Riley looked out at the water, and I absently noted that the sun was going down, leaving its distorted imprint glistening on the ocean like a fun-house mirror. “That must have been really difficult when you were growing up.”
“I had a hard time articulating. My father would tell me that I needed to practice, but once he died, there was no one I wanted to talk to. So I stopped talking as much. It was easier that way. People, kids mostly, used to tease me about how I spoke.”
“What changed things?” I asked as I placed my hand over hers to stop her from picking at her cast. I was fairly sure that, at some point, she would just pull it off, whether her hand had healed or not.
“Dani,” she said simply, and a smile appeared on her face.
I smiled back, even though a small part of me wished it could have been me who had helped her. I’m sorry, but jealousy doesn’t just die—at least, not in my case—but it does sort of grow up. And though I still felt jealous that the mention of Dani could bring a smile, a small part of me was grateful. The fact that I cared for Riley so much that I was grateful when a rival was kind to her scared me more than I cared to admit.
“When I moved to Marin County, they decided to put me in a speech therapy class designed for kids who were hearing impaired or had speech impediments. That’s how I met Dani. They sort of lumped us all together in this one class. Her hearing is normal, but she had speech problems.”
“I noticed that she stutters.”
“She has pretty good control now. She only stutters when she’s nervous.”
I ran my finger up Riley’s arm and back down again. My God, I’m touching her like I have every right to and she doesn’t seem to mind. Which is probably a good thing, because I don’t think I could stop anyway. “Didn’t you say she’s in the Army? What did she have to be nervous about?”
“Not anymore.” Riley shifted and looked down at me. “She was sort of nervous about meeting you after she saw us together.”
Not expecting that answer, I blinked. “Oh.”
“And I had already told her that I’d finally met someone special I’d love to bring here with me someday.”
I couldn’t help it, my mouth fell open. I clamped it closed. This honesty shit was not really my thing. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to admit to her that her words thrilled me, or if I was supposed to play coy. The whole idea of me playing coy almost made me grin. I stopped myself, of course. With our track record, Riley would more than likely think I was laughing at her, and we would be back to square one.
“When did you tell her that?” I asked, in order to give myself time to think.
“After you stormed away from the movie theater. I knew you needed some time, so I stayed away, but I asked Dani if I could use the cabin because…”
“Because?”
“I’d planned to take a few months off before I started working. I knew you were stressed out, so I thought you might be willing to come up here with me, if you could get some vacation.”
“You mean even then you were going to ask me to come here?” I dragged my hand through my hair. It was still a shock to me to have so little of it up there, but I have to admit I much preferred the shorter haircut and its easy maintenance. “I thought the only reason you brought me here was because I was in trouble.”
I stopped talking as I noticed her staring at my lips. A thrill went down my chest and straight to my crotch.
“No,” she said.
“I thought you might have wanted to be here alone, or with Dani.”
“Dani’s like a sister to me. I’m about the only lesbian around here she hasn’t slept with.”
Oh my God! Riley used the L-word. “Riley, did you just call yourself a lesbian?”
She smiled at me bemusedly. I think she was starting to question my sanity. “Yeah, I did.”
“Are you really?”
A full-fledged smile spread across her face. “Well, sure, Foster. Do straight women go around hitting on you often?”
I contemplated telling her that they did, but decided not to. Besides, the question made me think of Monica, which made me sad. I wished I could somehow get word to her, but there was absolutely no way I would risk that. Chief James would no doubt be waiting for me to make contact with Smitty’s widow. Belatedly, what Riley had said finally sank in. She’d been hitting on me? At no point during our acquaintance could I remember her hitting on me, or on anybody else, for that matter.
“I think you might need to work on your technique.”
“Well, I sort of wanted to ask you out, but it just seemed like you were having a bad time of it and then when you, well you know, the drinking…”
“But why would you be interested in me?” I started picking at her cast before she covered my hand and stopped me.
“I just knew from the moment I saw you, I just knew you needed me. I felt it here.” She touched the place over her heart.
Her words flooded me with so much fear and uncertainty that I seriously considered jumping up and running away. But only for a brief moment. Riley looked down at our hands. They were so different. Mine was much paler than hers, and smaller. Her fingers closed around mine, and I had to lean forward to hear her.
“I was attracted to you before you got in trouble. I really respected you for apologizing to me that night. You had enough on your plate without dealing with me.”
I nodded and looked away from her. My God, it wasn’t a dream! Her softly spoken words flowed over me like a warm caress. She was going to make me cry again. “I thought it was a dream.” I chuckled nervously. “I guess I’m a little…”
“Scared?”
“Yeah,” I admitted with a tight smile.
“Me, too. But I meant what I said last night. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Riley, you have to know…” I shrugged helplessly. “I’m in serious trouble.”
“I know. I just want you to give us a chance.”
“I can’t pretend that my life isn’t screwed. I can’t do that to you.”
“Why can’t you?” she asked softly. “I’ll take you however I can get you.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Riley, I can’t stay with you for long, you know that. I can’t take the chance that they’ll find us together.”
“Then can I ask you something?”
“Anything. I owe you that much.”
