by Piper Rayne
Oh Jesus, when did I get so emotional?
Oh yeah, when my hormones went into overdrive to grow a baby inside me.
At least I hope that’s what it’s doing.
* * *
The next morning, I’m at my desk. Early because I made up the excuse to Dean that I had an important meeting and I just didn’t have time to have breakfast.
I hear Victoria enter, her footsteps clicking down the hall.
“When I call you, I’d like an answer.” She sits down in the chair across from me.
“Sorry,” I respond, pretending to write down something important.
“What did the doctor say?”
Fuck me. Why didn’t I prepare an answer for her? No way it’s fair if I tell anyone before Dean.
“She scheduled me for an ultrasound.”
I say a silent prayer to be forgiven for all the lies I’m telling. But they’re necessary to protect the people I care about.
“So, it is out?”
I nod slowly.
“How? That’s scary.”
“She said when they inserted the new one a few months back, that maybe it wasn’t placed properly.” I shrug acting like it’s no big deal.
“So could you be…”
Of course, Victoria would ask me straight out. But if I tell her about the pregnancy and the fact I didn’t tell Dean, she’s going to tell me how wrong that is.
Yeah, yeah, I know she was right the first time she told me to talk to him when he first started pursuing me again. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have him in my life right now. A man who knows me so well, he shows up at my apartment late at night because he knows something’s wrong.
“We didn’t talk about it.”
Her eyes narrow. “The doctor didn’t ask you if you could be pregnant?” The sarcasm drips off her words like ice cream off a cone on a scorching hot summer day.
“She just said she’d have to schedule an ultrasound to make sure it’s not lodged inside me somewhere.”
Another lie. How many am I up to now?
“Chelsea,” she says, and I meet her eyes for the first time. “You’re lying.”
“No, I’m not.” I shake my head, swallowing down the guilt of all my lies in the past twenty-four hours.
“First off, you’re way too calm for the fact that a foreign object could be floating around inside your body somewhere. Usually you’d have entertained me with some crazy story about your gyno appointment. Second of all, you’re antsy.” She looks side to side and then leans forward. “Are you pregnant?” she whispers.
Hearing the question point blank makes it so much harder to deny. A tear falls down my cheek and drops on the paper I’ve been writing a to-do list on as a distraction from her.
“Oh, sweetie.” She stands from her chair and comes over to me, wrapping her arms around me.
I don’t stand though or reciprocate the affection.
“Why are you upset?” she asks.
My gaze meets hers. She’s such a great mom. Loving and caring and has that ‘tell me anything and I’ll still love you’ look in her eyes when she talks to Jade. Like she’s strong enough to take any weight on her shoulders.
“It’s not my first time being pregnant with Dean’s baby,” I say.
She tries to cool her reaction, but I see the shock on her face.
Hannah barrels in, surprising us both. “What’s the matter?” Her eyes widen and she stands on the other side of my desk.
Victoria stares at me and I nod.
She turns her attention to Hannah. “Chelsea’s pregnant.”
Those two words are now out in the world to people other than the little bean’s father. Guilt rips at my chest, but there’s a small amount of relief that at least I’m not lying to everyone I know anymore.
“And it’s a bad thing?” Hannah asks, honestly curious.
“I think their shared past might make it a bad thing.” Victoria chimes in and studies me, waiting for me to give them more information.
For the next hour, we talk about what happened five years ago and why I loathed Dean as much as I did. As hard as it was to talk about, it felt good to get it out. Even if it brought my feelings closer to the past with Dean than my future with him.
Chapter Thirty
Skylar and Beckett stand up at the altar, pretending the priest is telling them what to do. I stand two back with Zoe in front of me and Sky’s friends Mia and Demi behind me. Across the way is Beckett’s two buddies, Grady and Dax along with Mikey and Vin.
Caiden and Molly sit on the steps. Molly’s sulking from not being able to practice with real flower petals today while Caiden’s busy sliding his butt down the stairs.
I glance out to the pews which hold a few of our relatives as Dean steps into the church.
He came right from work and although I’ve been dodging him with excuses of feeling sick all week, he still glows with a smile that says there’s nowhere else he’d rather be. I slept at my own place for three nights, but last night I met him for dinner and slept at his place.
His gray suit is buttoned, the heels of his dress shoes clicking before he sits a few pews back from my parents. My mom must notice my face because she never turns around to see who came in and her blinking increases exponentially.
“I now pronounce…” the priest lets the words trail off and Skylar and Beckett smile. “Now you’ll walk down first.”
Skylar slides her arm through Beckett’s and they dodge Molly and Caiden as they walk back down the aisle. Molly and Caiden follow. Zoe and Grady, me and Dax, Mia and Mikey and Vin and Demi bring up the rear.
Dean winks at me as I pass him by. Once we get to the end, Aunt Liz rushes over with her phone.
“Picture time!” she screams.
“I’ll have enough pictures tomorrow,” Skylar says.
“Come on, one of you guys up on the stairs.” She steps aside and Skylar huffs but starts to head down the marble walk way.
“I need lipstick then.” Skylar turns back around. “I left my purse in the bride’s room.”
