Dedication
For
Griff
Contents
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
Also by Lynn Weingarten
About the Author
Back Ads
Credits
Copyright
About the Publisher
ON BREAKING A HEART
The Book of Love, page 1181:
When you’re breaking a guy’s heart, it’s important to remember to look him in the eye.
He might not understand at first. He’ll think this is a joke or a dream. Surely he won’t have seen this coming. But, of course, you did.
Tell him he is wonderful, that you are sure that he is just perfect for someone, perfect for the person who is perfect for him. When he asks you if you really mean it, don’t turn away. Don’t stutter. Don’t blink. Don’t give him reason to think back and wonder what if, what if, what if. It’s only fair to dash all hope once you have what you want.
Look him in the eye for his sake. But mostly do it for your own.
If you can’t see his eyes, how will you know when the tears begin to fall?
One
Picture it: blinking lights, glistening skin, dozens of bodies moving as one, and Lucy Wrenn in the center of the dance floor, shaking her hips to the beat. Moonshine Party was what the invitation had said. Dress code: MOON LANDING. So everyone dressed as astronauts, as space aliens, as cheese, or all in silver, and headed off to this gorgeous old theater.
The reason for the Moonshine Party was that Jack—eighteen years old, looked like a surfer, thought like a chemist—had been brewing up a big vat of it in the bathroom of the apartment he shared with some friends, and it had just finished, or ripened, or whatever it is moonshine does when it’s ready. The invitation read:
COME DRINK PROFESSOR JACK’S LATEST EXPERIMENT.*
* It’s already been tested, so we promise you won’t go blind.**
** (probably)
The place could easily hold a thousand people, and on many nights it did, but on that particular night, there were just an intimate fifty, dancing, laughing, flirting under a high-domed ceiling from the center of which hung a huge chandelier, an entire planet of crystal and light.
Just then, the music changed from a fast thunking beat to something slow and slinky, and a guy who’d been trying in vain to get Lucy’s attention decided to try a little bit harder. Robin was his name, and he was not important in the slightest, although he certainly thought he was. He was absurdly good-looking and had made the mistake of thinking that mattered a lot more than it did. Lucy knew he had a girlfriend but that he was there by himself pretending he didn’t.
Robin leaned over. “What’s your poison, sexy?” he said. Robin was the kind of guy who would hear a line in a cheesy movie, and then say it to a girl thinking he’d made it up.
Lucy acted like she hadn’t heard him. He thought she was playing hard to get. He didn’t know she was impossible.
Lucy reached up and brushed her fingers over the tattoo that was peeking out over the top of her dress: a crimson heart, locked with gold, an aquamarine jewel-drop tear dripping off the point, and across the whole thing a violet ribbon on which had been inked Secret Sisterhood of Heartbreakers. She was one of them now and had been for the past six weeks. This meant many things—it meant she had broken a heart within the first seven days of having been dumped by her boyfriend, and she had brought the brokenhearted tear to a secret group of girls who used the tear’s power to make her one of them. It meant now her heart was unbreakable and would be forever. It signified the fact that she could never again be sucked in by a jerk who didn’t deserve her.
It also meant she was magic.
The tattoo was invisible to anyone who didn’t have one herself, but at the party that night there were three people who did. Lucy’s brand-new sisters: Olivia, Liza, and Gil.
Liza was on the opposite side of the dance floor with her arms snaked around the neck of a broad-shouldered tough guy, who was grinning like a fool. She was tall, with long streaky hair, a huge mouth, strong legs, smooth skin. Think of the word luscious and that’s what she looked like.
Gil was over by the stage, brown eyes framed in a swoosh of silver eye shadow, short pixie hair spiked up. She was dancing with two skateboarder types, smiling and laughing as she did the moonwalk, the moon run, the moon shimmy and shake.
Off to the side, lounging in a big high-backed velvet chair, was Olivia, Lucy’s third sister, platinum haired, high cheekboned, lightly freckled, calmly and coolly observing everything, the way she always did.
Lucy’s and Olivia’s eyes met, and Olivia winked, the corner of her mouth curling up. She smiled as if they shared a secret, because they did.
Next to Olivia, there was Pete, who was desperately in love with her and was the host of this party. Pete was from London and was handsome and fine featured in a way that made it easy to imagine him out in a field riding a horse. There was a rumor going around that he was a complete genius, had graduated from college at nineteen, and was now writing his PhD dissertation on some new field of sociology that he’d created himself, and his constant party throwing counted as research. This big old theater was his house, where he lived with his two roommates, Betsy and Caramellow, who were cats.
Seven weeks ago, Lucy had never met any of these people. But they were part of her world now, her brand-new life.
And there next to Pete was a piece of her old one.
