by T. J. Klune
“Ryan,” I croaked out, and I took a step forward to—
Lady Tina beat me to him. She pushed past me, marching forward, and stood at attention in front of him as if she were one of his knights. Ryan glanced at her before looking back at me with that intense gaze of his, as if he thought there was a chance I’d disappear.
“Knight Commander,” Lady Tina said, a hint of a purr in her voice. “Welcome back to Camp HaveHeart. I’m pleased to see the mission was successful. If you’d like, I can provide you with a detailed report of day-to-day activities that occurred in your absence.”
He looked a little startled at that, glancing back at her again. “I would hear it, and I’m sure it would be as… comprehensive as always, but there are matters of pressing importance that I must attend to first.”
Lady Tina stiffened just a little, and I was barely able to hold back my crow of victory, because I was the matter of pressing importance, and I was going to press him against so many things.
If he let me, that is.
“I understand,” Lady Tina said slowly as if she didn’t understand it in the slightest. “I suppose I can give my report to Prince Justin.”
“Yeah,” Ryan said, once again distracted by me. “That sounds… good.”
“Ooh,” one of the Foxy Ladies breathed as the others started to titter. “I think I’m starting to quiver. You know. Down there.”
Lady Tina glared back at them, and they fell silent immediately.
She stepped aside.
Ryan took a step toward me as he sheathed his sword.
“Knight Commander,” Terry said, and I thought I would be capable of murdering the next fucking thing that interrupted us. “Or should I call you Ryan now? I mean, we are close after letting you on my back, after all. Ryan. Yes. I think I shall call you Ryan. Anyway. Ryan, since I am a guest at your camp, I would like to—”
“Would you shut your fat mouth?” Gary hissed at him. “You’re interrupting the reunion I’ve written fan fiction for. This has been almost a year in the making. I swear to the gods, Terry, if you ruin this for me, I will kick you in the fucking uvula.”
Terry snorted daintily. The sparks were chartreuse. “Like you could even find my uvula. You don’t even know what a uvula is.” His voice was deeper than Gary’s. It was really rather dreamy. For a unicorn.
“Well… okay. That’s true. I don’t. It sounds disgusting. But I won’t stop until I find it, even if that means I need to trample all over your stupid body, so help me.”
“In your throat,” Tiggy whispered. “Dangly.”
“Thank you, kitten, I don’t know what I’d do—annnnd Sam is glaring at me. I wish I could say I hadn’t missed that, but that would be a lie. He looks like a frustrated crack-addicted puppy. It’s so adorable, I feel the need to give him an intervention.”
“That’s Sam?” Terry asked, peering over at me. “The fearsome wizard who will save us all? How… underwhelming.”
“Terry,” Ryan said, a warning clear in his voice. “Leave Sam alone.”
“Fine,” he sighed. “You know I would do anything for you.”
Ryan looked back at me. “When did you—”
“Just kiss already,” Deidre hissed. “I need to see it.”
“Please don’t get them started,” Justin said, sounding as dry as ever. He approached the gate, looking as perfect as always, dark brown curls falling artfully around his head. He was cool and aloof, and I knew he was trying desperately to keep from throwing himself at me, sobbing that I was never to leave him again. He was good at keeping his emotions underneath the cold exterior, but I could see right through him. “They’ll never stop, and it’s something I don’t want to have to witness until I’ve worked up to it.”
“Gary,” Kevin whispered.
“Yes, dragon who I haven’t decided if I’ve forgiven yet?”
“What are your feelings on having sex with twins?”
“Well, I don’t suppose I’ve given it much thought. I mean, if there were two of you—wait a godsdamn minute.”
“You’ve talked about me with your brother?” I asked Gary, feeling strangely touched.
“Nothing nice,” Gary said savagely. “Because you do stupid things like leave me behind. In fact, I doubt I’ve ever complimented anything about you when talking to him.”
“Oh please,” Terry said, rolling his beautiful eyes. “If I didn’t know any better, I would have assumed you wanted to mount him.”
“I can’t believe this is real,” I whispered feverishly. “I’m so happy. Not about the mounting, of course, but everything else. Oh, and once, just once, I’d like to meet a magical creature whose name is something like Volos or Fraenier.”
