by M. S. Parker
I knelt in front of him and began to clean his wounds. He winced at the sting, but didn't pull his hand away.
“I'm so sorry, Piper. I didn't know how to tell you.”
I focused on applying anti-bacterial cream to his cuts. “It's okay, Julien. I understand why you did it.” I placed his palm flat on mine. “Can you move your fingers?”
If he was startled by the change of conversation, he didn't show it. “Some.” He moved each finger. “I don't think anything's broken.”
“You need an x-ray,” I said as I re-wrapped it with a fresh bandage.
“I'm fine,” he insisted.
I looked up at him now, a new anger rushing through me. “You're not fine!” I snapped, startling him. “You could have serious damage to your hand, Julien. What the hell were you thinking?!”
“I was thinking that I hadn't been there to protect you and I'd fucked up protecting that girl. I kept thinking of his hands on you...” His voice trailed off and he looked away, like he'd revealed more than he'd intended.
“You didn't know me when it happened.” My stomach was twisting again, but this time it was for a different reason. I'd suspected Julien felt something for me that was more than friendship, but he'd never acted on it or even talked about it, allowing me to push it away and not have to deal. Now it was right there.
“Doesn't matter,” he said. He pulled his injured hand away.
“It does matter,” I insisted. I reached out and put my hand on his cheek, turned his face back to mine. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
I didn't answer as I leaned forward and brushed my lips across his. His entire body stiffened at the contact. It was brief, chaste, but I couldn't deny the way my skin tingled the moment it had come against his. I stood before either of us could start overanalyzing what had just happened.
“Come on,” I said.
“Where are we going?” His voice was unsteady and warmth spread through me as I realized an innocent kiss had done that.
“To the hospital,” I said. I'd try to figure out what all of this meant later. Right now, Julien needed a professional to look at his hand.
Chapter 8
Once I'd let it sink in, I'd been worried that what I'd done would change everything, but it didn't. Julien didn't let it. Our friendship remained as solid as ever. If anything, we were closer than before. We just didn't talk about the kiss. Sometimes I wondered if maybe I'd read him wrong and he didn't feel that way about me after all. But other times, I'd catch him watching me and I was sure it was more than just platonic affection in his gaze.
Then there was the way I was starting to feel around him. I couldn't deny the way I'd felt when I'd kissed him, but I did try to play it off as gratitude for what he'd done and said. That worked for about a week and then I had to give it up because I was tired of lying to myself. I didn't think I was in love with Julien, but what I felt for him was absolutely more than friendship.
The day I first admitted that to myself, I spent hours trying to talk myself out of it. Over the last six months, I'd made two very bad choices when it came to men, one of which was a direct result of letting myself rebound into a relationship just because I'd been hurting. By the end of the night, I decided I was going to be smart this time. I wouldn't push anything. I would let our friendship grow naturally and see where things went. I wouldn't try to figure out exactly how I felt about him and I wouldn't initiate again. If Julien decided that he wanted to make a move, then I'd deal.
That worked really well for a couple weeks. We continued doing home improvement stuff around my place. We went out to eat and to movies together. We even went to see a live musical at the theater. Front row tickets that Julien said he'd won, but I suspected he paid full price for. The more time we spent together, the more we shared and the closer we became. When I talked to Anastascia, I could hear the questions in her voice, wondering if Julien and I were dating, but I didn't go there. I loved Anastascia, but for the time being, I wanted to keep whatever this was to myself.
We avoided parties and events that those of his social circle would attend, steering clear of Brock and Reed both. I'd given my official statement a few days after the police had questioned me and they said they'd call if they needed me.
Brock had immediately been released on bail, which wasn’t surprising. Julien kept trying to prevent me from seeing coverage, but I couldn't get away from it. Britni's support of her brother was loud and her opinions of both the server and myself scathing. She never quite managed to get our names out there, but a few of the students at Madame Emilana's had said things that told me they suspected.
