The Deepest Cut

by Natalie Flynn

  It started on the day some year twelve boys lobbed my trainers up a tree by the bus stop outside school. If that hadn’t happened, Jake wouldn’t have got together with Kelly Dawson.

  ‘I’m’a go and get an ice pop,’ Jake said as we got to the shops outside school. ‘Want one?’

  ‘Nah, I’m going to go to the chicken shop,’ I said. I’d had double PE in my last two lessons and I was starving. I wanted a chicken drumstick and chips.

  ‘You’re gonna get fat if you keep eating that chicken shit all the time,’ Nathan said. ‘It’s probably not even chicken, it’s probably rat, or–’

  ‘Nath, man, shut up.’ Jake nudged him in the side and shook his head. ‘Anyway, Ads, you know mum’s cooking burgers tonight, yeah? Homemade juicy burgers with that Emmentalblahblah whatever it’s called cheese, bacon, ketchup, tomatoes and …’

  ‘Yeah, I know, and I’m gonna eat them, but if I don’t get chicken and chips now, I’m not gonna make it to dinner,’ I said.

  They laughed. ‘’K, meet you there,’ Jake said.

  Nathan went with him and I went to the chicken shop round the corner on my own. As soon as I got in there, I wanted to walk straight back out again because the place was full with the idiots from year twelve.

  I stood at the back, so I didn’t catch any of their eyes, and pretended to read the menu on the board over the counter. When the man asked me what I was having, I stepped forwards with my head down and told him.

  I was embarrassed because my money was all in silver coins, mostly tens and twenties, but it was too late to back out because the man was already piling the chips into the box and fishing me out a drumstick.

  I handed him the money with my fist closed, hoping the year twelve boys wouldn’t see, but the chicken man tutted and pretty much threw it on the counter to count it all out. Really slowly.

  One of the year twelve boys started laughing.

  ‘Trampy Adam with his coppers for his chicken,’ he said.

  ‘And his cheap trainers,’ another said, looking at my feet.

  My face went hot. Jake and Nathan needed to hurry up. Jake would have been rummaging right in the bottom of the freezer for the best ice pop.

  The year twelve boys were laughing loud. I was just about to run off, without my chicken, when one of them grabbed my foot and pulled my trainer off.

  ‘What even are these?’ He asked.

  ‘No name, ooooooooh,’ another said, and they all started laughing again.

  I stood with my shoeless foot in the air. The chicken man finally finished counting my money and gave me my box of chicken, but I couldn’t leave because they still had my trainer.

  ‘Can I have my trainer back, please?’

  They all laughed.

  One of them grabbed my other leg and I hopped backwards while he took the other trainer off.

  I was just in my socks. One of them had a huge hole in which meant my big toe was popping out.

  Their laughs made my stomach churn. I didn’t move, or speak. I braced myself for their next move.

  One of them held my trainers as another tied the laces together. When he was done, they all ran out the chicken shop laughing.

  I followed them outside. Jake and Nathan were walking towards me, sucking on their bloody ice pops with stupid, confused looks on their faces.

  ‘Why haven’t you got any shoes on, man?’ Nathan asked.

  Then they both clocked the year twelve boys with my trainers, running towards the bus stop.

  ‘Oi, what you doing?’ Jake shouted. He handed Nathan his ice pop and ran after them. ‘Stop it,’ he said, but it was too late. With a clean throw, my shoes were dangling from a branch in the tree.

  The people at the bus stop were staring. Some were trying not to laugh.

  I stood there with no shoes on, holding my box of chicken, completely mortified.

  The year twelve boys ran off in hysterics.

  ‘Wankers,’ Jake said.

  I shielded the sun from my eyes as I looked up into the tree. ‘How am I gonna get them down?’ I asked. My no-name trainers were dangling from a high branch. I had to get them down, I needed them. There was no way my dad was going to buy me new ones.

  Jake took his school bag off, hooked it over Nathan’s head, and rolled up his sleeves.

  ‘You’re never gonna get up there, man,’ Nathan said. ‘Let’s just go back to school, get the caretaker to bring a ladder or something?’

  I couldn’t speak. The people at the bus stop were still looking. I had never been so embarrassed in my whole life.

