by Laurel Kerr
“Aye. I can see that.”
“They made me laugh,” Clara said. “Whenever I felt sad, my Oliver would plan a picnic near the cliff where they nested.”
“’Tis a sight to watch them b-b-bobbing on the rocks, their chests puffed out like they’re on their way to meet the queen.”
Clara smiled softly, and Magnus thought he saw a glint of a tear in June’s eyes. Before he thought better, he reached out and squeezed the lass’s upper arm. She sniffed and sent him a glance that caused his entire soul to freeze. No one had ever looked at him like that. Like he was wonderful. It pleased him as much as it unsettled him. He did not want people relying on him, wanting things from him, but earning such an expression from June? Watching those grass-green eyes of hers darkening into emerald…
Aye, he was a fair numptie today. A fair numptie.
* * *
Trying to understand Magnus Gray was like finding her way in a cave with a faulty lantern that kept flickering off and on. Dark. Twisty. And, sometimes, unexpectedly wonderful.
The man acted gruff and closed-off, but he turned into just the sweetest thing around her nan or the animals. And that Magnus? The kind-hearted man with the low chuckle? She wanted him as much as she did the brooding, passionate one, maybe even more. He seemed like his true self in those moments, unguarded by his grumpy exterior.
But this Magnus—the happy, pleasant one—didn’t want her. And June only had two strategies when people pushed her away. She either shoved right back, or she let the person be. But she didn’t want to walk away from Magnus, and bullying her way into his good graces didn’t appear to be working.
She needed a new plan. And for once, she wasn’t coming up with one.
“I don’t think we’ll be able to film right now.” Magnus inclined his head toward her grandmother.
June nodded. Magnus spoke the truth, but that didn’t make June feel less wretched. She’d promised to help the man, and here he was talking to her nan instead of filming the video.
“I’m sorry. Katie will be home all day tomorrow. Why don’t I stop by then and leave Nan at the house with her?”
“Where are you taking me?” Nan asked, her voice pitched too high. June’s heart clenched so hard it felt like a giant was squeezing it. Helplessly, she patted her grandmother’s hand. The gesture didn’t seem to do a bit of good, but June didn’t know what else to do.
“You’re going to visit Katie later, Nana,” June said. “Don’t you want to hear all about her babies?”
“They’re here?”
The confusion in her nan’s eyes and voice caused June’s heart to twist. Tears stung the back of June’s eyes, but she forced them back. “No, Nan, the babies are still in her belly, but she went to the doctor’s today. She had a sonogram, so there will be lots of pictures. You’d like that, right?”
Her nan nodded slowly. June turned to Magnus. “Does that work for you?”
“Aye, lass,” he said, his voice as soft as a kitten’s fur. Then he turned to her grandmother. “Did you ever see the northern lights dance across the sky? When I was a wee lad, I imagined it was fairies having a ball.”
June settled back down and listened to Magnus and her nan talk about Tammay. Instead of paying attention to their words, she focused on the times that Magnus stuttered and the times that he didn’t. If they couldn’t film the video right now, she could at least try to figure out how he could better manage his disfluency. She had a call scheduled with her brother early the next morning, and it might help if she could describe Magnus’s blocks. No two people stuttered the exact same way. Figuring out how a person moved their throat, lips, tongue, jaw, and even chest was one of the first steps.
Magnus claimed she angered the stutter right out of him, which she supposed made sense. The more people thought about their disfluency, the worse it could become. Perhaps Magnus’s irritation distracted him. But he seemed more at ease when speaking with her nan. He didn’t have many hard blocks. To help Magnus, June needed a way to make him feel more comfortable in her presence. Unfortunately, her usual tricks didn’t work on him, and she was plumb out of ideas.
* * *
“Let me get this straight,” Katie said, her brown eyes wide. “You’re coming to me again? For advice? On men?”
“Yes,” June said. “I’ve already answered that twice. I told you, I’m short on time. Magnus has a deadline for his vlog.”
“June, you don’t take recommendations. You give them.”
June crossed her arms and stared Katie down. “I brought you an entire basket of jam, including the mango chutney you’ve been begging for.”
Katie shook the wicker container in June’s direction. “Let me explain your normal MO. You ply me with jelly, wait until my mouth is full, and then sneak attack me with unsolicited advice. You do not bribe me for suggestions… At least you never did until you met Magnus.”
“But I need help. I’m at my wits’ end with this man.”
“Juuuune, I already told you I don’t know much about him. And I am not spying for you.”
June waved away Katie’s protests. “I’m not asking you to do that. The thing is, he sometimes looks at me like I’m a burr stuck on his clothing. I’m not used to that.”
Katie placed the basket of jam on the table and sighed. She selected one, popped open the lid, and then pulled out a spoon. Sliding the open jar in June’s direction, Katie gestured for her to sit.
“Am I this bossy?” June asked.
“Yes. Now, sit and eat.”
June shrugged and dug her spoon into the jelly. Katie had picked Sunset Delight, a lemon and orange curd inspired by Nana’s old British recipes and one of June’s favorites.