Reed's media presence was suspiciously absent. He made no public statements and I never saw a single picture of him with Britni. My feelings for him had quieted, but I wasn't sure if they were completely gone yet.
By mid-November, Julien started hinting that he wanted me to spend the holidays with him and his family. Fortunately, Anastascia had already invited me for Thanksgiving and Christmas was implied. I knew things were strained at the Atwood house, especially since the whole Julien and Brock incident. The Michaels family had apparently been partners in one of the Atwood businesses and lines were being drawn. Julien hadn't said it, but I was pretty sure one of those lines had been his father taking Brock's side.
The Friday before Thanksgiving, I got home from work late, exhausted from a double shift – one before dance and one after – and barely had enough energy to take a shower before falling into bed. I was asleep almost instantly.
I'd only been asleep for a couple hours when I heard someone knocking on my door. I started toward the door when I realized that I hadn't bothered putting on anything when I'd crawled under the covers. I grabbed my robe and hurried down the stairs.
“Hello?” I called as I neared the door. It was a little after one-thirty in the morning and while I had a few new acquaintances, my number of friends in the city was limited to pretty much two.
“It's me.”
I easily recognized Julien's voice and let him in. The moment I saw him, I knew something was wrong. His was pale, his hair a mess. He had dark circles under his eyes and his face was drawn. He looked like he hadn't slept since I'd last seen him two days ago.
“What's wrong?” I shivered as I closed the door. We'd had a couple flurries this week, but nothing had stuck. I had a feeling that would change soon.
He sank down on the couch Anastascia had given me after she'd bought a new one for herself. I sat next to him, knowing he'd speak when he was ready.
“My dad.” He said the words like he didn't know what they meant. He looked at his hands. “Um, he and my mom were arguing. About Steven. I was just supposed to be picking something up and going back to my place, but they were fighting and then he collapsed and Mom screamed.”
A feeling of dread filled me, telling me that this story wasn't going to have a happy ending.
“He wasn't breathing when I came in. Mom was panicking. I started CPR while one of the staff called for an ambulance.” He shook his head. “The paramedics kept doing CPR but I could see it on their faces as soon as they touched him. The doctors pronounced him dead at the ER. They said it was a heart attack or aneurysm or something like that. Nothing we could've done.” He looked over at me, his eyes wild. “He's dead. My dad's dead.”
“Oh, Julien.” I wrapped my arms around him. Tears stung my eyes, but they weren't for Mr. Atwood. I hadn't known him. My heart was aching for my friend. “I'm so sorry.”
Julien was stiff in my arms, as if he wasn't sure how he was supposed to respond to my embrace.
“My uncle's at the house with my mom. He's her closest brother. I couldn't stay there.”
“It's okay,” I assured him.
“I'm going to have to call the boards tomorrow,” he said. “They need to know. I guess I'll step in for him until they can find a replacement.”
I put my hand on Julien's cheek and found it cold and clammy. He was definitely in shock. I
picked up the afghan from the back of the couch and wrapped it around us both.
“Shh,” I said. “Don't worry about that now.”
He looked at me, a puzzled expression on his face. “I'm sad, but I don't understand why.”
Some people might've been freaking out, wondering why he wasn't crying, why he sounded so cold. I got it. Everyone processed grief differently.
“Why does it feel like there's this hole inside me, Piper?” His voice trembled. “I haven't loved my dad since before Steven was born. I've hated him since Steven died. Why should I feel anything but relief that he's gone?”
“He's your father,” I said simply. “He's the one who taught you how to ride a bike when you were eight. He took you fishing when you were six and pulled you out of the ocean when you fell in.” Those had been the only positive stories Julien had ever told me about his father, and they were enough to break through.
Julien buried his face against the side of my neck and sobbed. The sound broke my heart and I ran my hands along his back, trying to soothe him as best I could. For all the grief of my own I'd dealt with, I was never very sure how to handle someone else's.
