“Very well. It’s his funeral,” Philip said with a shrug. He paused to tell the driver where to go and shrugged when he saw it register in Amara’s face that they were headed to the hospital. “You left this behind. The nurse called, Anna isn’t doing very well. I figured we would go there first since you may not have a mother tomorrow.”
Amara blinked and blinked again. Philip tossed her phone and she was glad Colin caught it for her, because it would have hit her head. He held it out for her and she took it, scrolling through the numbers as if on autopilot. Three missed calls from the hospital. Her finger shook as she selected the last call, and once it started ringing, her heart lodged itself in her throat as she waited for a response.
“Amara!” the nurse said, and if her shrill voice was any telling of the situation, Amara wasn’t sure she could handle the words that came next. “I’ve been trying to reach you. She’s taken a turn for the worse. Her blood count is too low—you need to come in.”
Amara’s mouth opened, but nothing would come out. Taking a turn for the worse. You need to come in.
“Hey,” Colin said, concern etched in his voice as he took the phone from Amara’s hand. “She’ll be right there,” he told the nurse, hanging up as he pulled her toward him. As he held her, Amara was thankful he hadn’t gotten out of the car. She knew that had she been alone—or alone with Philip—she would have completely fallen apart.
Colin’s warmth held her together. The strong grip he held her with told her everything would be okay, even though she knew some of the worst was yet to come. Amara took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts as best she could before pushing away from Colin. She looked at him, into his eyes, the ones that said he would be there, that everything would be okay no matter what, and she nodded as she took a deep breath. She wasn’t going to panic, not until she knew what was going on. Her mother had taken a turn for the worse before, five years ago, and here they were. Amara would not panic. Still, as she sat in the limo holding Colin’s hand, the air pregnant with silence, she couldn’t help but wonder if her mother’s sudden turn wasn’t a natural cause. Was it Philip making good on his threat?
“You poisoned her.” Amara’s voice didn’t shake with the accusation, but her eyes felt like they were firing dart as she stared at Philip. “You fucking bastard! You told the nurse to inject her with whatever it was you threatened me with!” She lunged at Philip before Colin could react quickly enough to stop her. Her fist met Philip’s face first, landing on his jaw. Her other fist came up, but he was ready for that one and grabbed her hands. Colin’s arms circled Amara’s waist and pulled her back. His calming words were lost on her as she continued to thrash against him in attempt to claw at Philip once more.
“I had nothing to do with it!” Philip shouted, nursing his jaw.
The ache in Amara’s chest became unbearable, and the hot tears that were sad just minutes ago were now fueled with anger as they slid down her face. “You’re lying! You’re a liar! You wanted to kill my mother!” she cried. Her mournful shouts were muffled by Colin’s chest as he pulled her closer to him.
“We’re going to go see her now. She’ll be okay. Everything will be okay,” he said to her head, but the conviction in his voice was wavering as it hit him that it very well may not be okay. You couldn’t just shout comfort into the universe and hope it caught on and gave it back.
“Nothing is okay,” she said, her slim shoulders quaking as she sobbed against him.
BY THE TIME the limo pulled up to the hospital, Amara had recovered and wiped the tears from her face. Although her eyes were swollen, she looked composed for the most part.
“I’m coming up with you,” Colin said as he helped her get out of the limo, but Amara shook her head.
“Not right now,” she whispered, looking up at him. She was thankful for his support, but she needed to see her mom on her own.
“I won’t go in, I’ll sit in the waiting room; I’ll wait outside her door—whatever you want—but I’m not leaving you alone right now.”
When they reached her floor, Amara didn’t walk to the hospital room, she ran, tossing her heels aside and picking up her dress on the way there. There was just no way that this was really happening. It couldn’t be. Maybe she should have been grateful for all of the time she’d had with her mom. She could’ve died sooner and not lived a full life. Still, Amara wasn’t able to be grateful for that because she couldn’t think past the pain stabbing her heart. And even though she should have had time to prepare for this inevitability, Amara couldn’t fathom a world without her mother in it. She didn’t want to. She wasn’t ready.
