by Zoe Dawson
Usually when her brothers or dad were wrestling with something, they would go and lick their wounds. It wasn’t good to give advice to men when they didn’t want it. If they were upset and needed solace, they asked for it. But a man like Ashe, he was a SEAL, bred and trained to be tough and strong. Never to let anything get to him, but she knew the truth. They might be tough and strong, but things got to them. They were flesh and blood men, and she knew it was true.
She knew no matter the training and no matter the mental acuity and toughness. Everyone had doubts.
Ashe held her gaze for a split second then stared at the floor. There was something about the set of his shoulders, about the tight lines around his mouth that made her want to cry. An ache sharp and searing cut through her at the memory of her mother walking out and leaving them, leaving her with her devastated father and three boys under the age of six. She knew the kind of pain he was dealing with, but Anderson had added another layer. He had tried to shatter Ashe’s memory and image of his heroic father. She looked up at the ceiling and swallowed hard.
The ache finally eased.
“I’m here, Ashe, to listen.”
His face contorting in a fury of pent-up feelings, he hit the counter with the side of his fist, then abruptly turned away. He raised his hand for a second blow, but Paige was across the room before he could act. Shaken by the uncharacteristic display of anger, she seized him by the wrist, then slid her free arm around his rigid shoulders. Grasping him by the back of the neck, she used all her strength to hold him against her. “Don’t,” she whispered brokenly. “Please don’t.” He tried to pull away, but she refused to let him go. Closing her eyes against the feelings that washed through her, she tried to soothe him with the sound of her voice. “Shh, shh,” she crooned softly. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”
He shuddered and turned his face against her neck, then dragged in a deep, ragged breath and caught her in a crushing embrace. Cradling the back of his head, Paige pressed her whole body tight against him, trying to physically give comfort, trying to wordlessly let him know that it was okay. His hand tangled in her hair as he shifted his hold, locking her flush against him. He inhaled raggedly and turned his face against her neck. “What if what Anderson said is true? It makes me sick to think my dad,” his voice caught, “wasn’t what everyone thought he was, including me. It makes me feel like a disloyal asshole. He was awarded the Medal of Honor, Paige. That means something. That’s not just a freaking happenstance. It means something.”
“I know.”
“I’ve been in battle; it gets so out of control. But I always have the mission in mind. Save the hostages, tag and bag the terrorist, criminal, rebel, warlord. But if he was…” His voice trailed off as if he couldn’t even say dirty.
Letting go of his head, Paige blinked rapidly, the sound of his voice breaking her heart. “I can’t stop thinking about commitment. Why I went into the Navy; why I became a SEAL. I rush into danger all the time, not thinking, not worrying. Now I wonder if I have a death wish, if the only way I can be like him, worthy of him is to die in battle.” He closed his eyes. “Sometimes I think I crave it. That kills me inside. I’m part of a team, a damn fine team. If you’d met them you would know. Damn, LT is like a father to me. I love those guys. I swear I’m committed to them.”
He finally ran out of steam, and she just held him. Hugging him hard.
“I think sometimes we put people up on a pedestal that they can’t possibly live up to.” She closed her eyes and thought immediately of her dad and how she had followed in his footsteps, each triumph looking for his attention. “I know this is painful and it’s not fair because you really don’t know what happened. Bryant can make up anything he likes. If your dad didn’t make the right choices for the right reasons it only shows one thing about him.”
“What?”
“He was human, Ashe.” Her voice softly chastising. “Flawed, contradictory, complex. For all you know, he was building a case against Bryant, waiting for the right moment to turn him in, making it look like he was playing along.” She brushed at those thick bangs, then rubbed the back of his neck. “Whatever it was. You can be sure that he deserved that medal. Like you said, they don’t just hand those out.” She continued to caress him, giving him time to think about it. “They mean something important and anyone who hears that someone in the military has received such a high honor, they know that it’s true. Just like they know the trident means something important.”
She took a breath, and her heart tightened. There was so much truth in her statement, and in helping him realize that his dad was only human, Paige realized that not only was her own dad human, but she was, too.
