You can't think like that, she thought to herself. It doesn’t change anything.
She pushed the thoughts away. She'd been trying to help. It went south, and she'd learned from it. It could have just as easily happened to anyone considering who they'd had to deal with. What happened was done and she couldn’t undo it if she kept worrying about it. She just had to put the new knowledge to good use for the future and avoid a similar situation happening again because of her idiocy.
"I've learned from my mistake," she said insistently, "I can handle it, I'm sure of it." But then she sat back and dialed down her vehemence at a raised eyebrow from the police officer. "Look at it this way. I have a family here; one I can't take with me anywhere. There are my sister and my old grandmother, and neither of them are healthy…" she hesitated about clarifying, but decided she didn’t need to. It was nobody's business as far as she was concerned. "If I go, I would have to come back for them. They are the only family I have, and they depend on me to look after them. I'll have to leave someone to take care of them for the time being, but I will definitely come back."
She just barely held back from pleading, feeling on edge as he studied her silently. She was their best bet. She had gone out and come back several times. She had a desire to please. It would have to be enough to convince them she would never bail. And it did. She almost squealed with joy when he nodded, feeling some of the bad emotions drain away because this showed they still trusted her in some way.
They had comforted her when she lost her deal with Charleston, but that hadn't necessarily meant they would keep trusting her to be of use. Even though no one had said it directly to her face, Clara was sure some people that hadn't been there, or hadn't been aware of the full situation, had definitely blamed her for what she'd done wrong. It only made her more determined to win their trust back and keep working to help.
"All right," he agreed. "I'll let you go. I do ask that you set out the next day. Just come back here tomorrow and try to be early, okay? You'll get a few more details then."
She nodded brusquely, then got up and left. If they were sending her off so soon, then they must have been thinking about it for a while and had put it off while they decided on who would take the trip. She wondered if they had everything ready, but probably not. He had said they were still looking for a car. Hopefully, they'd prepare to have her go out.
There was a skip in her step as she went home. She found Cooper in the living room, alone, and wondered where everyone else was. He smiled when he saw her, though, so she knew everything was fine.
"Hey. You're back earlier than I thought."
She answered his smile with one of her own, moving so she sat next to him on the couch.
"I don’t have anything to do right away, so I thought I might as well. It's another trip outside, just longer."
"Did they give you any details?"
She shook her head. "Not a lot, just that I will need to be away for a while. They're trying to find out the extent of the effects of the EMP. Other people were already sent out to other towns and they appear to be in the same situation, so they're looking to go farther."
Cooper looked thoughtful, nodding slowly. "I imagine they'd have to. This thing attacked all the closest big towns to us here; it must have gotten far. We can't expect help from outside, so it will take them a while just to figure out how far this thing goes. It could very well be the whole country…"
Clara knew that was what everyone was worried about. If this had affected the whole country, then it wouldn’t be as easy a problem to fix as people had hoped. Even worse, there would be no help for them, ever, with the way things were going. If at all, help was a long way off. But no one wanted to write it off completely because then they'd have to admit to themselves just how impossible the situation they were in was. There would be chaos if everyone just admitted defeat instead of looking for a way out of it.
"I wanted to ask you to accompany me on the trip," she admitted.
Cooper frowned and looked towards the stairs. "Who will look after Viola and Tessa if we both go? I thought you didn’t like leaving them alone by themselves."
"I asked Alice to help out," she explained. "She's a nurse and one of our neighbors. I asked her to help out with Viola and Tessa and in return, we can share food with her and her kids. I thought she came around?"
Clara had left the house pretty early, but Alice had promised to come by. Come to think of it, it was barely noon and Alice and her kids were nowhere to be seen. But Cooper nodded, and that made her relax a bit.
"Yeah, but I told her she didn’t have to stick around the whole day. One of her kids wasn’t feeling well and she had to go back. But are you sure she can handle it? Is it even a good idea to have other people coming here?"
Clara wondered if he meant it was a good idea to let others see just how much they had in their supplies. It was dangerous, in case they somehow made their way out to the shed. They could sell them out to the police for keeping all that food or blackmail them for more supplies. Or, they might attempt to just outright steal without them noticing. Clara didn’t want to think that of her fellow human beings, but these were desperate times.
It was necessary, though. She wouldn’t risk anything happening to her family just because she was worried. Somehow, the situation just had to be okay.
"I don’t like it either, but I know she's a qualified nurse, and Tessa needs all the help she can get. I can't just let her do as she wants, and none of us know how to handle her that well, not even me. We can't leave them by themselves."
She sighed and looked down. "I need to be doing things to keep me occupied," she confessed, reaching for both his hands and squeezing them in hers, and then peering up at him from under her lashes. "It's going to be the longest trip yet, I don’t even know how far we'll be going, or how long it will take to make it there and get back. And I want you there with me."
Cooper blushed. It surprised her for a moment, seeing his olive skin darken with blood rushing to his face, but her surprise was replaced with a smile at the next words he said.
"I'll go with you," he agreed, like she'd hoped he would.
