Evie wanted desperately to justify what she was doing here, to let him know that it wasn’t how it must appear to him. But, unable to think straight, she had no idea where to start.
‘Oh, Adam. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,’ she whispered, not knowing what else to say.
* * *
There were no words powerful enough to describe the pain Adam felt at that moment. Utter misery invaded his entire body, a crushing pain through his torn-open chest making every breath a form of torture. How could Evie give his secret away? Betray him so heartlessly?
Blindsided by her violation of the faith he’d placed in her, he could barely comprehend the scene in front of him. In the deadly silence he tried to focus his mind on Evie’s words instead of the pathetically confronting image of himself on the screen.
She was sorry? Of course she was. Sorry she’d been caught out, red-handed.
Neil’s patronising voice interrupted his thoughts. ‘Look, buddy, this is RTV gold and nothing you—’
Adam ignored him, speaking over the words, addressing the woman who’d deceived him into believing she was worthy of his trust. ‘I can’t believe you’d do this to me.’ Grief made his voice a gravelled rasp in his throat.
She had the grace to appear embarrassed, squirming in her chair and shaking her head. ‘It’s not what you think.’
‘So you’re not sitting here with your boss, editing a tape I thought I made clear to you I did not want shared with anyone?’ There was no holding back the raw anger rising rapidly inside.
‘We weren’t editing, we were—’
Rage took control. ‘Enjoying watching me spill my guts. Nice,’ he said caustically, needing to strike back, wanting to hurt her as much as she had hurt him.
‘No! I had no intention of letting Neil see it.’
The editor gave a disgusted snort. ‘Not what you told me.’
‘I—I—’, she cried, her eyes darting wildly from him to Neil and back again. Then something seemed to shut down inside her, as if she no longer had the strength to carry on with her lies. Ashen-faced, she stood and drew her shoulders back. ‘You want the honest truth?’
If he’d been capable of it, he would have laughed aloud. Honesty? What could she possibly know about that? Obviously, until now he’d seen her as he wanted her to be, not as she really was. What an idiot he’d been to trust her with his secret.
The pent-up tension exploded out of him. ‘How can you pretend to even know what that means?’ he yelled at her.
She flinched. He watched two giant tears slide from her green-brown eyes. Eyes that only last night had held him captive with their sincerity. For a few treacherous seconds he recalled the wonderful warmth of her in his arms, the feel of her soft lips on his mouth, before managing to yank his mind back. He almost cried out in shame at his stupidity in believing in her integrity.
He turned on Neil. ‘Your protégé’s very good at her job. Got a real knack for worming confidences from people. Did you teach her everything she knows, or is she a natural?’
The editor threw him an irritated glance. ‘She’s a natural. As you’ll see when this goes to air.’
‘You can’t show this. I won’t allow it.’
‘Try and stop me,’ Neil responded belligerently. ‘This’ll make a ratings-winning episode if ever there was one.’
Bristling with outrage, Adam flew at Evie. ‘Why? Why would you do this? After saying you’d be there for me. Telling me how much you care.’
‘Adam, I … I meant every word I said to you,’ she said brokenly.
The editor’s laser-like glare at her could have carved stone. She hadn’t told Neil everything, then. Not that it made any difference to the level of Adam’s rage.
‘Sure you did. I was stupid enough to believe our relationship was based on trust and mutual respect. Clearly I was wrong,’ he continued relentlessly, the pain pushing him on, ‘because there’s only one person you’re concerned with—yourself. Can’t let anything interfere with your precious career, can you?’
Her only response, a tearful contortion of her face as she lowered her head, showed she had no answer for him. His assessment was correct then. Her career was all she cared about. He meant less than nothing to her.
Biting back the bitter taste of humiliation, he felt the anger burning in his belly. She made him feel too much.
It hurt.
He didn’t want to hurt. He wanted to be strong. Impenetrable. The Adam of old. Before Perfect Mate turned his world upside down.
‘Your tongue in my mouth last night made me forget all about your ambition.’
