by T. J. Klune
But Myrin’s Grimoire sat on the table near the window.
I closed my eyes, forcing myself to relax.
I opened them a moment later.
“Just a peek,” I said. “A few pages. Then I’ll go to bed. I’ve already read part of it, right? Just a little more.”
I glanced back at Ryan, his mouth slack, a little bit of drool on his chin.
If only his knights could see him now.
I got up from the bed.
I’d always been taught that once a wizard was ready, he would need to bind his Grimoire with the skin of a fallen enemy defeated in battle or a material hard-won in the face of adversity. It was done to seal the magic inside. To make it go from theory to reality.
Morgan’s was covered in beautiful crystals taken from a cave far in the jungles of the east. He’d nearly lost his life, as the irate cave troll hadn’t wanted to part with its pretties. But he’d managed to best the troll without killing it and bound the crystals to his Grimoire.
Randall’s Grimoire was made from wood from Mujor, a tree the elves believed kept the sky from falling. The wood was dark and hardened, almost like stone, and it’d been a gift after Randall had earned the trust of the elven king.
Both materials were hard-won.
Myrin’s Grimoire was bound with the skin of a siren, crusted and hard and stretched so thin it was almost translucent. The way the stories went, the siren was a particularly nasty sort, causing ships to crash into rocks, killing all those aboard who were unable to resist the song.
I wondered if it was that simple.
I pressed my hand against the cover.
It almost felt… wet.
I told myself to go back to bed.
Instead I opened the book and began to read.
FROM THE Grimoire of Myrin the Bright Star:
Magic is… everything.
It is everywhere.
And I will find a way to master it all.
I FOUND Randall sitting on the porch the next morning, eyes closed as he breathed in and out slowly.
He didn’t acknowledge me as I sat next to him, but he knew I was there.
I waited, putting my thoughts in order, wanting to make sure what I said next was the right thing. My head was full near to bursting.
“So,” I finally said.
“So,” Randall said, but he didn’t open his eyes.
“I did what you asked.”
“Hmm.”
“And you can never give me shit about my Grimoire ever again. Because, dude, total diaries. All of yours. It was awful, if I’m being honest.”
“Is that so.”
“And your prose is a little purple for my tastes.”
“Everyone’s a critic.”
“But I know now why you wanted me to do it. To read them.”
He opened his eyes and looked at me.
“Was that your plan all along? To show me the details? The little bits and pieces?”
He smiled sadly. “We are wizards, Sam. We are capable of such great and terrible things. But we’re also human. We make mistakes. We hurt others. And sometimes, the worst in us comes out and we find ourselves mired in shadow.”
“Death is freeing. A cleansing.”
“Yes.”
“The shackles released.”
“Yes.”
“It’s going to be either him or me.”
“And that’s where you’re wrong,” Randall said. “Because it was never just you, Sam. You’ve never been alone. Not in this. Not ever. You’ve always had Ryan. And Gary. And Tiggy and Kevin. The King and the Prince. Your parents. Pete. Morgan. And me. So, no. It’s not either going to him or you. It’s going to be him or all of us.”
I took in a shaky breath. “I have a plan.”
His smile faded. “Whenever you’ve said those words, I always dreaded them because they usually meant something terrible was going to happen.”
“Rude. But fair.”
“Will it work?”
I grinned rakishly at him. “I’m Sam of Dragons.”
“That doesn’t inspire the confidence you seem to think it does. What is your plan?”
I looked him straight in the eye and said, “I’m going to betray you all.”
Chapter 17: The Betrayal
“THIS STUPIDEST thing we’ve ever done.”
I rolled my eyes. “So you’ve said, Tiggy. Repeatedly. For the last three hours. In those exact words. Over and over again.”
“Making sure you heard.”
“I heard you.”
“Still doing it?”
“Yes, Tiggy.”
“You’re stupid.”
“Hey!”
