Walking toward her, I shrug. “I’ll be fine.”
She pats the padded chair beside her and I take a seat, grabbing the joint straight from her hand and take a long drag. “Sorry, but I need this.” I add.
“Apparently so,” She cocks a brow, casting judgement my way. “Want to tell me what’s got you so riled up?”
“Not really,” I confess.
“You know you don’t have a choice, so how about you get down to it.” She chuckles lightly, taking the joint back. She takes a drag while I fill her in.
“Cheyenne lied to me about being a lesbian. She’s actually bisexual and . . .” I try to find the right words to explain how I feel, but there probably aren’t any. I told that woman so much about my life, figuring she was being honest with me about all her shit. Today I found out it wasn’t true, about her secret. Hell, I don’t know if I should even call it that.
Sakura places her hand over mine and gives it a squeeze. “You don’t have to say it. I already know.” She offers me a half smile and leans her head against my shoulder.
Sakura and Cheyenne got so close to me while I was recovering, closer than any of the brothers here at the club if you ask me. “I asked her flat out if she wanted me, and she shut her eyes and fuckin’ lied.” I shake my head, still in disbelief. Would it really be so bad to give into it one night? Especially if we’re about to be torn apart. I’ve always wanted to be in an officer position, but hell if I haven’t wanted to find someone to give me a fraction of what Lauren did. For a split second I thought that was Cheyenne.
“Chaz, I think she loves you too. It was kinda obvious in a way, with the way she’d stare at you from across the room. I don’t know why she denied you, but there’s a reason. I’m sure you know that.”
I nod a couple times, knowing the very reason she did. “Yeah, I’m sure there is.” I won’t tell Sakura what I know, because Cheyenne told me in confidence and I’d never do anything to break that trust.
“Enough about me, how’re you doing?” I turn my head to the left and look down at her.
She sucks in a deep breath and pulls her light cardigan closer to her body. “I’m okay.”
“Cut the bullshit and be real with me.”
Her eyes meet mine. “I’m . . . angry at the world. Furious. Pissed. Unable to understand why this keeps happening to us. The only thing I want is to be a mother, Chaz. I just want to have a growing belly with something Mouser and I made, the purest most beautiful thing our love could produce. I only want that, and it might seem crazy, but . . . I don’t understand why it’s not working out for us.”
I wrap my arm around her and pull Sakura against my side. “Life can be cruel. You know, I don’t blame those who want the easy way out. The ones who commit suicide. ‘Cause it just means they’ve gone through shit and they’re done with the horrors life can bring us.”
“What the hell? When did you get so gruesome? Life isn’t about the horrors, it’s about the blessings too. I hate losing the babies, I fucking hate it more than I can convey . . . but . . . Chaz, the biggest blessing I ever had was coming across the Reapers path. Without my uncle Eduardo, I would’ve never met the love of my life, or my best friend.” Sakura smiles sweetly at me and I kiss her on the forehead.
“You and Cheyenne are my besties too, if it makes you feel better.”
“Cheyenne isn’t your best friend, Chaz. She’s the woman you love. There’s a difference.”
“She can’t be the woman I love. Don’t you see that? She’s shot me down.” I mutter, taking the joint from Sakura’s hand I take another drag and lean my head back, staring at the porch light attracting an abundance of bugs. I watch as they fly toward the warmth and buzz around it, only to get burned alive by the heat once they get inside the bulb.
It’s just like life.
The smartest of us thrive, while the rest are torn limb from precious limb.
Chapter Seven
She has love in her words, pain in her silence
~ Laura Jane
Crina
I roll over on the soft bed in my room. My room. It’s still a bit hard to believe it. Pulling the faux fur up higher, I wrap myself up looking somewhat like a burrito. Even now I don’t know why I did that . . . why I slept with her.