“Who cares, we need to get this over with. Caiden and Molly are about a minute away from losing it. The out of town guests are probably at the restaurant already. You don’t need lipstick. It’s a picture for Mom.” Zoe lightly pushes Sky on the back.
“Says you. They’re my wedding pictures.”
I think the wedding stress is getting to everyone, not to mention everyone here probably has a hunger bitch going on.
“You can use mine,” Zoe says, grabbing her purse next to mine, digging in.
“I can’t pull off that red. I need more of a coral.” Sky looks around at the girls. “What are you wearing, Chels?”
Beckett rolls his eyes, heading down to the front with his buddies. They’re both razzing him about how great the pipe is in New Zealand and how behind he is because of all this wedding stuff.
“You can use mine.” I turn, but Zoe’s already wrestling with my purse, digging through every nook and cranny.
“I’m organized,” I say. “Grab the makeup bag.”
Zoe walks toward me, her focus on the bag, her hands probably messing everything up. “I don’t see a makeup bag.”
Caiden jumps off a pew landing on Zoe’s back. “Horsey!” he screams.
Zoe looks behind her, scowling at Caiden, and my purse tips in her hands. She falls down to her knees, Caiden laughing thinking his mom is actually going to be a horse right here in St. Matthews. All of the contents in my purse spill out before the purse plops down like a dead fish in the middle of the aisle.
“Caiden!” she screams.
Vin grabs hold of him. “No, Mommy was going to be a horse,” Caiden tells his dad, struggling to get back on her.
“Not today,” Vin says.
“That’s what you said last night. Why is she a horse for you but not for me?” Caiden crosses his arms, a scowl across his face as all of our eyes widen in surprise.
“Shut up. All of you.” Zoe points as
everyone in the circle giggles like someone just said vagina and we’re six years old.
“Maybe you should lock your doors.” I laugh.
Zoe narrows her eyes at me. “The kid can pick a lock. Hence the fact” —she looks at a still very pissed off Caiden— “he saw me and Vin playing horsey and cowboy last night.”
All of our combined laughter echoes off the stained glass and beamed ceilings.
“Okay now. Everyone stop,” Aunt Liz tries to get everyone in order.
“Grow up,” Zoe mutters.
Vin comes over and puts his arm around his wife, an arrogant smirk on his face.
“Chelsea,” Dean says, and I look over my shoulder.
My heart shudders and almost stops, the breath leaving my body.
He’s holding out the ultrasound picture with half the contents of my purse packed back in, the rest still scattered on the ground.
“What’s that?” Aunt Liz asks and then her eyes widen. She finds my mom a few people back. She points, and my mom steps up, grabbing it from Dean’s hand.
“Chelsea!” she scolds me. “Is this…is this yours?” She holds it up and everyone gasps around me, their eyes pinging between the ultrasound and me. They want answers.
I stare into Dean’s eyes. “Yes.”
His head falls back between his shoulder blades and his hands fly up to cover his face. There’s no happiness in his body language.
It’s silent for a moment and after a minute he holds his hand out. “Can I see that Barb?”
To my surprise, my mom hands it to him.
He looks it over. “We need to talk.” His tone is clipped and his face holds no emotion.
My mom holds out her arm at him as he approaches me. “Not with that sour look on your face. You will not do to her what you did to her five years ago.”
Dean’s feet stop, his eyes turning darker than I’ve ever seen. His gaze flicks to my mother. “Good thing this isn’t five years ago then.” He takes her arm and moves it to the side of her.
“I…”
“Not here,” he says to me.
“Dean.” Zoe grabs his arm.
He pulls his arm free.
“You’ve known this entire week.” He towers over me and I meet his stormy eyes.
“I have,” I say in a quiet voice.
“Oh, Chels,” Sky sighs and I catch her and Zoe sharing a look.
Dean stands there, tucks the ultrasound in the pocket of his suit jacket. “We’re going to talk now.”
I walk up the aisle and through the doors, standing in the lobby area. Dean makes sure to shut the doors behind us.
“When are you ever going to forgive me?” He sits down at the pew on the wall, his head in his hands.
“I did forgive you.”
“You clearly didn’t. You refuse to talk about what happened. I’ve tried so many times to get you to talk about it. And now this…”
I throw my hands up in the air. “Why would we talk about it? So we can feel the pain again or should I say so I’ll feel the pain. You’ll probably just deal with it on your own like last time.”
He leans back like I slapped him. “I was fucked up then. I was an alcoholic. I wanted to talk to you about the miscarriage because I wanted everything from our past out in the open. A clean slate for a fresh start. Now you’re pregnant again and hide it from me? Just like the first time.”
My eyes close, losing the fight against my tears. “I didn’t know I was pregnant the first time.”
“You expect me to believe that now?”
“You expect me to feel bad for hiding it from you? I sat in that hospital when they told me that I’d been pregnant and I didn’t even know it. I was the one who bled alone in a sterile room. No one to hold my hand, no one but a fucking nurse to tell me I’d be okay. And then for the doctor to tell me…” I stop because saying it out loud means this baby inside of me is in jeopardy of my body rejecting it and I can’t deal with that and this right now.