After a while he released a heavy sigh, and Paige raised her head and looked at him. His expression drawn and sober, he touched her cheek. “I can concede that. I know my mom loved him and my sister.” He looked away his voice strained. “And I did, too.”
“Then accept that you’re doing what you’re meant to do, just your way. Being your own man is something that is all your own. You don’t have to live under his shadow.” He took an unsteady breath. “Because there’s no brightness there and you have a right to discover your own light and let it illuminate just who you are.” Smiling, she reached up and touched the tips of her fingers to his unshaven cheek, watching as his gaze darkened with awareness. “There’s also another truth.”
“What’s that, smarty pants?”
“You’re human, too, Ashe,” she said, her tone quiet. “I’ve never met anyone like you, and I think you’re pretty damned amazing.” Now it was time for her voice to be unsteady. “We’ll have to talk more about that death wish you seem to think you have.”
Ashe kept his intense gaze on her. “Oh, yeah?” he asked gruffly.
“Yeah,” she whispered.
Ashe caressed her hip, then eased his hold. “I need a shower; then can we get something to eat? I’m starving.”
Paige placed her hands along his jaw and began stroking his mouth with her thumb, rising up on tiptoe. “Men and their stomachs. You’ll have to sing for your supper.”
Ashe’s pulse leapt beneath her touch, and his breath caught sharply. “Hey, no fair to—”
Tightening her hold on his face, Paige closed her eyes and brushed her mouth against his. “Shut up, Kid Chaos,” she murmured against his lips. “You’re singing.”
“Okay.” He started to belt out the “Wheels on the Bus” song. She pinched his side and he laughed and jerked away from her.
She chased him to the bathroom, catching him just inside the doorway. She wrapped her arms around his lean waist, pressing her hand flat against his ripped abdomen. She slid her palm down over his hard-on, brushing the heavy sacks beneath his shaft, until her hand was wrapped snugly around the base of his heated flesh.
Kissing his heavily muscled back, the rapid rise and fall of his chest expanding and contracting against her arm, she stroked him all the way to the tip of his cock then glided her thumb over the swollen head. He shuddered and jolted against her sensuous glide.
Then he whispered her name and turned, gathering her up against him. Holding her fast, he shifted against her, and Paige gave a soft cry and opened her mouth against his. It was like an exploding ordnance, and a fury of want, a frenzy of need ignited between them. Paige made a helpless sound against his mouth. Angling his arm across her back, he lifted her higher and caught her behind one knee, dragging her leg around him. Then he continued, sliding his hand up her thigh, his breath fracturing when he encountered nothing but bare skin. Securing both legs around him, Paige tipped her head back and rolled her pelvis against his groin, and Ashe grasped her by the hips and held her still. “Paige, babe, my knees are going to give out.” As if unable to control himself, he thrust up against her, then locked her against him in a savage hold.
His gaze was dark and intense, hypnotic as he tightened his arms around her, his breathing hard and labored. “Just hold on.” He hauled in a deep, jagged brea
th, then turned toward the doorway. “And for fuck’s sake, don’t move.”
Paige woke up the next morning, naked, boneless, weighted with a delicious heaviness. God, but she felt wonderful. Ashe’s influence was felt in every aspect of her life, physical, personal, professional, mental, and intimate. He was, once again, gone.
She heard the back door slam, and she sighed. Rolling over onto her back, she glanced at the clock. “Yeesh, six-thirty,” she groused to her really soft and wonderful pillow. Part and parcel of getting involved with a SEAL. She didn’t even start her workout until seven.
She got up and put on a pair of shorts, her running bra and a couple of layers. She went out into the living room and stopped dead. Ashe was using one of the iron bars that braced her ceiling for chin ups…one-armed chin ups in just a pair of black shorts. He was drenched in sweat, barely straining as his biceps bulged, and he made it look so damn easy. He grasped the bar with his free hand and then did a few more, switching finally to his other arm.
“Wow.” He was so spectacular. He continued his workout with a few more. “I take it you’ve already finished running?”
