Chapter Two
Clara lay awake. She wasn’t sure how long she'd been just lying there, but even exhausted, she knew she wouldn’t go to sleep. She couldn’t. Not after everything that had just happened. She wanted to, though.
But every time she closed her eyes, she could almost delude herself into thinking she was seeing what happened earlier in perfect clarity. It was all in her head, but when she opened her eyes, all she saw was black, and it was almost comforting. Definitely more than what was going on in her head. She had a feeling that if she did decide to fall asleep, ignore what she kept seeing behind her eyelids, she would be waking up again not too long from now in the middle of a nightmare.
When was the last time Clara even had a nightmare? They were rare for her. Usually, it was Tessa waking up in the middle of the night in hysterics. Even after everything that had happened, her nightmares had been kept at bay because Cooper was still there with her. It just wouldn’t be enough this time. Maybe if she had told him, but it was her decision to keep it all a secret. But now that she was staying up, all she could do was worry, her thoughts going around in dizzying circles.
If only she could shut down her mind and her thoughts because they weren’t doing her any favors. In fact, they only made her worry more.
She was thinking about having shot the woman. It was an accident. Maybe, if the situation had been even more dire than it turned out to be, she might have done it deliberately. Thinking that made her heart squeeze and beat too fast, but she couldn’t push the thought away. She would like to think it was, but it wasn’t impossible.
If it meant protecting herself, she would have shot that woman head on, even if it meant injuring her—worse, killing her. Clara didn’t know her, didn’t have any obligation to her. She had been in the wrong, trying to steal what wasn’t hers and refusing to back down even when facing down the muzzle of a gun. Clara could almost argue the woman had even been asking for it, in a way. She not only refused to back down, Clara was sure the woman had intended to come at her with her bat. Clara could have gotten injured because the woman was acting stupidly. If she had shot her then, it would have been self-defense, and no one could have blamed her for that.
But that she could have shot someone deliberately, no matter the situation. The thought made her body shiver before she shoved it away.
Focus on the situation. No need to borrow more trouble.
No, she currently had enough going on, that borrowing more really wouldn’t be helpful to her. She would like nothing better than to put this situation off, but could she afford to? As much as she would like to pretend it never happened, she knew there would likely be consequences. Somehow, she had to prepare.
She wondered if it was possible that the woman was all right, even though it seemed like a small wound. But what if it had been more serious than Clara could tell? What if the cuts got infected? Clara wasn’t sure what the town medical supply issue was like after she and Cooper couldn’t get help from outside. Either way, if the injury was bad, or got worse, or even if it did not, it wouldn’t change the fact that Clara herself had been the cause of it. And then she had run away from it. Even though she had run to check on another disturbance, she still left a bleeding woman, one she'd harmed herself, without a second thought and had been intending to, even before she thought there was some new trouble.
Clara was afraid. That was her biggest problem right then—her fear that the woman could tell someone what she did, and that she would be arrested for attempted murder.
No way, she huffed in her mind. There was just no way. First, the woman wouldn’t even know her. It hadn't been dark, they'd each had a clear view of each other, but Clara didn’t know the other woman, and this made her hopeful. Still, there was no real way to know. It wasn’t so small a town that everyone would know everyone else. She'd lived there her whole life and she didn’t know everyone in her neighborhood, let alone closer to town.
But with the situation as it was currently, Clara had been getting around. With the volunteer work she'd been doing, the busted deal with Mayor Charleston that cost them food, not to mention being at the center of town helping after the crash, showing up at the makeshift hospital. Clara was getting around a lot more than she had been before when all she had to do was get to work and get home. Or with the occasional, but rare, trip to go out with Cooper or one of her few 'dates.' There was no way she could tell who had and who hadn't seen her. It may not be enough to ID her, but it was enough to make her body tremble at the possibilities.
Clara didn’t want to get arrested. She wasn’t sure what they would do to her, she wasn’t sure they could send her to a prison. They only had the cells in the police station locally, any convicted criminals were usually shipped out to the nearest prison. Clara hadn't thought of the state of such places with everything that was going on. If it wasn’t safe outside, would it be any safer in one of those places? The idea that she could be locked up with a bunch of dangerous, hungry people had her curling up under her covers and whimpering in fright.
With the turn her thoughts had now taken, there was no way she could fall asleep.
Fearful, Clara got out of bed and got dressed. Time had passed, even if she hadn't been aware of it. It wasn't as dark as it had been when she went to bed. She moved slowly, stealthily, making sure not to wake Cooper as she moved around the room, then leaving the house as quietly as she could.
She stopped outside, took a deep breath, and released it in a gust.
Now what?
The woman couldn’t still be where Clara had left her, but she had nowhere else to start looking. So, Clara went back to the scene of the shooting to try and find the woman. The sun hadn't come up over the horizon when she left, but it was still fairly light out. She did feel better when she didn’t encounter anyone on the way. The way she felt, she wasn’t sure she wouldn’t just give herself away by being careless.
