“He could be lying.”
“I doubt it. What he says aligns with how Theiya, Matthias, and Jack have interacted with me as well.”
I groaned. “What are they afraid of?” I suddenly sat up with a snap of my fingers. “Oh, I know! They’re afraid you’ll break my curse-mark and unleash the terror within me, and I’ll pull you into my eternal reign of darkest darkness.”
He raised his brows. “Because mere darkness isn’t good enough?”
“Nope!”
There wasn’t enough humor between us to chuckle. Not even smile. To have it confirmed by the bad guy who captured you that you were secretly awful enough to make him want you as a prized weapon? To learn that your friends had been keeping you from meeting someone who could help you?
Although … Theiya had tried to help me. That had to count for something. Maybe she just felt sorry for her half-breed friend. Maybe she wanted to use me.
Cendric’s voice broke through my thoughts. “On another note: how did you find the magic to teleport inside this nyctophage?”
“I have no idea. It was just there.” I eased myself back to the ground. Third time. It should count as a sit-up. Or sit-down. Something exercisey. “Man, this nyctophage is not comfortable. If it’s gotta be white, it should be fluffier, like pillows!”
A smirk tugged at his lips. “Allis, it’s impossible to simply find magic inside a nyctophage.”
“Well, I did. Another strange thing done by the amazingly horrifying Allis.” I closed my eyes. “I’m having a good dream here, Cid. Big, fluffy pillows. One of those beds with a pillow-top.”
Cool and comfortable. Just the right level of softness. One time, when things had been real grim, Gideon and I had stayed at a mall, filching things here and there while he busked during the day and I tried to find work. At night, we’d camped out in a mattress store, and I’d slept on one of those beds. Incredibly perfect.
I could almost feel the cushiony softness around me now, cradling me in all the right ways. A smooth duvet on top, maybe cranberry red. The perfect place to rest and think awhile or ignore all my troubles and have a nap. That was usually Gideon’s favorite thing to do, not mine, but I had just given blood.
“And I haven’t even gotten cookies.”
I yawned and felt my head sink into something firm and supportive. The best pillow. Maybe I really was fading into a dream.
“Allis? What did you do?”
“All the evil things, I’m sure. Shush, I’m trying to sleep. There’s a really good bed in this dream.”
He grabbed my shoulders and shook me. “It’s not a dream.”
“Don’t make me open my eyes. It’ll spoil it!”
Another shake, harder. “It’s not a dream!”
“Good grief, chill!” My eyes blinked open. “Come on, Cid, now it’ll … go … away…”
We were lying on a bed identical to the one in the mattress store. With a cranberry red duvet. A full-out luxury bed, in the middle of the nyctophage, complete with a headboard and a footboard.
With a freaking hot vampire next to you. Shame the situation isn’t different.
“Allis, what did you do?” Cendric’s concern broke through my pleasant haze.
I shoved my heated thoughts away and eased out of his grip, patting at the duvet. Punching at the pillows. “This can’t be real. Is this real? How did this happen?”
“Why are you asking me? You were the one who created it.”
“I did no such thing!” I swatted him with a pillow. “I can’t do things like that. I can barely amp up potions on my best days!”
“You must have.” He swatted me back, enough to hurt a bit. Meanie. “Conjuring items is a genie trick.” He frowned. “Although I’m not sure how you did it in here.”
“Why’s that?”
Cid looked at me with narrowed eyes and was silent for a moment before asking, “Do you know anything at all about your Fae side?”
I slapped the curse-mark on my forearms. “In case you’ve forgotten, Cid!”
He grunted in frustration. “Quite right. Well, I know a bit because I occasionally work with them. Wish granters in general conjure through three methods: teleporting the item from somewhere else, transmuting the item from the molecules of an existing item, and creating an item directly from the magisphere.”
I hugged my pillow. It felt awfully real. “I can’t teleport anything in or out of here. There is no magisphere, because the nyctophage is an absence of magic.”
“But it’s part of reality. It’s a sort of box, and so a form of magical item.”