“Just sprints, not long distance. I finished my sit-ups and push-ups. I’ll go with you.” With that, he dropped easily from the bar.
“So, Atlas, got tired of holding up the world?” She was in shape, but he was…ridiculous. He gave her that adorable half-smile. “Let’s go,” she said.
After an hour-long run through the crisp mountain air, her thighs burning on the inclines, they came back to her place, showered, fooling around until Ashe had enough and made her come three times before he finally joined with her.
As Ashe got dressed, she came out into the living room and into the kitchen. She preheated the oven. She filled the reservoir on the coffeemaker and put fresh grounds in the basket, her movements automatic and detached. Flipping the switch to start it brewing, she then reached into the fridge and got out eggs and tortillas. She put the tortillas on a baking sheet and slipped them in the oven, then scrambled the eggs.
Ashe came out of the bedroom, his hair combed off his face, with a few strands fringing his temples giving him a rebel look, accentuating his cheekbones and the strong arch of his dark brows.
“I’ve been thinking.”
She added salt and pepper to the eggs, sprinkling cheese over them and adding a dollop of salsa. The stove beeped, and she pulled out the warmed tortillas. “About what?”
“What if Duffield overflew La Paz? Then you would have been looking in the wrong direction.”
She stilled. “That did cross my mind, but really, it’s a needle in a haystack. I guess it’s possible.” She mulled it over. “You know Cris has been bothering me to take a look for possible bike routes around the Incachaca, a transition zone between the extension of the Tunari mountain range and the cloudforest of the Yungas of Chaparé. It’s a hike to Cochabamba, a small town about two and a half hours from here, then another hour to Colomi. We can map routes around there. It would be scenic and you’d get a nice tour of the countryside. We could stay overnight and come back the next day.”
“And we could look for the wreckage.” He crossed his arms over his chest, which only made him look more devastatingly male. More masculine. Sexier.
“Bingo.” She set the breakfast burritos on the plates and pulled a container of mangos and assorted fruit out of the fridge, scooping out a generous portion for each of them. Grabbing the OJ, she poured him a tall glass. By this time the coffee was brewed. Fixing herself a cup, she added half and half, sliding his glass and plate across the counter. “Let’s go talk to Cris about it. I’m sure he’ll agree.”
11
Kid followed Paige’s beautiful butt up the cottage’s path to Cris’s front door. He hadn’t been in the office and not wanting to wait until he got in and delay them, she decided to come to his home. She knocked and Ashe could hear the laughter inside. It made him smile. He was still mulling over Anderson’s snide words and Paige’s soothing ones, his body and mind remembering how she had supported him last night. His heart was still twisted and his mind still fucked, but she had helped him to see it in a better light.
He couldn’t imagine after all these years the image of his dad could be tested this way. He’d never challenged what had happened to earn him the medal. Now, feeling like the disloyal asshole he’d mentioned to Paige last night, he couldn’t stop running scenarios in his head. He had always wondered about the people his dad had saved. Wondered how they fared now. The kids would be his age.
Damn, but he liked being with her. Every moment was interesting and he loved the way she challenged him and kept up with him…mostly. He couldn’t help, once again, comparing her to Caitlin and Mia.
He had to admit to himself, grudgingly that all the signs for both of them had been right in front of his eyes. But he’d loved Caitlin, thought he’d loved Mia. But he now realized Mia was shallow, selfish, and simply didn’t have the strength to handle him, she was seduced by his physicality and his looks. She responded to his SEAL persona, not deep down to his core. Caitlin wasn’t shallow or selfish, she had been unable to handle his choice of profession.
Paige was courageous, driven, strong and did have the strength to handle him in both demanding an equal partnership and in being his true match. She didn’t just see the hero, she saw him, Ashe, the whole man. She challenged him to be a better man, to look deep for his answers, to overcome the blows to his heart and soul, to his very values where Mia didn’t and never would have, taking the easy way out with her banker.