“You know a dragon named Zero Ravyn Moonfire,” Gary pointed out. “And also, your name is Sam. That’s super boring, just like everything else about you, you little fuck.”
“I will punch your friggin’ face off,” I warned him. “Come at me, bro. You mess with the bull, you’re gonna get the horn.”
Gary gasped. “How dare you make fun of the fact that I don’t have my horn yet!” His eyes filled with tears. “As if I would ever do that to you.”
“We gonna cry again?” Tiggy asked, bottom lip trembling.
“No,” I said, throat thick. “We can’t cry. We don’t have time to—”
“Yes!” Gary wailed. “Sam goes away for a year, and then he comes back and makes fun of me!”
“You made fun of my eyebrows!”
“Because they’re hideous! What did you expect me to do?”
“That’s just mean—okay, time out.”
Gary and Tiggy’s tears dried immediately.
“Okay,” I said. “New rule. Can we agree that if one of us has to go live in the forest for an extended period of time, the others can’t make fun of their appearance when they return? I mean, it’s not like there’s a lot of facilities in order to maintain our beautiful selves at the level we’re used to.”
“That’s true,” Gary said. “And also, it’s not as if you necessarily have control of how you look. It’s like making fun of someone who is bald. Why would you do that? It’s not fair, because they can’t control their hair loss.”
“I just like all people,” Tiggy said.
“Okay, we agree we can’t make fun of the way another looks after they go into the Dark Woods for a long time and come back out with unruly eyebrows—”
“And oily-looking skin,” Gary added. “And rambunctious nose hairs. And—”
“Thank you, Gary,” I said through gritted teeth. “Those things, and we also can’t make fun of balding people, because that’s just mean. Agreed?”
“Aye,” Tiggy and Gary said.
“The ayes have it, then,” I said. “Rule number one thousand, eight hundred, and forty-seven of the Sam/Gary/Tiggy Friendship has been—”
“Everyone leave!” Ryan Foxheart barked, sending shivers through me. This was the Knight Commander I knew. “If anyone bothers Sam or myself for the next hour, there will be consequences.”
The crowd didn’t even hesitate as they dispersed, Gary and Tiggy immediately stopping their tears as they glanced between Ryan and me.
“What’s happening?” Tiggy whispered to Gary.
“Someone’s butt is gonna get reamed.”
“Good way or bad way?”
“Could be both, kitten. Could be both. Now, come on. You can help me ignore Kevin and also try and ditch my brother. We’ll pretend we have an important meeting to attend to, but in actuality, the time will be spent with you telling me how pretty I am while feeding me freshly peeled grapes. And when I say peeled, I mean peeled. A plague upon your head if there is any skin left, you understand?”
“I like my brooms.”
“Yes, yes, I know, you gigantic weirdo whom I love desperately.”
I didn’t see them leave, as I only had eyes for Ryan Foxheart, my stomach flip-flopping nervously.
“Are you sure?” Terry asked Ryan in a low voice. “I ca
n stay here with you if you think you’ll need me.”
“I won’t,” Ryan said.
“Well, then,” Terry said stiffly. “If you want to put it that way. I forgive you, though. I know the strain you’re under must be extraordinary. I’ll be here when you’re done.”
And then there were only three of us: Justin, Ryan, and me. The Prince looked between Ryan and me before he rolled his eyes. “Gods, you two are the worst. You have an hour. We have many things to discuss now that Sam has finally returned. Not a minute more. If I have to send someone to find you both, there will be trouble. This may not be a Verania I recognize anymore, but I am still the godsdamn Prince, and until we get my father back, I act in his stead.”
And that… shit. That was something I hadn’t given much thought to. Oh sure, I’d felt sick at the idea of Myrin imprisoning the King, and was planning on at least forty-seven different ways to have my revenge, but I hadn’t put myself in Justin’s shoes. I had lost much, but in my absence, the country Justin knew had changed and his father had been taken from him. And that rested upon my shoulders. If I’d stayed, things might have been different.