“You’re telling me I transmuted an item, using magic, from a sort of box that is completely immune to magic? How is that even possible?”
“It shouldn’t be. It toys with basic magical rules!” He ripped his pillow in half, his eyes flashing. Suddenly, his face went slack. “Allisandra Evanenko Mahdi Al-Maram.”
I threw my pillow into the white of the nyctophage. “Yeah, my name, plus some Arabic thrown in there. Neil said it had to do with over fifty percent of me.” As I spoke the words, something connected in my mind. “I have no idea who my father was. That information was kept from me. What is Al-Maram?”
“Al-Maram means ‘wish’ or ‘desire.’ It’s a common surname of the Jinn.”
“Jinn? You mean genie.”
Cendric eyed me with fresh curiosity and … yes, wariness. Although there was a great deal of affection in his gaze as well. That almost made it easier to handle him looking at me as though I were a foreign creature.
“‘Genie’ is a generic term for wish granters of a certain power or bloodline. But the Jinn are the most powerful wish granters, with pure wish magic strong enough to twist the boundaries of reality. They are one of the most dangerous magical races in the world.”
Chapter 11
Dangerous. All Fae were dangerous, even the friendly ones. Especially the friendly ones. What I’d told Josie a few weeks ago was true. But somehow, I’d never really thought of myself that way. The curse-mark was a constant shackle—in a way, a comforting reminder that whatever was inside me couldn’t get out.
But now it had a name. Jinn.
I finally found my voice. “Cendric, are Jinn common?”
“No, not in our country. They tend to remain in the Middle East, where they hold their own courts. They sometimes drift into southeast Asia.”
“Then how can I be half Jinn?”
“I don’t know. There are only two full Jinn in the Pittsburgh area, and one is a foreign ambassador in the Fae court.”
“Oh great.” I sighed. “So, what can they do?”
“Many things. Their abilities are unpredictable. The term Jinn seems to be broad, like the word Fae. But the strongest are wish granters, always with consequences.” Cendric sighed, still seeming to weigh his words carefully. “They can be tied to the elements of wind, mist, water, and smokeless flame.”
Smokeless flame. Memories of killing the bear shifter surfaced in my mind. How I had entered a place of chaotic and endless possibilities, separate from morality. I remembered the deep blue flames that had consumed my hands and arms.
Cendric continued. “They are known to be capricious, mischievous, and lacking in empathy. Muslims see them as demonic or angelic, but…” He shrugged. “They’re created, like the rest of the magical creatures. Or they could be Unspoken.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Unspoken?”
“It’s not clear which side the Jinn fall under.” He pressed his fingertips together. “They’re far more powerful than other wish granters, but they have a critical weakness: they can be summoned and controlled more easily than many other Fae. Jinn can’t even leave their homelands without having their life force tied to an object or a location. A lamp, according to mythology. But controlling a Jinn is always problematic.”
I clutched another pillow. “How did my mother end up with one?”
“That is a very good question.” I felt Cendric’s eyes on me, intent and
thoughtful. “Allis, in regard to removing your curse-mark…”
My heart sank. I knew exactly where this was going. Neil was right. I was a pit bull. My Jinn heritage was the reason the Fae court was keeping me chained. Maybe the Jinn ambassador was out to get me. “I get it. Breaking my curse-mark would be dangerous because I’d turn into a monster.” I threw the pillow across the nyctophage to join the other, my mind whirling in the attempt to lock away my fear and guilt. The cold, hard realization that I was to be feared, as everyone suspected.
It had been nice to think I could have been something useful. Nice to think that maybe, I could have found a decent guy. But Mom always said life wasn’t about having nice things. It was about trying to do good and make the world a better place for others.
I threw off the cranberry red duvet, jumped off the bed, and began pacing in front of it. There had to be an answer here. And it came back to getting rid of the curse-mark. But if I did that, I would be a monster. I would be fully Fae, one of the most powerful.
I would become the very people who hurt me.