“What? What possible reason could there be for you not telling me about this baby?” He stands and stalks toward me. “You have to let me in Chelsea. This will never work otherwise.”
I cross my arms over my body and shake my head. “While you were drinking with your buddies or passed out on the couch, a nurse I didn’t even know wrapped her arms around my shoulders as a doctor told me that I might never have children. I have a mutated gene and my body can’t turn folic acid into folate. I was eighteen and I didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. Just that I might never be a mother and you weren’t there. You weren’t there!”
He steps into me, but I push him away. He fights, his arms around me and I sob into his shoulders.
After a minute, I collect myself and finish telling him what he needs to know. “The chances of this baby making it is only fifty percent. That’s why I didn’t tell you. Because more than likely I’ll end up in the hospital bed again.”
Dean steps back, his arms falling off me. “Alone?” he asks.
I shrug.
“You still think I’d do that—ignore your texts and calls. You still see me as a monster.”
I shake my head, but I can tell he doesn’t believe me.
“You can deny it all you want, but your actions and your lies this entire week say different.” He slowly backs away from me.
“A tiger doesn’t change its stripes,” I whisper.
A condescending huff erupts out of him. “How original.” He keeps stepping backward away from me.
“Do you think you’ll ever truly forgive me?” he asks, now a good distance from me.
“I do forgive you.”
“Keep putting that on repeat and maybe you’ll believe it one day.”
I swipe the tears from my cheeks. “What do you want from me?” I almost yell, my mixed up emotions getting the best of me.
“I don’t know anymore.” He looks as heartbroken as I feel right now.
My anger comes fast and furious. “How fitting. Just go then.” I point to the doors of the church.
Dean stares at the door. “I’m not sure what more I can do to prove it to you.”
“Maybe you can’t.”
“You’re giving up on us?”
I shrug. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe this thing between us was a disaster from the beginning.”
“You believe that?” he asks.
I shrug again.
“Say it, Chelsea. You say the word and I’m out. But you can bet your ass I’ll be a part of that kid’s life.” He points to my stomach. “But I’ll leave yours if you think you’d be happier that way.”
I swallow and cast my gaze to the floor. “Do what you want, Dean.”
“Which means what exactly?”
“Maybe we need some space. This whole thing is crazy. I mean in a couple month’s time, we’re supposed to erase the past and get back together and have a baby? This isn’t a Lifetime movie. Things don’t end up in a perfectly wrapped box.”
He stands there, his eyes not leaving mine for an uncomfortable moment. “Tell Skylar and Beckett congratulations.” He walks toward the doors.
I say nothing, falling into the pew as the click of the doors bounce off the walls, sealing our fate.
My hand runs along my stomach.
The doors of the church open and I expect to see Zoe and Skylar, but my mom comes over and sits down next to me.
Her two hands take mine and rest on my lap.
“I’m so sorry, Chelsea. I had no idea.”
How could she? I told no one afterward. They knew about the miscarriage because my health insurance was under them, but I never told them what the doctor said. Now I guess everyone knows.
I lay my head on my mom’s shoulder. “Guess you were right about him.”
Her hands tighten with mine. “Somehow I don’t think that’s the last we’ll see of Dean Bennett.”
Chapter Thirty-One
The next morning Skylar stands in front of the mirror, her white dress puf
fing out into a million layers, her bodice beaded down to her waist. She looks stunning.
I’m trying to forget the whole mess with Dean and the fact that I didn’t hear from him after he left the church last night. Today is my cousin’s big day and I can’t let my situation overshadow that.
“I still say you should’ve planned it like most people do. This whole whirlwind wedding stuff is a lot.” I sit down on the couch in the bride’s room, checking out my shiny blue bridesmaid dress in the mirror across from me. “And I know you say I’ll wear this dress again, but I’m calling bullshit, I won’t. And you’ll never wear the one I made you wear.”
“Noted, but I have to say, mine is ten times more beautiful than the pink number you put me in.”
“Your groom is ten times better, too,” I grumble, unable to completely put the man I love from my mind.
“I won’t fight you on that. He’s slow out of the gate, but he sure knows how to make up ground.”
“That’s where I went wrong. Mine was fast out of the gate and then didn’t know which lane he should stay in.”
Her eyes meet mine in the mirror and I ignore the look she’s giving me. It’s the same one she’s given me all last night and all day at the hairdresser. Go after him. Get him.
“Why did we rush again?” she asks. Maybe I had it wrong and she was thinking of herself…not that she shouldn’t, this is her day.
“It wasn’t a rush. It was four years too late.” Demi walks in with her veil in her hands.
Four years.
I slide out from the bride’s room, needing some space to think. This is Skylar’s day and I’m not going to ruin it. I find some space down the hall on a bench, enough to see some guests, but far enough that no one will come up to me.
I’m leaning with my head against the wall, eyes closed, trying to draw in some strength and fortitude to get through this day when somebody sits next to me. Before I can see who it is, something falls into my lap. “Here.”
I look up to find Mikey, his eyes wide.
When I glance down I see my phone and I shake my head, tears threatening once more. “No.”