by Fiona Lowe
‘It was his idea.’ She moved to reassure their worried expressions, finding it harder than expected. ‘Neither of us wants anything permanent and he still loves Lisa. We’re both adults who’ve gone into this with eyes wide open. There’s nothing for you to be concerned about.’
Liar.
The creases in Jen’s brows faded slightly. ‘Well, you have to admit, he’s been a lot happier, so that’s a good thing, right?’
Sarah didn’t look quite so convinced but she smiled and leaned forward. ‘Just sex, eh? So how good is it?’
Poppy leaned back, raised her glass to her friends, unable to stop a wicked smile racing across her face. ‘Let’s just say good is a far too prosaic adjective to describe it.’
CHAPTER NINE
POPPY kicked up from the depths of the water hole, breaking the surface, and felt Matt’s arms wrap around her. She leaned back against him and stared up at the clear Outback sky. A strange feeling washed over her and she realised with surprise that this was what happiness felt like.
A while later, she lay in the shade cast by the massive, red-walled gorge, soaking in the unexpected coolness, when a mere forty steps away the sun was unrelentingly hot. ‘It’s so amazing that in the middle of all this arid, red-rocked, gibber-plain nothingness, there are ferns and a permanent water hole.’ She rubbed her arms, flicking off the water from her swim, and laughed. ‘I’m almost cold. How weird is that?’
Matt wrapped a towel around her shoulders. ‘The Outback has its secrets, you just have to open yourself up to them.’
‘And here I am.’ She gave him an arch look. ‘Although I thought the guy who asked the girl out did everything.’
He grinned. ‘Division of labour. I drove and you arranged the picnic.’
She smiled against a looming frown. ‘I’m not sure that’s actually a fair division, considering driving here happened on your day off and yesterday I had to shop and then put the food together.’
He winked. ‘Yeah, but it made you finish work a bit earlier. Besides, you needed a day off and I’ve wanted to bring you out here for ages.’
She flicked him with the towel, half in jest and half serious as the scars of her marriage reddened. ‘This week I’ve been home by eight three nights and no paperwork. I really think I’ve broken the back of the waiting list and things are getting more manageable and into a routine. Besides, you’re the one who told me to go fishing and accept invitations to clothing parties, so today was my first totally free day.’
‘How dumb was I? Still, that advice was before I got you into bed.’ He kissed her on the nose. ‘If you asked today, I might tell you something different.’
‘I’m not so sure about that.’ She looked hard into his eyes, trying to read more. She could see affection but it ran into something else. Something that prickled at her. ‘All I’m saying is that I came here with a job to do, and I’m getting it done.’
‘And all I’m saying is that balance in life is good.’ He stretched out next to her. ‘Your phone doesn’t work out here and doesn’t it feel good not to be obsessively checking emails?’
A defensive flicker clenched her gut. ‘I don’t obsessively check emails.’
He cocked a knowing brow.
‘OK, but to be fair, I’ve been sending William biweekly reports. How unreasonable is it to expect a reply?’
‘Poppy, he holds the power in this so accept that he’s toying with you and make it work for you.’
All her fears collided. ‘This is my career you’re so casually talking about. My life.’
He sighed. ‘I know it’s not easy for you to take advice but if I’ve learned anything in the last year and a half it’s that life isn’t all about work.’
She thought about how her father had consistently let her down, and how Steven had zeroed in on her need to be loved, turning it into a battlefield of ‘you change and then I’ll love you’. Now Matt was hinting along similar lines. The one constant in her life, the one safe thing that didn’t let her down, was her career. ‘And I’ve learned that my work is far more reliable than anything else.’
He opened his mouth to reply but she didn’t want to spoil the day by arguing any more about work or workloads so she leaned over and pressed her mouth against his, kissing him deeply and hoping that was enough to distract him. ‘Thanks for bringing me out here.’