It was cold, and the jacket she'd pulled on didn’t feel warm enough, even as she wrapped the fabric and her own arms tightly around her body. She still trembled lightly, and Clara wondered if it was the cold or her emotions that caused it. Perhaps a bit of both. Her breaths were shaky, her heart beat fairly normal, but still sending anxious waves through her body, making the unease grow in her stomach. It felt like no time at all before she got onto the street she remembered from last night. Her feet slowed against her will. She needed to get this over with, ignoring it wouldn’t make it go away, but she wasn’t in any hurry, either. Still, now that she was there, even though she wanted to, she couldn’t just turn right around and go back. She picked up the pace a bit, resolving to get it done as quickly as possible so she could get back home.
Outside the shop that the woman was trying to rob, there was a pool of blood. It was more than Clara would have thought, though she'd been trying very hard not to think about it. The woman must have stuck around after Clara left. Even with the makeshift bandage she'd tied on, the woman had bled, a lot. The small pool didn’t look all dried up, and she wondered how long the woman had stayed there and just how much she had bled. Coming from a human, especially one as thin and malnourished as the one she'd met last night, it was definitely serious.
Dammit!
Clara took another breath, and it was undeniably shaky. She probably should have stuck around and done something, running away probably just made her seem even more guilty. She was tempted again to just let this go, but she couldn’t. The woman was seriously hurt, Clara had to make sure she was at least okay.
The pool of blood had a trail that Clara followed. It led into an alleyway, and she paused for a moment, before making herself walk closer. She half expected to find her hurt behind the bins or something. But the trail seemed to end, and there was no sign of the woman. She even walked around a little, looking for something, though she wasn’t sure what, but there was nothing to find. After walking around, looking in every dark corner she came across, she was back to the shop, where she started.
There
was nothing.
Where could she have gone?
Her heart was beating harder now, truly worried. She should have noticed the woman was badly injured, but Clara hadn't thought it was quite this serious at the time. Had the bandages even held? With all the blood the woman seemed to have lost, Clara had the sinking feeling she could have died.
And it was my fault.
But she pushed the thought out of her mind and gave her head a hard shake. No. She couldn’t think of that now. The woman couldn’t be dead. Somehow, she'd gotten herself out of the area. Or… it was possible someone else might have seen her. There had been a lot of people out at the time she'd left. It wasn’t out of the question that some of them had come through this way and come across her. If she was so badly injured…
There was only one real option left. Clara decided it was the most likely; she should go to the hospital and see if the woman was taken in.
With a new plan of action, she moved forward. Her heart still beat out of control, but there was something like hope. It would be better for her if the woman died, but Clara didn’t think she could handle it if that happened. Even by accident, she didn’t want to be a killer. She was almost running now, hurrying to prove her idea correct. She wouldn’t think of any other possibility right then. The woman had to be all right.
She got to the hospital, and the situation had changed since the last time she was there. For one, there weren’t as many people. The noise wasn’t completely gone, but it was quieter than her last time there, though the smell was still just as bad. No one was there to meet her as she cautiously walked into the area. She scanned the hospital and felt relief when she found Felicia. She raised her hand in a wave to try and get the other woman's attention. It took a moment, but Felicia saw her and seemed to recognize her. She must not have been too busy because she walked toward her without hesitation.
"Well, I can't say I ever expected to see you again," she said dryly, pulling the gloves off her hands and stuffing them in a pocket. "It's been a while, Clara."
She kept her own hands under her arms, still holding herself. "I'm not here for the volunteer work, though. I was given other jobs." She shrugged in an awkward jerk. "I just wanted to check in on someone."
Felicia looked curious. "Someone you know made it in here?"
Clara hesitated slightly, wondering how to word it. "Not someone I know personally. I just wanted to ask if anyone with glass wounds was brought in?"
She held herself stiffly, hoping Felicia wouldn’t notice just how anxious she was. She still looked curious, but just shrugged and looked around.
"There was one person. Follow me."
She led Clara through the hospital. Her mind wanted to relive her previous experience, but she blocked it and kept her eyes on Felicia's back. She only looked up when they came to a stop.
Clara recognized her right away. As soon as she saw her face, she knew, and she felt her breath hitch. It was the woman she shot. At first, she wasn’t sure what she felt, several emotions clamoring for attention at once—there was relief that the woman was still alive, worry because she looked terrible and it was Clara's fault, anxiety because she didn’t want to get caught and blamed, no matter how warranted. Somehow, she kept her face blank and looked over the other woman.
She wasn’t moving, and her eyes were closed. Her skin was so pale and there were dark shadows under her closed eyes. She looked dead or dying. But the only reason she was still there was because she was still alive and with a fighting chance.
Clara had stuck around the last time long enough to know what they did with the bodies once people died. Bodies couldn’t be allowed to take up room, so they were moved away from the rest of the survivors. The hospital was hardly sterile, but Felicia had told her it was possible for the dead bodies to carry diseases, so they had to be disposed of quickly before they began to decompose. Clara had been horrified. The possibility was one of the many things that kept her away from the hospital after she'd left the last time.
"Will she be okay?"