Chapter Five
As Clara and Cooper were leaving the next day, Alice approached the house with her kids.
They were a boy and girl, ages eight and twelve. Clara waved a hand at them awkwardly. She liked kids as young as Dante and Michelle's daughter. But she had known the other girl longer.
The boy was at least only slightly older, but already beyond the age group that Clara could deal with. Of course, it helped that she'd been around Abigail Townson since she had been a toddler, and Abigail was familiar with Clara as well. The girl reminded Clara too much of the freshmen that usually came into her school, even though she was about a year or two behind. Through her work at the school, she'd come to realize that she dealt with teenagers the worst.
She had already stopped by the station earlier to get more information about the new task, so they just needed to be on their way. If Alice hadn't shown up, they would have had to stop by the nurse's house to speak to her and get them settled at the house, so this was convenient.
The first thing Clara had learned, was the police didn’t have a car yet. They were still determined to look, but they couldn’t find anything in the time before she had to leave. So, she and Cooper would have to go by bike. It lessened the time and distance they would have to go, actually, because no one expected them to go that far on just bikes. She supposed it was safer than a car; it would undoubtedly bring attention to them, but she imagined how exhausting the trip would be. Although, they couldn’t entirely escape calling attention to themselves, anyway.
Estimated time was around three days because of the shortened length of the trip. So, Clara had prepared a bag of food to pay for the three days she planned to be away for. It was a lot safer that way, seeing as she was sure Tessa wouldn’t go ahead with the plan, and she wasn't sure their grandmother even remembered what they had out in t
he shed. It would be safer if Alice and her kids didn’t notice they had more than what was in the house.
Really, she just didn’t want news of all the food they had getting around.
Leaving her sister and grandmother alone still made her anxious, but she felt a little comforted knowing they wouldn’t be by themselves.
Clara handed the prepared bag of food over to Alice. She nodded at the other woman's inquisitive look, that was quickly followed by one of relief.
"We should be gone for three days, max. If it takes longer I might add more for you when I get back. My sister is awake and sitting in the living room, though she'll probably be moving to her bedroom soon. She spends most of her time there. You'll find my grandmother in the kitchen or out in the garden. If she wants to work out there then let her, just remind her that she needs to eat."
Alice nodded as Clara talked, clutching the bag of food and urging her kids closer to the house. Two sets of curious, but cautious eyes looked up at the two of them as they moved away. Clara didn’t pay them much mind. Though she loved her other neighbor, Michelle's daughter, she had known the little girl for years. These two didn’t even look like they wanted to be friendly.
When she had no more to say, she stepped away, feeling Cooper's comforting warmth beside her as anxiety nearly overwhelmed her.
It's all right. They're in the best of hands. The kind of professional help none of them would have been able to afford before. She just had to trust that Alice knew what she was doing. At least Viola would be glad for the companionship.
"Have a safe trip," Alice called out to them.
Clara watched as she knocked to be let in. Tessa was the one to open the door and warily let her inside. Clara saw her sister shoot her and Cooper a sharp look before she closed the door hastily. Clara knew she wasn’t happy, but she wouldn’t do anything about it. In spite of how she acted, and how she let herself look, Tessa wasn’t actually a bad person, no matter how bitter she had gotten.
If she didn’t want to talk to anyone, she kept to herself, and it was the best that Clara could hope for. They hadn't talked at length about what having someone they didn’t know very well in the house meant, but Clara was sure Tessa would be even more aware than she was, and she would be careful.
"So, where to now?" Cooper asked, conversationally.
She shot him a look. "Well, I was told they had some bikes for us, so we have to head back into town to pick them up."
At least they didn’t have to go with her parents' bikes. After losing both hers and Tessa's bikes, she couldn’t risk those so soon, as well.
She could have told them about the bikes she had in her place, but she had been dismissed because they were busy that morning, and so she gladly left without mentioning it. Clara had almost asked what else had gone wrong but then decided she really did not need to know. She had more than enough to worry about currently without taking more on her shoulders.
They walked in silence, not hurrying their pace. They would be gone for a while, and now that she was about to leave, Clara was experiencing some reluctance. She wouldn’t allow it to make her pull out of the trip, but she would miss being home. This was the first time she would be out at night for as long as she could remember, not to mention she was anxious about leaving Tessa and Viola behind. They had someone to look after them, and it made her feel a bit better, but it wasn’t enough to completely eliminate her anxiety.
As they walked to town to pick up their bikes, though, Dante caught up with them. He called out to them, and she couldn’t confuse his voice with anyone else. They both stopped and turned around to see him approach.
Clara was surprised to see him at all. Though they were next door neighbors, after the last time she'd ventured out of town and taken Dante with her, he'd all but disappeared. Clara knew it was because of his wife, Michelle. She'd all but forgotten the woman's anger at her at their disappearance, even though they were only gone for the day. The other woman had assumed they were running off together, she even stopped them outside to have a one-sided shouting match. Something Clara had never expected she would do because it would air her family troubles to the entire neighborhood.