“He’s not wrong,” Gary said as we marched down the road, the flags atop Castle Lockes visibly flapping in the distance. “I mean, I’ve followed you through some pretty stupid stuff before.”
“You act like all we do is stupid stuff.”
“Do you remember that time you made wings out of parchment and sticks you found on the ground and were ready to jump off the back parapet before your mom found us and told you that if you moved another inch, you would be grounded for the rest of your natural life?”
“You were the one who told me to do it! And also, do you know how many times I’ve been grounded for the rest of my natural life? Seven times. No, wait. Eight times, because she did it again when I came back from my Dark Woods Dragon Adventure.”
“Or what about the time you chained yourself up in the middle of a field because you wanted me to come caress you with my mouth?” Kevin said. “We didn’t even know each other. That was pretty stupid. And also sexy.”
I scowled at him. “That was the truth-corn cult. I had nothing to do with that.”
“Or what about the time you took a visiting dignitary to one of the hole-in-the-wall bars in the slums so he could get the real City of Lockes experience?” Ryan asked.
“He had fun! Well, for the first few hours. The next seventeen days were hostage negotiations, but they were damn good negotiations. Those bandits ended up walking away with confused expressions and three hundred pounds of sea salt they never knew they wanted. And then they were arrested. Everything turned out fine!”
“This is stupidest thing we’ve done.”
“Tiggy!” I gasped. “Have you so little faith in me?”
Tiggy patted me on the head. “I believe in you.”
“Aww.”
“But you’re stupid.”
“Everything is going to be fine. As long as you all follow the extremely detailed points I laid out to the letter without any deviations, we shouldn’t die a horrible death after being tortured for weeks where our fingernails are pulled out one by one.”
“I don’t have fingernails,” Gary said. “So I should be just fine. I can handle a little torture.”
“You once screamed bloody murder when you got a splinter in your leg.”
“It hurt.”
“It turned out not to be a splinter at all but a piece of lint stuck in your hair.”
“I had to make sure you knew I needed help.”
“Whatever. Dimitri, you have faith in me, don’t you?”
The six-inch naked man with wings fluttered near my shoulders. “You broke up with me by running away.”
“For fuck’s sake,” I muttered. “Good help is so fucking hard to find these days.”
We were a motley crew, the six of us. A half-giant, a unicorn, a knight, a dragon, a fairy king, and a kickass wizard, all marching with our heads held high toward the City of Lockes with a firm belief in the plans set forth by said wizard, no matter how much bitching tried to provide evidence to the contrary.
I wore the best robes I could find on such short notice, a deep and flowing green inlaid with a gold design along the hem. Gary said it looked like a dress that I couldn’t even dream of pulling off, but he had done his mane up in a stylized bouffant for reasons even he couldn’t explain, so I didn’t think he had any room to talk.
Ryan was knighted out in full armor, something that he was probably regretting given how far we’d walked and how warm it was. But he refused to acknowledge his discomfort, because he was a man who did manly things. Like a douchebag.
Tiggy wore pants, even though he didn’t want to. We were all thankful.
Dimitri wore nothing. Because no one had tiny clothes.
“We’re going to be fine,” I said, more for everyone else than myself, given that I was absolutely forty-seven percent convinced that this was going to sort of work. “You’ll see. I mean, if you think about it, even if a few of my ideas have been less than stellar, we’re still alive for the moment, aren’t we?”
“Wow,” Ryan said. “Way to be inspiring.”
I scowled at him. “You’re sweating profusely because you’re wearing full armor like an asshole. Shut up.”
“We gonna die?” Tiggy asked Gary.
“Eh, probably. But you know what I always say. Die young, leave a good-looking corpse that people will probably want to have stuffed and positioned in a rather morbid art display inside one of those sterile-looking museums that people go to and pretend to understand exactly what the artist was trying to say because it makes them feel deep.”
