The reality of making love with this man eclipsed even her wildest dreams of the last few weeks. Her body still throbbed with leftover sensual pleasure. He’d gifted her with feelings which embraced a spectrum of sensation, from urgent and demanding—and ultimately explosive—to slow, deep and intensely fulfilling.
Her heart danced now with the memory of the look on his face as their yearning bodies moved perfectly together. Their eyes had remained fixed on one another, and in Adam’s awed gaze she’d seen a reflection of herself which was … beautiful. No one—no one—had ever made her feel that way before, and at that moment she could have stayed locked together with him forever. Here, in heaven.
Idly, she picked up the hand he rested on her hip. His fingers were thick and work-roughened with blunt, square nails, and she marvelled at how gentle their trembling touch had been on every too-long-untouched part of her body. She placed his hand back on her hip then moved her fingers gently over the small curls covering his hard chest. Among the dark hair, a mass of circular scars shone white in the moon’s light.
Heaven disappeared. Instant anger gripped her throat, and tears flooded her eyes. How anyone, let alone a parent, could violate a child in this way was incomprehensible.
‘Not pretty, is it?’ His voice rumbled against her ear.
She lowered her head and swallowed hard, a useless effort at disguising just how distressed the sight of his scars left her.
‘You don’t have to say anything. I understand.’ Though his voice was emotionless, his hand had clenched into a fist.
No, he didn’t understand. ‘I love your body,’ she whispered, ‘wounds and all.’ She traced the outline of a faded crater, softly kissed it. ‘I’m just glad you’re a survivor. That you’ve managed to emerge from under all that rubble. With scars to show, yes, but you’re alive.’ The next words were out before she knew it. ‘I love you, Adam.’
Her words hung in the air. She could hardly believe she’d said them aloud. Heartbeat thundering, pulse hammering, she waited for his response. It had been the longest time since she’d allowed herself to leap with her heart. Was she a complete idiot to have done it now?
He said nothing.
After several seconds, she dragged her gaze up to his face. He remained silent, but he didn’t need to say anything. She knew, from the way his eyes searched hers with a look that was almost reverent, he loved her too. He just needed time to realise love was the emotion he was feeling.
She wanted to say so many things to him. To tell him how honoured she was by the trust he’d placed in her, telling her his story. To thank him for helping her see herself more clearly, possibly for the first time. To let him know, from her own experience, that while falling in love could be scary, there was no risk-free way to do it.
But all thought faded as his mouth closed over hers, the hot pressure of it stealing her breath. It was more than just a kiss; it was a promise of never-ending safety in his arms. Even if it was only for tonight, that promise meant more to her than anything else in her life.
CHAPTER
21
March 31
Adam felt his lips twitch in a smile as he lingered dreamily in the void between sleep and waking.
Did last night really happen? His eyes sprang open. Judging by what met his gaze in the bright light of morning, the answer to that would be yes. A definite yes. A yes he wanted to shout out loud.
Evie lay next to him, still sleeping, her breathing calm and regular and her long, dark hair adorably tousled around her face. God, she was so beautiful. She looked soft and innocent and peaceful.
And sexy as hell.
He’d never felt so blindingly happy in his whole life. So … content. Finally at peace with the world.
He breathed in deeply. The fragrant flowery scent of her clung to his skin and he could still taste the sweetness of her mouth on his. He stared at her lips, remembering vividly how it felt to be kissed by her. She might look for all the world like an angel this morning, but her actions last night had been far from angelic.
Her body was every bit as wonderful as he’d imagined. Lean and lithe, but lusciously full and soft where it should be. He steeled himself against the lightning bolt of desire that shot through him as more memories of their lovemaking returned. She’d been passionate and responsive. He’d made her gasp with pleasure, moan for more. And her excitement had left him feeling both weak at the knees and more powerful than he’d ever felt before.
The memory evoked more sensations than he could cope with at one time. He tried to concentrate on the soothing sounds of lapping waves outside the window in an attempt to drum out the arousal.
