by Zoe Dawson
Fun? It was more than that, and she knew it. He knew it, too. So, his sudden disappearance had to do more with him than with her. Because she had wanted more, wanted to talk to him about taking their new relationship further. She’d wasted so much time already.
“Can I get you anything?” Atticus asked.
“No! God, you all are driving me crazy.”
Atticus frowned, looking a bit confused. Her baby brother had grown into a handsome man, dirty blond hair, a strong, maturing face with sultry brown eyes many young girls noticed first about him. He was lean and muscular in that transitioning way from teenager to adult. “I just wanted to help. We were worried about you, Paige. Geez.”
She took a breath, trying to tamp down her irritation. It wasn’t Atticus’s fault or any of them, really. She was just mad at the world right now.
“Why don’t you get to one of them video games, boy?” her father said.
He nodded and left after Paige gave him an apologetic smile.
“What’s up, baby?”
“Nothing.”
“Uh-huh. Spill chickadee.”
She told her dad, the whole thing pouring out of her. “I love him,” she blurted.
His father’s brows rose. “I remember a pretty devastated young guy, dark hair sitting by your bedside. He didn’t look that happy-go-lucky.”
“He didn’t?”
“No, sweetie. If you want something, what do you have to do?”
“Ask for it.”
“Exactly.”
He was right. She was not one to mope around, but said what she thought, and damn the consequences.
“Daddy, you love me for who I am, don’t you?”
His brows rose again, and he laughed softly. “My girl, that’s a given. You’ve been my right-hand gal for so long, it makes me almost nervous to think about you not here. But I wouldn’t want you to put us first anymore. The boys are grown, and we handle ourselves now, thanks to you. I’m seeing myself a pretty little thing I met when I was bowling the other night. Don’t worry about us anymore.”
“It just seemed that you only noticed me when I was working hard, and I got it in my head that the only way to get your attention and affection was working hard. I kind of carried that with me into my job at NCIS.”
He sat forward and took her hands enfolding them in his big ones. “Did I? Dammit, Paige. I’m sorry. That’s not true. I love you more than anything, honey. Whatever you do. Throw away that notion and get on with your life. Don’t do what I’ve done all this time, bury yourself in work and loneliness. It’s no way to live.”
“You’re right.” She stood up and headed for the house.
“Where are you going?”
She turned and smiled at him over her shoulder. “To get on with it. I have a man to see about some fun.”
She grabbed her keys, purse, and headed for her car. She drove to Camp Pendleton and walked into the NCIS office. Her co-workers greeted her warmly. She stopped at Mike’s desk and he said, “Sinclair, I told you I didn’t want to see your sorry backside until six weeks was up.”
“Yes, sir.” She couldn’t help smiling at his clipped tone. This was Mike at his caring best.
“Are the six weeks up?”
“No, sir.”
“He looked up, his face stern, but with a twinkle in his eyes. “Then why are you here?”
“I need to access my computer. It’ll only take a couple of minutes.”
“Is this personal?”
“Yes. I—”
He held up his hand. “I don’t want to know about it.” He folded his fingers and indicated with his thumb as he jabbed it toward her desk. “Carry on. Then get the hell out of here.”
She smiled softly, went to her desk and pulled up Ashe’s record and carefully transferred his address to her phone. She shut the file. “Mike?”
“Yeah,” he said, looking over at her.
“About that promotion?” He straightened and nodded. “I think I’ll pass?”
His brows went up and he smiled. “I can’t say I’m sorry about that, but are you sure? You deserve your own team.”
Her co-workers whooped and fist bumped each other, and she laughed.
“Thank you for the opportunity, but I want to stay put. I need a better balance.”
“You got it, Sinclair. Now get out of here.”
