by Anthology
Tyler: Will you send me a picture? I wanna know what you look like.
Sofia: Let me think about that for a second …
Sofia: No.
Tyler: Shot down!
Tyler: Can’t blame a guy for trying. ;)
Tyler: At least tell me what color your hair is. Are you a blonde, brunette or red-head?
Sofia: Which do you prefer?
Tyler: Answer my question first.
Sofia: We could be here all night.
Tyler: I’m cool with that if you are.
CHAPTER 4.
THREE WEEKS LATER
Tyler: You free tonight?
I smiled and tapped my finger on the small box to message him back.
Sofia: Why? Are you going to ask me out on a date?
I hit send and waited for him to send a witty reply.
Tyler: Would you say yes if I was?
Sofia: Probably not.
Tyler: Then it’s a good job that I don’t plan on asking you out any time soon then.
Tyler: Gotta run. I’ll message you later.
Sofia: Enjoy practice. X
I let out a contented sigh and made my way down the concrete steps toward the sidewalk. It had been like this ever since he wrote back to me that night. We messaged each other until the early hours of the morning, asking each other questions and learning more about one another. I didn’t think that it would have been possible for me to keep up the pretense for as long as I had, but Tyler was the first to message me in the mornings and the last to message me late at night.
It was surprisingly easy to slip into the role of Sofia whenever he messaged me; almost too easy. Sometimes I forgot who I was.
“What are you smiling about?” Rebekah asked, joining me on the main steps.
“It’s nothing,” I answered, and slipped my cell inside my jacket pocket.
“Have you asked anyone to the dance yet?”
I shook my head, “Not yet. Though James made it perfectly clear that he still didn’t have a date to the dance. He obviously wanted me to pass along the message to you.”
“Meh,” her lips turned down at the sides. “I would ask him but I don’t think he’s the type to put out on the first date.” I laughed at what she’d said, just as the football team were headed out of the changing rooms and toward the field.
Tyler was there, following on behind the rest of them. I watched him as he joked around with one of his teammates, wishing that I could have been that close to him.
“You have got to be kidding me?” I heard Rebekah ask, making me immediately pull my gaze away from him and back to her. “Please tell me that you’re not still hung up on him?”
“No, don’t be ridiculous,” I lied. “I’m totally over it.”
Rebekah didn’t know about the back and forth messages between me and Tyler. I probably should have told her, but I wanted to keep it to myself. Though I loved my best-friend most of the time, sometimes she had no brain-to-mouth filter and I was worried she would unintentionally let something slip. I couldn’t afford to let that happen. It would risk too much, so I decided that it was for the best if she didn’t know. Only he and I knew about our early morning and late night chats, and I planned to keep it that way for as long as I possibly could.
“Deli for dinner?” Rebekah hooked her arm through mine.
“Sounds good to me.”
***
It was almost eight by the time Rebekah had dropped me back home. I threw my satchel into the corner of my bedroom and slipped out of my clothes, pulling on a tank and a pair of shorts before climbing into bed. I had no intention of going to sleep already, but I wanted to be comfortable and ready for when Tyler messaged me.
When it got to nine o’clock, I decided to break our nightly ritual and message him first instead.
Sofia: How did training go? X
Rolling onto my side, I smiled when the screen began flashing back at me.
Tyler: Hey. It was fine. We could’ve played better. I guess we’ll find out if all these extra practices have paid off when we hit the field tomorrow.
Sofia: It starts at 2, right?
Tyler: About that …
Sofia: Uh-oh. Should I be worried?
Tyler: Are you planning on being there?
Sofia: I’m not sure yet. Why?
Tyler: My friend’s throwing a party across town tomorrow night and I was wondering if you wanted to come.
Sofia: You mean go with you?
Tyler: Yeah.
Sofia: As in together?
Tyler: That’s usually how these things work.
Tyler: So what do you say?
Sofia: I don’t think so. I’m sorry.
Tyler: Why are you so against the idea?
Tyler: I thought we were getting on great?
Sofia. We were.
Sofia: I mean, we are.
Sofia: I’m just really busy.
Tyler: How long are you gonna keep making excuses?
Sofia: I’m not making excuses.
Tyler: Prove it.
Sofia: Soon. I promise.
Tyler: Yeah? Well, if you don’t mind, I won’t hold my breath.
The deep blue dot changed to a light blue one, showing that he had just gone offline. I rolled onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. I knew that it wasn’t going to be long before this happened. Every time we talked, he would always ask me what I looked like or ask me to meet with him, and every time I would change the subject onto something else or make excuses as to why I couldn’t. It seemed that his patience had finally run out. I guess that it was an inevitability that he would get bored and move onto somebody else eventually. Someone who was within his reach. Somebody who was actually real.
CHAPTER 5.
I didn’t hear from Tyler all through Saturday. The way he left things the night before, I wasn’t sure if he even wanted to hear from me. I waited for him to message me first, but he didn’t come online, not even the one time.