No one could do what she did to him, but it was so much more than her obvious physical appeal that held him captivated. He trusted her, felt closer to her than he’d ever felt to anyone in his life. Her compassion, her depth of understanding, her ability to listen without judgement, had finally rendered his defences useless. The relief of it had been all-encompassing. He’d confided things he’d never told another human being. And through the act of at last sharing his shame, and having every expression of his own inadequacy vehemently refuted by her, he’d started to think that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t the worthless loser his father had branded him.
For the first time in weeks, the dreaded depths of night had been nightmare-free. And the terrible ache inside, the pain he’d thought of as never-ending, was nowhere near as gut-wrenchingly intense as he’d grown accustomed to.
But it was her words, her telling him you are enough, that had brought his heart to bursting point. The point of no return.
The closeness they’d reached last night, Evie’s total and utter acceptance of him for who and what he was, had given him a sense of belonging. That was when he’d known for certain this was what he’d missed all his life. Of course he’d be forever grateful for the family May and Larry had formed around him, and for finding a place where he belonged, on the farm. But now, to have found the woman he belonged with, and to have her say she loved him …
Hearing the word had sent tremors down his spine, raising hairs in their wake. There was no way to describe the emotions that flooded his brain. How could he feel terrified, exhilarated and disbelieving all at the same time? The effect intimacy had—expanding emotions he was only just learning to grasp—was frightening.
He loved her, too. But actually saying the word was a hurdle a little too high to leap just yet. He clearly still had some issues he needed to sort through, aching as he was for love, but scared to death when faced with the reality of it. So, instead of words, he’d used his body to show the feeling he found too difficult to voice. And their lovemaking had been the most intensely pleasurable experience of his life.
A sleepy sigh of satisfaction came from beside him. Spreading her arms languorously above her head, Evie breathed in deeply and her eyelids flickered open. He watched her face light up as she slowly registered his presence.
‘Mmm,’ she murmured, rubbing sleep from her eyes. ‘Morning.’
Propped up on one elbow, he gazed across, absorbing the sight of her, still battling disbelief that this was really happening. ‘Good morning, Gorgeous,’ he said, wanting more than anything to take her into his arms and kiss her into wakefulness. ‘Sleep okay?’
‘Like a baby. You?’
‘Only complaint I have is that someone stole the sheet.’ He pointed to where she had it wrapped around her.
Her lips stretched into a full-on grin. ‘If that’s your only complaint, you’re not doing too badly, are you?’
‘Guess not.’
He reached out and brushed a stray strand of hair from her cheek. She took his hand and kissed it. Everything felt so natural with her. Like she’d always been there, a sunshiny presence in his life.
‘Adam?’ Her expression turned serious. ‘I know it’s difficult, but we need to talk about how we’re going to handle this … situation.’
He refused to feel any guilt over making love with
her. If becoming involved with Perfect Mate had taught him anything, it was that he needed to find the woman perfect for him.
And he had.
The fact Evie wasn’t a contestant was problematic but nothing that couldn’t be overcome. Obligations with regard to the contract he’d signed would still have to be fulfilled—he was a man of his word—but when it all boiled down, neither Chrissy nor Meg had ever stood a chance, not with Evie in the picture.
He brought her close, tucking her head underneath his chin. Her breasts pressed against his ribcage and the warmth of her breath on his neck sent shivers coursing through him. ‘We do,’ he reluctantly agreed, ‘but not right now.’
‘Something more important to do?’ She lifted her head to look at him, the message in her lovely eyes unmistakable.
He ran his hands over her naked body, committing every beautiful inch to tactile memory, then, with a hand on each shoulder he pushed her gently from him. The last thing he wanted was to let go but the clock-radio was staring him in the face. ‘It’ll have to be on the way to the hospital. We’re due to take over from Cam in twenty minutes.’
