by Fiona Lowe
The ride up to the bluff wasn’t as difficult as she’d expected, but once at the top her legs felt rubbery and her back was beginning to ache, so she was happy to slip out of the saddle while Rafe had a look around. “It’s beautiful up here,” she said, gazing out over the great expanse of land.
“Jess and I used to come up here when things got too intense at home. It always felt safe. Probably because I knew the old man was too drunk to come this far looking for me.”
“Would he have seen beauty up here if he’d been able to get here?”
“What a joke! Lawrence Corbett see beauty anywhere? Not a chance in hell.” He stepped up to the precipice outside the shelf where he and Molly had spent that evening, visored his eyes with his hand, then looked out over the valley below. “He was a miserable man, Edie. Rotten soul. Nothing fazed him, nothing touched him except the ugliness he chose to have around him.”
“Yet he was a good doctor?”
“A brilliant doctor, technically. Don’t know how he related to his patients, but no one ever complained, as far as I knew. So I guess he knew how to curb the demon when he was on the job.”
“He must have been a miserable man.”
“That much is true. He was.”
“I mean miserable in his own skin. How could anyone live with himself, straddling the line the way he did? Good doctor, bad person?”
“Guess I’ve never asked myself that question.” He walked over to Donder and pulled a pair of binoculars from his saddle bag. “Probably because I never gave a damn about anything having to do with my old man.”
“So why not let him go now, Rafe?” She picked up a fist-sized stone and handed it to him. “This is your father. Throw him over the cliff and be done with him once and for all.”
He studied the rock for a moment then tossed it on the ground. “I like the way you care, Edie. Shows me there’s still good in the world. But it’s not as simple as that. I can’t simply hurl everything over the side of the cliff and put an end to the past thirty-five years of my life.” He reached out and brushed his thumb across her cheek. “If it were that easy, I’d throw every loose rock up here over the edge. But that’s not going to get rid of the one glaringly obvious problem—I am my father’s son. I look like him and I act like him.”
She took the binoculars and headed back to the edge of the overlook then began to scan below for any signs of Molly or her horse. “Personally, I like the look. At least he left you something good. But as far as acting like him …” She turned herself to face south, and continued looking. “Answer me this one question, Rafe, and answer it honestly. If you weren’t afraid that you were like your father, would you keep Molly?” She knew the answer could break her heart, especially if it didn’t include her, but she also knew it could be the best thing for Molly.
“Yes,” he whispered. “I would.”
A single tear clipped down her cheek. “Then you have to keep her. Because here’s the thing.” She turned to face west. “Your father wouldn’t have come up here looking for Molly this way. His heart wouldn’t be ripping in two, thinking about the little girl being out here somewhere, lost. He wouldn’t be putting Molly’s needs before his own. You are not your father, Rafe. But you are Molly’s father, the man who loves her and who would give his own life to protect her. And you would, wouldn’t you? You would give up your very life right now if that’s what you had to do to save Molly, because you love her more than you love yourself.”
“Yes,” he choked.
“Then it’s settled. I’m not sure how we’re going to work out the rest of the details, but for now we don’t have to. All we have to do is find Molly.” She swiped back her tears then turned to him. “Grace will be happy, Rafe.” She’d done her job. Done the right thing. But the pain was unbearable as she didn’t know if she would be included in what she’d just done. Rafe had overcome such a major hurdle in his life, but could he overcome another one? Or would it even be fair expecting him to, considering how difficult it had been to get him to realize his feelings for Molly?
Maybe that was as far as it could go.
Before Rafe could respond, his cell phone rang. “That was Rick,” he said a moment later. “He said he hasn’t found a single clue that would indicate Molly has even come out this far, so he’s going to head out to Jess’s cabin, regroup and get ready for a night ride. I think we should do the same thing. Meet Rick at the cabin and regroup.”