“He does always say that,” Kevin said fondly. “I’m so happy we’re married again after having broken up, separated, soul-searched, had a trial reconciliation filled with a carnality that made even me blush, and then realized that Gary can do no better than the Beast from the East.”
Gary squinted up at him. “Dear, I think you got a couple of those words mixed up. Gary didn’t realize anything. You realized that your life was shallow and empty without me, and therefore begged me to give you the time of day again, and when I finally acquiesced, you cried and told me I am never allowed to leave you again because you were lonely without me and couldn’t imagine existing without me.”
“Ha ha,” Kevin chuckled awkwardly. “He’s so funny, right? Making stuff up like that.” He then lowered his voice as if he thought we couldn’t hear him, even though he was literally standing right next to us. “Would you stop saying that? We’re with our son and the boys. Don’t embarrass me in front of them. They won’t think I’m cool anymore, and then Sam won’t want to go out and toss the old pigskin around with me anymore and/or finally give in to the palpable chemistry that simmers between us.”
“It was a literal pigskin,” I told Ryan. “I don’t know where he got it from, but it was fresh. He tossed it at me, and I ran screaming because some of it got on me.”
“Did we ever figure out why he and Gary sometimes think they’re your parents?” Ryan asked. “Or is it one of those things we just accept as fact and don’t try to look too much into because it doesn’t quite make sense.”
“Like our lives,” Tiggy said.
“The half-giant is quite profound,” Dimitri said. “Maybe he could appreciate a man of my caliber. You there. Half-giant. How would you feel about being my queen?”
“I smash you,” Tiggy growled.
“Eep,” Dimitri said.
“This is totally going to work,” I decided.
AS WE approached, we could see movement atop the walkways on the walls that surrounded the City of Lockes. Given Kevin’s size, I was sure we’d been spotted long ago, but I wasn’t too worried about it. At least not yet.
Okay. Maybe I started to get a little worried when the gates opened and Dark wizards poured out, standing in a regimented line even before we could announce ourselves. I had complete and utter forty-seven percent faith in my plan, but there was still that small fifty-three percent that niggled at the back of my mind. Everything hinged on the next few moments, and I hoped that everyone was ready to play their roles to perfection.
I knew that we might have been a little bit fucked when Gary exclaimed in a loud voice, “Oh no! ’Tis the Dark wizards! Whatever shall we do? The fear is tingling down my thighs like I have restless leg syndrome!”
“Oh my gods,” I muttered. “Gary, shut up.”
“I’m just getting into character,” he hissed back. “You know I’m not good playing the damsel in distress. I’m much too tough for such frivolities. I am a strong, independent unicorn who don’t need no mens to rescue him, thank you very much.”
“Don’t need no mens,” Tiggy growled, his big hands curling into fists as he watched the Dark wizards ahead of us.
“We’re doomed,” I told Ryan. “Just so you know.”
“You always say that.”
“Yes, well. I mean it this time.”
“You there!” one of the Dark wizards cried. “Stop where you are!”
“Maybe I want to stop where I’m not,” Kevin said.
“Kevin!”
“What. You know I don’t like being told what to—oh. Right. The plan.” He winked down at me. “Daddy’s got you.”
“Is that what it would have taken?” Dimitri asked me stiffly. “Daddy play? Because I can do that. In case you can’t tell, I do have a mustache. There’s nothing more daddy than having a mustache.”
“Stop hitting on him or I’m going to punch you with my finger,” Ryan snapped at him.
“Hello there!” I called out to the Darks, desperately trying to retain control of the situation, because this was the stupidest idea I’d ever had. “Do you know who I am?”
The Darks looked at each other before they all shrugged. “Is your name John?”
I gaped at them.
“Not John, then,” another Dark said. “To be fair, he doesn’t really look like a John. More of a Terrance.”
“Terrance,” a third Dark scoffed. “You think everyone looks like a Terrance, only because your name is Terrance. Just because that’s a terrible wizard name doesn’t mean you need to foist your insecurities on the rest of us.” He scoffed. “Terrance.”