The pain inside her heart radiated through her entire body as she pushed the door open and caught a glimpse of her mom in the bed—pale, IV dripping, and an oxygen mask strapped to her gaunt face.
“Did you come by yourself?” her mother asked in a voice that was barely over a whisper. Amara sat on the bed and cradled her mother’s cold arm on her lap and responded in a voice that was just as quiet, just as broken.
“Yes,” she said, keeping her head down. She couldn’t bear to look at Anna’s face—not yet. Amara focused on her mother’s fingers. They were cold and frail. She still wore her wedding ring, despite everything. She’d said after so many years, she would feel naked without it, and that some of the years were good —despite the man her husband had become. Amara hadn’t argued with her, even though she’d felt her mother was celebrating a ghost of a man and not a good marriage.
“I’m glad you came by today,” Anna said, and Amara could tell the oxygen tank was working overtime to help her lungs. She finally looked at her mother’s face—her beautiful face. It was possible to see she used to be lovely despite her almost skeletal state. She still had beautiful green eyes, almond shaped just like hers, and perfect, porcelain skin. Anna wore a hijab on her head now, Amara suspected, because her father was no longer around and she was in the presence of male doctors. It was something they never discussed. Religion wasn’t always a big deal growing up. Both of her parents turned their backs on Allah when they were shunned from their home. They never taught Amara to believe in anything in particular. “Be a good person” was their motto. Sex was never discussed, but Amara knew they were big on waiting until marriage, although she didn’t follow that rule and she was sure they knew it, especially now. Still, they never treated her like she was dirty for it, not until her father had shamed her at the gala.
Amara leaned forward, lying beside her mother on the bed, feathering the tips of her fingers across Anna’s cheeks, her small pointy nose, her chin, and back up to the cream colored hijab that covered her bald head.
“Do you want me to get you a Sunni for prayer?”
Anna smiled at her thoughtful daughter. “There is no time for that now. A Catholic priest came by and read me my rites.” Amara’s eyes filled with tears and this time, she couldn’t stop them from spilling.
“Are you in pain? Is there anything at all I can do to make this better?”
“You’re here. That’s all that matters.”
Amara began to cry harder. “There must be something I can do for you.”
“There’s nothing, my daughter. Death only requires a little patience, nothing else.”
“I don’t want you to die,” Amara said, her words almost inaudible through her tears. “I’m not ready!”
“Neither am I,” Anna whispered, tears gathering in her own eyes. “I don’t want to leave you by yourself without knowing you’ll be safe. I wanted to be around to see my grandchildren—to take care of them and watch what an amazing mother you’ll be to them.
They wrapped their arms around the other and held on tight, the way they used to do when Amara was just a girl and she’d been awakened by night terrors.
“I’ll always be with you. Every time you look up at the khorshid, you will be reminded of me, and whenever it’s not shining bright, look in a mirror, at those beautiful eyes that have enough light to power muted colonies. You’ll fi
nd me everywhere, Mara. In your heart, in your words, in your love…I’m only physically leaving you.”
“But who will I talk to? Who will I tell things to? Who will I go to with my problems? I’ll have no one,” Amara cried.
“You can still talk to me; you’ll just have to wait a little longer for your answers. You’ll have Colin. Don’t let that boy go this time. He has my blessing.”
Amara tilted her head up to look at her mother’s face as she waited for her explanation.
“He came by to see me the other day and asked for it. He knew it was important to you.”
“I saw him talking to Dad, laughing with him,” Amara whispered as she wiped tears from her eyes.
“They do business together, love, that’s something you’ll have to learn to deal with.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Tell Colin. I’m sure if he knows that, he’ll stop laughing with him,” Anna joked. Amara smiled; it was unbelievable that the woman could still find her sense of humor through the pain.
