  In this moment, he thought he was going to die. He even prepared a few lines across his brain, begging forgiveness from God, but eventually, he weaseled out of the upturned car. Blood caked his hands, and he realized he had a crater on his head, and blood rushed out. His body felt battered and bruised. He crawled to Joan’s side and helped her out. She fell to the ground in a heap, alive and awake, but obviously traumatized.

  A fogginess shepherded his thoughts. Everything seemed garbled, like he was underwater and unable to breathe. He turned a bit and saw smoke. Through the gray fumes, it was apparent a car had smashed into a live oak. Metal shrapnel covered the road, and a few cars stopped nearby, and bystanders approached. He heard more crying.

  Then he fell over beside his trashed convertible, asleep.

  It wasn’t until Sarah had parked Joel’s Jeep in the parking lot of the Catholic church when her parents finally called. Their tone was laced with fear, anxiety, and confusion, and Sarah had to strain to hear them properly.

  “Your grandfather has been in an accident. We need you to come to the hospital in west Savannah right away.”

  When she told them she was unavailable to drive herself over there, she waited in her car until they came to pick her up, Zach and Alison in tow. Alison was okay in appearance, and she didn’t talk much on the way to the hospital. Zach was just as confused as Sarah… Until the first seeds of questioning rooted in her brain.

  Grandpa Rob had been in an accident. He was at the hospital. Manny had also been in an accident. He was now dead.

  Sarah shivered as she thought these thoughts. Could it be possible that her grandfather ran into Joel’s best friend, killing him?

  When they arrived at the hospital, Scott Towson awaited them with open arms. A few wrinkles striated his healthy skin at the forehead. His eyes were downcast and gray, and it took a few minutes for him to say anything after their embrace.

  Eventually he led them to a lobby of waiting, where they recognized a few people from town but said nothing. Helena was nowhere to be seen, probably because she was interrogating her way through the place on the hunt to find her father. Scott informed them that Grandma Esther, Rob’s first wife, was also upstairs.

  Grandpa Rob had been drunk and caused a major traffic collision, Scott said. He did not know the specifics, but when Sarah put these two stories together, the odds seemed highly favorable that it was in fact Rob who killed Manny Dominguez. Vehicular homicide.

  By around nine o’clock, she, Alison, and Zach still sat in the cafeteria, awaiting any news they could find, which was pretty close to nothing at all. After a few more minutes, the three siblings stood up and went back to the lobby, where a cluster of Helena and Scott’s closest friends greeted them and offered casseroles.

  Sarah called Joel for the second time around nine-thirty. She told him her grandpa was in surgery, and she didn’t know his prognosis or how he was. She also told him he’d been in a serious car accident. Joel didn’t take the news well, and he ended the call within a minute of this revelation.

  By eleven o’clock, a tall doctor named Santos, Helena, and Grandma Esther hobbled down to their makeshift encampment. The news wasn’t great, but Rob was alive. He’d lacerated his head pretty nicely, said the doctor, and his spleen had taken some serious damage. They would have to remove a busted kidney as well. Joan Richards, his passenger, had been discharged with a few stitched scratches.

  When Sarah finally had a private moment with her teary-eyed mom, she asked frankly, “Was he in the same accident as Manny Dominguez?”

  Helena pulled her into a side hug. They stood in a little hallway away from the rest of their group. Helena’s shoulders were
drooped and her face bare of makeup, probably because she had cried most of it away. Her voice was thin. “Yes.”

  Sarah covered her mouth.

  “You know it wasn’t intentional.”

  “Alcohol is pretty intentional, Mom.”

  “Nothing is black and white.”

  Sarah shook. She wasn’t sure how to handle herself. The truth of her grandfather’s actions was blinding, like rays of white piercing through her vision. She wanted to fall to the ground, as none of this information seemed real. Over the course of her two months back home—which had passed like a lifetime—she had connected with Joel Sealet (plus his secret sister), discovered she had another sister, and now this. This cumbersome discovery was painful. It stuck to her like darts, and she was their target.

  “Honey,” Helena said, rubbing her daughter’s back. The woman was tired and scared for her own dad. They didn’t have the best relationship in the world, but there was something about their shared blood, and Helena loved Robert. She always would. Hopefully this situation would become good, at least somehow. From Manny’s death, good things could follow.

  “Mom, why is this happening? Is Grandpa Rob really okay?”

  “He’s going to be okay. He’s going to be, I promise.”

  “But Manny’s dead.”

  Helena pressed her daughter’s sticky skin to her face. Her tall daughter, the girl who never failed to amaze her, had returned to a child who needed her mother. This hadn’t happened in a while, and Helena felt blessed in the moment to reconnect with Sarah in this personal way. “Yes, Sarah, Manny is dead.”