  An older man from the bus stop went over to Jake. He looked like a builder. He had on one of those sleeveless vests which showed off his muscly arms, dirty shorts, and those big builder boots. ‘I’ll give you a leg up,’ he said. His voice was really deep.

  Jake got into position and the builder guy literally hoisted him up into the tree like he was light as a feather.

  ‘There’s not a lot of grip on my shoes,’ Jake shouted down to us. ‘If I fall, break my neck, and die, I don’t want shitty hymns at my funeral, I want cool songs. You lot choose, yeah.’

  I didn’t laugh. I didn’t find any of it funny. I just wanted my shoes back.

  Jake perched himself on a branch and leant over, grabbed my shoes, hooked them off the tree and dropped them down on the floor by my feet.

  ‘You alright?’ The builder man asked Jake, looking up at him concerned. I was, too. We all knew it was easier to get up a tree than down from it and I really didn’t want Jake to break his neck.

  He slowly and carefully got down from the tree while I untied the knot in my laces and put my trainers back on.

  Jake did the final bit with a jump, brushed himself off, and thanked the man.

  ‘Yeah, thanks,’ I said.

  He gave me a sort of sympathetic smile.

  ‘Back to the shop,’ Jake said, taking his bag off Nathan.

  ‘Why?’ I asked.

  ‘My ice pop’s melted. Need a new one,’ he laughed. ‘Then park, yeah?’

  ‘Nah, not me,’ Nathan said. ‘I’m gonna go and see Megan, catch me some rays in her back garden … maybe more … before her mum gets back from work.’

  Jake and I were staring at him.

  ‘What?’ He laughed.

  ‘You should be revising, not shagging,’ I said doing an impression of his dad’s voice. ‘Study leave starts in just four days, young man, and if you don’t get forty GCSEs and bring us home the blood of a nun in a gold-plated vial, we will be restricting your pocket money for the rest of your life.’

  ‘You’re an idiot,’ Jake said, laughing and punching my arm.

  ‘You sound well like my dad and that’s freaky,’ Nathan said with his eyes wide. ‘Anyways, gotta dash, gotta get me some class-A Megan lovin’.’ He straightened up his bag and started walking off.

  ‘Nath,’ Jake shouted after him.

  Nathan turned around, but carried on walking backwards.

  ‘Remember, don’t be silly, wrap your willy,’ he shouted, so loudly that a few of the old ladies at the bus stop tutted and gave him really dirty looks.

  Nathan turned around and walked off, giving us the middle finger as he went.

  ‘So, do you reckon he’s tapped her yet then, or do you think he’s all mouth?’ Jake asked me. He grabbed a handful of my cold chips and leant back on the bench, squinting from the sun.

  We were sitting in our usual spot on the bench in the park halfway between mine and Jake’s. It was pretty much where we always went when we were out. It had sort of become our bench. We liked it. It gave us a good view of everything that was going on while we sat there and chatted or whatever.

  ‘Who? Nathan and Megs? Doubt it, he’s all mouth,’ I said.

  ‘I dunno,’ Jake said. ‘I haven’t seen him pick up a book in weeks.’

  ‘Doesn’t mean he’s done it.’

  Jake sat up straight and turned to me. ‘Have you not seen how confident he’s got lately? He’s go
ne from shy, skinny, little mummy-and-daddy-pleasing geek who froze up whenever a whiff of titty walked by, to cocky, confident maybe a little bit mouthy on occasions. It’s a textbook symptom of virginity losing.’

  ‘Maybe he’s just happy he’s got a girlfriend,’ I said.

  ‘Why are you so uncomfortable with it?’

  ‘I guess I never thought he’d be first, you know …’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because he used to freeze up when a whiff of titty walked past.’

  ‘Don’t be using my expressions, Ads.’ Jake punched me in the arm. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll find you some.’

  ‘Er yeah, don’t forget you’re as far away from finding some as I am. Same boat my friend, same boat,’ I said.

  Jake shook his head. ‘Look over there,’ he said. ‘That’s my dream girl.’

  In the distance, four girls were walking towards us.

  ‘Kelly Dawson?’ I asked. The sun was in my eyes so I couldn’t quite make her out.

  ‘Oh yes,’ Jake said. ‘Man, what I’d do to that.’

  ‘You’ve got no chance.’ I laughed at how outrageous he was.