“…break it and escape.”
Cendric had started talking, and I’d missed it. But the word break sent a chill down my spine. “Wait, what are you breaking?”
He’d gotten off the bed, his gray eyes bright with intelligence. “If I can break your curse- mark, then you can use your magic to teleport us out of here.”
“What?” I shook my head. “You can’t be serious.”
He moved closer to me, expression intent. “Why not? You were able to use your magic even with the curse-marks. Without them, escape should be no trouble.” He took my hands. “We can’t delay. Neil could come back any moment. This is our best chance.”
I raised my chin, wrenching my arms from his hands. “Are you crazy? You just said I was part Jinn, one of the most dangerous races on the planet. And you want to let that out?”
He paused, studying me. I sensed the conflict within him. The desire to escape, to set me free. And yes, there it was. The fear. Always the fear.
I had to fill the quiet between us. Besides, there was a way it could work. “Look, here’s what I’m thinking. You break the curse-mark, just enough to let me use this impossible, deadly magic of mine to get us out of here. Once we’re out, slap a new curse-mark on me, all right?” I sucked in a breath. “And if I go crazy, just trap me or something. Knock me out, if you have to. And then just go. I get it.”
Confusion filled his voice. “Why would I do that?”
“Because I’ll hurt you. And you’re like everyone else. They always leave.” The words cut through me, even though I knew they were true. “And after that, it’s okay if we never meet again. That way, nothing like this ever happens again, and you can go on with your life. Although if you could step in and stop Neil from whatever he’s doing with vampires and shifters, that would be great—”
Strong hands grasped my shoulders, forcing me to stop my frantic words. I stared up into Cendric’s face, which was filled with frustration and anger and something fierce and hot.
“Allisandra Evanenko Mahdi Al-Maram, you need to stop talking.”
“I can’t stop.” I looked up into his gray eyes, filled with an intensity that took my breath away. “Cid, you don’t get it! It doesn’t matter what we feel, or all those first meetings, this is—”
“Worth everything, you foolish woman.”
And then his lips were on mine, firm and passionate. Cancelling my words and offering his own response that was remarkably persuasive. I leaned forward and returned his kiss, tasting the metal of his lip ring. Seeking more, deeper. Any opposition of mine was overruled by the relief and thrill of him close to me, choosing me no matter what else stood in the way. It was insane. It couldn’t work.
But as he pulled away, all I knew was the immediate need to kiss him again. His fingers traced my eyebrows, my lips. Trailed through my dishwater hair as though it were pure gold.
“You are not destined for evil any more than I am.”
“Yes, but you’re not a Jinn. You’re a—”
“A vampire. I’m just as dangerous, in my own way, yet you were willing to preserve me, just a little while ago.”
I glared at him, even while I gripped his arms. “But that was different! I couldn’t just let you die.”
“You know I’ve killed people.” His voice was unflinching. “Used people. Drank from people.”
“Sure, I mean…” I shook my head. “You’re different. You’re not like that now. You’re striving for something good, and you can’t be defined by the evil you’re trying to overcome—”
He laughed softly. “And you can? You haven’t had a chance to know who you really are!”
“That’s … different.”
Nevertheless his words sank through the pain in my soul, jarring me from the familiar patterns of self-loathing. For that’s what it was—self-hatred I kept excusing as righteous pain. I would have seen it clearly in anyone else. But in myself? I’d encouraged it. Fed it.
Without even giving myself a chance.
“Destiny could have removed your Jinn side when you surrendered yourself, but it didn’t. That side lurks within you still, which means there’s a reason for it.” He traced the edge of my jaw. “I’m not going to let you give up on yourself.”
The words reached deep into that harsh, dark place within, offering a light, a hope I’d tried to give but never thought to ask for. Healing, even if just a little bit.
I leaned into his touch and groaned. “I hate you.”
His fingers curved around the edge of my ear. “Yes, I’m clearly a cruel and terrible person, forcing you to give yourself the same value you give to others.”
“So mean. Why do I even keep you around?”
