by Len Webster
“What are friends for?” he teased as he got up from the chair. “I just came to drop off your drink. I gotta meet up with some of the boys from the team. I’ll see you around?”
AJ smiled. “Yeah, I’ll see you around. And thanks again for the tea.”
Landon winked. “Don’t work yourself too hard, Alex.” And with that, he left her alone at her table.
Setting the hot beverage down, AJ picked up her phone and took in her call history.
All her unanswered calls to Evan.
All attempts at more by her and not him.
And it wasn’t enough.
Not after everything.
The thought had her standing and packing all her books, notebooks, and her laptop into her bag. Once she picked up the tea Landon had got her, she slung the bag strap onto her shoulder and made her way out of the library, ready for one last attempt.
To get past his voicemail.
It had taken her almost twenty minutes to walk from the library to her dorm room at Wilson. After she had managed to open her door, Alex stepped inside, set the tea on her desk, and dropped her bag on the floor by her bed. During her walk back to her room, all she could think about was why Evan hadn’t called her.
She was tired of making up excuses as to why he couldn’t take a minute out of his day to call her.
To reply to her.
To let her know he still loved her.
That being together in that hotel room in Rhode Island wasn’t a mistake.
That losing her virginity to him wasn’t a regret.
The more she thought of his carelessness, the worse she felt.
The pain intensified.
The tears continued to threaten.
Now that she was alone in her dorm room, those tears fell.
AJ brushed them away with the back of her hand. She took a deep breath and called Evan, praying he would pick up this time.
That this time, he would give her the assurance she needed.
That this time, he sensed and felt her heart breaking.
And this time … was like all the other times.
Evan Gilmore crushed her once again with his voicemail greeting.
Her eyes fell closed as she heard his voice.
She memorized every word.
Every sound.
Because it was all she had heard in over a week.
Once she heard the beep of the voicemail recording, AJ opened her eyes and let it record her silence as she sat down on her bed and stared at the wall in front of her.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
The seconds continued.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Finally, AJ opened her mouth and spoke her heart’s true pain.
“Your silence is breaking me. Over a week, Evan. It’s been over a week since you promised me a future. And here I am … alone … waiting for you. I’ve done this all on my own without you, and it’s tearing me apart because I’m trying so hard to give you what you need. And right now, it doesn’t feel like you need me. Not one call or text. You spent months trying to find me. You sent me all those emails. And now, I hear nothing from you. I gave you everything, Evan Gilmore. I just need your words. I just need the truth. I just need your love.” AJ let out a soft sob that she couldn’t contain. “In all honesty, I just need you to tell me that being with me was not a mistake. And if it was …”
AJ got off her bed and made her way to her desk. Once she reached it, she picked up the picture frame of her and Evan.
The smile on his face.
The happiness in her eyes.
This was what she wanted for them.
But right now, she only felt emptiness and uncertainty.
And she knew just how to end her voicemail message.
Setting the frame down, AJ continued, “Just break my heart for the last time and be done with me, Evan. Because it’s so clear to me that I love you more.”
And then she hung up.
She pressed a hand to her stomach to keep from falling to her knees and shielding her from the eruption of pain that occurred within her.
Because it was so clear.
Alexandra Louise Parker loved Evan Gilmore more than he ever loved her.
She had given him everything … and he had given her nothing with his silence.
Week one’s findings:
Clarity.
The test subject, Alexandra Louise Parker, found clarity moments before she finalized her last voicemail message to Evan Gilmore.
Week two’s findings:
Acceptance.
The test subject, Alexandra Louise Parker, allowed the theory of acceptance to influence the progression of her life.
Week three’s findings:
Null.
The test subject, Alexandra Louise Parker, felt nothing but void. Therefore, the results were found to be inconclusive and null.
The test subject’s progression had been compromised.
“Are you sure you don’t want me to drop you off at your house, Miss Alex?” her cab driver, Burnley, asked once he put the car in park. Burnley was an African American jazz player from New Orleans who drove his cab on the days he didn’t play at five-star hotels. He was famous for listening to the Red Sox games on his radio and educating visitors about the Boston Red Sox. When AJ exited Logan, his cab was the first she saw. And when she slipped inside, she laughed, knowing exactly who her driver was.
AJ shook her head and then smiled at his curious eyes that looked at her from the rearview mirror. “It’s all right, Mr. Burnley. Just here is fine.”
“Your house is right there, though.”
“I know. I just need to visit someone first.”
He blinked at her as the corners of his eyes wrinkled. “The young Gilmore boy?”
She didn’t have to confirm it. All of Boston knew they were neighbors. Instead of answering, AJ reached into her purse and pulled out money for the fare, a tip, and a business card. Then she unbuckled her seat belt and scooted forward just as Burnley turned his body to face her. AJ handed over the money and the card.