  ‘Looks like they’re heading this way,’ Jake said. There was a half-smile on his face, but his eyes said he was as confused as I was. They were definitely walking towards us, though. Definitely.

  ‘Holy shit,’ Jake said, sitting up straight. ‘Look at them with their ties off and their buttons all undone and their skirts hitched up – God bless this heat wave.’

  ‘Down, boy,’ I said.

  They were definitely walking towards us and I wondered why. They were probably bored or something and wanted to come and take the piss out of us to pass the time.

  ‘Gissa chip,’ Kelly said when she got to the bench. All I could stare at were her tits, which were massive and poking right out her shirt.

  ‘We’re just going over the shop. Want anything?’ One of her mates asked her.

  ‘I’ve got everything I want right here,’ she said. She was looking straight at Jake with a really sexy smile. I couldn’t believe it.

  He slid across the bench, barging me out the way. ‘Sit down, beautiful,’ he said. I almost choked on my chip.

  He put his arm around her. ‘You’re looking really sexy today, baby. What can Jake do for you?’

  ‘I saw what happened back there, you know, with Adam and his trainers. Man, that was well harsh. Those boys are right twats,’ she said.

  ‘I see,’ Jake said. ‘They are; very, very twatty,’ he said. He was looking straight at her tits.

  ‘I was standing by the other bus stop, on the corner,’ she said. ‘I saw you climb up into the tree to get Adam’s trainers back…’

  ‘You did?’

  ‘Yeah,’ she said, her voice getting sexier. ‘You’re a proper hero, Jake,’ she said.

  It was comedy gold. I wish I had thought to record it. Kelly Dawson coming on to Jake? Pretty much every boy in our year wanted to tap that girl. She never gave it out to anyone. Made out like she was a proper saint and that. It had to be a wind up.

  I was trying so hard not to laugh.

  ‘I know,’ Jake said. ‘That’s just what friends do.’

  ‘There’s a film on I quite want to see, you know,’ she said to him.

  I gasped. It wasn’t a wind-up. Him climbing up that effing tree to get my stupid no-name trainers down, which, quite frankly, really stank and could have done with being incinerated, made Kelly Dawson fall in love with him. Or just want to shag him. But even that was a miracle in itself, owing to the fact she was all virginal and stuff.

  It could have gone either way for Jake, depending on what his next line was. I braced myself for it.

  ‘I can take you if you like?’ He said. It was short. It was sharp. It was straight to the point. He sounded like he was about to choke on his own words, probably in disbelief at the situation, but he’d done it.

  ‘Saturday? The day after we break up for study leave?’ She asked.

  ‘Yeah, babes, I can do that,’ he said.

  ‘Add me on Facebook, yeah? I’ll inbox you my number,’ she said, standing up. She smiled and walked over to her friends and Jake leant back all cool. He blew her a kiss and she giggled.

  As soon as they were out of our eye line, he grabbed my arm so tight, and put his face right up close to mine, and squealed like he was five again.

  ‘Oh my fucking God, Adam. Oh my God, did you see her tits?’

  ‘I did see her tits,’ I said, but he wasn’t listening.

  ‘Fuck me, oh my God, oh my God,’ he said. ‘I’m going out with Kelly fucking Dawson.’ He was bouncing around so much that you would have been forgiven for thinking he’d just eaten his entire body weight in Skittles and was on a huge sugar rush.

  ‘I know you are,’ I said.

  ‘Let’s go,’ he said.

  ‘Where?’ I asked.

  ‘I dunno, let’s go and celebrate, innit. We can go round Meg’s and tell Nath,’ he jumped up off the bench and bounced off towards the park gate giving me no choice but to follow him.

  We were back in Jake’s kitchen after Nathan had told us firmly to piss off and leave him and Megan to it. We’d told Debbie and she was hopping from one foot to the other with excitement.

  ‘Is she pretty?’ She asked. ‘Get her up on Facebook; I want to see what she looks like.’

  ‘Mum, please,’ Jake said.

  We helped ourselves to an orange juice lolly out the freezer and were sitting at the table while Debbie emptied the contents of her purse out.

  ‘Mum, serious?’ Jake asked, looking at all the coins all over the place.

  ‘Yes Jake, that’s all I’ve got until Monday,’

  ‘I can’t go on a date with a score worth of pounds and fifty pees. She’s gonna think I’m a right cheapskate,’ he said.

