by J. M. Miller
Positioning everything on his lap, he said, “Well if you asked my dad, he’d tell you I always do things I shouldn’t. I have the wrong hobbies. I haven’t chosen the right courses. I applied to the wrong schools. If you asked my mom, she’d tell you it’s a phase and I’ll do the right things soon enough.”
“Ah,” I said, not really shocked.
He put the headphones over my head, setting only one earpiece in place so I could still hear him. “Officially, though, I’ve never been in a cop car, gotten a ticket, or ditched school.”
“What?” I let out an amused laugh. “You’re kidding, right? Never even ditched school? I bet you get sweaty palms when you forget your homework or break curfew on a school night.”
He smiled widely, creasing the lines under his eyes. “My palms aren’t sweaty.” His left hand found mine below the blanket to prove his statement, entwining our fingers.
“Oh, such a rebel.” I teased. “Why not take a risk with other things? Why not bother?” I flipped his questions around on him. Maybe it wasn’t fair of me to pry into his life when I had mine sealed behind a wall of shame and fear, but no matter how much it scared me, I wanted to get closer to him.
He prepped the mixer program and started pressing the buttons on the touchpad, releasing beats into my ear. Kick drums and snares mixed with melodic loops and vocal clips as his fingers danced a rhythm.
“It’s pretty sad, now that I think about it. I was used to being the other kid, the one who might not amount to much, but after you left, I had this drive to prove everyone wrong. So I busted my ass and got what I wanted: to lose weight, to play ball. The sad part is, I think it was actually what they wanted, not really what I wanted. I benefited from it, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not what mattered. I still have to fight for the things that really matter to me. Music. Time. I had to promise my parents I’d apply to certain colleges just to get the job at Rewind, and I had to do it without cutting hours at my parents’ shop. They’re expecting me to just jump right into their career, their life. I know it’s not what I want. I’ve just gone along with the idea because I thought it was the right thing to do.
“That probably makes me a bigger coward than the kid who got his ass beat on the tracks, huh?” he said with a lopsided smile, looking at me briefly before turning his focus back to the laptop. His right hand worked the mouse as the fingers of his free hand caressed mine beneath the blanket.
“So do something about it,” I said, slipping off the headset and placing it on the laptop, regaining his attention. “You’re not a coward, but you’ll never be happy if you don’t follow your passion. I can tell anytime you’re behind the turntables, or even like this, that it’s where you’re meant to be. Why ignore that just to please someone else?”
His eyes moved over my face, taking me in. I watched him too. The muscles in his cheeks flexed as he clamped his jaw and his chest expanded fully with a deep breath. He was gorgeous, and he was sharing these things with me. His dreams, his desires. Sadness picked at my heart, knowing I couldn’t stop myself from loving him despite the reasons stacked against us, the reasons that could crush us: my past, our lives, our futures.
He tipped his head back a bit, stretching his neck as he considered what I’d said. I slipped my hand into the warmth of the blanket, silently waiting for him to speak again.
“How do you do this to me?” he asked suddenly, sliding everything off his lap.
“Do what?”
“Make me open my eyes and leap blindly at the same time.” His hand found mine again then slid up my arm, beckoning me toward him with soft pressure.
I followed his lead, letting him guide me onto his lap. He held the blanket up so I could straddle his legs. “I make you open your eyes?”
“You’re like this lighthouse.” He tucked the blanket around me and rested his hands along the crease where my hips and thighs met, heating me like there were no layers of clothing between us. “You’ve made me see things differently from the moment you jumped into the fight on the tracks. You’re like a prism.” He nodded toward the lens behind me. “You just blast everything out there, taking what is seen and amplifying what’s possible. All the things I’m too chickenshit to push for. You light it all up, and that’s why I’m scared of you,” he whispered, staring into my eyes. “I can’t even keep my thoughts to myself around you.” His cheeks flushed, but he kept his intense eyes on me.
