by Lila Felix
He lowered his face down so that his lips barely grazed my forehead. Outlining the perimeter of my face, he whispered, “I think you’re right. But do I still get to spoil you?”
“Absolutely. What? Just because you’ve got super powers, you think I don’t need shoes? Please.”
What started out as an easy laugh evolved into an all-out, doubled over, tears running down his face laugh—a every time he stopped, we would begin again.
A text brought us back down to Earth. It was Collin, informing me that Pema was back.
Chapter Twenty-One
Theo
Lucents should not attempt to travel while pregnant.
Could I just ignore the whole Eidolon thing? It would be fairly simple. I could avoid the gardens, the books, and the Synod for the rest of my life.
Easy.
The gardens were simple to avoid. The books were missing. And the Synod, well, they were actually a problem. Everyone was scared of those three heinous wenches. But to my knowledge they’d never carried out any orders other than to punish Colby by not letting her travel.
Now we knew they were capable of so much more. In the days that followed Rebekah’s murder, there had been whispers among the other Lucents about the scandal. It wasn’t a secret. Everyone knew who had murdered Rebekah. They may not have killed her with their own hands, but they had ordered it for sure.
Plus, I didn’t want Colby living the life of a fugitive. She deserved better than that.
“I guess we’d better go see what Pema has to say. But you’re not going back to that garden. Even if I have to chain you down.”
I rolled my eyes at her tenacity. We flashed back to the house of the Lucents where Collin, Ari and Pema were already in some kind of heated conversation. Heated wasn’t quite the word to use. Ari was in Pema’s face pushing her back inch by inch with tiny, jerky shoves.
“Hey, knock it off Ari.”
Colby’s spunk best friend turned on us, “She’s nuts. She’s trying to defend the Synod.”
“Just sit down, everyone, please.” Theo begged. He was exhausted, anyone could see how this whole ordeal had worn down on him.
All five of us sat down and for a few minutes were silent—each of us, I supposed, were gathering our thoughts.
Pema ticked her eyes around the room like she was on the clock and her lunch hour was dwindling away. “Collin said you have questions.”
“I’m only going to ask one question. What is my purpose?”
Pema took a deep breath and crossed her hands over her lap. “The Eidolon’s original purpose was to escort those caught in the fray to Paraíso. They are shrouded in doubt and cannot find their way. However, your purpose to the Synod is to allow them to travel to Paraíso with you. They think that somehow they can tap into the power of the Almighty and command His army. They plan to threaten God with the annihilation of the human race.”
“But isn’t that why they want the army?”
“No, they wish to use the army to enslave the humans. But if necessary, they will begin to slaughter the humans until the Almighty relents.”
“So I don’t let them go with me. It’s done.”
Pema zeroed in on Theo with a gaze that could melt steel, “Yes, because the Synod reacts so well to being shot down when they want something.”
Pema was sarcastic after all.
“Colby and her mom will go into hiding—Ari and Sway too—and my parents.”
“You’d cement them into a life of hiding—which isn’t a life at all. Trust me. That’s what Eivan did to us. His love for Sevella kept him from completing his tasks. He refused to grant the Synod entrance to Paraíso and in doing so, thrusted us into this life where our family is scattered to the winds, assuming aliases to keep the Synod off our trail. It’s no life worth living.”
I didn’t know if it was just this moment, or everything building on me and coming to a head. But if Pema wasn’t a girl, I would’ve added the word throat punch to her vocabulary five seconds ago. These damned people wouldn’t know a straight answer if one was stapled to their eyelids.
“So what choice do I have here?”
Pema wrung her hands in distress. For a few seconds she studied the wall behind me—I recognized the maneuver as one of procrastination. My mind made no attempt at figuring any of this out—it was done trying to navigate a maze that had no exit in sight.
“The way to Paraíso must be locked—or the Synod must be overthrown. Those are your choices.”
I applauded her straight answer and even more, answers that seemed easy. Well, the first choice seemed easy.
“So, I figure out how to lock the path and that’s it. Jeez, you would’ve thought I had to throw myself into a sacred volcano the way you two stayed so cryptic.”
Collin stood and excused himself from the conversation, dragging a very unwilling Ari with him.
Pema closed her eyes while she spoke the next words, “In order to seal the path between Paraíso and Earth, you must close it from the inside. After all, the Almighty opened it from heaven’s side, it must be closed in the same way.”
“Meaning, I won’t be able to return.”
She parroted me, “Meaning you won’t be able to return. I’m going to get some fresh air. The two of you should talk.”
Pema expected me to talk to Colby about the two grave options we had, both choices left much to want. But I couldn’t even look at her, much less talk to her about which path I would take. Needing an anchor to stop my swaying, I reached out for her—but she recoiled in an aggressive huff.
“Don’t, Theo. You promised.”
“Which promise was that? I’ve made millions of promises to you.”
“The one where you promised not to leave me.”