Do I really want independence so much to dive back into bloody, shark infested waters? Running my hand across my face, I breathe in deeply as my emotions take ahold of me. I loved Gia for a time. Part of me might even still love her now, but I won’t ever be able to go back to what we were. All the actions of last night did was cause me to go back down the emotional rabbit hole I’ve fought for so long to push back down.
A knock comes to my door and I sit up in bed. “Yeah?” I call out to whoever’s on the other side.
“Hey, chica, Gia asked me to tell you to head to her office. She wants to speak to you about a couple things.” Bea says, and I’m relieved to know she’s in the apartment too. I toss off the blankets and rush over to the door, unlocking it and open it to see such a friendly face.
“I didn’t know you lived in this apartment.”
“Yeah, me, Fern, and Tildi. Of course, those two are probably sleeping soundly like the hibernating bears they are.” Bea giggles, tossing her fire engine red hair over her shoulder. I pay close attention to her features and see how her lips are a little fuller, and her nose is a bit smaller. There’s no longer that ridge in the middle of it.
“Okay, I’m sure I’ll meet them later when they’re awake. But, mmm, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way. What’re you doing here, in the apartment? I thought you were just a bartender.”
Bea’s smile drops immediately. “We all have our own reasons for doing what we do. I won’t ask about yours, and you won’t ask about mine, alright?”
“Shit. I’m sorry, I just. I was only curious what you’re doing for the company.” I try to cover up that I was fishing for information, but she knows better.
“I work the high-profile parties, you know, for the obnoxious rich assholes like your brothers.” The way Bea speaks makes me feel like she’s trying to be rude.
I take the hint she’s throwing my way and nod, “Okay, I won’t dig. Sorry. Is Gia already in her office?”
“Yep, so you’d better get there quickly before she loses it.” Bea says, turning on her heel as she walks off and heads up the stairwell.
I shut the door and change clothes in record time. Thankfully, the girl who was in this room before me must’ve left some things. Otherwise, I’d be going to Gia’s office in a trench coat and I don’t want her getting any ideas.
It takes me about ten minutes to get to Gia’s office. I push the door open and find her behind her desk, staring down at her laptop with her blue screen filtering glasses on. “It’s about time you showed up. I have a job for you.” Gia quips.
I continue on forward and take a seat in the black and gold chair across from her desk. A crashing sound from behind me causes me to jump out of my seat. I turn back to find another woman in the office with us.
“Sorry, Gia.” The woman tells her.
Gia waves it off, “It’s not a problem. I hated that mug anyway.” I get a good look at the shattered ceramic on the floor, pretty positive it’s the red mug I got for her in Mexico when we were together. God. What a bitch.
“Vic, this is Crina, the new hire.” I don’t know this woman Gia’s introducing me to, but I smile off in her direction. “Crina, this is Vic, short for Victoria. She is one of two women who run an imprint for our company called the Cravings Collection. Vic, come on over.” Imprint? I’ve never heard that term before.
“What’s an imprint?” I ask, hoping I don’t sound dumb.
Victoria walks over and chuckles. Her heels click against the floor and she twirls a finger in her long, wavy black hair. It stops just above her ass, making her look like one of the women who’re casted in those shampoo commercials. “Essentially, it’s a subdivision of a publishing company. Gia purchased the comp
any I worked for early last year, and asked me, along with my best friend to co-head the imprint. This imprint focuses on dark romance.”
Publishing.
Like books?
What in the world did Gia sign me up for?
“Gia informed me you have a great head on your shoulders. Not only that, but you also have a bachelor’s degree in English?”
I nod, “Yes, that would be correct. I graduated early this year.”
“Amazing, and how old are you?”
“Twenty-one. I graduated early since a bit of my distractions had . . . freed up some time.” I glance over to Gia, hoping she realizes I’m taking a dig at the relationship we had. If she wants to be a bitch, I’ll top her.
“Perfect. I was telling Gia the other day we needed a new author on our staff. It’s amazing timing that you came into the picture when you did. I already have an assignment for you, if you’re ready for it.”