With a loud groan, Neil slumped back into his chair. Evie let out a wounded cry, her chest heaving visibly. Adam swallowed the knot in his throat, refusing to allow himself to feel pity for her.
‘I should’ve realised you and I never stood a chance. We’re too different. I value integrity.’
A pain-filled silence hung between them. Evie stood only steps away but the distance between them was beyond measuring. The face that looked back at him was drawn in anguish, barely recognisable as that of the happy-go-lucky, confident girl who’d interviewed him that first day of the shoot.
‘I’m sorry …’ She stopped to steady her voice. ‘I didn’t mean for this to happen. I was just trying to keep everybody onside.’
She sounded so sincere, but he’d fallen for that before. Wasn’t prepared to let it happen again. ‘Even if your motive was above board, it can’t make up for what you’ve done to me. My—’, he had difficulty getting the next word out, ‘—shame will be broadcast Australia-wide, thanks to you.’
‘Neil, please …’ Hands grasped as if in prayer, Evie looked down at Neil.
‘You know my answer.’ The editor shook his head and shrugged indifferently.
She returned her tearful gaze to Adam. ‘I know there’s nothing I can say to undo what you think I was doing here.’ She sounded wrung out, drained. ‘But … please … believe me. I never wanted to hurt you.’ Huge drops rolled down her pale cheeks.
He curled his hands into fists at his side, digging the nails into the flesh of his palms, determined not to falter now. But the attempt to harden his heart against her brought with it a deep-inside pain he had to grit his teeth against.
‘I’m sick of this. I resent being used, and you people have been manipulating my life from the moment you got here.’ A new rush of anger blinded him as the truth in his words hit. ‘I accept what I signed up for, but I’m telling you, if you go ahead and air this, don’t expect anything but minimal co-operation from me for the rest of the shoot.’ He made no effort to disguise his contempt.
Neil shot him a barbed glare. Evie slowly nodded her resigned acceptance.
‘If I’ve lost your trust, Adam, there’s no point in my being here any longer.’ Her voice, barely above a whisper, was calm. Only a slight catch in it made him wonder whether she sought his agreement, or wanted him to ask her to stay.
Was that what he wanted? For her to leave?
Realistically, there was no way their relationship could recover from this. How could he trust her again, after what she’d done? The hopelessness of the situation triggered a monstrous ache in his heart. Tears stung the back of his eyes, and if the knot in his throat grew any bigger he wouldn’t be able to breathe at all.
Self-preservation kicked in. The slightest sign of weakness would be the end of him. There was nothing else for it.
‘The decision’s yours. But it might be best if you left.’ Somehow he kept his voice from breaking.
Across the abyss of silence that stretched between them, he watched her beautiful—no, deceitful!—face tighten for an instant in what may have been anguish before she gathered herself.
‘I see,’ she said quietly.
He expected relief at the thought of her going, but all he felt was … empty. In lying to him, by laying bare his secret, Evie had forfeited any right to his compassion. He should be thanking God for letting him see her for what she
really was, but it wasn’t as easy as that.
He’d loved her. Been prepared to tell her that, to use the ‘L’ word and mean it for the first time in his life. How could he have believed for even one minute that she loved him now that she knew the truth about him? His trust in her had been based on self-delusion, and she’d gone and betrayed him.
That’s what happened when you made a pact with the devil, as he’d done in signing on for this show. In return for finding what he’d convinced himself was true love, he’d given up things he’d always prided himself on—doing his duty, living by a code of common decency, following his inherent belief in only ever telling the truth.
If this was what falling in love reduced him to, he’d do without it.
‘I’m glad you do.’ He could almost believe he meant it. Unable to stand the suddenly claustrophobic atmosphere, needing desperately to escape this pain, he turned to leave.
A petite female frame materialised in the doorway. ‘Ohhh, Adam. What’s wrong?’ Chrissy placed a hand on his arm, her eyes wide with concern.
