“Hey,” he said in a voice that beckoned her attention. “What’s wrong?”
Leaning forward, she placed her elbows on the counter and buried her face in her hands. “What isn’t wrong?” she asked, a bitter chuckle escaping her lips.
His hand stilled on her back. “What were you going to do with that knife?” When she didn’t answer, he grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. “Amara,” he said, lifting her chin. “What happened?”
“They keep coming in here!” she said, finally, wiping the tears that began to spill down her cheeks.
He frowned, waiting for her to continue, but she didn’t. Couldn’t. “Who keeps coming in here?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
Colin’s jaw twitched. “Of course it matters! This is my place! I need to know who’s getting in here without your permission. Talk to me, dammit! Is it Philip?”
She opened her mouth to respond, but ended up closing it when she couldn’t find her words. When she didn’t reply, he brushed past her, strolling toward the bedroom. Amara followed him, watching his tall frame as he moved around the room, opening drawers and taking stuff out. He found her bag and started carelessly stuffing clothes in it.
“What are you doing?” she asked, frozen in place.
“Something I should have done a while ago.”
Amara stood silently, watching as he packed furiously, silently brooding, his hands punching her clothes into the bag, and she wondered if their time had come to an end. He was kicking her out. The more he packed, the smaller she began to feel. She was out of place, unwanted.
“Are you kicking me out?” she had to start the question over three times, clearing her throat, swallowing the lump that choked off her words, until it finally came out in a broken whisper.
Colin’s movements stilled and his head snapped to where she was standing between the door and the bed rooted in place. “You think I’m kicking you out? Do you really think I would…” He stopped short, his eyes confused and wild as he approached
Amara and held both of her shoulders. She tightened in his hold, unsure of what to expect. “Maybe I’ve been doing this all wrong, Amara. Maybe going after you and keeping you beside me… keeping you here… maybe my anger has gotten the best of me lately, but I fucking love you, dammit! I would never kick you out!” His words were a shout, and he was looking at Amara like she was crazy for not understanding that.
He took her breath away and she was unable to react properly. She should have opened her mouth to tell him she loved him too, more than he would ever know. That this time together yet so far apart had helped her understand that completely. That being engaged to another woman was killing her slowly—but Amara could only stare. Her uncertainty got the better of her. Her paranoia lurked around like unwanted gossip.
“I don’t know what to think anymore,” she grumbled, shaking her head with a dry laugh. “I can’t remember the last time my life made any sense.”
He stopped clutching the bag and closed his eyes for a moment, collecting himself, before taking long strides toward her. “Probably this time last year, when it was only me and you. Do you remember what it’s like to have someone put you before everything else? Do you remember what it feels like not to lie about everything? Look at you, Amara! You’re so scared you’re shaking, and to be frank, you’re starting to freak me out.”
He waited for her to say something, but the only thing Amara could think about was her conversation with Ava and how Colin always seemed to be everywhere. When she finally spoke, it was slow and cautious, with her head bowed as if she was ashamed to be asking such a thing. The real reason Amara couldn’t look at him, she realized, was because she was afraid of what the answer would be.
“How did you know I would be at the auction?”
“You told Brandon you couldn’t make it to the housewarming party because you were busy, and I checked the Méchant events, saw the auction, and figured I would go over there.” His answer made her exhale, just for a moment.
“How did you really know it was me? And I would appreciate it if you didn’t give me the bullshit answer about my eyes, because I know you couldn’t see them from where you were standing. I could barely make you out.”
Once the words were out there, she tilted her head up to look at him. Colin inhaled and exhaled loudly as he considered his next words to her. She could tell he was waging a hell of a battle inside that brain of his.
“If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.”
“Try me.”
“Okay,” he said, looking away as he clenched his jaw. “When I got there, I saw Samuel and demanded he tell me which girl you would be, or I would put a stop to the whole auction. Obviously it went on so that didn’t work. Sam said he was waiting for somebody really important and that I should just leave and wait for you to call me.” Colin chuckled with a shrug. “When they got to you, I just knew. Call it intuition, I don’t know! All I know, Mara, is that I see you when I look at you. I feel you when you’re in a room. And that’s the truth. Now are you done wrongly accusing me of something I have no idea about? Or are we going to continue playing this stupid fucking game we’ve been playing? Because I can tell you right now who wins, and it’s not you, and it’s not me. It will be them because we’re letting it happen.”
Amara could only stare at him. She had nothing to say, couldn’t really form a coherent sentence when he looked at her like that. He looked at her. Through her. Inside her. It laid her bare and tore her apart at the same time.
“I just. I’m sorry, I just… For a moment I thought maybe you were him.”
“Who?”
“The guy looking for me,” she said in a whisper, bringing her eyes up to his.
“The one blackmailing you?”
“No.” She shook her head. “The guy looking for me is an entirely different person, but he’s the reason I’m still at Méchant.”