“You don’t owe me anything, Foster. I just want your friendship. If you can’t be with me I understand. But if you weren’t in trouble, would you still want to see me?”
“In a heartbeat.” Though something in me had to question if I would have taken her kindness for what it was, a genuine wish to help me. Would I have come here if she had asked me when I wasn’t on the run? No, probably not. It was an earth-shattering discovery that caused me to catch my breath. The knowledge that I could have missed spending time with Riley was almost too painful to even consider.
She held out her uninjured hand and I took it gratefully and allowed her to pull me up. I stepped up on the higher part of the deck and turned to face her. The elevation brought me in line with her lips, which parted, and she moistened them once before biting down on the lower, as if to keep it from trembling. It worked, but not before I saw the sign of her nervousness.
“Sort of disconcerting, isn’t it?” I said.
“Yeah.” Her voice was soft and had a breathy quality to it that made me smile.
“You do that to me a lot.”
“I do not,” she denied with a straight face.
I pulled her up on the deck. “You totally stare at my lips when I’m talking to you. Like you want to devour them or something.”
A tremor went through her body and I knew she was laughing at me. We walked hand in hand toward the cabin. I followed her into the small kitchen where she had left six or seven bags on the counter and table.
“Are you hungry?” she asked, reaching into one of the bags.
“You get frozen dinners? I could go for three or
four of those.”
I checked out the kitchen and noticed that there was no microwave. Shit, I was going to have to wait forty-five minutes to an hour before I could eat. I stuck my hand into one of the bags and started rooting around, looking for something edible in Riley’s idea of food. The weird thing was, I was wanted for murder, had no money to speak of, was in hiding, had even gone out of my way to disguise myself, and all that aside, I was happier than I had been in years.
*
I stared blindly at the watercolor that hung above the sink. Going to bed with Riley. I closed my eyes. The thought of actually sleeping with her hadn’t even occurred to me. It had been hard enough sleeping next to her when I didn’t think she had any feelings for me, but now…The word “torture” came to mind.
I will admit to killing time on dishwashing and showering because I wanted Riley to be asleep when I got out of the bathroom. It was nearing midnight and I was exhausted, so I figured she must be even more tired than me. I finally had nothing else to do, so I crept into the bedroom half expecting to find her asleep. The bed was turned back, music played on the stereo, and for once the sky shone clear and black through the glass double doors. I walked around the bed to look out, and nearly shrieked when Riley stood up from her position hunkered down in front of the stereo.
“Damn, you scared the shit out of me.”
“Sorry.” Her voice was so much softer than mine that it made my outburst seem even louder. “Would you dance with me, Foster?”
“Dance with you?” I repeated.
She walked toward me and, not waiting for my answer, folded her arms around me and pulled me close. I was still a little in shock, so I just stood there for a minute before I began to relax into her embrace. She even moved well. Not that what we were doing was all that complicated, but I could tell that if she wanted to, Riley could probably hold her own on the dance floor. I pressed my face into her shirt and inhaled. I don’t know when I had gotten into the habit of smelling her, but I was fast becoming addicted. Intensely aware of her hand moving up and down my back, I groaned and melted into her. I don’t know how I felt it, the sensations were almost intangible—a slight pressure in my back, a small bend of her knees—but a bloom of hot arousal flared in my crotch as our height difference became an asset rather than a hindrance.
“Foster, I want to kiss you. Just a kiss and a dance, that’s all. We don’t have to do anything else.”
It sounded simple enough, until I looked into the pools of compelling blue that told me that this was anything but simple. One kiss wouldn’t be enough for either of us. I knew it, and so did she. I almost laughed at the fact that I was supposed to be the reasonable one here.
“Relax,” she said.
Her breath, or was it her lips, brushed mine. We were barely moving now. Her lips trailed lightly over my cheek as we swayed to the music. I felt fingers run up and down my sides. I inhaled sharply as she finally gave up all pretense and her hands went under my shirt. I felt heat roll off my face as she caressed my back. I buried myself against her so I didn’t have to pretend that I was unaffected.
“It can’t be wrong, Foster,” she said in my ear, and I shook my head, my fingers going up to her ribs.
I could feel her every breath, her every move. We were both spiraling out of control, but I was still surprised when she finally gripped my ass and pulled me tightly into her hips. Breathing hard, I rested my head on her shoulder before I looked into her eyes. She used my confusion against me then, and warm, soft lips were soon urging mine apart. My heart began to pound in concert with my crotch. I was shocked to realize that the right amount of pressure from Riley could possibly make me come.
I tore my lips away from hers as realization slammed down hard. Riley’s arms trembled with the effort of holding me up. Her breathing came in heavy gasps, and I knew it wasn’t from the effort of holding me. Both of us were about two seconds from saying to hell with it. Well, I think Riley was already past that point.
“We can’t,” I said.
“Why can’t we?” Her voice sounded as desperate as mine.
“Because it will be too hard…when I leave.”
“It’s going to be hard anyway, for me,” she said.