“Miss Alex, this is far too much for a tip.”
A laugh escaped her. “The most honest cab driver I’ve ever met. I want to, Mr. Burnley, and use that number. Deloris handles all my requests at Fenway. Give her a call if you ever want great seats at a home game.”
His mouth gaped. “Seriously?”
“Seriously. I met the famous Red Sox cabbie. It’s only right that you should come to a few games. And thank you for the ride, Mr. Burnley,” Alex said before she picked up her purse and pulled on the door handle. Once she opened the door, she slipped out of the cab and took in the Gilmore house to find it immaculate. She knew Kyle had continued to pay for its maintenance long after his parents left Brookline.
“Here you are,” Burnley said next to her.
She tore her eyes from the two-story house and smiled at the cab driver who had retrieved her suitcase from the trunk. He handed it to her. “Thank you.”
“Welcome home, Miss Alex.”
AJ smiled her appreciation and turned back around to take in the Gilmore house. On the outside, it always appeared warm and inviting, but she knew it was cold and lifeless inside. A family hadn’t lived within those walls for a long time.
When she heard the cab pull away from the curb and make its way back toward the city, AJ inhaled a deep breath. Then she released it and took a step forward.
The past four weeks had been torture, testing her will.
She left one voicemail for Evan to listen to, and she never got a call back.
Each day that passed was another punch to the chest.
He continued to rip her
heart out piece by piece.
But she didn’t falter on her promise.
Her heart was compromised by hope.
Hope that Evan Gilmore would keep his promise and meet her in the very spot he promised to wait for her.
And here she was, four weeks after they said goodbye.
Upon reaching the small steps, AJ climbed them and made her way to his front door. She set her suitcase and her purse down and pressed the doorbell. AJ clenched her jaw as she knocked on his front door.
“Please, please, please,” she begged in a whisper.
She waited.
Just as she had for the past month.
But like every phone call and text message, she was greeted with silence.
Her heart dipped at the realization she had waited too long for him.
She had foolishly believed he would meet her in Brookline—that he truly loved her—when it was clear he didn’t.
A tear slipped down her cheek as she turned around and made her way to the top of the short steps. AJ lowered herself down on the step and let those wet tears continue their descent.
He had lied to her.
She had lied to herself and to her heart by believing he would show.
But she knew during the last voicemail she left that he wouldn’t.
She was just too in love with him to see clearly.
“Alexandra?”
AJ turned her head to find her mother with an apron over her jeans and purple sweater making her way toward her. Her eyes held sympathy and understanding.
She didn’t have to tell her mother anything; she just knew.
Clara Parker rushed to her daughter’s side and wrapped her arm around AJ’s back so she could rest her head on her mother’s shoulder.
“He didn’t show,” she said in a small voice.
“Oh, my love.”
AJ wiped her tears away with her free hand. “He went to Stanford and never looked back.”
“He could still show up. Thanksgiving isn’t for a few days.”
“But we promised a few days before. We promised right now.”
Her mother rubbed her arm. “He could be late.”
Her mother’s hope was beautiful, but it wasn’t enough. She didn’t want to tell her mother that Evan had never called or texted.
AJ didn’t want to tell her mother a lot of things.
And right now, she didn’t want to reveal that she was left with a broken heart on the very step she had sat on during prom night.
The step where she and Evan began and ended.
And all AJ had was her mother’s comfort and Evan’s silence.
After sitting on Evan’s doorstep with her mother, she waited for her father to come home from work and told her parents that she hadn’t spoken to Evan since he left for Stanford. Her father had that disappointing frown on his face and asked that AJ give him and her mother some privacy to talk. AJ didn’t argue. She nodded and headed to the stairs. During the climb upstairs, she heard her father say, “I raised that boy. I thought I taught him better. I raised him because I thought he would treat her like she’s his entire world, Clara. He’s hurt my daughter one too many times.”
It was heartbreaking to hear, but AJ was also to blame.
She felt as if his silence was revenge for what she did to him.
For keeping Duke a secret.
Their road trip was meant to be their solution, but the results were unrequited once again and she spent the rest of the night thinking of him.
It had been two days since she returned home from Duke, and AJ found herself waiting and still hoping for Evan. He kept her dangling on a thin rope that was on the verge of snapping, leaving her to fight through the persistent pain of his silence. As she helped her father set the dining table, AJ took in the many pies and cakes her mother had spent the morning baking. Her parents had put in so much effort to make Thanksgiving memorable she decided she wouldn’t let her broken heart get in the way of today’s festivities.
“Are you okay?” he asked, taking the ceramic bowl of roast potatoes from her.
AJ nodded and pressed her lips into a tight smile, hoping to reassure her father. “I’m fine, Dad.”