Her own family was private and though Michelle was not, she was careful of the image she displayed before others. She liked the attention, the positive kind, so while she gossiped about others, she made sure when they gossiped about her it was about how perfect her life was. Still, getting accused so publicly about running off with another woman's husband had been humiliating for Clara. She was just too exhausted at the time from the long trip to care.
It was a ridiculous idea, but not entirely unfounded. Clara did have an affair with her husband, even though Michelle didn’t have any proof. Her reaction that day meant she at least had suspicions, or she was just that possessive over her husband. Clara felt the guilt swimming in her chest, knowing that Michelle still had no idea and feeling glad of that.
"Hey, sorry I'm late," he panted lightly as he jogged the last few feet to them.
Clara's eyebrow shot up in her surprise. She had no idea what he was talking about. "I'm sorry? Late for what?"
Dante looked confused for a moment, before the look cleared, replaced by one of understanding. "I guess they didn’t tell you then. I'm going on the trip with you guys."
His eyes flitted to Cooper, who had, technically, not been instructed to go, but Clara asked for permission for the both of them and it had been granted. She hadn't seen Dante at the station so she wondered when he could have gone and why they told him to tag along with her. She hadn't heard of any groups of three people going, but if he was told to accompany them, Clara couldn’t just tell him to go away. So, they were hopefully going to be getting three bikes for this trip, or someone would have to stay behind.
Though it wasn’t an ideal situation, she'd gone out on volunteer work with him before, and he had been helpful, to a point. She was still glad to have Cooper coming with her, especially now. Once they got back, Michelle couldn’t possibly blame Clara for trying to run off with her husband. If it came down to it, Dante would be the one to stay.
She turned to go when she caught sight of Cooper, who was staring at Dante with an almost hostile expression. Clara stopped, surprised since it wasn’t a look she saw on Cooper that often. Actually, she couldn’t remember the last time, if ever, she had seen Cooper look like that. For some reason, he seemed almost angry that Dante would be joining them.
Well, she did have some idea, but this couldn’t possibly have anything to do with that, could it?
"No one mentioned you would be coming with us, Dante."
The other man shrugged helplessly. "I was looking for something to do and this was available, so they asked if I could take it, since I've been out with Clara before, and I said yes. I don’t have much of a choice—I've been kicked out of my own house, so it's at least something to do."
Clara gave another start of surprise. She hadn't realized that. Sure, when she last saw him, she expected him to have an argument with his wife, but she would never have imagined it would go to this length. She looked him over, but he didn’t look like he'd been homeless for a bit. His hair was unkempt, and his clothes looked a little ragged, but he didn’t look that bad.
It would explain why she hadn't seen him in a while. She'd gone back to the police after the incident, and when the police told her Dante wouldn’t go with her because he had taken a break from volunteering, she had taken Cooper with her. He must have been trying to appease Michelle, but if she kicked him out, it obviously hadn't been enough.
But why would Michelle just throw him out?
Their marriage wasn’t quite the most stable, but Clara knew Michelle was at least possessive of Dante, whether or not she loved him. And if she'd kicked him out, it meant she was stuck at home looking after and providing for two kids, a five-year-old and an infant. Considering she had always been the one to go off to work while her husband stayed at home with the kids, this revelation was slightly worr
ying, for the children's sake.
"I don't know how long she's going to keep me out of the house," Dante continued. "I've been trying to talk her down, but she isn’t budging, and the last thing I want to do is stress my kids out when the situation is bad enough as it is. I need something to keep me occupied, and this is it."
"It's your own fault for having an affair," Cooper snapped, and Clara was pretty sure she didn’t imagine him moving so he was standing between her and Dante.
Dante, who suddenly looked cautious, almost upset, at Cooper. "Maybe, but here's the thing, she still has no idea. It was just because I was sent out with Clara last time and she thought I had run away with her for some reason. I don’t know why she singled out Clara because she thought it even before we came back together."
"Maybe you're just not as good a liar as you'd thought," Cooper sneered. "Or Michelle was smarter than you made her out to be. Don’t you think she'll just think the same thing, react the same way, and blame Clara again for something that's your problem, to begin with?"
"Not as bad, now that you're here," Dante said slowly and frowned. "Cooper, calm down. What's gotten into you?"
Clara just sighed. She regretted ever having an affair with Dante, and she was sure her involvement in the matter was why Cooper was so on edge. She could argue and say it was technically partly her problem, but she knew Cooper, he wouldn’t listen to her if she defended the other man. He wouldn’t blame her, but he definitely blamed Dante.
"Cooper, just relax, okay? If he's going with us, we can't be fighting the whole way. Can you please just apologize to him and let's get going?"
He looked at her with an indecipherable expression before turning back to Dante. "I'm sorry," he said flatly.
But he still seemed angry about something. Clara wanted to stay and ask what, only she couldn’t because of Dante's presence. She was pretty sure he might refuse to say anything simply because the other man was there, and she didn’t want to force the issue.
Zero Power (Book 2): Trying To Survive Page 4