His response to the compassion in her voice surprised him. Pushed to the limit of endurance by accumulated pain and anger, staring down into blue eyes that seemed to share his hurt, in that moment all he wanted was the comfort of human warmth. She was humming soothing sounds in her throat and when she reached up to wrap her arms around him, without conscious thought he buried his face in the tangle of her blonde hair.
After a moment, she drew slightly back from him, cupped his cheeks with gentle hands, leaned forward and kissed him. All she wore was a tight-fitting singlet and skimpy pyjama shorts and he was way too aware of the closeness of her body. Before he could stop, a hand came up to lightly touch her hair.
Behind him he heard a stifled cry. Somewhere in his head he knew this was stupid but he couldn’t help himself. His body seemed to have a mind of its own and his punctured heart needed something to focus on—anything to stave off its imminent collapse. A collapse for which Evie was directly responsible.
He hated himself, but what she had just done to him was cruel, too.
It was only when Chrissy wriggled her hips suggestively against his groin that he realised the extent of the display they must be putting on. As quickly as he’d taken her shoulders, he let go and stepped back. He didn’t know what he’d been thinking. This wasn’t right.
‘I’m sorry, Chrissy.’ He blinked furiously, embarrassed by the scene they’d just enacted.
She took him by the hand. ‘Don’t be. Come on, we can talk in your room.’
* * *
Evie sucked in a deep breath and tried to wrench her gaze from the torment of the scene in front of her. But it was like a car accident; she couldn’t look away. The muscles in her stomach tightened and bilious jealousy flooded every vein as Adam stood uncertainly in the doorway, one hand held firmly in Chrissy’s grip.
The smile on the other woman’s face was a curve of sexual invitation if ever she’d seen one. Don’t go with her, she silently pleaded. But Adam refused to meet her eyes. Chrissy tugged at his fingers, her face lighting in triumph when he started to follow her out.
It might be a lost cause but Evie had to try. She reached out for him. ‘Adam, please, if you’d only—’
The eyes of her nemesis took on a dangerous glitter. ‘I think it’d be in everyone’s best interest for you to follow Adam’s suggestion and leave.’
‘This has nothing to do with you, Chrissy. Why are you even here?’ Evie demanded.
‘Don’t take your frustration out on me.’ Though the comment was directed at Evie, Chrissy darted a glance past her to Neil.
The look that passed between them made her flesh crawl with unease. What was it between those two? And just how long had Chrissy been listening at the door? How much had she overheard?
Control was slipping. Evie’s fingers and feet were icy-cold but perspiration dampened her forehead and somehow her heart had galloped up in her throat. She was more tired than she could ever remember feeling in her life. And she couldn’t take any more of this.
Stirred up by fear and frustration, the undercurrent of hostility between herself and Chrissy swirled into a riptide. ‘You need to stand back and take a good look at yourself, Chrissy. From where I’m standing the view’s not flattering.’
The other woman stopped in her tracks and turned back. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
Evie didn’t give herself time to think about where she was going with this. The words just poured out. ‘It means I’d rather shove a stick up my nose than continue putting up with you primping and preening your way through this series. You’re not interested in Adam. All you want is exposure. Which, by the way, you’re getting plenty of right now.’
‘Jealous?’ The blonde’s lips twisted into a tight-lipped smile. ‘You should be.’ She brought a hand to one slim hip and leaned forward provocatively.
Evie stared at her for several seconds, teetering on an emotional knife’s edge. The smug look pushed her over. What was there to lose at this point? ‘Jealous of a petulant, shallow attention-seeker with dubious morals? Hmm. I don’t think so.’
Chrissy’s mouth dropped open. ‘You can’t talk to me that way. Neil, speak to her!’
The editor shoved his glasses up the bridge of his nose with a finger and glared at Evie. She met his stare defiantly, bracing herself for the coming vitriol.
‘Enough.’ Adam’s word cut through the thickened air, his already deep voice dangerously low. ‘I won’t put up with this, from any of you. Neil, stay out of it. Chrissy, not another word. Evie, I want you gone tomorrow.’ With that, he turned on his heel and strode from the room.