“Alexandra …” Her father pointed at the seat next to her, and she sat down on it. Her father then sat in the seat next to her. “As your father, I feel like I’ve failed you.”
“What? Dad, no, you didn’t—”
“No.” He sighed. “I have failed you. I should have—”
She shook her head. “Dad, you didn’t fail me. You raised Evan right. None of what has happened since prom is your fault. Evan and I … we’re not like you and Mum.”
“Your mother and I never had it easy, Alexandra.”
“I know.”
“Love makes you work harder.”
AJ nodded. “Is it supposed to hurt like this?”
Her father reached up and cupped her cheek, focusing his glassy green eyes on her. His thumb brushed her skin like he used to when she was a little girl. “Sometimes, it does. That’s when you know you love someone.”
“I’m tired, Dad,” she whispered. “I’m tired of feeling like this.”
“I know, my love. But you should know, I would hurt every single day of my life if it meant I got to love your mother. I would live every second of agony in this world if it meant I got to be blessed with you as my daughter. I tried, Alexandra. With Evan, I tried.”
AJ reached up and wrapped her fingers around her father’s wrist. “I know you did, Dad.”
“I want him to show up today. I want him to be the man I always thought would be good enough for my little girl. The boy I hoped I helped raise right. I raised him for you. My mother said that she hoped I’d fall in love with your mother. I was twenty-four when that happened. I wasn’t smart. I barely knew what love was before I fell in love with your mother. As you and Evan grew up, I understood what my mother meant when she said she watched this love blossom between two kids. You smile at him like no other, Alexandra, and I just knew.”
AJ blinked her tears free. “We’re not like you and Mum. I know that now,” she revealed.
“But you would wait for him?”
Her heart clenched at her father’s question.
I’ve been waiting.
She knew she wanted to.
That Evan was her soul mate, and she belonged to him.
But she didn’t deserve this much pain.
Not when he had done a lot worse to her.
A knock on the door came to her rescue, causing her heart to yearn with hope.
Maybe … just maybe he’s here.
Her father dropped his hand from her face, and she saw the relief on his face. He seemed younger when his face wasn’t so contorted with concern. “You should get it,” he encouraged.
She heard it in his voice.
The hope it might be Evan.
AJ got out of her chair and made her way out of the dining room. When she had reached the end of the table, she spun around. “Dad?”
He turned his body to face her. “Yes, Alexandra?”
“Evan is incapable of loving me. If he truly loved me, he wouldn’t have tortured me like this. But to answer your question, I’d wait for him. I’d always wait for him. And that’s the problem. I’m doing the waiting. I’m always waiting for Evan Gilmore to realize I could be the love of his life if he’d just give me the chance,” she uttered with blurry tears.
“You’d sacrifice everything for him?”
“I already have,” AJ said before she spun back around and made her way down the hall and to the front door. When she reached it, she wiped her tears away and told her pounding heart not to get its hopes up. After a deep breath and a slow exhale later, AJ grasped the door handle, twisted it, and then opened the front door.
She winced at the sight of him.
Beautiful with his familiar brown eyes and sweet smile.
“Happy Thanksgiving, Alexi,” he said and then bent down and pressed a kiss to her cheek.
“Happy Thanksgiving, Kyle.” She stepped aside and allowed him into her family home.
The disappointment was acid to her heart.
Acid that tore through her love.
It was a Gilmore at her front door, but it wasn’t the Gilmore she was desperately waiting and hoping for.
The Red Sox captain closed the door and handed her one of the two bouquets he held. “I can see it on your face, Alexi.”
She smiled at the orange lilies and then glanced up at him. That smile of hers faded at the worry in his eyes. “See what, Ky?”
Ky.
It felt like forever since she last called him Ky.
“Be honest with me. He hasn’t called you, has he?”
AJ shook her head. “No. He hasn’t. I guess I know how he felt after I left him in LA. I deserve this.”
“The hell you deserve this, Alexi. You deserve the absolute world. And I hate that he has your heart when I would have treated you the way you deserve. My brother is an idiot.”
“Hey,” she whispered as she set her palm on his arm. “I have my answer, Kyle. Evan has spent the past month silently breaking my heart as I lost my faith in him. But this is the last time. This is the last time Evan Gilmore gets to hurt me.”
“Okay,” Kyle said in agreement, but AJ saw it in his eyes.
He was keeping something from her.
59 Pr
praseodymium
ALEX
Now
“Your phone’s finished charging,” Savannah said as she pulled it from the charger and made her way to Alex, who was at her desk staring at the mirror as she did her makeup. “Okay, wow.”
“Wow, what?” Alex asked as she inserted the mascara wand back into the tube.
Savannah smirked as she handed her the phone. “Your boyfriend has been texting and calling you all day while we went shopping.”