Floppy hair, a little bit of face scruff, a sweet smiley mouth, and squinty blue eyes that made him look like he was always laughing. Tristan. From far away it would appear he hadn’t dressed up at all, but if you got close to his feet, you’d see his gray Converse had been painted to look like the surface of the moon. Glued to the toe of one was a miniature rocket ship. To the other was an assortment of tiny aliens. He was leaning against the wall, slowly sipping a beer, and either didn’t notice, or didn’t particularly care, that there were three different girls appreciatively eyeing him from various parts of the room.
Tristan was Lucy’s best friend, or at least used to be. That day it was hard to say for sure what Tristan was. This was the first time they’d hung out in the six weeks since Lucy had inadvertently found out he loved her and had accidentally broken his heart.
Lucy watched as a curvy girl in a sequin dress danced over to him. The girl leaned down to get a closer look at his moon feet. She stood up laughing. They smiled at each ot
her. Lucy felt a rush of something. Hope, that’s what it was. Hope that something would maybe start between him and this girl, or any girl, really. It was the secret reason she had invited him.
Lucy crossed her fingers as she watched them. Tristan looked up, saw Lucy staring, raised his beer, and tipped it toward her smirkily, a little joke about the kind of suave slickster who’d do that and mean it. And Lucy smiled at his mouth, his nose, his hair. She could not look him in the eye. Not anymore.
Everyone agrees it sucks to be in love with a friend who doesn’t love you back. But no one talks about how hard it is to be the friend.
The girl was gone now. Tristan waved Lucy over, and she danced her way toward him.
“I LOVE your shoes!” Lucy shouted when she reached him. “You made those, right?! They’re AWESOME!” She’d started overemphasizing everything, adding exclamation points to the end of every sentence, as though by staying relentlessly perky she could distract him from everything else.
“Thanks, bud,” Tristan said.
Lucy pointed up to the ceiling. “Big chandelier, huh?! I hope it doesn’t fall and crush us!”
“Looks pretty sturdily up there!” Tristan grinned. Tristan kept his feelings on the inside and dealt with this the way he dealt with everything—by joking, by smiling, by trying to make sure everyone else was having fun. He had no idea just how much Lucy knew.
Up on the stage, blue lights began to blink. “That’s my cue,” Lucy said. She felt a little flood of relief. She didn’t know how to act around him, but more importantly, she had no idea how to help him.
“Go get ’em, tiger,” Tristan said. And Lucy smiled and nodded and made sure not to look him in the eye so that for a moment, just a moment, she could pretend everything was okay.
Two
Lucy smiled out into the sea of silver. “Ready, boys?” she said. She turned halfway around to check. Behind her, Jack was dressed like a space professor and holding a guitar. B was wearing a glow-in-the-dark alien T-shirt and holding a bass. In between them were two laptops, and off to the side a guy named Mica, who Lucy had never met before, was sitting behind a drum set, shirtless, wearing a silver Mylar blanket as a skirt. Apparently he always dressed like this.
Jack reached into his vest and pulled out a little sheet of paper with a rocket drawn on one side and a bunch of words on the other. “Lyrics, my dear Lucicle,” he said, and handed the paper to Lucy. At the top was written Things I’d Bring with Me to Space, and Lucy smiled because, knowing him, it was less a song and more an actual list he’d made, y’know, just in case. Tinfoil hats. Gravity mats. Yes, Lucy thought, this would do just fine.
The first time Lucy was up on this, or any, stage was six and a half weeks ago, and it was the scariest moment of her life. It was the first time she’d ever sung in front of anyone other than Tristan. But she’d stood there with a thousand people watching her and closed her eyes and sung from the crack in her broken heart. Now her heart was solid as stone, and all her singing came from her shiny-glossed lips.
“Just make ’em sound pretty,” Jack said.
And Lucy nodded. “Of course.”
Here’s a thing about Lucy, which she’d always sort of known, but felt weird admitting, even to herself because it seemed so braggy (although lately it had felt less braggy and more just true)—Lucy was a damn fine songwriter. Not just when she was playing by herself on her own guitar (which she hadn’t done in a very long time) but when she was improvising with others. If someone was playing any kind of music at all, she could make up a song to go with it, right on the spot, that would emerge from her mouth fully formed and beautiful.
The music started, first quietly: the crackle of static, the tinkle of bells. Lucy stared out into the crowd. Gil was next to Tristan now, smiling up at him. She stood on her tiptoes to whisper something in his ear. Liza was a few feet away. “POP YOUR TOP OFF, HOTTIE!!” she shouted, and toasted Lucy with her little silver flask. Lucy just grinned and shook her head. And then she began to sing:
Tinfoil hats
Gravity mats
Astronaut bats
Schrödinger’s cats
She went up high on the word cats, really belted it out from the center of herself. The crowd whooped and wooooed. She kept going down the whole long list. When she got to the line And I’d bring a picture of you, she lowered her voice, then brought it back up and rode a wave of clear falsetto right through to the final note. The crowd exploded, clapping, screaming. She could hear her sisters cheering louder than everyone.
Lucy stood there basking in it, basking only for a moment.