He stroked her hair as she rested her head against his chest. ‘You’re very welcome. Walker’s Gorge is always worth the drive. When I was a kid, Mum would choose the beach for picnics but Dad and I loved it out here. It was a favourite with Lisa’s family, too. I remember getting into serious trouble when I was five after I pushed her into the water hole.’
Five! She could scarcely believe it. ‘You really were childhood sweethearts.’
He crooked his free arm behind his head. ‘It’s hard to think of a time when she wasn’t in my life.’
‘What about uni?’
‘Lisa came to Brisbane with me.’
It was spoken so casually, as if it was totally unremarkable that two people had lived all their lives together, but Poppy’s surprise swooped to her toes. Had they never been apart until her death? ‘So you were at uni together?’
‘No, Lisa didn’t want to go to uni. She was an artist and made the most amazing jewellery. She worked in the office of a law firm and made jewellery at night.’ His mouth curved into a smile full of pleasant memories. ‘We had a tiny flat with bookshelves made out of bricks and wood, beanbags for furniture, and it was decorated with Lisa’s artwork. Her parents weren’t happy about any of it and would visit often, mostly so her father could give me a really hard time about how I was a kept man because Lisa was earning more money than I was as a student.’
His chest rose and fell under her cheek. ‘The moment I qualified we got married, and I took great delight at outearning her so she could quit her job and do jewellery full time. When Annie arrived, we moved back here and she cut back the jewellery to commission pieces only because she loved being a stay-at-home mum and being involved in the town, volunteering.’
He’d never talked so openly and Poppy knew she should be pleased for him that he’d now reached a place in his grieving where he could do this, only the green monster that had been slumbering of late raised its head. Lisa had been family-oriented and naturally giving, everything she wasn’t.
Does it matter? It’s not your future. Your future is Perth.
Is it? A hollow feeling filled her gut. The words so easily spoken when they’d first started their affair were getting harder and harder to believe, but her heart knew the alternative wasn’t an option. Having it all— career, marriage and kids—was a big-time con and she’d learned that the hard way.
If he’d noticed her silence he didn’t show it. ‘If I’m honest, Lisa’s choices made my life a lot easier because, given the hours I sometimes work, coming home to an oasis of calm was a gift.’ He tensed. ‘Ironically, it was her push to go to Samoa that changed everything.’
‘No one was to know a holiday would end like that.’
He shook his head. ‘We weren’t there on holidays. Lisa had read about an organisation working with indigenous women to help them achieve sustainable futures and thought she could offer her skills and knowledge about turning crafts into income. She had it all worked out: we’d go for half a year and I could do medicine while she did business models.’
Poppy propped herself on an elbow and thought about how he’d mentioned staying in the Pacific for a while after the tsunami. ‘So you stayed and fulfilled her vision?’
He frowned and the sadness that had left him returned. ‘I stayed because I couldn’t leave. I tried to leave, believe me, but I just couldn’t separate myself from the island because it meant I had to accept Lisa and Annie were gone. Initially, I was part of the relief effort and the frantic pace kept the real world at bay, but once the Red Cross realised who I was, they pulled me out of the field because, as the paperwork described it, I was one of th
e victims.’ His chest heaved. ‘God, I hate that word.’
‘So don’t use it.’ She pressed her hand to his chest, wanting him to see himself in a new light. ‘You’re someone directly affected by the event and it changed the direction of your life irrevocably. It’s not OK that it happened but it doesn’t make you a victim.’
Matt traced a finger down Poppy’s cheek, marvelling at her inherent strength. ‘I like that reframing.’
‘It’s yours. What brought you back to Bundallagong?’
‘Time, and Lisa’s father eventually came over and said the town needed me back.’
‘Did you want to come back?’
He shrugged. ‘I had to do something and coming home was at least familiar. Same town, same job.’
‘Same house.’ She wrinkled her nose. ‘I think it must be unbelievably hard to try and live the same life you were living two years ago but without Annie and Lisa. I don’t think it’s really helping, is it?’
Her words echoed harshly yet truthfully in his head. He thought of the town’s tentativeness around him, of how the only place he’d ever felt close to normal was at work and how he now hated a house he’d once thought was the only place he’d ever want to live.