  “I have to tell Joel…”

  Helena didn’t even care anymore about her daughter’s relationship. “Not now, not now. Shush, Sarah. Everything will work out.”

  They stood for a few more minutes, the silent thrum of their heartbeats mixing together. It was the middle of July, and Sarah only had one more month before it would be time, again, for her to leave everything behind.

  AROUND ELEVEN O’CLOCK that night, a girl with white-blond hair entered the hospital. She held a pregnant belly, though with her rain jacket she could have passed as slightly overweight. She was a beautiful girl, but very youthful and naïve, and the first nurse she met had to direct her personally to the waiting room in the west wing where a gaggle of Towsons sat. Karli Kirkpatrick was able to outskirt the whole “Only family” rule by simply giving her name as Sarah Towson.

  Karli pulled her long hair into an easy ponytail as she spotted the first Towson, whom she recognized with puzzlement as Zachary, who was now taller and had a leaner look to him. She covered her mouth in surprise because he was aging, and she realized she was too. It was just the nature of life, she supposed.

  She stared out into the circle of individuals. Their numbers had thinned, and only the closest family members remained. Karli waited for the perfect opportunity to intercept Sarah by herself, but as of now, her old best friend was nowhere to be seen. Alison was there, and Karli cringed. Grandma Esther was flitting about, holding a Southern Living magazine. Scott was watching Fox News on a nearby TV station, something about refugees in Nigeria, and Helena stood with her best friend, Sydney, whom Karli remembered vividly. When Karli went to baseball games with the Towsons, especially when her dad left, Sydney came with them a lot. Memories strung along like lights across Karli’s brain, and they were moments from being turned on.

  Karli almost lost the gumption to find Sarah when the girl appeared. Her long hair was pulled into a bun, and she wore no makeup. She looked rough, like a train had derailed on top of her. Sarah Towson, who had easily broken her heart a year earlier, still caused Karli to think that happiness existed in the world. Ever since their friendship began, over a decade ago, Karli had kept her jealousies at bay. Then, when Sarah confronted her last year, a week before she left for California, Karli lost it.

  How could Sarah, perfect Sarah, berate Karli, who’d struggled her entire life? How could her best friend in the world, the one person she swore would always have her back, betray her?

  Simply, it had occurred at Paradiso Bay. The two of them had taken a stroll along a strip of sandy beach. Like usual, it had been Karli’s idea. She drove all the way from Savannah to the ocean, and she knew if she didn’t, Sarah wouldn’t come to Savannah. It had always been that way in their friendship. Sometimes, Karli had an inkling Sarah didn’t care for her, and later, she would later recognize this as truth.

  They had a normal conversation. Karli talked about boys, and Sarah offered her advice and support. Their sore muscles ached after a few miles around the bay, where the sun glittered atop the blue sea. Even as coastal girls, they still appreciated the gold sun and blue waves.

  Eventually, on their return, Sarah picked up a seashell and twirled it around her fingers. Karli knew her friend was nervous.

  Sarah’s words were sharp, like little pierced swords. “I don’t want to tell you this, but I think I should.”

  “You’re the most selfish person I know.”

  “You only talk about yourself—no one else.”

  “You’ve got no clue how long I’ve wanted to say something about this.”

  “But I never have been able to.”

  “Karli, you’re my best friend, but you’re the most self-centered person in the universe.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “But this is all truth.”

  Karli had immediately broken down into a puddle of tears. When Sarah tried to comfort her after the jabs, Karli had pushed her away and ran full-speed to her truck down at the parking lot. Sarah managed to keep up, but Karli was able to slide into the driver’s seat and take off like a rocket heading into the earth’s orbit.

  “Karli!” Sarah had screamed.

  The girl stood in a trail of dust accumulated from Karli’s large pick-up, screaming, yelling, and maybe even crying.

  THEIR RELATIONSHIP ONLY deteriorated from there. No longer did Karli confide in her best friend, or spend the night at her house in Breezewater, or even go to the latest romcom playing at the cheap theater across from the Catholic church. There was no more gossip between them, no more searching for guys together, and definitely no more revelations of heart.

  Once, Sarah had dropped by Karli’s house where she lived with her mom and stepdad. Karli had proceeded to slam the door in her face.

  Since then, they’d exchanged a few tense text messages, until Sarah had shown up willy-nilly at Karli’s doorstep, asking about her friend. It was obvious that she wanted repentance and a second chance, and Karli diligently thought about how it would be good to have her best friend again.

  “Karli?” Sarah asked.