“June, you told Magnus, in public, to cut his hair and trim his beard. In public, June.” Katie delivered June a hard look that almost made her squirm. Normally, she was the one giving advice, and it felt odd to have those roles reversed.
“Well, he needed it,” June pointed out. “And I was right, wasn’t I? Isn’t he just the handsomest thing you ever saw now?”
Katie groaned and rested her head on the granite tabletop before lifting it again. “That is beside the point.”
“He asked me to help make his vlog. I was doing just that.”
Katie rubbed her forehead. “June, he wanted you to videotape him, not give fashion tips.”
June thought about that for a moment. “I didn’t mean any harm. Do you think I insulted him?”
“Yes.”
“Truly?”
“I love you, June. I really do. But you can be a little pushy at times.” As Katie spoke, she squeezed her thumb and forefinger together.
June took a huge bite of the Sunset Delight. The sweetness really did help when listening to friendly criticism. “I just like fixing things that need fixing, that’s all.”
“But some people don’t want fixing,”
June sighed heavily. “Magnus keeps telling me the same thing.”
An affectionate smile drifted across Katie’s face. “Maybe you should listen.”
June dug into the lemon-orange curd. “But he did ask me to help with the video.”
Katie sat down on the stool next to her friend. “Then do that, but don’t try pushing your way into other areas of his life. Just because he’s asked you to assist with his vlog doesn’t mean he wants you to change everything about him, including how he naturally talks.”
“I’m not trying to ‘cure’ his disfluency,” June said, wanting to make that clear. “I just want him to realize his stutter doesn’t have to be a burden. It’s part of him, and that’s okay. I don’t think anyone ever told him that. There are a lot of misconceptions about people who stutter…that we’re shy or angry or not very smart. My parents and speech therapists made sure my brother and I never allowed ourselves to be defined by prejudice. They let us make our
disfluency our own. I just want to give Magnus the same freedom.”
“Have you told him that?” Katie asked gently.
June paused, thinking about it. “Not in so many words.”
“Maybe you should,” Katie said. She waited a beat and then asked in a careful tone as she searched June’s face. “Why are you asking me this, June? Do you just want the man to like you, or is there something more?”
June stared down at the jam, trying to fight her uncharacteristic glumness. “Something more.” She looked up from the dessert. “We kissed, Katie, and, my, my, can that man kiss. But his face afterward? Katie, he looked like someone who thought they were drinking flat water and got seltzer instead. He’s attracted to me, but he’s madder than a puffed toad about it.”
Empathy broke across Katie’s face. When she spoke, her voice was soft. “What about you? How do you feel?”
June groaned and dropped the spoon. “I like him. A lot. I’ve never dwelled on a man so much. Something about him got under my skin and stayed there. In a good way. A very good way.”
Katie reached over and patted her arm. “June, I think you’re feeling what most of us mere mortals do. Love, in the beginning, is generally hard, frustrating, and full of self-doubt, but oh so worth it in the end.”
“Is this why you used to push men away?” June asked, suddenly understanding something that had always eluded her about her best friend.
“Yep,” Katie said without any hesitation. She was one of those rare people who didn’t have trouble admitting her flaws.
“I never run from anything.”
Katie grinned at her fondly. “I know, June.”
“I’m going to win him over.”
The smile broadened. “Of that I have no doubt.”
“Good,” June said as some of her usual confidence returned.
“But, June?” Katie said, her voice careful again.
“What?”
“If you want a real relationship, you need to let him change you too.”
Now that made June uncomfortable, and she didn’t know why. She plastered on her most brilliant expression and said airily, “I don’t need any improvement. I am practically perfect.”
Katie laughed. Hard. If June hadn’t known her best friend so well, she might have felt insulted. “Okay, Mary Poppins.”
June rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean. I like who I am.”
“Yes, and you are pretty amazing, but…”
“I’m not going to like this ‘but,’ am I?”
“Being a couple, a real solid couple, means letting the other person in, and that means making adjustments. The good romances are the ones where you help each other, and you change each other for the better. I think that’s why you like Magnus. Nobody has ever challenged you. He does. And if you let him, he may just add something to your perfection.”
“Hmmph,” June said, but only in jest. Katie’s words made sense, even if they frightened the dickens out of her. June liked being in control. She liked fixing things. Making things right. It made her feel vulnerable to think about someone doing the same with her.
“Look at it this way,” Katie said. “After more than a decade of friendship, you’re finally coming to me for advice. Maybe Magnus is already changing you, and it’s not so bad, is it?”
“Well…” June teased, and Katie bumped her shoulder with her own. June shot her best friend a smile. “I suppose it’s not so bad.”
“See,” Katie said.
And June did see. A little. Falling in love had always been easy for her. Pleasant. Like a dip in the local swimming hole on a fine summer day. Warm. Relaxing. No drama. But it had never been real. And it had never lasted long. Each romance had melted away like cotton candy, leaving behind only a trace of sweetness.
A relationship with Magnus wouldn’t be like that. It would have storm clouds. And it would take her to places she didn’t know. To things that weren’t familiar. Was she ready for something like that?