By eleven o’clock, I was lying in bed and had my phone in my hand, ready to message him, but then I saw something in the feed and it hit me like nothing else. It shouldn’t have bothered me, but it did. It was a picture of him at the party he told me about. Some girl had tagged him in it. He probably didn’t even know that it was on there, but it upset me. He was mad with me, and usually when people get mad they get reckless and do things; stupid things they always regret the day afterward. I was worried he would do the same as most people did. My mind went into overdrive and all I could think about was him with someone else. I hated that, so at midnight, I swallowed my pride and I messaged him.
Sofia: I know you’re not online but I just wanted to say goodnight anyway.
***
Tyler: Sof?
Tyler: Sof? Are you there?
I blinked over at my alarm clock on the nightstand and saw that it was coming up to six in the morning.
Sofia: You’re up early for a Sunday. Is everything okay?
Tyler: Actually, I haven’t been to sleep yet.
Sofia: You haven’t?
Tyler: No, I only just back a few minutes ago. Last night got a little messier than I intended.
Sofia: I saw some of the pictures.
Sofia: It looked like you had a good time.
Tyler: To be honest, I couldn’t wait to get back home again.
Sofia: Why? Did something happen?
Sofia: Tyler?
Tyler: Yeah. Yeah, you could say that.
Sofia: Do you want to talk about it?
Sofia: I’m a good listener.
Tyler: Brooke. She was there.
Tyler: At the party, I mean.
Tyler: Are you still there?
Sofia: Yeah. Yeah. Still here.
Tyler: You went quiet for a minute there.
Tyler: What are you thinking about?
Sofia: Does it matter?
Tyler: It kinda does to me.
I sat up and reached over, switching on my bedside lamp so that I could see properly, and
then focused my attention back on the conversation in hand.
Sofia: Okay. Just tell me if I’m close or way off the mark here.
Sofia: I’m thinking that you’re writing to tell me that you got back with your ex-girlfriend last night while you were at the party, meaning that your ex is no longer your ex, but very much your current girlfriend. She wouldn’t be too happy if she knew we were chatting with each other, so you’re messaging me now to tell me that you won’t be messaging me again.
Please tell me I’m way off the mark.
Tyler: And how does that make you feel?
I was close.
Tyler: Sofia? I need to know how that makes you feel.
Tyler: Sof? Does it bother you?
Sofia: Yes. It bothers me. More than it probably should. But I can handle it. They say love always finds a way, right? Maybe you and Brooke are supposed to be together.
Tyler: You didn’t answer my question. I want you to tell me why it bothers you.
Sofia: Because I like chatting with you.
Tyler: Because you like chatting with me? Or because you like me?
Sofia: Both.
Sofia: Are you happy now?
Tyler: Yeah. More than you realize.
Tyler: I didn’t get back with Brooke last night. She tried to convince me that we needed to try again, but I told her that I wasn’t interested. Then I left.
Sofia: So you didn’t get back with her?
Tyler: No. I didn’t get back with her.
Sofia: Why?
Tyler: Because when she tried to kiss me, all I kept thinking about was what it would be like to kiss you.
Oh.
Sofia: Stop talking now.
Tyler: No. Not this time. I wanna meet you.
Tyler: Face to face. No more excuses.
Sofia: I don’t think I can. I’m not ready for you to know yet.
Tyler: It’s now or never. I mean it. If you won’t, then this is it. I’m calling time.
Now or never? Calling time?
I’m not ready for him to call time yet.
Sofia: Fine. You win.
Sofia: I’ll meet with you.
Tyler: You mean it?
Sofia: Are you free on Friday night?
Tyler: I’ll make sure of it.
Sofia: Okay. But this has to be on my terms.
Tyler: I’m more than cool with that.
Tyler: What are your terms?
Sofia: I don’t know yet.
Tyler: You don’t know what your own terms are?
Sofia: Not right now, but I will.
Sofia: I’ll message you as soon as I have a time and a place.
Tyler: I’ll look forward to it.
CHAPTER 6.
“Here you go,” the clerk smiled as she took a small white keycard from out of the holder beside her computer. “You’re in room 212 on the fourth floor. Enjoy your stay.”
I hesitated for a moment before I accepted it from her, wondering if it was too late to turn back around and walk away. Or run. But like Tyler had told me the other day, it was now or never. And I chose the now. I should have chosen the never. I should have always chosen the never.
My hands were shaking as the elevator doors opened on the fourth floor. I was on the fourth floor, and I was about to be alone in a hotel room with Tyler. And he was about to be alone in a hotel room with me. Did I have any idea what he was expecting from me tonight? I really didn’t, but I knew that he was at least expecting me to be inside the room and waiting for him by the time he showed up.
I took three deep breaths and stepped out into the carpeted hallway, taking note of each and every room number as I walked by them.
It was almost nine thirty when I reached room 212, and I pulled my cell phone from out of my jacket pocket before sending him the message.
Sofia: You still have time to not show up.
Tyler: Not a chance.