I nod, playing along. “Sure. What’re you looking for?”
“Motorcycle club romance is taking off, and I want the imprint to be one of the founding fathers of this niche. The only way we can do that is if we have multiple people chasing this. So, I want you to develop a five-book motorcycle club romance series. I expect the first draft in my email in two months. Will that be a problem?”
“No, of course not. Do you have any requirements before I get started?”
“Specify if you’re going to touch base on any tough subjects. They’re called triggers in the book industry. So, if you were writing about assault, rape, etcetera I’d need to know. I also want the manuscript written in first person, present tense.” Victoria comes over to me and hands me her card. “I look forward to doing business with you. There should be a laptop delivered to your apartment later today.”
Before I can turn around to ask another question Victoria is already in the hallway, walking away from Gia’s office.
“What is this?” I ask Gia, meaning whatever she signed me up for.
“I figured you’d rather do an actual job versus me plowing into your wet cunt every week as payment. You never liked the idea of being a whore anyway, so, as long as you write for Victoria, you have an apartment. Catch my drift?”
“Yeah, I get what you’re saying.” What a fucking bitch. It’s no wonder we broke up.
“Unless you’d prefer to be my own personal sex toy. You can always change your mind.” Gia snickers, licking her bottom lip. She pulls her shirt down just a tad so I get an even better look at her bountiful breasts.
“No, I’ll write porn. Am I all set up for OneEye?”
“You should be. On your way out you can ask technical support.”
“Perfect. Do you need anything else from me?” I ask, thinking I should’ve worded it a bit differently.
“No, you’re free to leave. If there’s something needed, my assistant will reach out to you.”
I take that as my silent innuendo to get out of her office, so I open the door and walk down the hallway. Just as I do, my phone starts to buzz, so I pull it out and answer. “Hello?”
“Hey, Crina, if you’re free later today do you want to grab lunch or dinner?” Rebel asks.
Rebel, the one woman who could be my saving grace.
“Yes, that would be perfect. I . . . I actually need your help if you’re willing.”
“Sure. What’s up, girl?”
“Isn’t your baby daddy in that motorcycle gang?”
“Widow. Yep. Why’re you asking?”
“Gia has me working for Vic and my task is to write motorcycle romance. I know nothing about it, so I was hoping you could introduce me to some of them and maybe I could interview, or . . . I don’t know. I don’t know where to even start with this.”
“Don’t you worry your pretty little head. Can you be ready in three hours? I’ll take you over and introduce you to some of the crew. And heads up, dress like the hottie you are. Some of the single guys might give you more attention if you dress like a hussy.” Rebel causes me to laugh, but I have no problem agreeing to it.
“Awesome. I’m at the Crave apartments. I’m rooming with Bea, Tildi, and Fern.”
“Oh, the posh apartment. What did you do to get into that one? Damn.”
“You don’t want to know.” I chuckle.
“Okay, fine. I’ll see you in a while.”
“Bye, see ya.” Rebel ends the call and I slide my cell back into my pocket while I make my way over to technical support. Hopefully I can get some content up before my field trip to see the biker gang.
Chapter Eight
“And you were just like the moon, so lonely, so full of imperfections. But just like the moon, you shine in times of darkness.”
~ Quotes ‘Nd Notes
Crina
When she said we’d meet up, I didn’t anticipate she’d have an outfit for me to change into. Or that we’d be going in her SUV over to the club, which is apparently what bikers call their place, a clubhouse.
“Are you gonna tell me what actually went down, or do I need to dig for it?” Rebel asks from the driver’s seat.
I cock a brow, knowing what she’s getting at immediately. “Why do you think something happened in the first place?”
“Crina, you’re working for your ex-girlfriend. I know for a fact something happened, now, are you gonna spill it or not?”
“It’s not like I have much of a choice since you’re nosey as hell.” I retort, rolling my eyes.
“Perfect, so you said you had a family blow up. Was it your mom, or your dad this time?”