But Justin’s father had been taken, not just the King. I could only imagine how I’d feel if Myrin had my dad.
“I’m sorry,” I tried to tell him as he walked by, an annoyed look on his face as he dropped all of Gary’s luggage. “I didn’t mean—”
“Sam.” He stopped beside me, shoulder to shoulder. “Don’t.”
I nodded, because he was right. He didn’t want to hear an apology from me. I didn’t blame him for being angry with me.
He sighed loudly like I was an idiot. Which, to be fair, was probably true.
And then he did something I didn’t expect.
He pulled me into a hug.
As far as hugs go, it wasn’t great. His armor was bulky and poked at my chest and stomach. He felt stiff, and it was awkward. But the fact that he initiated it after everything I’d done meant more to me than I could put into words.
“I’m glad you’re home,” he whispered in my ear. “And I will kill you if you tell anyone I said that. I mean it, Sam. I will chop off your head myself. But I’m glad. Even if your inane prattling makes me want to stab my own eardrums, it… hasn’t been the same without you.”
“We’ll get him back,” I said, voice muffled against his shoulder. “I promise. I’ll do everything to get him back.”
He tensed a little at that but didn’t pull away. “I know,” he said, voice tight. “And I don’t blame you for this. I know you must think I do, and no matter what I say, you won’t believe me. But it’s true. This is on Myrin, and no one else.”
I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t think I had anything left to say.
“And go easy on Ryan, okay? He’s… just. Let him say what he needs to. It’ll be all right. In the end.”
He pulled away after that, the stoic mask of the Prince once again on his face. He glanced back at Ryan. “One hour. I mean it. Don’t test me.”
And then he was gone.
Above us, the guards of Camp HaveHeart moved along the walkways, the wood shifting and groaning. They were talking overloud, as if they thought it’d give Ryan and me some privacy. I didn’t think it worked as much as they thought it would.
Ryan must not have thought so either, because one moment he was staring at me with a strange look on his face, and the next he stalked toward me, scowling. He grabbed me roughly by the arm, ignoring my squawk as he pulled me behind him.
“Hey, hey, maybe buy me dinner first before you manhandle me, you big—”
The glare he shot over his shoulder was not to be trifled with, so I shut my mouth and let myself be led to my doom.
Gods. I really hated my doom.
Chapter 5: Wherein Knight Delicious Face Kicks Some Ass
HE DIDN’T speak as he led me through Camp HaveHeart, his grip on my arm never loosening. If anything, it tightened, and I was sure I’d have bruises there later. The idea of it sent a sick thrill down my spine, which proved once and for all I was a little fucked in the head. For all I knew, this was going to be the only touch I’d get from him again.
People stared openly at us as we passed them by, the knights hooting and hollering as if they thought we were on our way to a good dicking, the Foxy Lady Brigade flushing hotly and leering in ways unbecoming of a group of assassins, and Gary making the sign of the cross with his hoof for reasons I didn’t quite understand. I thought about asking Ryan to maybe slow down a little as his strides were much larger than mine, but I couldn’t find my voice.
He led me to the house he and Justin shared. I wanted to jerk my arm back and run in the opposite direction. What if we got inside and there was evidence of their newly rediscovered love all throughout their house? Like His and His monogrammed bath towels hanging in the bathroom? Or like His and His monogrammed dildos on the kitchen table from a rigorous bout of Stick It In Me before they’d left on their mission, still glistening with lube, their semen dried in a flaky crust on the floor? I didn’t know if I could survive His and His monogrammed dildos on kitchen tables with lube and jizz stains. My heart would break cleanly in two.
While I was focused on the dildos (how big would they be? would they have rhinestones on them? would they vibrate?), Ryan shoved the door open, pulled me inside sharply, and slammed it behind us before leaning against it and staring at me.
He dropped my arm.
And waited.
Since I wasn’t sure what to do next, I took in my surroundings.