“Absurd fascination with my piercings, most likely.”
His gray eyes twinkled, and I grinned, despite myself. Part of me was very tempted to test how comfortable that bed was when making out with someone. Plus, it would forestall breaking the curse-mark. But the sensible side of me squashed the idea.
We needed to get out of here before Neil returned. We had to figure out his bigger plan. It
had been two days. Gideon would be worried about me.
Jack and Theiya and the rest—were they worried? I couldn’t imagine it. Even though Cendric had insisted Fae had their own reasons and their own ways of showing care. Would I understand that now, becoming far more Fae than I ever had been before? Or would I lose everything?
Resolve tightened in my stomach, filling me. Overcoming the fears. I couldn’t run from myself. Not when I had this chance. Not when I had Cendric willing to stand beside me.
I couldn’t let the pain from the past keep me from embracing the future.
I wouldn’t.
I curled closer to Cendric, breathing in cedar and copper. What had we been to each other, really? What had we lost? Continuing to meet, over and over, only to be ripped away before there was any depth. Could it have become more? But how much more?
Focus, Allis! Get us out of here. Think about the other stuff later.
I coughed. “So, curse-mark breaking? How does that work?”
Cendric sighed, pulling back a little to rub at the piercing below his lip. “Usually, it involves a long process of examining the origin of the curse, who made it, its specific purposes, and how it’s wrapped around your life. Then there are instruments and procedures used to minimize discomfort.”
I put my hands on my hips. “Well, we don’t have time for that. We don’t even know when Neil will show up again.”
“I’m aware of this.”
“So what’s the short version?”
His face sobered. “I’m afraid it’s going to hurt a lot more.”
“Welcome to my life.”
He shot me an annoyed look. “It shouldn’t be your life.”
“Not what we’re arguing about. Just go ahead and do it.”
Cendric nodded. “All right. Hold out both arms, under
sides facing up.” I did so. “Good. Now tell me a few details about what happened and how it’s affected your life.”
“Well, this curse-mark was placed on me when I was born—”
Instantly, his hands were on my arms, his suddenly-sharper fingernails digging into my flesh and drawing blood as he scraped them through the marks on my skin. Searing pain pulsed through me, as if he were somehow raking through my soul. I threw my head back and let the tears flow down my cheeks.
A whisper broke through my agony. “I’m so sorry, Allisandra. I had to catch you off-guard. There is no other way.”
I had no breath to answer. Excruciating arcs of pain raced through every vein in my body, clenching my heart and squeezing it tighter and tighter. My limbs shook, and I screamed again and again, each cry less human and more like a broken animal, fighting for its life.
And losing.
“The curse-marks are fighting me!” Cendric’s voice broke through, this time as a shout. “They tied them to your spirit, and they’re trying to kill you to keep you from your Jinn magic. I’ve never seen anything like it. Hold on, Allis!”
“I can’t!”
The words came out as blunt croaks. Sobs choked in my parched throat and rattled in my chest. I groaned, praying for relief. Anything to end the feeling of razors slicing through every part of me, leaving my marrow and blood to pour out on the ground.
“Yes, you can! I’m not losing you. Take from me!”
Suddenly, a haunting sound filled the air. Music, somewhere between a human and a bird song, its resonance filled with magic. It was in a sharp, minor key with unexpected twists and turns in the melody, yet somehow underlaid with a low, soft warble that sank into my soul. The melody cut through the pain, fighting back the curse-marks trying to end my life. The hum lulled me, lifting me up on the gentlest of wings.
My head lifted, and my eyes opened. Cendric stared back at me, eyes raven-black and glittering, drawing me into their depths. I would never, could never, look away. His shadowy magic surrounded me. Feathery soft and a deep, comforting coolness.
The song opened something within myself. Something precious that I gave him in return. I was dimly aware of deep bluish flames flickering along my skin and entwining with the shadows, binding us together in a way I deeply needed. Anchoring me to his spirit.
If Wishes Were Curses Page 11