Throwing a sneer Evie’s way, followed by a quick unfathomable look at Neil, Chrissy flounced off.
Barely able to breathe from the effort of holding in the urge to scream aloud at the ultimatum just handed to her by the man she loved, Evie steadied herself with a hand on her chair. Then, before her knees gave way, she sank onto it.
The editor glared at her over the top of his black-rimmed glasses, his cold grey eyes boring into hers. The hands gripping the arms of his seat were white-knuckled. She did her utmost to maintain some sort of dignity but inside her chest the intensity of emotion was so huge she thought her ribs might crack with the pressure.
Finally, Neil brought his palms together in a slow clap. ‘Congratulations.’ His tone was sarcastic. ‘You’ve put this entire series in jeopardy. You’ve alienated the star of our show. You’ve single-handedly managed to …’
As he continued to berate her, her gaze fixed on the monitor, at the now-frozen image of herself and Adam sitting holding hands. Her mind fled back, recalling vivid details of all that had transpired last night—admitting aloud her true feelings about her family, witnessing the man she loved finally releasing the pain he’d locked away for so long and knowing she’d helped him do that, the wonderful relief of their first kiss.
The bleak contrast with what had just gone down was the slap in the face she needed to help her understand just how much she’d changed over the last few weeks. It was time to stand up for herself. Way past time, in fact.
No longer was she prepared to bend over backwards to please Neil, neglecting her own needs in the process. No longer would she stand for him telling her what she should and shouldn’t do.
‘… not going to be easy, but Adam isn’t in charge of this shoot, I am,’ her boss continued. ‘If our farmer thinks he can dictate who stays and who goes, he’s very much mistaken. You’ve done a lot of dumb things but—’
‘Stop, Neil. I don’t need any more of this.’
‘Are you even listening to me? I’m on your side. Adam’s got no right to complain. You were doing your job.’
Doing her job? Yes, sadly she had been. A month ago she’d had so little concept of the world of reality TV. Now she knew too much—far more than she wanted to know. And if hurting someone you loved was considered part and parcel of the industry she’d devoted hers
elf to, it was a career choice she had no further interest in pursuing.
She studied the face of the man seated beside her, searching for anything to remind her this was a man she’d regarded as a legend since her girlhood. Hoping to find even the tiniest glimmer of the man who’d been a pseudo-father to her. But there was nothing.
And perhaps that had been the crux of the problem all along. Neil Blake and Ewan Sinclair were very much alike and maybe Neil, like her father, was just another self-absorbed man incapable of grasping the idea his words and actions had the power to hurt the people around him.
‘Come on. Let’s get on with it.’ Her boss’s gaze narrowed into a vicious squint directed at Adam’s image on the computer screen.
‘You’re still determined to continue with this?’ she asked, although she didn’t want to know his answer.
‘Of course.’
Evie didn’t know which angered her most, Neil’s superior sneer or his assumption that she’d continue to roll over at his every command. Sadness swelled up from beneath her ribcage to fill her throat as every illusion regarding her mentor vaporised. She’d been wrong to believe for so long in appearances being deceiving. Neil was, in truth, just a nasty person with a defective moral compass and personality issues. It was an ugly realisation, and it hit her hard.
But it also brought home to her the very important realisation that this man didn’t deserve her unqualified respect and loyalty.
‘I’ve had enough of you riding roughshod over me, Neil.’ There was no going back now. ‘I quit.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous!’
His dismissive laugh only made her more resolute. ‘I’ll be leaving in the morning.’
Neil jumped up, closed the door and leaned against it. ‘Keep it down. You’re tired, you’re emotional. We’ll discuss this tomorrow.’ His patronising attitude grated.
‘You’re right. I am tired and emotional.’ She stared for a second at Adam’s image on the monitor, her hand trembling over the keyboard. Then, with her back to her boss she pressed Delete. ‘I’ve got good reason to be. But I won’t be discussing anything with you tomorrow. Or ever again.’
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