My own anger decided that this was the time and place to seek an outlet. I roared at her, “Colby, really? Does it look like I chose this? Is this a promise I’m breaking or a life that chose me regardless of what I want? I don’t want this life. You know what, Colby? This is not about you! For once, this is not all about you and that’s what you can’t stand! All my life I’ve put you above myself and was glad to do it and now this happens to me and you can’t take the heat.” My own eyes dilated in repulsion of what I’d just said to her.
I expected tears or screaming. I expected slapping and pinching or something equally as violent. Instead I became the receiver of a rebuttal I never thought Colby was capable of—silence.
It turned out that silence was the sharpest knife she could’ve stabbed me with. It was beyond hurtful, what I’d said to her. I’d like to deny the whole thing, but Colby had always been a tiny bit self-absorbed—but it was one of the qualities I found endearing about her.
“Colby, I’m sorry.”
My apology didn’t really even cut it.
“I need to breathe.”
The tones of burgundy in her wake told me all I needed to know. More than angry, she was hurt. In this time when we needed each other most, I’d pushed her away with callous accusations. I was certainly not fit for being an Eidolon.
The so-called answers Pema and Collin provided me, answered the issues about who I was and what was expected of me. But I now knew, firsthand, Eivan’s great dilemma.
In the cavity of my chest, her path travelled through me, making me aware of her travelling direction. She must’ve been really pissed at me, because she hit all the places I hated. I hated Antarctica. I hated Easter Island. I wasn’t really fond of the Cayman Islands. And one by one, she hit them all.
She could never be contained, even in anger. Her love of the Earth and all it contained would remain the same even if she was in hiding. So, hiding her would be like killing her.
I could fight the Synod, but that would put Colby, her mom, and my family in danger.
I’d rather them be in hiding than in danger.
One way or the other—I was screwed.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Colby
The Escuro must not be spo
ken of.
Why was this happening to us? Why was Theo chosen and why in the name of all that was holy couldn’t all this just end in a big, gushy, happily ever after?
I wanted to throw myself on the ground and beat my fists on the dirt in a dramatic, childish show of ‘this isn’t fair’.
Because it wasn’t fair. The Synod just get to live their hoity toity lives, cooped up in that hallway of horrors. Pema gets to be set free and Collin probably wanted to give her his Viking Sasquatch babies. And two of them would live happily ever after and I would be stuck here without the one person I needed more than air.
Why us?
I flashed to all the places I could think of that Theo didn’t particularly like, places that I didn’t particularly like either. I wanted to make myself hate travelling. Place by place, I went, convincing myself that being in hiding for the rest of my life was better than having to travel to all those places.
Except it backfired on me.
Even the places he didn’t like—even the places I didn’t like—I would miss.
The reason I got angry at him was not because his words were hurtful. I mean, they were completely hurtful and they stuck in my chest like a briar that refused to budge.
I was angry because he was right.
He was so right, I could barely breathe.
When I reached Argentina, a place that we neither loved nor disliked, I landed on a roof that ran along a row of houses, perched on the side of the curve of a mountain. There was no care in my conscious about whether or not my lightning could be seen. I just didn’t care.
For hours, I people watched from that rooftop.
But everything reminded me of Theo. A group of children in little tiny blue and white plaid uniforms highlighted that Theo and I would never have that opportunity to pursue twelve children like Eivan and Sevella had. Then again, when they were in hiding, there probably wasn’t much entertainment. Apparently, they wrote incessantly in journals and made babies.
It just went downhill from there. Everything I saw made me aware of something Theo—or Theo and I would never get to experience.
I was fine with giving it all up to go in hiding. I would deal with the impulsion to travel.
Who was I kidding?
Travelling was like my heart beating.
~~~
Hours later, I travelled back to Portugal.
I had to face him one way or the other. Plus, if he made the choice I didn’t want him to make, then I needed to spend all the time with him that I could.
Every garden was void of him. I looked everywhere, until finally finding him in the kitchen of all places. He was sitting on the floor and was surrounded by every slush puppy flavor invented and a bucket of fried chicken. He wore nothing but boxers and socks. His hair was a mess, strewn every which way.
It was the funniest damned thing I’d ever seen.
“What the hell? Are we binge eating?”
He was encircled in some cultish circle of slush puppy worship, yet none had been drunken from and the chicken hadn’t been touched. The slush puppies were for me, I knew that much.
“Theo?”
“I went nuts. I flashed to every slimy gas station I could think of and got them all. It was the lamest attempt at apologizing ever.”
“No, it’s actually really sweet. But the fried chicken?”
He shrugged and kicked it away from him, “I couldn’t even tell you.”
In his eyes, I could already see the struggle.
“The voices?”
“Yeah, they’re quiet now that I’m not in that garden, but they’re still buzzing.” He tapped the side of his head.
“How about we just go to bed and before anything is decided, we just rest. I—I feel like you haven’t held me in weeks.”
He got up and gave me the look. Even though everything, the decisions looming over his head, the weight of our people on his shoulders, and the voices in his head—that look meant that I was in real trouble.
“Eu vou segurar você todas da minha vida, Querida.”