“I'm so sorry,” I murmured as I smoothed down his hair. It was softer than it looked and I stroked my fingers through it as I would a little boys.
I wasn't sure how much time passed before Julien's shoulders stopped shaking, but it was long enough for me to know that I could no longer say that I wasn't sure how I felt about him. Seeing him in pain had broken open the part of me that had been holding back. I was conflicted about what I still felt for Reed and whether or not I wanted to tell Julien how I felt, but there was no conflict anymore about what those feelings were. I'd fallen for my friend.
“You're cold,” Julien said suddenly, pulling back. He looked at the clock. “Fuck. It's late and you probably have to work tomorrow.” His cheeks were red and I could tell he was embarrassed.
“No, I don't.” I stood and held out my hand. “Come on. You go take a hot shower and I'm going to make you some tea.”
“Tea?” Julien raised an eyebrow.
“It's what my mom used to make when I was sick or upset.”
His expression softened. I'd told him about her.
“Go,” I said. “I'll make you some tea and get out the sheets for the couch.”
He nodded and headed for the stairs. I put the water on to boil and got the sheets from the downstairs closet. They were cheap, but I'd realized I needed a second pair after Julien had stayed here one night after we'd been painting until three in the morning. I put them on the couch and tried not to think about my epiphany and the fact that the person it was about was upstairs right now, naked and wet.
I wasn't going to screw this up, I vowed. Just because I knew how I felt now didn't change what I'd originally decided to do. I'd made enough of a mess of my life with Reed and Brock. I wasn't going to lose a friend due to lack of self-control.
Once I finished with the couch, the tea was ready and I carried it upstairs. I still didn't have a lot of furniture, so the extra room upstairs was empty. As I walked into my room and set the mug on the dresser, I wondered if maybe I should look into an air mattress or something. Even Anastascia would sleep on that. As it was, she'd stayed in my bed the one night we'd had a late girls' night out, but I didn't want a repeat of that. She still kicked in her sleep.
“Thank you.”
I jumped as Julien's voice startled me. My hand bumped the mug, sending a splash of scalding liquid over the edge onto my fingers. I cried out, yanking my hand back.
“Piper!”
“I'm okay.” Tears welled up in my eyes in response to the pain, but I refused to let them fall. What was a little burn compared to what he was going through?
“Let me see.”
Julien caught my hand as I tried to step past him. His touch was gentle and I swallowed hard. I hadn't realized until now that he was only wearing a towel around his waist.
Fuck.
I'd seen him shirtless before, but this was different, especially since I was now very aware that I wasn't wearing anything under my robe.
I was shocked out of my thoughts as Julian slipped my two burnt fingers into his mouth. His tongue soothed the injured skin and my breathing hitched. His eyes locked with mine. He drew my fingers out and the cool air against my wet flesh eased the last of the pain. Not that I would've felt it anyway. Not with the way he was looking at me.
“Better?” he asked.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
“I know you have the couch made up downstairs but,” he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering on my face. “I don't think I can be alone tonight.”
“You don't have to be,” I whispered. I wanted so badly to lean into his touch, but I reminded myself of my promise.
Almost as if he could read my thoughts, he cupped the side of my face, his thumb brushing across my lips.
“Piper.”
My name was a groan and almost undid me.
When he began to lower his head, I knew I should stop him. He was emotional and needy and I was here. But I wasn't strong enough. I knew he was hurting and in need of comfort. I could do that for him, be a solace. I wouldn't ask for anything more.
His mouth was cautious against mine, testing to see if it was welcome. I parted my lips, hoping he would take the invitation. A moment later, his tongue lightly touched my bottom lip and I made a soft sound. His hand slid around to the back of my head, holding me in place as he tilted his head, deepening the kiss. With all that he had been through, I'd expected rough and urgent, but this was a slow exploration, as if he was memorizing every inch his tongue explored.