She glanced up at the setting sun, the gold and pinks of the evening sky, and nodded. “Maybe we’ll see something on the way there.” She could only hope because even though Molly wasn’t going to be her daughter now, that didn’t mean the connection was automatically broken. She still felt so linked to that child, still loved her in ways she’d never believed she could love anyone. “I don’t want to leave her out there in the dark, alone, all night.”
“Neither do I,” he said, stepping up to Edie and pulling her into his arms. “But I want you safe in the cabin while I go back out, because I’m not going to put you at risk the way Molly is.”
“I can hunt along with you all night, Rafe.”
“Maybe you can, but I can’t do it. The two people I … I love most in the world … I can’t have them both at risk.”
She heard the words, and they scared her to death, because she truly did want to believe them. Part of her, though, chalked them up to some kind of emotional reaction to Molly being missing, while part of her hung on to them for dear life. She didn’t know what to do, couldn’t figure it out right now. Maybe she was afraid to figure it out. So instead of over-thinking the moment, she simply sighed contentedly and stayed in his embrace for another moment. Then she gathered the resolve to push herself away from him. “How about I lead the way back down, and you can bring up the rear? That’ll give you a better vantage point in case we’ve missed something on the way up.” Oh, she knew what she’d missed on the way up. And now she was scared to death that she could lose it on the way down. Or lose it after Molly was discovered safe and sound. Or after Rafe came to his senses and remembered what he’d said in the heat of the moment.
But it was all good, she kept telling herself. She’d done what she was supposed to, what she’d promised she would, and the rest of it … well, the only thing she knew for sure was that she loved Rafe, loved Molly. For now, it was enough.
“At least eat something before you two go out again,” Edie insisted, as she scanned Jess’s cabinets for anything she could heat up. “Here … some soup. Will you have some soup?” She eyed the propane stove, not sure how to get it going. The cabin wasn’t wired for electricity, but Rick had laid a nice fire in the fireplace, so that was good. She wouldn’t have to sit alone in the dark once they went back out. And there was indoor plumbing.
“You heat the soup,” Rick said. “While you’re doing that, I’m going to step outside and call my son. Say goodnight, maybe tell him a bedtime story.”
What she wanted to be doing with Molly right now. What Rafe would be doing with Molly very soon. Or maybe what they’d be doing together.
“And I’m going to look around the cabin to see what Jess left behind in the way of flashlights and batteries. This could turn into a long night.” He glanced at Edie. “And soup will be fine. Thank you.”
“I’m going to fix a flask of it to take along, in case you find Molly. She’ll need something to warm her up.”
“You’re going to make a wonderful mother,” he said. “Someday, maybe.”
“She’s your daughter, Edie. You can’t deny that.”
“And she’s your daughter, too. You can’t deny that.”
For the first time in what seemed like for ever, he managed a smile. “You know I’m a work in progress, don’t you? With a lot of emphasis on the work.”
“Aren’t we all?” she whispered, as she opened the first can and dumped it into a pot. And for the first time her optimism didn’t outweigh her fears. It’s what she wanted, of course, but now that she was so close to h
aving it all, she was also so close to losing it all. But that was her fear to overcome, wasn’t it? The one fear she’d never been able to get rid of.
A loud slam at the front door startled her out of her thoughts, and she looked up to see another large man step inside. One she vaguely recognized, but wasn’t sure about.
“Where’s Rafe?” he asked.
It had to be Jess. Same voice. Same eyes. “He’s in the back room, looking for flashlights.”
“And you’re … Edie? I think I’ve seen you around.” “I’m Edie.”
He studied her for a moment then smiled. “I always wondered what you’d look like.”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“The woman who could bewitch my brother. Wasn’t ever sure it would happen, but I always wondered what she’d look like if someone did. Welcome to the family, such as it is, Edie.”
“That’s a little premature,” she said.
Jess grinned. “I doubt it, but we’ll see.”
“What the hell are you doing here?” Rafe boomed from the doorway to the back room before Edie had a chance to respond to Jess.