“I always loved seeing you and papa together, you know? Growing up, I always thought that was real love—that was what I wanted for myself.”
“It was real love.” Her mother said it with a small smile. “He saved me from a monster. My father wanted me to marry his second-in-command, this terribly ugly man. He was just as ugly on the inside as he was out. He tried to rape me once, and your father was able to stop him. When he tried again, I wasn’t so lucky. Amir beat him to an inch of his life, then resigned his position with my father and took me with him.”
Amara turned her body in the bed so she could pay closer attention. She’d never heard the story before.
“At first I didn’t want to go. I said no to your father. I stayed behind for three days,” Anna continued. “When I approached my father with what had happened, he beat me and called me a liar—a whore—and said I was sleeping around with Amir, who had been nothing but respectful to me. That man—that disgusting man—all round and scarred and terrible, had taken my virginity from me. Something sacred that I’d been saving for my husband… and he just took it because he deemed it right. As he raped me, he kept saying that he knew I wasn’t a virgin and he was going to prove it.” Her mother didn’t shed a tear as she retold her story, but took a couple of pauses in between words to sip on some water to soothe her dry throat. “So finally, on the third night, when I could stand again from my father’s beating, I left and never returned. Philip took me to Amir, who lived in a shack for a house, and that’s where we stayed. We married, and I was pregnant shortly after, by Amir, thank heaven. Philip somehow got my father to give us money.”
“How do you think he managed that? I mean, after everything your father did to you?” Amara asked quietly, holding on to her mother’s hand once more.
“He wouldn’t say. I suppose it could have been his money, or money he stole from my father. I guess I’ll never know for sure, but I was always grateful.”
“Is that why you were okay with me working at Méchant?”
Anna inhaled a long breath and exhaled in a heavy cough. “No. I wanted you to go because I knew Philip could protect you from the men trying to get to you.”
Amara had heard this story before. It was what her mother had replied when Amara had confessed to the contract.
“Mom, I have to tell you something…I have to go to Paris because I signed a contract with Philip, to protect Dad and to help you. Dad is in a huge bind.”
“Oh, Mara. I know.”
“You know how bad it’s gotten? He can’t even afford the house anymore.” Tears beckoned as the reality hit her about how their lives would be affected in the future. She was raised in that house, and sure, they didn’t need the ten thousand square feet it boasted, but it was still home.
“I know.”
“And you know what Philip wants me to do?”
Anna screwed her eyes shut, tears seeping out of her own eyes. “I do. I’m so sorry, but it’s the only way.”
“I guess it is,” Amara whispered.
“I need you to listen to me,” her mother said in a rushed whisper as she wiped her tears away. “A long time ago, my father did something very, very wrong. He added your name to something with a lot of value, and apparently the wrong people found out about it. We’ve been getting strange phone calls, sometimes asking questions about you. Sometimes it’s different universities, sometimes it’s a student union, but it’s fake. Every time I track the calls, they go to unknown numbers, not schools.”
“What…I don’t get it.”
“Amara, this is important. Philip is taking you to Méchant because that’s the only place to keep you safe. He can keep you safe from whoever it is that is looking for you. You can’t disobey him, because you can fall into the wrong hands if you do.”
“But it’s a whore house,” Amara whispered, wide-eyed.
“He won’t use you as a whore. Maybe a spy or something, I don’t know, but you won’t be used that way.”
“He told you that?”
Anna shook her head solemnly. “You’re my daughter. I would hope he wouldn’t do that to you.”
“And if he did?”
Her mother’s shoulders shook with grief as she walked to Amara and wrapped her arms around her. “I pray that he won’t and that this will all be over soon. Just please, Amara, please do as you’re told. Don’t talk to any suspicious men, and if anyone tries to contact you, tell Philip right away. And whatever you do, do not talk about any of this, not even with me, over the phone.”
Amara swallowed her tears and nodded against her mother’s shoulder. “Okay. I guess I don’t have much of a choice in the matter. I just… I wish there was another way. I have to leave Colin.” She sniffed, unable to continue.