It took no time at all to get to Ashe’s townhouse. But when she knocked, there was no answer. Disappointment and a healthy dose of anger twisted in her gut. She’d woken up at the hospital in San Diego where her father had her transferred for better treatment on home ground. Now two more weeks had passed, and she didn’t want to wait another day to talk to him. Then she heard the loud male banter coming from behind the complex. She followed the voices and noticed a bunch of men down the hill on a basketball court. Then, one of them, going for a layup against some pretty big odds caught her attention. He was lean, muscular, a shock of black hair with heavy bangs and batshit crazy. Her heart soared.
“Ashe,” she shouted. All of them froze, and she took off at a run. When she got close enough to see his shell-shocked face, she yelled again, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”
“Paige?” His voice squeaked.
She marched across the ground, eating up the space between them, then onto the court and past all these huge guys. In front of his team members, she grabbed his sweaty T-shirt, breathing the scent of him in and propelled him against the chain link. “You left me unconscious in a hospital bed, and when I woke up, you were gone with the sorriest excuse for a note. Who are you kidding, Ashe? Fun, my ass. We have more than that! Way more.” Several of the men laughed, riveted to her chewing him out. “So, I repeat, what the hell do you think you’re doing?”
He took a breath, his expression going defensive. “Trying to save my heart from being torn out again. You said this was fun, too!”
“I was trying to be cautious around you, you idiot. But let’s be clear. I want you in my life. Do you want me in yours?”
She shook him and the tall dude next to him said, “Ashe, you better come up with a good answer, or I think she’s going to kick your ass. I’ll help her.”
“Shut up, Cowboy.”
“He’s right. I will kick your ass.”
He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Then they popped open. “Fuck, yeah I want you in my life, but you said—”
She cut him off and planted one on him. That mouth, that gorgeous, smart mouth that she couldn’t get enough of, would never get enough of. When she came up for air, she said, “I’m in this forever, Ashe “Kid Chaos” Wilder. F-o-r-e-v-e-r. Tattoo that on your ass. Because it’s permanent.”
Several of the guys clapped and several intoned deep, “Hoo-yahs!”
Ashe gave them intimidating looks, but none of them budged. One leaned against the fence, another folded his arms while another one leaned on his shoulder. Ashe shrugged him off. “So help me, Cowboy…” He turned his attention back to her, cupping her face. “I need to know you can go the distance with me, Paige. I can’t…go through…I thought I loved Mia, but I had no fucking clue. I’m batshit crazy about you, and if you take my heart, hell, who am I kidding, you already have it. If you keep it, I have to know.”
“Through thick and thin, come hell or high water, I’m all in.”
“Are you sure? Because it’s hard to be with a SEAL. We demand so much and that’s a lot to ask of anyone. Look what it’s done to countless relationships, mine included. Right now, all this is a new challenge for you, but what happens when the novelty wears off and the never-ending work and responsibility turn into a never-ending grind? What then?”
Her gaze was unwavering, and her voice was steady as she answered softly, “I would never pack up and leave, Ashe. I’m not made that way. You’ll never come home to emptiness or a returned ring. My arms, my heart, and my soul will belong to you.” She gently took his face between her palms. “I’ll love you for the long haul.�
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The muscle in his jaw twitched, and he abruptly looked away, his expression open. She got it. The collapse of his two relationships, especially the one with Caitlin, had left some scars. Maybe the wounds had healed as he said, but he had been badly hurt, not once, but twice. That had to weigh heavily on his mind. She watched him, compassion stirring. He slipped his hand into her hair, cradling her head against his shoulder. Enfolding her in a close embrace, he nestled his cheek against her hair. “We haven’t much time left,” he whispered, his voice low and uneven. “And I don’t want to waste time talking about something that’s old news.” He kissed her, passionately, showing her how much he’d missed her. When they parted, he said, “I love you, too, babe. More than I can say.”
“I think you said it pretty darn good.”
“Well, my house is just right over there. Let’s make up for lost time before I have to leave on an op.”
She turned around and was immediately faced with some happy guys. They high-fived Ashe as he moved through them. She stopped at the last guy, recognizing him instantly. “Blue.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She went up on her tiptoes and kissed him full on the mouth. “Thank you for saving my life.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, his cheeks coloring while Ashe looked daggers at him.