* * *
“Now d-d-don’t this beat all,” August drawled. At his exaggerated accent, June narrowed her eyes. His link to the internet was slightly choppy, and his smug face froze momentarily on her screen. August didn’t have as deep a southern intonation as June, so she knew he was taunting her like a wildcat with a chipmunk.
“We don’t have time for sass,” June said as soon as her brother regained connection. “I have a lot of questions.”
“Well, that’s just it, June Bug,” he said, using their mother’s nickname for her, “you’ve never come to your b-b-baby brother for advice, and I’m a lawyer.”
“Your degree is so new it’s still got peach fuzz on it.”
He rolled his eyes, and the image froze. June debated about taking a screen shot, but the picture cleared. This time, her brother looked more serious. “So, what’s your question?”
“I have a friend who stutters,” June answered. “He grew up on a remote island and didn’t receive any speech therapy. He’s a writer, and his editors want him to do a vlog. I’m trying to help him.”
“Of course, you are,” August said, but he sounded more fond than teasing.
“Do you have any advice?”
August tipped his chair back, clearly considering her question. “It’s a little hard when I’ve never met the man.”
“I know, Aug, but I’ve got to start somewhere,” June said, and then gave her brother the best description she could of Magnus’s disfluency. Her brother leaned toward the screen again and listened closely. Even with the graininess of the connection, his green eyes looked serious.
“You know how b-b-bad it got for me in high school?” August asked.
June nodded. Although she’d been at college or in Sagebrush, she’d heard from her mama all about her brother’s struggles with bullying. “Yes.”
“It was college and ROTC that turned things around,” August said. “I had an instructor tell me to purposely stutter on words that I didn’t have difficulty with and to maintain eye contact. It got everything out in the open.”
“And that helped?”
August nodded. “T-Tremendously. There’s a book that a lieutenant with disfluency told me about, Self-Therapy for the Stutterer, by Malcolm Fraser. It’s available for free on the Stuttering Foundation’s website. It helped me more than some of my speech pathologists. You might want to read it and give it to your friend.”
“Thanks, I will. You’re a peach.”
August grinned, and his green eyes lit with amusement. “I still can’t believe you actually asked me for help. I’m definitely bragging to Mom and Dad.”
June ignored him. If she didn’t, they might bicker through the rest of the call, and she didn’t want that. It was hard getting in touch with her brother. “How are you doing?”
“Great,” he said. “I’m getting a lot more experience in JAG than I would’ve at a law firm.”
“So, you’re still enjoying it?”
He nodded. “Oh yeah.”
June watched him as a mixture of bittersweet pride filled her. The military ran strong in her family, and she didn’t doubt that her brother would become a career airman. She wished his job didn’t take him all over the world, but she couldn’t deny he loved the work he did. He wasn’t like her. She wanted stability; he wanted adventure.
They chatted only a little longer before he needed to go. After June hung up, she stretched and then bent right back over the computer. She had more research to do before meeting Magnus.
Chapter 7
“You want me to stutter on purpose?” Magnus stared at June in disbelief. She nodded eagerly, reminding him of an excited puffin after it sighted a school of sand eels.
“Why would I do that?” he asked in utter surprise.
“I’ve read up on it, and it’s not uncommon. It gives you control. I called my b
rother, August, and he says it really helps him.”
“Are you off your head, lass? I asked you to reduce my stuttering, not to tell me to snirl my words. I can do that all on my own. Thank you very much.” At least June had his blood running so fast, he forgot to be careful with his speech, and he could talk more freely. Unfortunately, Magnus knew as soon as she dragged out her camera, his throat would grow thicker than a medieval fortress’s outer walls.
June bit her lip, distracting him. He watched, mesmerized, as she pulled it between her straight white teeth. The lass had him spinning in so many directions, he felt like a top whirling on the deck of a storm-tossed trawler. One minute she had him fighting equal parts anger and confusion, and the next moment lust was pumping through his veins. Aye, June was going to send him straight to Bedlam.
“I’ve been told recently I can be a bit pushy,” June said.
Magnus stared at the lass dryly. Calling her a “bit pushy” was like calling the entire North Sea a wee puddle. “I can see their point, lass.”
She glared at him and then continued, “So I’m trying to hold back my opinions, but this is important.”
Magnus crossed his arms. The lass appeared earnest, and he didn’t recall anyone trying to help him, really help him, with his speech. His schoolmates had mocked him. His teachers had told him to relax and stop trying so hard. And his da had tried to shake or slap the stutter out of him. None of those methods had helped.
“All right, lass, explain how you think this will work.”
“Because it lets the audience know you stutter—”
“But I don’t want them to know. When people hear me, see what my m-m-mouth and b-b-body do, they judge me, even if they don’t mean to. You know that.”
“Yes, but the rest of the video will prove those assumptions invalid. Just think of the inspiration you could be to kids who stutter and to other adults.”
Magnus snorted. “What if I don’t want to be an inspiration?”
June gave him a hard stare, her green eyes alight with passion…and not the sexual kind. She looked like Boudicca, ready to do battle against the Romans.