by Jason Cheek
It was simply easier to wash the bodysuit out in the shower then trying to clean it out any other way. When the funky smell had been mostly washed away, I did the same for myself next. Though, I didn’t feel truly clean until after the third scrubbing. Stepping out of the shower, I felt like a new man as I finished up the rest of my morning rituals and checked the time. It was just a quarter past six. Plenty of time to get some in-real-world guild administration work done, aka checking emails and such, I happily thought, as I set up the gaming body suit next to the egg so its inner airflow could be used to dry it out in time for me to wear for the coming day.
By then, the stench was cleared out enough that I could spray some Febreze and close up the sliding glass doors and blinds. No sense in giving a show to any of the early morning joggers that might be running along the lake behind my apartment. Sitting down at one of the stools for my breakfast bar, I began going through the messages on my smartphone, while letting myself air-dry, and my laptop booted up
I had some updates from the rest of the LAN party. JellyDonutMan and LittleAsianGirl sounded like they were dealing with some crazy stuff on the Beast Kin side. From what I gathered from both of their short texts there seemed to be a serious issue going on where players were slaughtering Beast Kin towns and taking a few surviving NPCs as slaves. Honestly, it sounded like the same kind of shit that was going on with the Isolde Line to an extent. In truth, it was probably just more of the same regular asshat PKers griefing than anything else.
Rain Maker, aka John Fay, Seb Chutzpah, and Zilla Killer had all managed to team up and were leveling up together with three of Rain Maker’s other friends. Though I’d met the two guys and one girl, I could never seem to remember their names. While they gamed whenever they could, unlike the rest of us, all of them had full-time jobs and couldn’t put the massive hours in like the rest of us. Rain Maker said they were all just heading into their local dungeon to grind out some levels and get geared up. I wasn’t about to text everything that happened individually to each group and instead told them to check their email instead.
The rest of the messages were from Hefe, AJ, Krystal, and Jill showing off pictures of their new mounts. The horses all looked impressive as hell. Though, I couldn’t picture AJ and Hefe on a full-size horse with their stubby little legs hanging out to either side at right angles. I wondered if they’d even taken that into consideration before picking their mounts. Whatever, I wasn’t about to open up that can of worms or I’d be getting horses’ ass pictures being sent to my phone for the next two weeks.
Truthfully, I was surprised Hefe or AJ didn’t Photoshop a pair of breasts on their mounts for handholds after the whole Fylreh incident the day before. Pausing for a moment to remember the feeling of the centauride filling my hands, I shook my head and switched over to my laptop as I pushed away my conflicting feelings. Some things were best not contemplated too closely, I thought, shifting somewhat uncomfortably on the stool as I focused on logging into my laptop instead.
Opening up my browser, I pulled up my email program and saw Kyarina’s latest unread email. Quickly, I read over her update. The first thing she went over was their progress on building out the defenses and, surprisingly enough, she had even attached some screenshots of their work on the new wall blocking the Plains of Atoll side of the pass. I’d seen the base of the wall from the new Land Management interface two days ago when the Hot Fixes first came out. While I hadn’t taken the time go through all of the views possible, I’d seen the basic layout of the foundations. These particular screenshots, on the other hand, truly showed the progress in a visceral way that no Land Management panel ever could.
The majority of the wall was already around twelve feet high along most of the structure, which was amazing when you considered the width of the pass. Though, what made me shake my head in disbelief were the number of walking cranes that could be seen towering over the wall down its entire length and the number of wagons delivering new stones as the Centaurs and Half-Elves worked together to get the defensive wall completed. While Kyarina and I had talked about several ideas that I had for building the wall out ahead of time, this was beyond anything we’d discussed. I could see that she’d put some serious thought into making all of this happen. The results were impressive to say the least and gave me the first true hope that we might be able to actually stand against the coming Hobgoblin storm that was headed our way.
It also made me not freak out so much when I read about her next plan. Basically, she and the rest of the Valkyrie players were going to head out with the remaining Devil Dogs to try and slow down the Hobgoblin’s advance. Otherwise, she didn’t see a way for the rest of our forces to make it back in time to defend BrokenFang Hold and asked if I had any thoughts on how a small group of players might slow down a massive army of monsters, especially after the latest Emergency Hot Fix that made every mob twice as powerful as before.