  Karli jumped and breathed hard. “Oh, you scared me!” Protectively she draped an arm across her pregnant belly.

  “Karli, what are you doing here?” Sarah asked, her eyes wide with skepticism.

  Karli frowned. “I need to see you.”

  “Right now? This is not the best time.”

  “I came here to offer my condolences,” Karli said with honesty, her Southern twang bright against the neutrality of Sarah’s voice. “And… I need your help.”

  “This is not the time to ask for my help.”

  “Come with me, please.” Karli grabbed her friend’s hand and whisked her away to a private room nearby.

  “We’re definitely not supposed to be in here.”

  “Here.” Karli tossed a photograph in her friend’s direction.

  Sarah analyzed the picture of a little fetus. This was Karli’s child, and Sarah spotted a thumb lodged in the little baby’s mouth. When Sarah looked up, she noted Karli lifting a fingernail to her mouth as she waited. Sarah invisibly played with the three stones dangling from her necklace, forgetting she’d donated it to Olivia’s gravesite. It was a mysterious phantom limb.

  “She is a little girl.”

  “She’s beautiful. She’s going to be a mommy’s girl, I can tell you that.”

  “Sarah, I need your help.”
r />   “But why? I don’t understand.”

  “Do you mind if I crash at your place for a few weeks? I know this is a stressful time for you. And I’m sorry about your grandfather, I really am. I heard about it from Alex, who’s with Joel now. And that’s a completely different story.”

  “Alex?”

  “I’ll tell you the entire story in due time. I need refuge, and I can’t go to my parents’.”

  “Why not? I’m so confused.”

  Karli jumped on the nearby examination table, the paper crinkling underneath her. From the position in which she sat, Karli appeared very pregnant as she cradled her stomach. She carefully tapped her feet against the table. “A lot’s changed. Any idiot could see that.”

  “Obviously.”

  “But I’m not as selfish as I once was. You may not believe me, Sarah, and that’s okay. But the first thing I’m going to do is save my child. And if I go back to my house with John, I will lose my life, and my baby will lose her life, too. This is why I’m asking for your help.”

  A light flickered above them, casting an eldritch glow over the pair. Sarah absorbed the information slowly, and Karli began biting a nail again. She’d accrued the habit in response to giving up cigarettes during her pregnancy. Occasionally, she broke and had a drag, and each time, she felt guiltier than a hanged man.

  “Why would John kill you two?” Sarah said, one eye twitching. She couldn’t handle much more of this stress, or she would crack.

  Karli stared up at the ceiling, hoping tears wouldn’t drip from her eyes and ruin her makeup. But so what? Sarah had seen her much worse. “John’s not my baby’s father.”

  “What?”

  Karli chewed her fingernail down to the quick. “He’s not the father.”

  “Who is then?”

  The tears fell now, defying Karli’s wishes that they would reject the laws of gravity. The whisper was too low to hear, and Sarah screamed, “Who is the father?” and Karli was weeping. She was wailing.

  “He’s going to kill us! He’s going to kill us.”

  “Karli,” Sarah shouted, pulling her friend to her chest. “Karli, listen to me! Who is your baby’s father?”

  Karli’s lips quivered. She shook. She grabbed onto Sarah like a child clinging to his or her mother. Sarah tried to ignore the belly poking into her own, and finally heard the person’s name. Alex.

  It was like the Holy Ghost had swept over Sarah in this moment. Karli was going to have Alex McFarland’s baby. As in diligent, trustworthy, wise sensei Alex McFarland, Joel’s pal. Sarah cried out in joy at this news, before realizing why Karli was torn up. John Cruston—if he was the scary, terrifying man she imagined him to be—would kill for blood. If anyone betrayed him, he would lose it in a million places. If Sarah took Karli in, she would be on his list. This would place her family in a precarious situation.

  Zach. Alison. Scott. Helena.

  Joel.

  A flash of lightning frazzled her brain. She had always been instructed to help her friends, in darkness and in light. She had already soiled Karli’s spirit for a long time, and this was her shot at redemption. But this was not just for personal gain. Karli and her child needed a safe house, a safe place, a safe world. They deserved nothing less.

  “I’ll… I’d have to ask my parents first.”

  Karli pulled her friend into a massive hug. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

  “It’s not official or anything yet,” Sarah pointed out.

  “The fact you’re trying is good enough for me.”

  “Stay here. I’ll go ask.”

  Sarah found herself among a throng of family members. Her father was gently consoling her mother until they saw their middle child appear. When she told them the facts, they both stared at her wide-eyed, but in their moment of worry over Rob’s health, they agreed Karli would stay at their home.