My hands couldn't keep to themselves. They came up and ran across his chest. I may have seen him without a shirt before, but I'd never touched him. He was all sculpted muscles and golden skin. My fingers traced the black ink of the tattoo over his heart. SAA. Steven Andrew Atwood.
When he finally raised his head, his eyes were dark and I could see the desire warring with self-control. I knew what he wanted. I took his hands in mine and placed them on the belt of my robe. This was the turning point. Whatever choice he made, he would decide where things went from here.
Chapter 9
The soft cotton slid off of my shoulders, baring me all at once. No striptease, just flesh. He'd seen me practically naked before, so the near-reverence on his face surprised me. He reached toward me, then hesitated, his eyes flicking up to my face. I took his hand and led it to my breast, moaning as he cupped me. His thumb brushed over my nipple and it hardened under his touch.
“You're so beautiful,” he whispered, taking my other breast in his free hand.
I let myself enjoy his touch for a minute, the way my skin hummed against his, and then I reached for his towel. It fell to the floor, revealed the solid, muscled thighs I'd known he had. The deep v-grooves of his hips that pointed down to the dark curls surrounding his cock. He was half-hard and not quite too big to do what I wanted.
I went to my knees, earning a sharp inhalation from Julien. I placed my hands on his hips to steady myself and leaned forward, taking all of him into my mouth. He moaned my name and his hands buried themselves in my hair. He didn't apply any pressure though, letting me move as I wanted. I could feel him swelling in my mouth and knew that soon he'd be too large for me to take completely, so I took advantage of the time I had, applying suction to his full length as I moved my head. When, after a few passes, he was nearly fully erect, I began to run my tongue along the length of him, using my hand to work him until I heard his breathing quicken.
“Too close.” He backed away from me and held out his hands to help me to my feet.
I backed toward the bed, pulling him with me. I reached into the night table and pulled out one of the condoms I had left over from my time with Brock. Julien was a bit bigger, but not enough to need a different size. That was good, because I didn't want anything to stop what was coming next.
/> I pushed aside my blankets and sat down on the edge of the bed. Before I could slide back, however, Julien knelt in front of me, nudging my knees apart.
“My turn,” he said.
“It's okay.” I brushed his hair out of his eyes. “Just let me take care of you.”
He shook his head and leaned forward. “I want this.”
I wasn’t going to argue with that.
Julien pressed his lips against the inside of my thigh and then held onto my hips as he ran his tongue along the sensitive skin between my legs. I cried out as his lips and tongue began to explore me as thoroughly as they had explored my mouth earlier. I fell back on the bed, letting the sensations wash over me until I came, moaning as his tongue thrust in and out.
My hands fisted in my sheets and my body tried to twist and turn, but he held me in place, sliding two fingers inside me even as I was still quaking with my release. He crooked them, rubbing against that spot inside me, and every muscle in my body tightened. I heard him swear, but I couldn't think clearly enough to understand why.
When I started to come down, he was on the bed next to me, running his fingers lightly up and down my arm.
“We don't have to do anything else,” he said softly. “Not if you don't want to.”
I picked up the condom packet from where I'd dropped it and handed it to him. He smiled, then tore it open and rolled it on, the hitch in his breathing telling me how close he was.
“I don't know how long I'll last,” he said. “You're so tight. Nearly cut off the circulation in my fingers when you came.”
I ran my hand down over my stomach and let my index finger slide between my lips. I shivered as it brushed across my still sensitive clit. I spread my legs and looked at Julien. I wasn't going to talk him into it, no matter how badly I was aching for him to fill me.
He rolled on top of me, keeping enough weight propped on his elbows that he wasn't too heavy. I relished the weight of his body as he pressed onto me. He reached between us, his hand brushing against my clit as he positioned himself against my opening. I shivered and wrapped my legs around his waist. My heels rested at the base of his ass and I felt it flex as he pressed inside, slowly entered me inch by glorious inch.