“Aw,” Terrance said, looking down and kicking at the dirt.
“I’ll be honest,” I said, “my ego took a little hit that they don’t know who I am. I mean, I know I shouldn’t let things like that affect me, but it really does.”
“You’re still wearing your hood,” Gary said. “They probably can’t see your face. Also, you egotistical whore.”
I pulled back my hood, revealing myself.
The Dark wizards gasped and took a step back.
“Aha!” I said. “That’s better. Though you would think the unicorn, half-giant, and dragon would have given me away.”
“What about me?” Ryan asked, brow furrowed.
“You’re a knight,” I told him, patting him on his metal shoulder. “You all look the same.”
“Ha,” Kevin said. “That’s so true.”
Ryan sighed.
“It’s Sam of Dragons!” one of the Darks cried. “Sound the alarm!”
“Wait!”
They all looked at me.
“Huh,” I said. “I didn’t think that would work. You’re legitimately waiting.”
“Focus,” Dimitri hissed at me.
“Oh. Right. Hello! Yes, hi. You are correct, it is I. Sam of Dragons. But I am not here for the reason you think.”
“You’re not here to try and destroy the Darks, rescue the people of the City of Lockes, and defeat Myrin as the prophecy foretold?” Terrance asked.
Godsdamn Terrance. “No,” I said as evenly as possible. “I’m not.”
“What?” Kevin said, overloud. “Why, whatever do you mean, Sam? I thought that’s the exact reason we came here. To destroy the Darks, rescue people, and defeat Myrin. You are the chosen one, after all.”
“Right,” I said. “I am the chosen one.”
Gary snickered next to me before I shot him a glare. He was able to semibelievably cover it up with a cough. “Yes, Sam,” he said. “As my husband said, whatever do you mean?”
“Yes,” I said. “See, I just said that in order to get you—”
“Traitor!” Kevin said.
I narrowed my eyes as I looked up at him. “You said your line too early.”
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“Pot, meet kettle,” Gary muttered.
“Oh. Right. Sorry. I just got excited.”
“What’s going on?” one of the Darks asked.
“I have no idea,” another said.
“Like I was saying,” I continued, “I just said that in order to get all of you here, because you see, I have a surprise for all of you.”
“He has a surprise for all of us?” Terrance asked. “I do like surprises.”
Godsdamn Terrance. “Not for you. For my motley crew of travelers.”
“What surprise?” Tiggy asked right on cue, because unlike some of the people next to me, he understood the script.
I chuckled in what I hoped was a disconcertingly evil fashion. “Ah, my dear fellow, I am so glad you asked. Because you see, the truth is….”
All the Darks leaned forward.
“I have turned to the other side!” I shouted.
Silence.
Legit, like, a lot of silence.
“Kevin,” I muttered. “Anytime now.”
“Hmm? What are you—oh. Right!” He cleared his throat. “Traitor.”
“That’s exactly right,” I crowed, beginning to pace in front of my friends. “I, Sam of Dragons, have forsaken the teachings of my mentors and am now a Dark wizard.”
“Ooh,” the Dark wizards said.
“I knew that was going to happen,” Terrance said.
“You did not, Terrance,” one of the Darks snapped.
“I did,” Terrance insisted. “I told myself, Terrance, old boy, I bet you one day Sam of Dragons is going to show up here at the gates and then turn on his people.”
“Fucking Terrance,” another Dark muttered.
Gary pranced toward me. “But Sam,” he cried dramatically. His bouffant wobbled ridiculously on his head. “We’re friends. Best friends even. Maybe even more than that, because that line blurred a few times, especially when you drank too much and started eyeing my flanks like you wanted to lift my tail and stick your face up in there.”
Gary and his ad-libbing were going to be the death of us. “Yes,” I said. “That. Well, even you couldn’t sway me with your succulent wiles. I have turned Dark, and that is all there is to it.”