“I came as fast as I could. Caught a helicopter up when I heard what was going on.”
“Who called you?” Rafe asked.
“Wasn’t you, big brother. It was Rick. Should have been you, but we’ll take that up later on. In the meantime, are you up to some night riding?”
“Nothing could stop me, but, Jess, Rick’s out there, getting ready to ride, too. He’s been solid in this … in everything.”
“I can deal with Rick.” Jess stepped over to Edie and pulled her into his arms. But briefly. Then he stepped away. “My brother is certainly one lucky son of a …” He cracked a grin at Rafe. “Give me ten to get ready then we’re out of here. But just for a couple of hours, if we want to be fresh for morning. And, Edie, if you could open up another can of soup, I’d appreciate it.”
She watched the three men eat, and it struck her that they were all very similar. She couldn’t explain how, but later, as they mounted up in the dark and she watched them disappear into the night shadows, she knew, for the first time, that they would find Molly. So much power, she thought. Rafe, Rick, Jess … so much power. When she settled down by the fire to wait, that was the thought she clung to.
“You’ve been to Hideaway Bluff?” Jess asked, as they headed down the west trail.
“Took a good look around a while ago,” Rafe replied. “I took Molly up there the other night. It’s where I think she finally came to terms with Grace’s death, and I thought sure that’s where I’d find Molly.”
“Maybe she’s still trying to find her way out there,” Rick suggested. “We give Molly a lot of credit for being an amazing child, but she’s only five so maybe that’s where she’s still trying to get to and she just hasn’t made it there yet.”
“Then we should go back there,” Rafe said.
“Rick’s right,” Jess said. “In the city, when we do a search and rescue for a child, we always go to the obvious places first, then keep going back to them. Children are predictable. They want to go to someplace they know, someplace they feel safe … like you and I did when we were kids, Rafe. I’m betting that Molly is trying to get to Hideaway Bluff.”
“Not in the dark,” he gasped, thinking of how dangerous it could be. “She wouldn’t …”
“She would,” Rick assured him. “Christopher finds his refuge in the food pantry at home. It’s large enough that he doesn’t feel closed in and small enough that he feels safe.” He chuckled. “That, plus he knows where I hide the cookies. But, seriously, Jess is right. Kids need that familiarity. If Molly feels a special connection to this place you call Hideaway Bluff, then the chances are she’s still trying to get there.”
The three of them rode silently back in the direction of the bluff, relying mainly on the moonlit night and stars to guide them, and with every pounding hoofbeat along the trail Rafe thought about his life, the way it had changed, the way it would change. It scared him, but he was ready to face the fear. But everything still boiled down to some basic questions. Could he live in Lilly Lake again, because it might come down to that? Could he really sit on the front porch of Gracie House, look across the street, and not see his old man there or feel his old man haunting him, trying to get under his skin?
The only answer he could find in himself was Edie. She believed, and because of that, he wanted to believe. No, he wasn’t there yet, and it might take him a long time to get to where he believed on his own. But for now, maybe leaning on Edie’s belief would be enough. It had to be, because he didn’t want to lose her.
Of course, there was another consideration in all this. If he couldn’t make it here, could Molly survive Boston? Could Edie? Because they were the most important parts of him now, the two essential parts of his equation. The truth was, he was already thinking of the three of them in terms of a family, which was putting the cart well before the horse because his work in progress really did need a hell of a lot of work. So, borrowing from Edie’s optimism, they’d just take it one day at a time, the three of them, and figure it out from there.
“Molly’s pony!” Rick called from off to the side, closer to the tree line, interrupting Rafe’s thoughts. “It’s tied up over here.”
Rafe and Jess immediately brought their horses around and stopped short of where Lucky was tied, rather loosely, to a sprawling mulberry bush. “Molly!” Rafe shouted into the night.
He listened, but heard only the sound of crickets.