Colin took the steps needed to get to her and reached out to cup her face. Amara’s breath hitched at the sudden contact. Though his hands were gentle, the way he held her face made it impossible to look away. The words that tumbled out of his mouth seemed to surprise the two of them equally, judging by the way his brown eyes widened slightly as he spoke them.
“Let me help you,” he said, his voice soft, almost as if he was cajoling a child. “I want to help you, but I’m going to need you to trust me,” he said.
“Why would you want to help me when you’ve been so angry about all of this?” she asked in a shaky whisper.
Colin closed his eyes as he breathed out. When they opened again they were stricken with a tinge of sadness. “Oh, Mara,” he whispered, his breath fanning her face as he spoke. “Didn’t you graduate at the top of your class? For someone so book smart, you are very love stupid.”
The word love made her heart swell. She could have wondered if that was his intention, but the truth was written all over his face.
“I need you to trust me,” he repeated, cupping her face, still looking at her with an intensity that could burn through steel.
“I don’t know if I can.”
“I’m going to give you my trust, Amara. My complete trust, or as close as I can get to that, and I’m asking you to do the same. Whatever this is, you don’t have to do it alone. I know you’re scared—it isn’t like you to do any of this—I know you’re stuck and, for whatever reason, money isn’t getting you out of it, so please, let me fucking help you.”
She closed her eyes and saw the memories of her life with him playing in her mind like an old movie. Them in the empty lot with the stars, in the coffee shops near school, at her uncle’s café, family barbeques, times spent in their rooms talking about nothing and everything at the same time, their late night calls, the laughs they shared, the fights, the make-up sex, the dancing, the kisses and hugs and all of the tomorrows that were once promises—all faded away so much sooner than should have been possible. Amara took a deep breath and opened her eyes to see the man she r
ealized would do more for her than she’d ever given him credit for, and nodded.
“Okay.”
One simple word, but it seemed to breathe life back into Colin, and he smiled at her. “I’m going to take you somewhere we can talk about all of this. We’re going to leave our phones behind.” He dropped a kiss on her forehead and, as she watched him grab the bag, it felt like he was squeezing her own heart.
“What if they call me from the hospital?”
“We’ll go by the hospital first.”
“I—” she began.
“I’m going to help you, remember? No matter what.”
“You don’t even know what you’re asking to get involved in,” she said brokenly as a tear escaped from her eyes.
“Because I don’t care,” he said, brushing the tear away lightly with his thumb. “I know that it involves you, and whatever that is, it’s hurting you, and that’s all I need to know.”
“You can lose Wolfe, Colin. You can lose everything,” she said in a hoarse whisper.
“I don’t care anymore.” He leaned down and pressed his lips against hers, and she believed him.
“YOU CAN WAIT out here if you want,” Amara said when they reached her mom’s floor.
He looked at her for a long moment, his lips parting slightly as he debated the options. “Would it be okay if I go in with you?”
Growing up, Colin had always gotten along great with her mom. She’d baked him cookies and made him his favorite curry dishes. He’d loved being over at their house and her mom had loved having him there, so Amara knew she would enjoy seeing him, but still she hesitated.
“She doesn’t look the way you remember her.”
“So?” he asked with a frown.
“I’m just warning you,” she replied with a shrug and continued to walk toward the room, greeting the nurses along the way. She laughed when all of the nurses at the station turned to checked out Colin before looking at Amara with raised, approving eyebrows. He walked by her side, his hand hovering over the small of her back before finally landing there and sliding to her hip, pulling her close. Amara looked at him in question, but he didn’t acknowledge it, only continuing to walk beside her until they reached the door, where he dropped his hand.
Amara pushed the door open and took a steadying breath; preparing her heart for the shock it always was to see her mother in such terrible condition.
“Hey, Mom, I brought a guest with me,” she said as she walked further in, holding the door open for Colin.
“Of course, my khorshid. Who did you bring?” Anna asked, curious.
Amara dropped a kiss on her mom’s cheek as Colin walked toward them. Anna gasped loudly when she saw him.
“Now there’s a face I’m happy to see!” Anna said, smiling widely as she adjusted herself on the bed.
“Hey, Mrs. M,” Colin said. There was no visible pity in his eyes, just slight sadness that he blinked away quickly as he hugged her.
“Sit right here,” Anna said, licking her dry lips as she tapped the spot she always saved for Amara. She would have complained, jokingly, but couldn’t stop smiling at the happiness she felt at the light in her mother’s eyes. “Tell me how you’re doing. How’s Nancy holding up?”
He sighed, running a hand through his wavy hair. “We’re fine—my mom’s getting by.”
Amara took a seat in the chair in front of Colin, where the tips of their feet touched, and watched them as they spoke. Colin’s eyes met Amara’s as her mother talked about the oxygen tank she needed to breathe. There was so much compassion in his eyes, so much of everything she missed about being with him. She wanted to freeze time and stay in that room with them forever.
“Amara tells me you’re engaged now,” Anna said nonchalantly. Amara felt her eyes go wide. It was like a punch to the gut, the mention of the engagement.
“For business purposes, yeah,” he said, still looking at Amara.