She didn't mean to speak, but the words were out before she could call them back, and she waited for an answer anyway, turning her eyes to Felicia. Her eyes were narrowed, but Clara wouldn’t let herself react visibly. The look worried her, but she had to admit to herself that she was acting suspicious, after all.
"I think so. It's hard to tell, really, especially since she just might have an infection. With the small cuts on her, she would have been out fast, but she lost a bit of blood on the way here. We gave her some antibiotics, and supplies aren’t good but I am hoping that we can get her better." Her eyes narrowed further as she turned fully to face Clara, crossing her arms over her chest. "Do you know her?"
Clara felt herself shrink back from the look, before going still and straightening out. "No, not really. I was just out last night, with my sister and there was some commotion in the streets…"
Felicia didn’t look appeased. "You asked for this woman's injury specifically. She's the only one here with glass injuries brought in last night. Why are you so interested in this woman?"
Clara's anxiety spiked. There was no way Felicia would know, but paranoia had her wanting to run out of there. It would be stupid, and only serve to make her look suspicious, but there was no way she could have stayed and subjected herself to further questioning. She knew she would have broken down and said something damning anyway, so running was the better option.
"There's no reason," she rushed out, her feet already moving, and she left the hospital in a hurry.
Chapter Three
Clara was out in the back yard again the next day, helping Viola with her gardening. There were likely other things she could have been doing, but since this had brought her such peace before, she felt she needed it. So, she got up early and waited for her grandmother before suggesting it. Luckily, she didn’t have to wait for long. Viola had, of course, readily agreed and followed her out.
They'd been outside for some time, but it was still early enough for the air to be crisp, almost cold, though she could tell the sun had risen. She held herself back for as long as she could, but Clara was practically bursting at the seams. She didn’t just want to play with dirt—what she had really wanted was the alone time with her grandmother.
"Grandma?" she called tentatively, barely keeping the anxiety out of her voice.
Viola hummed, sending her a curious glance.
"Can I talk to you?"
They both stilled and Viola looked up to meet her eyes. Her grandmother wasn’t confused, she actually looked at Clara with her usual intelligence, and she knew her grandmother could tell this was why she'd wanted to come out here. Not just for the peace, but for someone to talk to.
She could just as easily have gone to Cooper. She usually did. They were so close, she talked to him about most of everything. But this time, she wanted a different opinion. Cooper knew her, but he didn’t know her family. And if it was him, he would do his best to say whatever made Clara feel better. He wouldn’t sugarcoat anything for her, he rarely ever did, but comforting her would be his first priority. Clara didn’t need that right then, not really. Her grandmother had been there for all of it, and though she wasn’t lucid at the best of times these days, Clara just needed her opinion on something specific. Viola knew her grandchildren—when she could remember them, but Clara was sure she did right then.
"What is it? What happened?"
Her brow furrowed in worry. Clara wished she could tell her not to worry, but she wasn’t sure herself if there was a need to.
"I wanted to talk about Tessa."
It wasn’t the only thing, but she didn’t think it would be a good idea to tell her ailing grandmother she'd nearly killed someone. Clara could just imagine her horror and disappointment. That was something she would tell Cooper, later. But this was something she could confide in Viola about Tessa's actions.
"What happened with your sister?"
Clara wiped her hands together and sat back on he
r heels, sighing. What wasn’t happening with Tessa recently? Clara could still remember her last talk with Tessa, how easy she had been to talk about Viola's death, that she couldn’t survive the new world. Clara was reluctant to agree, even though it was valid, but the way her sister said it like it was an inevitable conclusion… and then meeting Tessa outside.
"I was out last night. I was supposed to be doing some volunteer work for the town, and I was, but then something happened."
"What?"
"Did you know Tessa went outside?"
Viola looked surprised. "Your sister did?"
"She did." Clara nodded. "She was right in the middle of town inciting a crowd. I don’t know exactly what she was telling them, I didn’t hear a lot of it, but she sounded like some fanatic. I don’t know if it's because her mental condition is getting worse, or… I don’t know what to do about her."
The confession grated, it really shouldn’t be her job to look after her sister, but if she didn’t, who else would? The world as it currently was made everything dangerous. Tessa had claimed their grandmother wouldn’t survive in the new world, but Clara had failed to ask about Tessa herself.
No matter what she knew, what she thought she saw, Tessa was weak. She was thin, always short on sleep. Clara often wondered just how her sister still moved around looking like she did. Clara herself didn’t eat all that much, and Tessa maybe ate half of what Clara did, she always looked half-starved and swam in clothes that had fit her perfectly years ago.
However she acted, whatever she thought, Tessa was going to need her. And Clara was pretty sure she wouldn’t be enough, not with her sister's condition.
Viola sighed, wiping down her own hands and sitting down on the ground. "I'm worried about Tessa's behavior, too. You're always outside, Clara, so you don’t see. Your sister… ever since your parents died, I've had no idea what to do about her. Especially once she started closing herself off. I was supposed to be looking out for both of you and it hasn’t been easy, but it has been especially bad recently."
Zero Power (Book 2): Trying To Survive Page 2