‘Nothing I do will bring them back so it really doesn’t matter what I do or where I live.’
A shot of white anger sparked in the depths of her eyes, shocking him. ‘That’s not true. You have choices, Matt. You don’t have to try and live the life you had before they died but why not finish the chapter you were living in when the tsunami hit? Lisa had a vision that she can no longer achieve but you can make it happen in her name.’
Fury, powerlessness and panic skittered through him. ‘I know nothing whatever about jewellery, Poppy!’
She sat up straight, her face both earnest and irritated. ‘But you probably know people who do, and if you don’t, you can find them. Who you actually know are the people in this town who loved and cared for Lisa and Annie, so start there. Do some fundraising and create a foundation in their name so the work can be funded long into the future.’
A foundation? He tried to shrug off the thought, cross that Poppy was being her usual steamroller self, but it insisted on taking a tenuous hold. Why hadn’t he thought of something like that? Because the time wasn’t right and you weren’t ready for it.
Was he ready now? The more he thought about it, the more the idea appealed. A foundation would do two special things—remember Lisa and help in a way she would have totally approved of.
And of all the people to think of this perfect idea, it had been Poppy, who hadn’t even known Lisa. In a way it connected them and he found that oddly consoling. A tide of mixed emotions poured through him and when he spoke, his words came out roughly. ‘Have you always been this damn bossy?’
She blinked and then a slow smile strolled across her cheeks before smouldering in her eyes. ‘Yes. Bossy and in this case absolutely right.’ She rummaged in her backpack. ‘I’m sure I’ve got a pen and paper in here and you can start brainstorm—’
He shot his hand out to touch her arm. ‘It’s all about balance, remember. I can and I will do that later, on the long drive back. But right now we’re on a day off and …’ He pulled her into his arms, nuzzled his face against her neck and smiled as she relaxed against him. His blood hummed when he heard her delicious moan of consent.
‘My dad does that to my mum.’ Poppy’s eyes flew open in wild and shocked surprise as Matt’s mouth trailed kisses along her collarbone while his hand caressed her left breast. She frantically leaned sideways to hide her partial nakedness and try and see who was talking. Matt almost toppled forward into the newly created space.
A little boy, who looked to be about five or six, stood in front of them, and she struggled to find a coherent reply as she pulled the shoulder strap of her bikini back into place. ‘D-does he?’
The child gave a serious nod.
Matt, having righted himself, now squatted at eye level with the child, a smile on his face. ‘Well, that’s good to know because it means he loves your mum.’
Love? Panic and joy stalled Poppy’s heart for a moment before common sense prevailed. Matt was merely explaining why he’d been more than just kissing her, in terms a child could understand.
‘They close the bedroom door.’
‘Obviously not always,’ muttered Matt, throwing her a look that combined laughter with chagrin. ‘I’m Matt. Who are you?’
‘Lochie, and I five.’
‘Five, hey? That’s getting big. And where did you come from, Lochie?’ He shielded his eyes with his hand and peered beyond the child and down the stony river bed, looking for people.
The little boy pointed behind him. ‘There.’
Poppy, now decent, scrambled forward, wondering why this child was alone in the middle of nowhere. ‘Where are Mummy and Daddy?’
‘I runned here first.’
Matt’s mind was obviously going to the same place as hers and he put his hand out to the little boy. ‘How about we go back the way you came and meet them? Because even though you know where you are, Mum and Dad don’t.’
Lochie shrugged. ‘OK.’
Poppy grabbed their towels and stuffed them inside the backpack. ‘I’ll come, too.’
Matt nodded, his face full of concern. ‘Good idea. There are two water holes in this area so I’ve got no clue which one his parents are heading for. The track, if you can actually call it that, divides. Best bet is to return to the car park and we either meet them on the way or we wait there until they come back to sound the alarm.’
She touched his arm. ‘Am I missing something about an Outback childhood or is the fact he’s separated from his parents really dangerous?’