“You’re a good boy, Colin. Your dad was always proud of you. I hope your mom reminds you of that often.”
His gaze dropped from Amara’s. In all the years they’d known each other, he was always the one to make things happen. She could count less than a handful of times in which she’d seen that particular look on his face—where the guy with the wide, wolfish smile lost his cockiness and turned into an insecure boy. Hating to see that look on his face, Amara tapped his foot with hers. He didn’t look up at her, but she saw his lips tilt up into a small smile.
“Will you stay married to her once the business side of things go through?”
Amara couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t believe her mom was asking these questions. It was as if the filter she kept so perfectly screwed over her mouth had suddenly fallen off.
“Mom!” her words snapped through the silence that the question had placed in the room.
“It’s just a question. He knows he doesn’t have to answer it.”
“I don’t know,” Colin said after a moment of contemplation. His response sucked the air out of her body, but she tried to focus on the floor, bringing her feet in so they would no longer touch his. He continued, “I’m hoping it doesn’t get that far.” Amara felt his eyes on her face, but she refused to acknowledge his words.
Amara glanced at her mother, who returned her look with a twinkle in her eyes. This was definitely the most awkward hospital visit ever. At least her mom was in a cheerful mood, and that brightened her up, despite the blood rushing her face.
“You’re crazy,” she mouthed at her mom, which made both her and Colin laugh.
Colin stood from the edge of the bed and kissed Anna on the forehead. “It was good seeing you, Mrs. M, despite the circumstances. If you ever need anything, please know I’ll be here.”
Anna reached up and patted him on the cheek. “You know what I need.”
Colin chuckled and dragged his eyes back to Amara. “It’s not me you need to be having that conversation with.”
Her heart skipped at the meaning in his words, and at the fact he’d said them to the one person he knew meant the world to her.
“You know I love you like a son,” Anna whispered, tears gathering in her eyes.
“Then you know I’ll do everything in my power to keep our girl from harm.”
“I’m counting on it.”
He turned to face Amara, his hand reaching out to cup her face, his thumb caressing her cheek. “I’ll wait for you outside.”
Her response was a silent nod. She turned to her mother as soon as the door closed behind Colin and waited for her jumbled thoughts to get sorted out in her brain. “Oh my god, mom!” she said in a hushed whisper.
Anna coughed out a laugh as she adjusted the purple scarf that covered her bald head. “What?”
“You know what! I cannot believe you just did that.” Amara buried her face in her hands, mortified.
“I thought I did great.”
Amara couldn’t keep a laugh from escaping. “I’m assuming you’re having a good day.”
“I guess I am. So tell me, how did he end up coming with you?”
“Sam showed up at the apartment, telling me Colin was in the middle of their plan and he needed to get me away from him.”
“What did Colin say?”
Amara’s eyes widened. “I didn’t tell him. He just knows someone showed up uninvited.”
Anna frowned. “Are you going to tell him?”
“Well, I don’t know. I don’t know if I should.”
“Did you tell him you’re being blackmailed?”
“Yeah, and I don’t think that was the right thing to do. I wish I wouldn’t have.”
“Amara, come here,” she said, pulling her to sit beside her on the bed. Her hand, the one without the IV sunk into it, stroked her daughter’s hair to soothe her—the way she always had when Amara was little, and Amara sighed as she leaned into her touch. There’s nothing a mother’s touch can’t erase. If there was to be one cure for everything wrong with the world, it would be that. Amara could
feel her mother’s collarbone pressed against her cheek, and could smell the iron that must coat her mother’s taste every day. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself. Talk to him. Trust him. He’s a good man. He loves you—you have to see that.”
She sighed, nodding slowly. “Sometimes love isn’t enough. You of all people should know that. I have to finish this thing with Philip, Colin won’t understand that.”
Placing a kiss on Amara’s temple, Anna pulled back. “Why don’t you let him decide?”
“He’s going to want me to marry him. If he really does get rid of Molly, he’s going to ask me again.”
“If none of this would’ve happened—if you wouldn’t have made that stupid deal with Philip for your father—do you think you would have married Colin?”
Her insides fluttered. “I’d like to think so, yes.”
“So do it.”
“There’s so much at stake, Mom, and I’m scared. I’m scared of what will happen if I drag him into this.”
Anna ran her fingers through Amara’s long hair. “It’s too late for that, Mara; he’s already been dragged into it.”
“I know, and it’s killing me already. What if Philip really hurts him? Or you?” Amara said, her eyes widening as reality rushed back to slap her in the face.
“Don’t worry about me, baby girl. There’s not much time left for me either way.”
“Don’t say that,” she whispered as tears burned in her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Mara. I know you want to keep me here forever, and I swear if I could stay, I would, only for you. I’m trying to hold on as long as I can, but some days I feel myself slipping.”
“Don’t talk like that, please.”
“I love you, my sweet child. I love you so much.”
“I love you too,” she whispered. “I can’t do this without you, Mom. I can’t.”
The Sinner's Bargain (Contracts & Deceptions Book 2) Page 12