  ‘Change it up down the shop, then,’ Debbie said, counting it out.

  Jake stood up. ‘Right, let’s go check out my threads,’ he said to me. ‘I gotta make sure I look reem.’

  ‘You’ve got four days yet. You don’t need to choose your clothes now,’ I said following him out the kitchen.

  ‘Yeah, true dat. Let’s go play Xbox then,’ he said.

  For the next four days Jake and Kelly did nothing but flirt at school. They were so sickly sweet and disgusting, it made me want to throw up all over them. Then we broke up for the summer – apart from exams, but in our head they didn’t really count – and it was the day of Jake’s date with Kelly.

  I walked him down to the corner, calming his nerves and trying not to choke on all the Lynx he’d doused himself in. When we got there, I gave him a man hug and told him good luck. That was the last time I saw him for three whole days straight.

  I sat and festered. I watched Storage Wars and episodes of Come Dine with Me. I played a bit of guitar and slept, lots. Most of all, I lay in bed, checking my texts, Facebook, and Twitter for any signs of life from Jake or Nathan but there was nothing. They were both loved up and I was abandoned. I was confined to my flea pit of a bedroom with only my TV for company.

  I was bored and I was hot.

  And I was properly pissed off with both of them.

  On the Monday morning, I’d had enough, so I had a shower for the first time in days, then I made my way round to Jake’s. I knew that his big, lazy arse would no way be out of bed that early. I was going to swoop in, jump on his head and claim him as mine for the day, before he could get to his phone and piss off out with Kelly.

  I knocked on the door four times. There was no sign of life from his house. I reckoned Debbie was out shopping or something and Jake was still in bed snoring his head off.

  ‘Jake,’ I shouted.

  I sat on the doorstep for a bit then wondered what the point was, so I walked over to Nathan’s to see if he was in.

  He answered the door in his boxers. His hair was all fluffy and pre-gel perfection ritual.

  ‘Morning,’ I said, and barged past him into the hall
way.

  ‘Ad, man, I got Megs upstairs, know what I mean?’

  ‘Whoa, I’m surprised you remembered my name,’ I said.

  ‘Where’s Jake?’ Nathan asked. ‘Go round and bug him instead. I’m getting down, man. Got her waiting up there, man, she’s–’

  ‘You two can’t abandon me, it’s not right.’

  ‘We’re not abandoning you.’

  ‘Yeah, you are.’

  ‘No, we’re not.’ He paused and looked up the stairs. ‘Look, lemme go back up and see her. I’ll text you in a bit. We’ll go park later, yeah?’

  ‘Fine,’ I said. ‘He’s got chlamydia,’ I shouted up the stairs, before walking out his front door.

  ‘You’re a wanker,’ he laughed, and shut the door behind me.

  Back at Jake’s, I knocked once, and Debbie let me in.

  ‘Morning, sweetheart,’ she said.

  ‘Is he in bed?’ I followed her down the hallway into the kitchen where she was unpacking the shopping.

  ‘No, he’s not actually. Has he not texted you?’

  ‘Not in three days,’

  ‘Oh, new love, eh?’ She laughed. She opened a multi-pack of crisps and handed me a packet. ‘Juice?’ She asked, opening a carton of orange.

  ‘So is he with her?’ I asked.

  ‘He stayed there last night,’ she winked.

  I got a glass out the cupboard, poured some juice, and tried to take it all in.

  ‘You do know you can still stay here whenever you like, don’t you? Even if he’s not here – this is your home, too.’

  I shrugged. It didn’t feel right being there without him.

  ‘I’ll get him to call you when he gets in,’ she said, with her head cocked to the side and her bottom lip out in sympathy.

  I had no choice but to go back to my bedroom, on my own, and sulk. Both of them had a girlfriend and I had nothing. It was meant to be the best summer ever, but I was on my own.

  Neither of them called me later that day. It didn’t matter how many times I checked my phone, how many indirect status updates I posted, there were no missed calls, no texts, nothing. I’d been abandoned.

  About half seven, I checked Facebook again and saw that they’d both tagged themselves at the park with Kelly and Megan. ‘Double date’ it said. I was gutted. I looked around my four walls, at the sun trying to come through my thin little curtain and at my tiny TV. That was my life. That was how I was going to spend my summer. No friends, no family, nothing.