‘No, you’re right, but not everyone realises the dangers in this place until it’s too late.’
They started walking and Lochie immediately streaked out in front, which was obviously what had got him separated from his parents in the first place.
Poppy called out, ‘Hey, Lochie, slow down,’ but the little boy didn’t alter his pace.
Matt sprinted up to him, catching him by the back of his T-shirt, and Poppy caught up to them just in time to hear Matt say, ‘Want to play a game, mate?’
Lochie’s eyes lit up. ‘What is it?’
‘You stand between Poppy and I, and hold our hands. We all walk together counting out loud, and something special happens on three.’
‘OK.’ The child’s warm hand slid into Poppy’s as Matt mouthed over his head, ‘We swing on three.’
Poppy knew Matt the lover, Matt the grieving widower and the professional doctor, but this was the first time she’d seen the father in him. Deep down inside her an old, faded and discarded dream moved.
‘Let’s go.’ Poppy started walking briskly to push away the unsettling feelings. Chief of Surgery is what you want and where you belong. You gave up the dream of motherhood a long time ago. Work is far more reliable than men. ‘One, two …’ she gripped Lochie’s hand firmly in her own to avoid any slipping ‘… three!’ Her arm swung forward, as did Matt’s, and Lochie’s legs swung sky high.
As the child’s feet touched the ground again, he gave a whoop of delight. ‘Again.’
Poppy laughed at his joy and looked across at Matt, knowing he would have done this very thing with Lisa and Annie, and a combination of concern for him and envy for herself sat heavy in her gut.
His expression was a revelation. Instead of the raw pain she’d seen so often in his eyes, his dark gaze held warm delight with a glimmer of resigned sadness. Sadness she knew would understandably stay with him for ever in some shape and form when he remembered his beloved daughter. Seeing him in action with Lochie, she knew he’d been a wonderful father.
The dream shifted again, tugging hard, morphing into something tangible and real. You, Matt, a child on a picnic out here. It tempted her so much that it terrified her. This time she deafened it with a loud yell of ‘One, two. wheeeeee!’
&
nbsp; The sun was dropping low in the sky and the air temperature dropped with it. Matt jogged back from the second water hole track, now seriously worried. He could see Poppy in the distance, wrapping Lochie up in one of the towels to keep him warm. Where the hell were his parents?
Relief filled Poppy’s eyes when she saw him. ‘Are they on their way back?’
‘I didn’t find them.’
Her face blanched and he gave her arm a squeeze. ‘It’s time to contact the police.’ He leaned into the truck and got onto the radio as he heard Lochie asking for food.
‘What about a lucky dip?’ Poppy sounded overly bright as she opened the top of her backpack. ‘Stick your hand in there and see what you can find.’
Lochie looked sceptical but Matt smiled, knowing Poppy had a secret stash of food in that pocket of her backpack. She had a natural affinity with children, which had been another surprise to him. It shouldn’t have been. He’d learned over the past weeks that once people got past the smoke and mirrors of her no-nonsense, crisp façade that she hid behind, they found a woman with a huge capacity to give.
‘Chocolate!’ Lochie held up the distinctive purple-foiled bar.
‘Jack, it’s Matt Albright. We’re at Walker’s Gorge with a five-year-old and his parents are missing. Vehicle has New South Wales plates. We’ve been back at the car park for well over an hour and I’ve walked the two tracks the little bloke said he’d been on but there’s no sign of them.’
‘Five-year-olds are not that reliable, Matt.’ The experienced police officer took the registration number and went on to suggest he break into the vehicle for any clues.
Cursing central locking, he yelled to Poppy and Lochie. ‘We need a big rock to break a window.’
‘Now, that’s not going to be hard to find.’ Poppy took two steps, picked one up and threw it through the driver’s side window.
‘You’re really bad!’ Lochie threw himself at Poppy’s legs and she immediately bent down. ‘Sweetie, I’m sorry but we need to see if Mummy or Daddy left a map or a plan of where they were going and they’re not going to be cross, I promise.’