“Thank you, Lucicle!” Jack shouted.
Lucy walked offstage. She saw Robin trying to make his way toward her from across the room. As a Heartbreaker, Lucy knew this was the very sort of relationship she was supposed to be cultivating. She should have been thinking of him as less a creepy jerk to get away from, and more a creepy jerk who had a heart she could grab, squeeze, and juice the magic out of. But in that moment, all she cared about was going anywhere he wasn’t.
The pumping dance music had started again, and Lucy headed back out on the floor, where Gil was laughing as Tristan spun her around and around. Lucy’s eyes met his, and just for a split second, Tristan’s smile faltered and Lucy saw what was underneath.
Lucy felt someone poke her in the side and then heard Liza’s voice in her ear. “My offer still stands,” she whispered. “I wouldn’t even mind. He’s hotter than I remembered.”
The “offer” Liza was referring to was her offer to make out with Tristan. “Otherwise he’s going to be mooning over you all night, pun intended,” was what she had said earlier that evening as they got ready for the party. Less than two months ago, the idea of Liza making out with Tristan would have terrified her because she’d have been worried Liza would break his heart. Now it was way too late for that.
“I don’t know,” said Lucy.
“Well, it couldn’t hurt,” Liza said with a grin.
In a flash, Liza was standing in front of Tristan and was grabbing him by his sweatshirt hood strings and pulling him toward her. She danced in close, then drew her face right up to his and caught his lip between her teeth, as if she was taking a bite of a delicious dessert that she planned to devour every bit of.
“Daaaaamn.” Lucy turned. Robin was standing right next to her now, holding two drinks. He let out a low whistle as Liza wrapped one gorgeous arm around Tristan’s neck. “Sign me up for some of that!”
Tristan put his hands on Liza’s waist, then slid them around the small of her back. Everyone around them was staring at them under the blinking lights—Liza’s luscious curves, Tristan’s tall lankiness. They looked, Lucy realized, beautiful together.
Lucy felt hot prickles on the back of her neck and deep in her belly. How weird it was to see Tristan actually kissing someone. He went out with plenty of girls, and although he wasn’t a big kiss-and-tell type, Lucy wasn’t stupid. Still, she had never once actually seen him kiss anyone in the six years they’d been friends. He looked good at it.
“Lucky guy,” Robin said. She felt his hot breath on her ear, and she shook it off, shook him away.
The music slowed, and Liza and Tristan finally separated. Liza was smiling; Tristan just looked kind of bewildered, and not necessarily in a good way.
“Here,” Robin said. He thrust a drink in front of Lucy. “I got you a girly drink.” Lucy looked down at a bright red concoction with a straw, a strawberry, and a little paper umbrella poking out of it.
“Save it for your girlfriend,” Lucy said.
“Who said I have one?” Robin looked away.
Lucy lowered her voice to a sultry purr, just barely audible over the thump of the music. “What’s her name again?” She leaned in close. “I want to know whose boyfriend I’m about to hook up with.”
Robin paused for a moment as though he couldn’t tell if Lucy was kidding or not, his girlfriend’s name resting unsaid on the tip of his tongue.
<
br /> So Lucy reached into her purse for a small metal box, and poked around inside until she found what she was looking for. “Breath mint,” she said. And she popped a Tip of the Tongue Tart between his lips. “You could use one.”
For a moment he was silent. His eyes widened. “Stacy,” he said. And then clamped his hand over his mouth.
Without another word, Lucy hooked her finger through one of Robin’s belt loops and pulled him forward. She slid her hand into his pocket, pulled out his phone, and scrolled to the S’s. And there was Stacy, a sweet-looking girl waving at the camera.
“What are you doing?”
Lucy held her finger up to her lips. “Ssh.”
Lucy tapped TALK. “What the hell!” Robin shouted. He tried to grab the phone away.
Lucy turned. Robin reached around her. Lucy dodged him. Red drink sloshed on his shirt. After a single ring, a girl picked up.
“Oh, good,” she said. She sounded so happy and relieved. “I’ve been trying to call you all night!”
Lucy’s heart pounded. She took a breath. “Hey, Stacy, listen, you don’t know me and I’m sorry to be the one to have to tell you this, but your boyfriend is a dick. He’s not at home with a cold, or out with the boys or doing whatever it is he told you he was doing instead of hanging out with you tonight. He’s at a party trying to cheat on you. Just thought you deserved to know.”
She locked eyes with Robin. He looked, for a moment, quite sick, then tried to smile. “I know you didn’t really call her,” he said.
“Didn’t I?” said Lucy.
She turned the phone toward Robin so he could see the talk time ticking and hear the girl’s shouts coming from inside the phone.
Robin opened his mouth in an O as the drink he had brought for her dropped to the floor, the liquid spreading out into a sticky circle.
Someone cranked the music, and Lucy walked away.
She saw Tristan standing against the wall, all alone.
The Book of Love Page 1