‘What?’ She leaped from the bed. ‘I have to get back to my cabin to change.’ Still in the intriguing process of pulling her dress down over her head, she exited the door. Then she ran back, cupped his face and kissed him. ‘See you in ten.’ As she tore off again, she snatched up her bra and knickers from the floor and called back over her shoulder, ‘Love you.’
With those two wondrous words, the whirlwind that had irrevocably changed his life was gone. As he hauled his body out of bed, he could scarcely believe her words were for him. Was he really good enough for this beautiful woman? He’d come from nothing. He was damaged goods.
Yet, even knowing that, Evie loved him. What a special person she was. And how lucky he was to have found her. His throat momentarily thickened and he blinked back tears.
‘Me too,’ he whispered after her, voice gravelly with emotion.
The words were weighted with regret. Not because he didn’t mean them—far from it—but because he should have said them directly to her. Hell, he should have used the ‘L’ word itself, if it wasn’t so laden with guilt from his troubled past.
Although that past no longer seemed as overwhelmingly difficult to deal with as it once had, thanks to Evie.
His eyes were still blurry with tears but he couldn’t keep the smile from his face as he stepped beneath the cool needles of water spitting from the showerhead. There were still things he had to sort out inside—he wanted to be … whole … when he told her he loved her for the first time—but the future looked good.
A short time later, as they made their way along the dusty backstreets to the hospital, the conversation was necessarily subdued, the carefree spontaneity of earlier all but forgotten. In the shower Adam had mentally rehearsed the words he wanted to say to her. Evie needed to know he’d only ever dared dream of a life beyond his empty existence, until she’d turned it into reality last night. He needed to tell her life was just too precious for them not to be together. And that they had to explain that to everyone involved.
But Evie had hijacked the discussion with talk of the need to keep secret what had happened between them. For the time being at least. Her arguments—that too many people would be hurt, that the show would have to be cancelled, that her professionalism would be compromised—were all valid, yet the idea disturbed him massively. Secrets, as he well knew, had a habit of becoming burdens. This was supposed to be a new beginning; he didn’t want to start it with being less than honest.
But what choice did they have?
* * *
When they arrived at the hospital, Meg was perched upright in bed. Thankfully, Evie noted, she seemed to be back to her perky self again as Cam went through the formalities of taping Adam’s arrival and her reaction to it. Meg was effusive in her reassurance that none of what had occurred was Adam’s fault. But with his arms folded across his chest and his gaze fixed on the floor—classic signs of a guilty conscience—Adam still apologised repeatedly, his sincerity clearly heartfelt.
The guilt may have been about Meg ending up in hospital, or it may have been for what had happened between herself and Adam the previous night. Evie suspected it was a mixture of both.
‘So what did you guys get up to last night?’ Meg asked, looking up at them.
‘Nothing—’
‘Ate dinner and—’
She and Adam both spoke at once.
Suddenly Evie felt sick to her stomach. Lying, even if by omission, felt bad enough, but if they gave themselves away through nerves the ramifications would be devastating. What was happening affected too many people.
Her incredible joy of early this morning, of waking up next to the man of her dreams, of seeing the sparkle of pure happiness glittering in those dark-brown eyes and knowing she was the reason for that, had filled her with a sense of rightness. Unfortunately the feeling had been too short-lived.
‘We ate dinner. Talked.’ Adam’s thumbs tapped their habitual tattoo.
Evie knew his rules of gentlemanly conduct, understood this was as hard for him as it was for her. At least their conversation with Meg was now on safe ground, and everything he said was true. In as far as it went.
Too many boundaries had been crossed last night without complicating things still further.
‘You got to eat my barramundi?’ Meg demanded of Evie, shaking her red curls in misgiving. ‘That’s going to cost you, lady.’ Then she grinned. ‘A girls’ night out when we get back home to Perth.’
Relief swept over her, instantly followed by remorse for feeling relieved that Meg suspected nothing. Evie pulled at the collar of her shirt to cover any telltale sign of the heat of guilt rising up her neck. ‘It’s the least I can do.’