“In here,” he took my hand, placed it over his chest, and translated what I already knew were sweet words. “I have held you all of my life.”
He exhaled and his shoulders slumped. He could sweet talk me still, but everything about his posture told me that he was way beyond exhausted. I often forgot how tiresome flashing could be for some of us.
“Come on,” I said, grabbing his hand and leading him to the bedroom at the very top of the stairs. He was already undressed for the most part and climbed into the enormous king sized bed. Xoana’s house was open to all. It always had been. It was a retreat of sorts, a timeshare, shared by all Lucents. We used to have to make reservations, but in the past decade or so, people just stopped coming. I couldn’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t want to visit Xoana’s home.
Well, it wasn’t her original home. Her father was, as we knew, a farmer, and not a rich one at that. But Xoana was smart. So smart that she realized her gift allowed her to begin the first Lucent delivery service. Of course, hers wasn’t software or vaccines—more like rare spices and fabrics. In fact, there are said to be several non-native species of plants and other creatures present in Portugal that no one knows the origin of. Science blames evolution, but the Lucents know better.
All this trading of recherché goods made Xoana a very rich woman.
Climbing in the bed, I could hear the deeper, elongated breaths, signaling me that he was already asleep. I chuckled a bit to myself. Nothing ever seemed to bother him like it did me. I would stay awake all night until the early hours of the morning demanded I get at least a few hours of sleep when something was bothering me. And whatever it was plagues me with my first blinks of wake.
But not Theo.
That boy could sleep through a damned earthquake.
Only seconds after I’d gotten comfortable, I heard noises downstairs. It was probably Ari drinking all of my slush puppies or Collin eating all the fried chicken—the beast. Looking over at Theo, his eyelids were fluttering. I decided not to worry about whoever was downstairs until I heard a dish break.
I padded down the stairs to find Ari and Pema, eyeball deep in some kind of argument. Whatever Pema had done, she had no idea what she was getting into with Ari.
Ari wouldn’t hesitate to kick another girl in the uterus for me—or anyone she loved. As I got closer, the conversation became clear.
“So, you just dump the choice of a lifetime in his lap and now—oh, I think I’m gonna go away for a while. Bullshit—you’re gonna keep your shaven-haired, skinny ass right here until this is all sorted out. You are straight up shady-fied. I mean it.”
Pema looked like she was working harder at figuring out Ari’s street slang than she was actually being offended.
“I am trying to help them, no matter how shady-whatever you find me, child. I am their friend just as much as you are.”
Ari reached out and flicked Pema in the forehead, “That’s where you’re wrong. Those are my best friends in the whole world and there’s no two people on Earth who deserve happiness more than them. I’m only gonna say this once. If you screw with either one of them—I will hunt you down and strangle you with my own bare hands. So, you go, do whatever you think you need to do. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
“Whoa,” Theo secreted in my ear, nearly making me jump through the ceiling. “Since when am I Ari’s best friend.”
I snorted, “That’s what you got out of it? Who knew Ari was so thug?”
“Not me, that’s for sure. Where’s Pema going?”
“I don’t know.” I was turned to face him now. He almost looked in worse shape than just minutes ago. I questioned him with a confused face.
“Voices. They started again. There’s no predicting when they’re going to start talking. I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
He grabbed my hand in the middle of explaining. As soon as we touched, he slumped against the wall next to him. It was borderline c
omical how they quieted when I touched him. They probably all knew what a loud mouth I was and decided it wasn’t even worth the battle.
We turned our attentions back on Ari who was picking up Theo’s mess—grumbling the whole time about love struck idiots and stupid Icees. She always called them Icees.
I moved to help her, but Theo stopped me, “Let her. She needs to learn some humility.”
That was the last night Theo slept a full night without being woken up. We didn’t speak about the inevitable—we didn’t really need to. I knew Theo—I knew the second the choice was put before him how this all would go down. Theo wouldn’t have me hide for the rest of my life any more than I would ask him to.
I stayed sick to my stomach, knowing that these days, filled with unspoken words, living in the shadows of what he would do, were the last days we had together. Theo was honorable beyond anyone I ever knew.
I wished it was me. I deserved to have to make a decision like this. With my constant ill repute and blatant rebellion of authority—you’d think that the Almighty would give a treacherous task like this to someone like me.
No, that wasn’t right at all.
Because I would choose to run.
Cowards run.
Collin and Theo walked the grounds during the day. Ari joked about them having a bromance. But I was grateful for it. Collin seemed to be the only person Theo would talk to about it all.
He certainly wouldn’t talk to me.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Theo
The Eidolon, should another be born, shall answer to the Synod.
Sitting outside the window of the bedroom, I let all the information settle deep down in my chest. Everyone wanted something from me—everyone. The Synod or the Resin, they were one in the same wanted me as their own living key to carry around, attached to a blood red string around their necks. They’d stick me into their noxious smelling chests, rotting from the inside out not from disease but because of their dung pile of sins against their own people. They’d pull me out and unlock the door, take what they need from heaven and then come back out, more powerful and more rotten than ever before.