If I were the type, I might have swooned. Instead, I curved my body closer to him. Threading my fingers into his hair, I tipped his head and crashed my lips to his. He opened for me instantly, accepting everything I wanted to give. My hips ground against him and his hands slid around to my butt, gripping hard.
God, I wanted him. So bad. Last weekend had been amazing. Our shifts had overlapped by a couple of hours, giving us time to take things to another level. Talking, flirting, making out, but it still wasn’t enough. He was always busy, spending the majority of his time doing boat maintenance and paperwork at his parents’ place.
I sat up for air and looked at his parted lips, knowing I didn’t want to stop. I needed more. I unzipped my jacket and tossed it aside, watching where it landed to keep track of my knife. Next to go were my boots and my flannel pajama top. He froze for a moment, breathing as heavily as me and staring up at my bare chest. I quirked a brow and said, “I’m sorry. Did you want to do that part?”
“I’m definitely not mad,” he said seriously. His hands slid up my sides then cupped my breasts gently. “I was just expecting another layer.”
Arching my back, I pushed myself to him. It didn’t take long before his hands wrapped around my back so he could pull me to his mouth. His lips pressed to my skin, testing with a tender kiss. Then his tongue joined in to taste, licking long and slow. It flicked over my nipple, soft and wet, sending surges through my entire body.
I tipped my head back and moaned before taking his lips. While his hands roamed up and down my back, I unzipped his jacket and pushed it over his shoulders. He shrugged it off and broke away to peel off his shirt, exposing his chest muscles. Leaning back, I paused to admire him as he had done to me.
“No tattoos?” I asked, tracing the lines of his muscles with the tips of my fingers.
“Not yet. You?” he asked, returning his hands to my back, sending chills through me.
“Yeah.” I shoved the blanket off to the side and rolled onto all fours. Pushing back onto my knees, I hooked my pants with my thumbs and pulled the right side down, revealing the knife tattoo on my hip. I stared down at the black and gray two-inch blade too, getting lost in the meaning for a moment. Life … and death.
“You never leave home without it, do you?” he joked, though his tone was humorless. His eyes blazed as he kicked off his boots and got on his knees to kiss me. “You are so beautiful, Syn. I want you.” His kisses traveled down to my neck and his hands grabbed my butt, pressing me against him.
I felt how much he wanted me through his jeans, and I needed it all. “Condom?” I choked the word out with a pant.
“In my wallet,” he replied, his hands fumbling around behind him.
I reached down to his button fly, making quick time unfastening it, and I wasted no more time digging into his boxers so I could wrap my hand around him.
He released a long breath into my hair as I slid down his length. “Fuck,” he mumbled.
The night’s chill disappeared as he kicked out of his pants and laid me back onto the blanket. He kissed down my body and dipped his agile fingers into the waist of my pants. His palm rubbed my panties, applying enough pressure to make me squirm beneath him. Then his fingers slipped underneath, traveling down until he reached the top of my entrance. One finger circled there, mixing gentle and firm pressure as it swept around and around. I sighed.
His lips abandoned my neck, instantly covering my mouth. He moved his tongue in the same pattern as his finger, sending waves of pleasure through me. Without warning, his finger pushed inside.
I whimpered into his mouth and pushed myself against his hand, wanting more. Oh, God, did I want more, and I didn’t have to wait long.
He broke all contact and sat up, pulling my pants and my panties off as he went. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he uttered, ripping into the condom.
I watched his hand roll the condom down his length and my body clenched with anticipation. “I’m more than okay with this,” I replied, sitting up to grab him, pulling him down to me.
He settled between my legs and kissed me hard before saying, “I want all of you, Syn. I’ve wanted this since you stepped into Rewind.” He guided himself to my entrance. I inhaled, anxious and ready, then he pushed inside, stretching me around him.
I bit my lip, whimpering again as I dug my fingers into his tight back.
His body paused on top of mine as he leaned onto his elbows. “Oh, fuck,” he breathed out. “Forget what I said about kissing. This. We need to practice this. All the time.”