The very least. Her sense of what was right was taking a battering here.
Despite both loathing dishonesty, she and Adam had agreed on the need to keep what had happened to themselves while they tried to figure out what to do about it. Things were crazy enough without bringing others into this. And what was happening between them was too precious to be marred by accusations from people who all had their own stake in this tangled situation.
Meg turned to Adam. ‘And you, mister, owe me a proper date. Let’s make it a place closer to civilisation next time, okay?’ She chuckled, but there was an edge to her words, as if they were closer to the truth than she cared to admit.
‘I’ll … see what I can do,’ said Adam. His face was impassive but there was a lot going on behind that stoic mask. Thank heavens one of them seemed to have it all together.
‘If he doesn’t come up with the goods, give me a call,’ Cam piped up.
Meg winked at him. ‘I might just do that.’
The cameraman gave a mischievous grin back.
‘So what happens now?’ Meg asked no one in particular.
I’ve been asking myself that question all morning, Evie agonised anew.
Last night had tossed her world well and truly flat on its backside, legs left dangling in the air, and there was no getting back upright from there. In admitting to Adam she loved him, she’d laid herself bare, so to speak, for the first time in a long time. It would have been perfect to have him echo those words but, as she well knew, articulating his emotions was difficult for him. Responding as he had with actions, worshipping her body and giving her the most exquisite pleasure of her life, had to be enough. For now.
‘The good news is we can leave as soon as the doctor gives the all-clear.’ Cam’s voice cut across her thoughts. ‘The bad news is he’s been called away and isn’t due back until late this arvo.’ He yawned then scratched idly at his ginger-tinged facial shadow, making a rasping sandpaper sound. ‘Meanwhile, I reckon I’d better go for a shower.’
‘I second that motion.’ Meg flashed him a huge smile, showing she was teasing. ‘But leave the designer stubble. I kinda like it.’
‘Done,’ Cam agreed, with a lau
gh.
‘Okay, you go back to your cabin, get cleaned up and have breakfast. We’ll wait here for you,’ said Adam. ‘Sounds like a plan.’
His words struck a chord. A plan. Yes. That was what Evie needed. A headless chook racing in circles and getting nowhere fast had nothing on the way she felt at the moment.
Her first priority when they were next alone should be to tell Adam that the camera, which they had totally forgotten about as they’d talked, had continued to record every image and every word of Adam’s confession. Every moment of their perfect kiss.
This morning, she’d called out to let him know what had happened, but heard the bathroom door closing. With every intention of informing him later, she’d packed up the camera and taken it back to her own cabin where, in the shower, details of all the terrible things Adam had confided had again run through her head. Concern for his wellbeing had set in; any reminder of the horrific past he’d relived in front of her last night might be enough to cause him more pain. On the strength of that, she’d decided it was best to leave dealing with the footage until they got back to the farm. Once there, she’d find time to erase last night’s material before Neil got hold of it. Without a question of a doubt he’d have no hesitation in using it on air, and she couldn’t allow that to happen.
Nerves kicked in when she thought about facing her boss. No doubt he’d give her grief for not filming Adam supposedly alone in the romantic hideaway while his date languished in hospital. How she’d weather that, she had no idea. She’d just have to face it when she came to it.
Although … the footage was there … and maybe—if she edited it carefully—there might be something usable to show Neil without giving Adam’s secret away.
She relaxed back into the bedside chair. Now that she had a plan, with things to tick off in her tidy mind, she could cope.
The rest of the day, waiting for the doctor to arrive back, was spent in a delicious agony of thrilling anticipation of Adam’s slightest touch in passing, and nerve-jarring apprehension their bodies might betray them. They sat on opposite sides of the bed, hardly daring to look at one another, but every now and then she felt Adam’s gaze settle on her, burning into her, tongues of flame licking at her insides and sending her body into meltdown.
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