Sofia: Room 212 on the fourth floor.
Tyler: I’ll be there.
I know you will.
I had no intention of letting him know who I really was tonight. It was much easier for me to be Sofia and I planned to keep what we had going for just a little bit longer. It was selfish, I knew it was, but I liked him. And I liked that he liked me.
I swiped the keycard and pushed the door open before walking into complete darkness. I was more than appreciative that the hotel used the same system as the hotel me and my family stayed at when we went on vacation the year before. No keycard in the holder meant no lights. It was perfect and it was definitely a good thing. I figured that if it was dark and I only whispered, he wouldn’t have any idea who I was. He promised me that if we met then it would be on my terms, and those were my terms. He just didn’t know what those terms were yet.
Placing the card inside the holder, I waited for the lights to come on before taking a moment to look around. The bathroom was through a door to the left, the bed against the right wall, and there was a desk by the window. It was a lot nicer than the online photographs claimed it to be.
When I heard a few light knocks on the other side of the door, I froze.
“Sof?” He was here.
This was it.
I swallowed hard and yanked the card from out of the holder, plummeting the room back into darkness. I stuffed the card inside my back pocket and went to stand behind the door.
With my back against the wall, I reached over and pushed down on the handle, just enough to let him inside, but not enough for him to be able to see me.
I rested my head against the wall as he slowly pushed open the door and took a step inside.
“Sofia?” I heard him ask as the door clicked fully closed behind him.
“Hi,” I whispered, watching as the dark figure just to the side of me turned around. I could make him out, but not enough for him to be able to make me out.
“No lights?” he sounded curious.
“My terms, remember?” I whispered again.
“You really don’t want me to know who you are, do you?” he questioned. I couldn’t see his face to know what he was thinking. “Why? Why don’t you want me to know?”
It was time to be honest.
“Because if you knew then you would leave.”
“I wouldn’t leave.”
He sounded sincere.
“If you don’t mind then I’d rather not take the risk.”
There was a long silence, and the only sound I could hear now was the thumping inside my chest.
“Okay, fine,” he finally spoke “I don’t get to see you … yet. So, what do you wanna do now that we’re here?”
I took a step closer.
“Talk? Do you wanna talk or something?” he suggested.
Even though I knew that he couldn’t see me, I shook my head and took another step toward him.
“How about this?”
I kept my eyes open and leaned closer, close enough until I could feel my mouth brushing over his. My heart was hammering so hard inside my chest that it almost became too painful to breathe. I waited for him to push me away, to tell me to stop, but he didn’t. He just stood there; not moving and not saying a word. As I lifted my left hand and stroked the side of his face, his warm breaths became heavier and I felt his hands slipping around my waist, his fingers digging into my hips as soon as I flicked my tongue inside his mouth.
I was kissing him. And he was letting me.
It became more intense.
More urgent.
But then he pulled away.
“Or maybe not,” I whispered, and my stomach twisted. Even in the dark, he was rejecting me.
I heard him blow out a low breath and I took a step away. “I’m sorry.”
“As much as I want to, and believe me, I do,” he spoke, his voice lower now. “I don’t want you to think that the only reason I wanted to meet with you was to get you into bed. I like you. In fact, I more than like you.”
“I more than like you, too,” I admitted. “And I know that’s
not why you came here tonight.”
“You do?”
“I do,” I lifted my hands and placed them loosely over his shoulders. “And I want you to want me.”
***
“I think it’s only fair that I know who you are, you know, seeing as though we already had sex and all,” he joked against the crook of my neck and wrapped his arms tighter around me, nestling his face against my skin.
I sat up and moved from out of his grasp, pulling the bedsheet away from my naked body while reaching down to grab my dress and panties from off the floor.
“Hey, where are you going?” I heard him ask from behind me.
As much as I wanted to stay, I knew that I couldn’t. I couldn’t hang around any longer. I needed to leave before sunrise, before the light filled the room, before he saw who he’d just spent the night with. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to handle the rejection once he knew that it was me, so he wasn’t going to know. He could never find out.
“This was a mistake,” I whispered, pulling my dress over my body and grabbing my heels on my way over to the door.
“A mistake? Are you kidding me?”
His question had me pausing by the door.
My mind was telling me to get the hell out of there, while my heart was telling me to stay. I hesitated for just a second before I grabbed hold of the handle.
“Sofia?”
“I’m so sorry. I have to go.”
CHAPTER 7.
Tyler: Why did you leave?
Tyler: Did I do something wrong?
Tyler: Sofia, please? I need to know what I did.
Tyler: Sofia?
Tyler: You know, usually it’s the guy who blows off the girl after they had sex.
Tyler: Amazing sex at that.
Tyler: Talk to me.
Tyler: Tell me what I did wrong so I can make it right.
If only he knew that he did everything right.
I stuffed my cell back inside my jacket pocket, promising myself that I wouldn’t ever open it back up again. He was blaming himself when the only person to blame for all of this was me.