“So she’s on foot,” Jess said. “Which means a couple of us need to be on foot, too.” He slid off his horse at the same time Rick did. “I think, Rafe, that you should go on up to the bluff again while Rick and I cover this area down here. I don’t think Molly’s hurt, but she may be getting scared or a little woozy from dehydration, and she might not respond to us when we call so we’re going to have to take it slowly. Look under all the bushes, behind all the logs and trees. But I think that if she did make it to the bluff, you need to ride hard to get up there, because she’s got no business in a place like that, all alone, in the middle of the night.”
“We used to do it,” Rafe reminded him.
“But we had each other. That’s the difference, big brother. We had each other.”
And they still did, he was only now coming to realize. “Look, I’m sorry I’ve given you a hard time about becoming a firefighter. When this is over, Jess, we need to—”
“I know,” Jess interrupted. “And we will.”
“I’m glad you’re here, little brother. I needed you.” He glanced over at Rick. “And him, too. He’s a good guy, Jess. We need to do something about him and the hospital. Make him a partner, at the very least.”
“I’m glad I’m here, too. You couldn’t have kept me away. And about Rick, we’ll work it out. Now, get the hell out of here, OK?”
That was exactly what Rafe did. He rode hard through the darkness for the next half-mile, until he came to the trail leading up to the bluff. “Molly!” he yelled, then listened. Nothing. So he dismounted. Taking a horse up there at this time of the night was crazy. By foot was the only sane way, even if it was going to take an eternity. “Molly!” he called again, as he began his ascent.
Every few feet he called again, facing disappointment and a rising level of fear each time when there was no response. Then finally, when he was in sight of the shelf where he and Jess had spent so many nights, he called out one more time, pretty sure by now that this was futile. “Molly, if you can hear me, sweetheart, please say something.” It was a cry of desperation. “Please, Molly …” A plea ripped from his heart. “You’re not in trouble. I want to make sure you’re safe. So if you can hear me …”
“Rafey.” the tiny voice cried out in the night.
When he heard her voice, Rafe shut his eyes, said a silent prayer of thanks, and brushed the tears from his eyes. “Come to Daddy, sweetheart. Come to Daddy.”
“She’s sl
eeping peacefully,” Edie whispered, tiptoeing from Molly’s bedroom. “Exhausted, and glad to be home.”
Rafe was sitting on the hall floor outside Molly’s room, his back to the wall. He’d allowed Edie to bathe and dress Molly for bed, but he’d refused to go any further than that. “She said she wanted to talk to Aunt Grace.”
“Because we were fighting, Rafe. She heard us, and it scared her because she knew we were fighting about her.” Edie slipped down to the floor next to him and leaned her head on his shoulder. “We did that to her, Rafe. We scared her.”
“I remember when my dad used to get so mean, and I couldn’t get away, so I’d hide under the bed and hope he’d go away. Molly wasn’t hiding under the bed but it’s the same thing, and I know what it’s like to be that scared.” He took hold of her hand. “I’m going to stay here, Edie.”
“In Lilly Lake?”
“In Gracie House. It’s not about me any more. I mean, I’m not over all that mess in my past, but I’m moving forward. More than that, I want to move forward, and that’s because of you.”
“Because of Molly,” she corrected.
“I would have never let Molly in if it hadn’t been for you. And I never meant to hurt you, Edie. All the things I’ve said, all the arguments … I’m sorry.”
“But I’m not,” she said. “Because look what you’ve got. In the end, that’s what got you to where you are now.”
“You mean with Molly?”
“Of course I mean with Molly. I’ve always seen it in you, Rafe. Grace knew it was there, too.”
“But you love her as much as I do. I always saw that in you.”
“Loving someone … it’s a gift, Rafe. There are so many people out there who are never lucky enough to find it, so when you do have a chance at it, you’ve got to grab hold and hang on. That’s all I wanted you to do. Grab on to Molly and hang on until you found your way. I never thought I’d be part of that because I didn’t trust myself enough to think I could. Even now I wonder if I’m everything you and Molly need …” “Everything, and more.”