“You mean my father. Yeah, it was him. It’s always him.” Rebel doesn’t know how my family’s in deep with the Romanian mafia, but I’m doing my best to keep that fact from her. It’s not something she needs to know and I don’t want any harm coming to her. You see, my father is very old fashioned. If someone outside of the family were to ever find out what he does, he’d kill them before they could say a word.
“Okay, so what did the old geezer do this time?” Rebel questions as she makes a right onto an old back road.
“He wanted me to marry one of his business associates’ sons, tossing me off to the side. And I know what you’re going to say, something about this day and age and women coming so far. But remember, he’s an old-fashioned Romanian man. He still believes in finding a good husband for his daughter, like it even matters.” Now I’m the one rolling my eyes. Even talking about what he wanted to do makes me angrier than I can even comprehend. He never took any interest in me before, and now he wants to be the person to choose whoever I marry? No. Hell fucking no.
“You know, I’m lucky when I think about it in the long run. My daddy never wanted to stick around long enough for me to pull that shit. But, it all turned out better in the end.” Rebel tries to find the humor in her own pain, but I’ve been the one up with her late at night while she’s cried over a bottle of wine about her deadbeat father.
If you ask me, I think my life would be much better without him. Hell, better for not only me, but my mom too. She’s brainwashed by him. I’ll never understand why she ever fell in love with him. I don’t see one good quality, not one.
“Yeah, you probably are.” I comment back, smirking.
It’s one of the things I’ve always loved about Rebel. She’s real. No matter what situation I’ve ever been in, I can talk to her about it plain as day and she’ll find some reason to make me laugh or forget about the problem in the first place.
“Alright, we’re pulling up to it now.” Rebel says, causing me to look directly in front of us. I see a series of buildings and trailers. A few of each, leading me to believe this biker club must be pretty substantial. “I’m going to introduce you to Widow. He’s really good friends with the Prez here, so I’m sure we can work something out for you.”
“Prez?” It’s going to take me a while to learn this lingo.
“Yeah, Prez, it’s short for President. They also have a VP which is obviously short for Vice President. Enforcer,
Sergeant at Arms, Road Captain and Prospects. I think that’s all of them, but you can ask the guys.”
“You’re acting like it’s set in stone.” I mutter, furrowing my brows. I know she’s well acquainted with this club, but I highly doubt they’re going to take kindly to some random woman hanging around, asking questions and putting it into a book.
Rebel turns her head to glance at me while she puts the SUV into park. “Crina, when have you ever doubted my abilities to make shit happen? Ease up, girlie. I got this.”
“Fine, I’ll let you do your thing.” I respond, laughing. She’s always been the type of woman who sets her eyes on something and gets it. Essentially, she’s the type of woman I’m glad to have in my corner.
I open the door and hop out of her SUV while Rebel does the same. I’m in an old KISS t-shirt with denim shorts and sandals. Though, the KISS shirt is shredded which gives a decent look at some side boob.
The door to the building we parked in front of comes open and I see the man I’ve spotted in pictures with Zoe. One glance at him and you can tell he’s Zoe’s father, especially when I get a good look at his eyes. They’re both the same shade of Caribbean blue.
“Rebel, I was surprised when you called and it wasn’t about Zoe.” He says.
“Yeah, well, I have a friend who asked for some help and I know you guys can offer some. Widow, this is Crina. Crina, this is Widow.” Rebel introduces the two of us and I extend a hand, as does he.
“It’s nice to meet you,” I say.
“Likewise.” He comments. “Now, how exactly am I supposed to help your friend here?”
“Crina works for the publishing company Crave, LLC bought. She’s specifically working in the romance imprint, which leads me to why she needs your help. She’s been told to write biker romance because it’s the next big fad, and she obviously knows nothing about bikers, so, I thought she could shadow you guys or something? Spend some time here and interview you guys? See how you run the club and all that.”
Chaz (Reapers MC Book 14) Page 5