A little girl opened the door. She was adorable and reminded him instantly of his nieces. She faced them with direct eye contact and said, “We’re not buying,” in Spanish.
Paige crouched down and tickled her under the chin. “Don’t you recognize me Jhosselin? It’s Paige.”
She giggled and hugged her around the neck. “I did. It was a joke.”
“A good one,” he said. She shifted to look up at him from under a thick set of eyelashes, her curly dark hair an unruly mess.
“Jhosselin? I need to do your hair…” A woman’s voice trailed off, then she smiled broadly. “Paige come on in. We’re just finishing up breakfast. Can I offer you a plate?”
“No, we’ve eaten.” She touched his arm and said, “Ariane, this is Ashe Wilder. Ashe, Ariane, Cris’s wife.”
Wow. What a beauty. She was also younger than Cris and the daughter resembled her right down to the cute nose. She looked harried, but with a nice sense of taking it all in stride like his mom had when they had gotten a bit out of hand. “Of course, Cris has mentioned you. You’re filling in for poor Juan. Thank you for that. I do the books, so I usually get filled in on everything.” She reached out her hand in a graceful gesture.
Two hair ties fell to the floor, and he bent down to pick them up. Something sounded in the kitchen and she said, “Oh my goodness. What now? I’m sorry. Please excuse me.”
Paige gave him an amused look, “I’ll go help her.”
He was left with Jhosselin, two hair ties and the brush her mom set down on the foyer table. “How about we help your mom out here, and I brush and braid your hair. That sound good?”
“You’re pretty handsome,” she said, tilting her head. “I bet the girls really like you.”
He chuckled. “I do okay, ma’am. Do you mind?” He held up one of the hair ties. He wasn’t exactly sure what her mom had planned for her hair, but he was a pro at braids.
“No, sir. I’m a girl, too.” She was all adorable and bubbly and had a dimpled smile that would turn granite to mush. He never really stood a chance.
He laughed again. Going to his knees, he grabbed the brush, and she turned around. “You’re pretty outspoken.”
“That’s what Mr. Cassadia says about me. He says I’m…” She wrinkled her brow. “prekow…precowcious.”
“Precocious is the word you’re looking for, and I’d say that fits.” He sent the brush through her thick, dark curly hair as Pai
ge came back into the hall. She smiled softly, and he gave her a roll of his eyes. Gathering up her hair from her temples, he focused on winding it into a French braid. Once he was done, he twined the elastic around the end and said, “There you go.”
She went to the hall mirror. “Hold me up so I can see.”
“Please,” her mother said coming back into the hall and giving Paige a thank you smile.
“It wasn’t me. Ashe has many skills it seems.”
“I have nieces,” he said with a smile, now looking forward to seeing them even more now than he did before this Bolivian vacation had gone off the rails.
“Please hold me up so I can see.” She gave him a gap-toothed grin and his heart melted. He grasped her around the waist and lifted her. “It’s as pretty as you are, Ashe,” she cooed. “Thank you.”
Her mother gave her a stern look and opened her mouth to scold her, but Ashe intervened. “You’re much too young to be a flirt,” he said, somehow managing not to laugh when she gave him a dimpled smile.
He gave Ariane a raised brow and said,” Heartbreaker.”
Her mother nodded.
A boy not much older than Jhosselin came into the hall, his coat on and a backpack on his back, a bundle of energy who was, unquestionably, all boy. He greeted Paige with open affection. “Hi, Paige! You look real pretty today.” He flashed her a smile that was pure charm. He regarded Kid with unveiled curiosity. “Hello,” he said. “I’m Riky.” He offered his hand, his grin deepening to reveal a big dimple in his left cheek.
Ashe nodded and said, “Nice to meet you, too. I’m Ashe.”
His brow furrowed. “Like the boy in Pokémon?”
His mother ruffled his hair affectionately. “Another heartbreaker.”
“Yeah, competition.” Kid noticed he had the same steady hazel gaze as his father’s. “Yes, just like the kid in Pokémon, but I have an ‘e’ at the end of my name.”
“Oh, that’s different.” He shrugged.