She grabbed his arm laughing. “Let’s go.”
Once inside Ashe’s house, her phone rang. It was her brother Leo. “Let me soothe one of my brothers that I’m not dead in a ditch. If I don’t answer, he’ll just keep calling.”
Ashe nodded and went upstairs.
She took a few minutes to assure Leo that she was fine.
“Hey, woman,” he shouted from upstairs. “Get up here so I can get my dick so deep inside you, you’ll scream out my name.”
“Don’t tell me what to do unless you’re naked!” she yelled back.
“Oh, babe. I’m naked all right.”
She took a much-needed breath and headed for the stairs, muttering under her breath, “This living together thing will sure beat loneliness hands down.”
She’d take Kid Chaos naked, dressed, mad, passionate—any way she could get him. All the time, all the way. For forever.
Epilogue
TWO MONTHS LATER
Kid stood at the Sinclair pool with a stop watch. “Come on, Atty, you can do it,” he said. Paige came out on the patio and looked around. She frowned. “Where is Atticus? He still has homework to finish. You know it’s his senior year and he can’t slack.”
“He’s…ah…training.”
“Again?” She marched over to him and said, “If he doesn’t finish high school, he can’t go into the SEALs.”
“He’s not going into the SEALs after high school. He’s going to the US Naval Academy in Annapolis, Maryland. He’s already applied. Then he’s going in as an officer. I’m telling you, babe, he’s the real deal. I’ve never seen anyone handle himself like your kid brother.”
“What? You’re making him go to college? My brother loves academics, but he loves English the best. His favorite writer is Hemingway. He’s won prizes for his writing. What the heck is he going to major in?”
“Whatever he wants.” Kid shrugged. “What’s wrong with English? SEALs come from all over with different backgrounds, even Rhode Scholars.”
She glanced into the pool and her face blanched. She looked at him and sputtered. “Oh my God! Ashe, you didn’t.” She went to jump in and help her brother who was resting at the bottom of the pool, holding his breath like a boss.
He grabbed her around the waist and held her. She struggled, but he wouldn’t let her go. “He needs to be drown-proofed.”
“You tied his hands and feet!” She tried to push away from him, but it was useless.
“Yeah,” he said like she was dense, “that’s required. I’m simulating the test exactly how he has to do it in BUD/S.” He clicked the stopwatch. “Okay, it’s time. He’s got to get the oxygen mask at the bottom and come to the top. Then he can get out.”
Sure enough as they watched, her baby brother used his whole body to swim down to the mask, get it between his teeth, then head for the surface, Ashe said, “C’mon, man, you can do it.”
Caught up in Atticus’s struggle, Paige said under her breath, “C’mon,” then louder, “oh, God, he’s doing it!”
When Atty broke the surface, Kid dropped his stopwatch, jumped in. Grabbing him and dragging him over to the lip of the pool, he released his bonds. Paige who was now on her knees, ruffled his hair. “That’s my baby brother.”
“Paige,” he said caught between laughter and pride. “Stop.”
After they were out and Atticus had the towel draped over his shoulders. Kid said, “Way to go, Hemingway.”
“Hemingway?”
“Yeah, it’s a good call name, don’t you think?”
A big grin split his face. “I guess it is.” He sobered and looked at Ashe. “You’re a great teacher.” Then he got this level, grown up look on his face. Atticus glanced over at Paige. “When you going to ask my sister to marry you?”
Just at that moment, she looked over at them and smiled and his heart felt as if he’d gotten nailed by a ten-ton truck. He had given a girl a ring once and she’d returned it to him, his future with her over. He was determined that when he asked Paige to be his wife, she would be the last woman he ever asked. “None of your damn business, kid.”
“Well, when you do and you need to consider a best man, I’m available.”
Kid chuckled and ruffled his hair, laughing. “Good to know.”