“Yes,” I whispered, rocking my hips to urge him on. He continued eagerly, pulling away slowly and slamming back into me over and over with perfect rhythm. Practicing all the time sounded like an amazing idea.
He kissed me again, quieting my pleasured sounds as his momentum built.
Heat flashed through me and sweat escaped my skin. I broke the kiss and arched my head back with a moan, my body shaking as I came.
His body joined soon after, tensing and slowing above me. He trailed soft kisses down to my breasts playfully as my eyes closed and my breaths slowed. “I have a feeling I’ll be ditching school for the first time tomorrow.”
Seth marched across Damian’s living room. He’d threatened to break something else, and his were eyes narrowed and set on me.
“Don’t even …” Damian said through his teeth, jerking hard at our ties.
“I told you I wasn’t playin’. It was your choice to mess around.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you, Seth? Find the keys and get the hell out of my house. There’s no reason for this.”
Seth slowed his steps, scuffing the edges of his boots along the floor until he stopped in front of our bent legs. He ran a hand across his brow and shook his head. “Oh, there’s a reason for it. Right, Syn? But if you quit bullshitting, maybe I’ll take it easy.” He bent closer with his hands on his knees.
I dug my fingers into the material binding my wrists, infuriated that I had no way to attack, no way to defend myself. It was fight or flight time, and I had neither option.
I had no control.
“So, Syn. Have you ever broken a bone?”
“I can think of a couple I helped break.”
Seth laughed and rocked back a little on his heels.
Asshole. My heart raced and my body was taught, anticipating what was about to come. Escaping would be more difficult in a few minutes, knowing his intention was revenge. He was going for my legs. An eye for an eye.
“God dammit, Seth. Check the office,” Damian said, pleading as he jerked against our ties again. “They’re probably with my paperwork.”
There was no way I’d wait for him to break me without trying something. The only things I had that could possibly reach him were what he was focused on.
Seth’s eyes shifted to Damian and before he had a chance to speak or move again, I leaned back and kicked into the air with every bit of strength I had, yanking Damian’s ankles along. My heels connected with Seth’s jaw and his crouched body teetered.
It wasn’t hard enough. Nowhere close to what he deserved.
“Syn, shit,” Damian uttered as we both drew our legs back in.
My breath picked up as Seth stood and loomed over me. Blood coated a split in his lower lip, and his tongue peeked out to taste the wound. He wiped the excess blood with the pad of his thumb. “Guess you don’t want me to take it easy.” He raised a single eyebrow then stomped my shin.
“Don’t! You fucking coward!” Damian yelled.
I bit my lips as pain shot up my leg. I’d hold my screams for as long as possible to deny his satisfaction. Damian thrashed beside me, grunting his frustration.
Seth didn’t wait to take the next blow. It didn’t come from his boot, though. It was his fist, fast and hard. I didn’t even see him cock his arm back, but I felt his knuckles slam into my cheekbone, rattling my entire head. The hit forced my line of sight to the black sky beyond the living room’s window panels. I watched a few brilliant stars flicker and fade as everything went black again.
The stars sparkled through the remaining daylight, punching tiny holes in the cloudless spring sky. It was beautiful to watch the night takeover as we floated on the glassy bay water. Despite having lived near the ocean in North Carolina for the past several years, it had been a long time since I’d been on a boat.
But I wasn’t thinking about that. I wasn’t really thinking at all. I was sprawled across a padded sunbathing bow, digging my fingers into Damian’s hair and whimpering to the stars.
“Oh, God … don’t stop,” I mumbled, overwhelmed by the new and extraordinary sensation between my legs.
His tongue had been doing unbelievable things to me for what felt like an eternity, yet was still not nearly long enough. It was the first time I’d let anyone kiss me below the navel, and he said it was the first time he’d ever done it. I was expecting it to be awkward, like any other first, but I should have known any kiss from him would be extraordinary.