The house was perfunctory. It was sparsely furnished and didn’t look like the love den of a couple who had just rekindled their feelings for each other and felt the need to bone in every room possible. But for all I knew, Justin was weird and only liked to have sex in a bedroom. If that was the case, I felt bad for Ryan, who liked hand jobs in hallway closets. My review of the room took all of five seconds, even though I had hoped it would take a few hours. I wasn’t sure what to do, so I did what I did best: I fidgeted awkwardly, catching Ryan’s gaze before looking away.
The silence stretched on for an unbearable minute, each conversation opener I could come up with sounding as ridiculous as the last.
Hi! You look swell.
It’s great to see you again! Sorry about the whole disappearing act and the fall of Verania. Totes my bad!
Do you want to skip the whole Grr I’m Angry Thing and go straight to the makeup sex?
Did you think of me at all? Because I thought of you. Every day, the first thing and the last. I think I always will.
Instead I finally broke the silence and said, “I’m sorry about my I’ve Been In the Forest Eyebrows.”
And then winced, because of course this was my life.
He snorted and shook his head like he found me amusing but was trying desperately not to. “You capitalized that, didn’t you?”
I shrugged. “Yeah. That means it’s true now.”
“Is that right?”
“You know how it is.”
“Do I?” he asked, and I heard the anger in his voice. “Maybe I don’t know anymore. Maybe none of us do.”
That hurt. It was expected, but still. I didn’t blame him. I couldn’t. “That’s fair,” I said as evenly as possible, because I could take the punches just as long as we came out on the other side still standing.
He started taking his armor off, piece by piece, the metal clanging loudly in the quiet room. “Fair,” he repeated. “I’m so glad you think so.”
“Okay,” I said, wringing my hands. “You’re mad. I get that. And I respect your right to have that anger. You’ve earned it. So. Thank you for sharing it with me. I will accept it as part of who you are right now and will do nothing to minimize the way you’re feeling.” I was proud of myself for being so mature and responsible.
“Oh, I’m not mad, Sam.”
I blinked. “You’re not?”
“No.”
“Oh.” Awesome, maybe we could just�
��
“I’m furious.”
Uh-oh.
“What were you thinking?” His gauntlets fell to the floor. He didn’t look away from me. “I woke up and you were gone. Do you know what that felt like? The last thing I remembered was Myrin and Morgan and you, and then I was waking in the healing ward of the castle to a letter from you saying you were leaving to do what you had to do, Morgan dead, Randall missing.”
I winced. “I didn’t want to leave! I just couldn’t—”
“Then you didn’t have to,” he retorted. I didn’t know if I’d ever seen him so angry. “I’m not magic like you, Sam. I don’t have the whole… whatever it is flowing through me like you, but do you know what it felt like to be cut off from you? I didn’t even know I could feel like that, as if part of my heart had been ripped away. I’m your cornerstone, and you left me behind like I didn’t matter.”
“It’s not like that! I wasn’t trying to—”
“We looked for you, okay? For weeks. And there was nothing. Gary was devastated, Tiggy inconsolable. The King was without an advisor, and Justin didn’t have his best friend—”
“I knew we were best friends!”
“And don’t even get me started on your parents. You ran away just like you did when we left for Mashallaha. When things got too tough, you ran.”
And even though I fought it, I couldn’t hold back my own irritation. “That’s what you think. You think I’m a coward.”
He was only wearing his wool undergarments now, looking flushed and ridiculous and terribly attractive, and I was pissed off. “I didn’t say that. You did.”
“You implied it.”
“Take from it what you will.”
I wanted to punch him in his perfect mouth. “You want to know why I left?”
“I know why.”
“Come away with me, O human child,” I spat at him. “In this forest deep, in the dark of the wild. Where in these woods, you’ll face your fear, as time doth stretch toward a year.”
Ryan’s face was stony.
“It’s the stupidest thing ever. GW is so old he thinks he can get away with it. News flash, he can’t. But does he listen to me about that? Noooo. Of course not. I’m the oldest thing in the world, Sam. I can do whatever I want, Sam. You have to do whatever I say, Sam, because I’m a fucking asshole.” I scowled. “You know, I’m really fucking sick of dragons. I wouldn’t be sad if they flew away and never returned. After we saved the day, of course. If they left now, that would kind of suck because of the whole supervillain destiny thing.”