He got up and said, “I’d better get to my homework. See you later, Ashe. Thanks for helping me.”
“That was part of the deal. You go to the academy, I help you get into SEAL shape and ready for BUD/S.”
She rolled her sore shoulders against the soft cushions. They’d eaten dinner sitting on the floor in his living room area with the city lights glowing soft and indistinct in the darkness comfortable and warm in Ashe’s arms. The food had been good, but the company she kept was better. They had laughed themselves silly when Kid had told her about the Mexico op and the donkeys. She’d had an opportunity to meet the whole team and, wowza, what a bunch of intimidating, gorgeous hunks. So, she could imagine the look on Ruckus’s face when Kid had shown up with those animals.
After that, they had held each other in companionable silence, and they must have drifted off.
Her Navy SEAL, combat ready, combat trained, special operator in more ways than one. His place had turned into hers when he’d asked her to move in with him. It was the next step in their relationship, and it felt good. Her brother and dad had helped pack her up and move her. It had been a family affair.
Now she wished she’d taken some painkiller with her meal. She was galvanizing herself for him leaving tomorrow to deploy to someplace she didn’t know. But now that she’d met his team, she felt a little better to know he was in good hands.
He’d known while they were eating that she was dreading tomorrow, and he tried to be upbeat with the donkey story, but she couldn’t help it. She’d miss him like crazy.
Feeling the need to be close to him, she kissed him on the cheek, very carefully so as to not disturb him. But, Ashe was a light sleeper, and she had to admit that she knew that, too. He stirred and snagged her waist, dragging her closer, wrapping her in his arms. She smiled as he nuzzled her neck. “Hey, babe,” he whispered, then dropped off again for a bit.
Cohabitating with him was going to be so good, but again not easy. Surrounded by Ashe’s life here in his home, she had plans to make it more livable. Like curtains and art and some comfortable furniture. Things he hadn’t handled, well, because he was always on the move and rarely home.
That sent a pang to her midriff, but she took a deep breath. She would make it into a home with home-cooked meals, clean sheets, and a managed life while he was off fighting for his country. She wanted to support him through it all and she would.
&nb
sp; She kissed his mouth, deepening it to get a rise out of him. She felt his grin beneath her lips. “You trying to get me naked so you can tell me what to do?”
She chuckled, and when he rolled on top of her, she looked up into his wonderful face. “What if I am?”
“Hmmm.” He nuzzled her neck again. “I think we’ll have to have a race to see who can get naked faster. Go.”
She started to unbutton her shirt, and he didn’t move a muscle. She looked up at him. “Are you cheating?”
“What?”
“You’re not even trying to beat me.”
“I’m no dummy,” he said softly. “I can’t get enough of seeing you naked and I like it when you tell me what to do when you’re naked.”
“You are—”
“Amazing.”
She closed her mouth. “Yeah, that, too.”
“Haha,” he said and captured her mouth, kissing her for real now, dragging her deeper under his spell. Before she knew it, they were both naked and neither one of them cared who was doing the ordering. Pressing her down on the rug, his hands were as hard and demanding as his mouth, and his shaft as he came up between her legs, nudging her legs apart. “Getting to the good stuff,” he said on a gasp as he seated himself deep inside her.
She’d never get enough of Ashe, and she could only thank fate that had sent him on a bike trip to Bolivia, sent him to Going Down Wilderness Excursions and right into his orbit where she was now, them revolving around each other, their special gravity called love gluing them together.
Her family loved him, and she loved him beyond measure.
Then before she knew it, it was morning and Ashe was carrying her to their bed. He was fully dressed in camouflage with his duffel packed. “I’ve got to go, babe. We have debriefing, then we’re shipping out this afternoon.”
She caressed his beautiful face. “I love you, Ashe. Stay safe.”
“I love you, too, Paige. I’ll be back. I promise.”
She nodded. He shouldered his pack and then he was gone.
An hour later, she got up and did her run, showered, and dressed for the office. Once at work, she got down to business.