I rocked my hips, pushing against his mouth as I pressed my lips together, trying not to scream. He kept going, grabbing my thighs tighter while his tongue swirled and plunged, making my toes curl and my heart hammer.
“I need you,” I panted, so close to the edge, ready to fall, ready to jump.
He shifted to roll on a condom before his kisses danced their way up my body, tongue and lips tasting even more. When his mouth found my breasts, he paused and eased himself into me. With several flicks of his tongue and a few thrusts of his hips, I was a goner. My whole body shook, pleasure coursing through every bit of me. I cried out, unable to hold back any longer.
Damian’s palm covered my mouth tenderly to silence my blissful noises while his own mouth traveled up to my neck, taking nips along the way. He released my mouth and increased the momentum in his hips, each movement hitting harder and faster than the previous, building me back up. His lips slid up to meet mine, claiming the rest of me with a kiss. The tempo he kept was enough to drive me insane. His musical skills proved worthy in so many ways, once again playing my body beautifully.
“Ah, Syn.” He moaned a little, which excited me even more. I’d never wanted to please anyone as much as I wanted to please him.
I looked toward the lighthouse in the distance, watching the reflection of its light shimmer across the water. It danced like a string of fireworks, rippling over the waves as my body unhinged again. I clamped my mouth shut this time, only allowing soft whimpers to escape. He followed moments after, his body tensing and his breath blowing steadily beside my ear.
He kissed me again and trailed his lips to my neck, his calming breaths caressing my skin. I pushed my fingers into his hair, massaging his scalp as my heart rate slowed.
After a moment, he rolled onto his back and removed the condom. “Twice?”
“Twice,” I confirmed, smiling up to the stars.
“That’s a first,” he replied. I could hear the smile in his words.
“Tonight was full of firsts.”
“The best,” he stated. “You taste so sweet.”
I rolled onto my side, laid a hand on his chest, and studied his face under the dim moonlight. With a huge dreamy smile stretching his lips, he looked completely sated. “You’re making me blush.”
“Really? You weren’t blushing when you were grinding against my face, but you were definitely making the best sounds. That reminds me …” He twisted his body so he could reach his laptop behind our heads.
“Did you seriously record that?”
“I told you I wanted
to. The sounds you make are so fucking hot. I wish I could have let you scream, but we probably would have attracted the Coast Guard,” he said with a breathy laugh as he hit a few buttons on the keyboard. “I’m definitely making a track from this. Maybe I’ll call it ‘Synful Stripes.’”
“You are freakier than I ever thought you’d be, Stripes.” I chuckled. “I kinda like it.”
“Do you?” he asked, closing his laptop and turning his attention back to me. He laid me back again and slid his hand down my bare body. I shivered against his light touch and the chill of the air. Following a quick kiss, he said, “I want to show you something.”
After collecting my clothes for me and jumping into his own, he stepped behind the wheel and started the boat. A few minutes later, we pulled close to a bluff that stuck far out into the bay and Damian cut the engine. Trees covered the side of the bluff and a small beach stretched below. At the top, a gorgeous two-story house sat all alone. With floor to ceiling windows, we were able to see some of the interior layout: loft open to the living room below, wooden railings and staircase.
“This might sound stupid, but I think I want to live there,” he said.
“It’s absolutely beautiful.” I stared at the balcony attached to what looked like a master suite.
“It was built a couple years ago. I pass by every time I run the longer water tests on the boats, and I always end up wondering if I could put a studio in one of the rooms, or what it’d be like to wake up to that view every morning.” He smiled up at the house in a contagious way that filled me with happiness for a moment.
Then reality hit because I knew where the conversation was going. The future. I supposed it was better than talking about the past, but I still tried to avoid it. I had no set plans except to leave, and now he was talking about wanting a house here. I had no idea where that left us, if there even was an ‘us’ for very much longer.
“Where’s your head, Syn?” he asked, moving behind me. His hands swept the hair off my neck and his lips trailed behind, leaving soft kisses on my skin.