“For me, too.” I put my hand on her ribs just below her breast, needing to know what her heartbeat felt like. I moved my hand up to her neck, my thumb grazing the hollow of her throat. I felt her pulse racing. I shuddered.
Riley had not released her grip on my ass, and the pressure, along with what had to be the longest fucking love song on Earth, was starting to make me think that perhaps she was right. Maybe us being together was something we shouldn’t fight against.
“You know I want to make love to you,” she said.
I could feel her heart beating so hard that I stroked her back in an honest effort to calm her down. That lasted for about two seconds before my brain spiraled downward again with the thought of how good she felt beneath my hands. I thought, Maybe she’s right. Maybe it won’t make things worse. Maybe I can make love to her and not feel guilty.
“Foster, I want to make love to you.”
She wants to make love to me. I began to push away from her. I can’t let her.
“Shh,” Riley breathed, her lips against my temple as I pushed weakly against her unmoving shoulders. “It’s okay. I’m going to let you go. Can you stand on your own?”
“Yes,” I said desperately. I wanted—no, had to make her let me go. Panic flooded through me. Even as I reached desperately for some distance between us so I could think, my fingers refused to release her shirt.
Riley eased me away from her body, but continued holding my hips. “I’m sorry, Foster. I didn’t know I was upsetting you.”
I shook my head, avoiding her eyes. I couldn’t seem to catch my breath. “You didn’t. It’s not you. God, I’m sorry.” I struggled to catch my breath. “I just panicked.”
Her smile was gentle. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“You didn’t. I scared myself.”
“Will this,” she squeezed lightly at my hips, “change things between us?”
“Well, I don’t think either of us can deny that there’s sexual tension between us.” I tried to laugh, but even I had to admit that sounded pathetic.
Riley’s eyes went up as the love song finally ended. “Were you trying to deny it, Foster? Because I always knew you wanted me.”
A tentative smile played at the edges of her mouth, and I recognized her attempt to lighten the mood.
I decided to play along. “Puhleeze! You are not all that irresistible,” I lied.
“Uh-huh, whatever. That’s because I didn’t show you my real moves.”
“Oh, those weren’t your ‘real moves,’ then?”
“Nah, those weren’t my real moves. You’d have to pay to see those. And you would have to promise to control yourself, as I won’t be held responsible.”
“Ah, I see. So now you’re so good that I’m going to start throwing myself at you?”
Riley shrugged. I couldn’t turn down her challenge. “Hadn’t you better start dancing? You’re a long way from making me lose all control.”
She grinned, and in that moment I knew. I knew without a doubt that I should back down from this game. If not then, perhaps I should have when she started to sway her hips and her good hand went to the front of her shirt, pressing in so that I could see the small indentations of her nipples against the cotton.
“Uh, this is a fast song,” I reminded her nervously. And she quickened her hips and began to lip-sync.
“Thanks,” I said dryly.
Riley closed her eyes, which was a good thing, because I mouthed “Oh shit” as her hands disappeared under her shirt and lifted, revealing her tummy and the bottoms of her breasts. And exactly when did her pajama bottoms drop so low on her hips?
She was still mouthing the lyrics to the song, her eyes open now but droopy. She looked at me like I could have h
er if I wanted her. I licked my lips and to my shock, she did the same. This was not playing fair. I watched her hand go up to her breasts and graze them before moving away. I blinked, forcing my lids to drag across eyeballs exposed to the heat of the moment entirely too long.
“Uh, Riley?” That smile that I used to think was so innocent turned seductive. I think I went catatonic as she turned around and lifted her shirt so I could see her ass. Oh my God, she’s going to open her shirt. The moment the song ended, Riley ripped her shirt apart, sending buttons flying across the hardwood floors and my heart skittering right behind them.
“Oh sweet baby Jesus,” I said and blinked in disbelief at what should have been naked, bobbing boobies. Instead, I was looking at a tank top—a thin but perfectly modest tank top. I had seen more skin after she’d worked out.
“You are a cruel, cruel woman,” I said, and flopped back on the bed. There was nothing but silence, and I opened my eyes to see Riley nearly doubled over and shaking, holding on to one of the bedposts for support.
“The look on your face!” she said.
I yanked the covers over my head. She can laugh at me all she wants, but I don’t have to watch. She really had gotten me good. Beneath the blankets, I stifled a laugh. I bet I looked hungry when she ripped that shirt open.
I heard a click as Riley turned my lamp off, and I pushed the blankets down around my shoulders and stared into the dim light cast by the living-room fire. Crisp, faintly salty air drifted through the cabin. Riley got into bed and immediately cuddled into my back, her palm resting on my stomach. I wondered if I should really be feeling this happy.
“You mad?”
I could still hear the smile in her voice, and it made me feel good that I had put it there. She really didn’t smile enough. “Nah.”
“Are we okay?”
“Better than okay,” I said with a contented smile.
I squirmed a little as memories of the dream surfaced, making me uncomfortable to be lying so close to her. Behind my lids, the clear vision of Riley thrusting into me made me grit my teeth. I felt a numbing sensation in my crotch as I became acutely aware of her body pressed into my backside. I tried to breathe soundlessly so she wouldn’t know I was still awake.
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