“Don’t talk about Colin. The less people you talk about, the better.”
“I’m supposed to suddenly become a recluse?”
“It’s temporary, love. It’ll be over soon. I trust that Philip will do this fast. My father is a dangerous man, Mara, and the moment he sets out to destroy somebody, he achieves it. We need to be cautious.”
“Does Dad know? Is that why he was so quick to give me up to them?”
Anna held Amara at arm’s length and gave her a confused look. “I don’t think he knows the extent of what’s involved.”
“So he didn’t hand me over to keep me safe?” Amara asked in a broken whisper.
Her mother paused, looking at her with tears in her eyes. “Oh, khorshid, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s become of your father.”
Amara saw the pain her mother carried for all that it was. She knew she would never begin to understand the life she’d lived, and on the same breath knew she would do anything she could to make what she had left of her life now more bearable.
Her mother’s words snapped her back to the present. Amara shook her head
“Sorry, what were you saying?”
“What they’re trying to take from you, from us… I think if anyone can get into that safe, wipe it clean, and start a great life for herself after all of this mess, it’s you, Amara.”
“What?” Amara asked, her voice full of confusion. She must have completely zoned out.
“Focus, Amara, I don’t have much time. You need to get to that safe before they do. Once you do, you’ll be able to clear everything out and leave my father with nothing, then the men will have nothing when they go search.” Anna’s words, filled with a conviction Amara could only hope to feel, surprised her.
“But I can’t, Mama. I don’t know the first thing about it other than the fact that Samuel forged my signature on a document! I still can’t believe he did that,” she said under her breath.
“I know.”
“Wouldn’t that mean the sultan asked him to do it? Aren’t you a little concerned that maybe Philip and Samuel’s loyalties are to the wrong people?”
“Of course I am. That only makes this harder, knowing that I won’t be here to protec
t you from all of that. You need to get the things in that safe, Amara and keep them for yourself. Give Philip his papers, and be done with it.”
“But I don’t want whatever is in there! It’s tarnished. It’s that… man’s! That terrorist!”
“It was also my mother’s and mine. There are family heirlooms and gold and money and of course those bloody papers, but everything else, Amara, please take it.”
“There’s a keyword and everything. I don’t know what it is.”
“You’ll figure it out.”
“How would I figure it out?” her voice was a childish whine. She couldn’t do any of this without her mom. She didn’t want to.
“Because I’ll make that easy for you.”
“Tell me what it is,” Amara said, her voice becoming desperate.
Anna shook her head. “The men that are after you, they have the power to break you, and if you tell them any of this… they’ll take it all, and then you’ll be left with nothing. I can’t leave my only child with nothing. I hope you understand that. I wanted Samuel to find the person behind all of this before they found you, but they’ve been doing a terrible job of tracking, which means this person is good—really good. You need to be more careful than ever.”
“You know it but can’t tell me?”
“I can’t. There are ears everywhere,” Anna whispered.
Amara’s tears were of frustration and anguish as she looked around the humble hospital room. “I hate this so much,” she said brokenly as her mother pulled Amara back onto her chest and placed a kiss on her head.
“Me too.”
“I’m sorry this couldn’t be done in time for you to see it. I’m sorry you didn’t get revenge on your father or…” Amara whispered into her mother’s hospital gown.
“Please don’t say that. I’m the one who’s sorry. Look at the kind of life I brought you into.”
Amara leaned on her elbow to look into her mother’s eyes. “You gave me a wonderful life, Mama. You have never let me down, ever. This has been less than ideal, but for you, I would do it over again a hundred times. You’ve given up more things for me than I can count: school, teaching, visits to see your own mother, you gave Uncle Vlady an amazing life, and you were there for me even when I didn’t think I wanted you to be. You never gave up on me. You always believed in me. You still believe in me—I mean, you think I can do the impossible!”
The Sinner's Bargain (Contracts & Deceptions Book 2) Page 15