Kyarina also confirmed that the loose plan I had come up with, for the players scouting the Hobgoblins, seemed to be working. While she couldn’t say exactly to what extent, she told me that the report she’d received from Forrest and Connor confirmed that their attacks on the Hobgoblins foraging units seemed to be causing a ruckus, especially with the BAMF that Forrest had designed. Yeah, Kyarina had to explain that one to me, but it made complete sense once I heard that the device, which one of the Devil Dogs had built, was based off of the Double-Barrel Chuguo Nu design I’d introduced into the game. If they could build upon that strategy, she hoped that they could slow the advance down long enough for the rest of our forces to reach BrokenFang Hold.
It was nice to hear that the simple strategy seemed to be working. To be honest, I hadn’t been sure if attacking the Hobgoblins’ supply lines would even work in an MMO style of game such as this. I’d simply borrowed the plan from basic military tactics and the precepts that I’d picked up from The Art of War. The only additional recommendations I could think of giving Kyarina were some of the basic tactics used in the American Revolutionary war that had been bouncing around in my head. You know, things like; ambushes, hit and run tactics, traps, along with finding ways to remove the available food and water. The main warning I offered was to make sure that our people didn’t lose their gear or levels.
I know that wasn’t much coming from me, but, trust me when I say, it’s a lot harder to come up with a solid strategy when you weren’t even there and the battle in question wasn’t your current focus. Sadly to say, the strategic situation for BrokenFang Hold had barely crossed my mind over the last two weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I know that sounds ridiculous. BrokenFang Hold was my power base and it was something I was very concerned about, but the immediate tactical situation between the Chaos Storm Alliance, Domenic, and the Kingdom of Kader had been taking my entire focus and for good reason. I needed as many of these troopers alive as possible to bring back for the defense of my lands. Without them, BrokenFang Hold would be all but lost.
Even now, after breaking free of Evil Sandra, I couldn’t relax. I knew in my gut that Julie had more than enough time to take another shot at us before we could evacuate. The only question was where would it be coming from. Had she headed for the pass to Domenic’s area that we’d closed off with high-level mobs in the hopes of trapping us between her two forces? Or, had Julie redirected her forces towards Palnisdale to try and trap us between her people and the Orc horde?
Hell, she could’ve decided to take on all of my forces in Darom. While that would hurt me the most and be her smartest tactical move, if Julie did choose to attack my foothold on this side of the map, she was going to be in for a surprise. I’d purposely loaded it up with as many troopers as possible for that very reason.
Even so, out of everyone I’d ever played against, Julie had been the best all-around player I’d ever faced off against. That even included Mike and Domenic. On top of that, we both intuitively understood how each other played and, during the time we’d been together, she’d come the closest to beating m
e in our games. Knowing that, all that I could do now was focus on what I knew and prepare for the unknown the best I could.
Kyarina did offer a snap shot of the BAMF, aka (Big Ass Mother Fucker) Double Barrel Hollysharp Special that Forrest had designed. Additionally, she said that they hoped to have another weapon added to the arsenal within the next few days. Kyarina planned on naming it the BMG, aka (Big Momma’s Gun) Double Barrel Hollysharp Special, after hearing about some of the larger units that had been sighted by the scouts.
The last part of Kyarina’s message had two bits of spectacularly good and bad news. The good news was that Minny and Orion had found large deposits of mana accumulation crystals at the sulfuric springs that they’d scouted earlier that day. The only problem was that the small raid that had been sent to secure the area had been wiped out by a nest of highly aggressive monsters. My heart clenched in concern for the little Gnome, when Kyarina’s next sentence assured me that both Minny and Orion had survived. The plan now was for them to swing by with their full force to clear out the area so that our people could begin collecting the needed crystals for the Flame Spitter cannons. After that, they’d join up with the scouts and see what they could do about further slowing the Hobgoblins down.
It was a solid plan. Not that I had anything better to offer up. I just hoped it worked or this game was going to shit for the bunch of us. Taking a deep breath, I tried my best to not focus on the negative. Even if that did happen, I’d find a way to turn the situation around one way or another, I silently promised myself.
The bad news was that they didn’t have anyone at BrokenFang Hold that was able to upgrade their Dark magic spells. Not only that, it also meant that there was no one available to train the new players that were just joining up with their guilds either. Unfortunately, it also left the scout teams without the ability to raise their own zombies or collect soul stones while they were getting easy kills. Besides, you know, cutting off the extra support that zombie pets brought to any fight.
Even though Kyarina was trying to be polite in her criticism, I could read between the lines. She thought I’d screwed up and left them high and dry without the ability to upgrade the forces that had remained behind. While that was true to a point, it wasn’t as bad as the Valkyrie woman thought. Luckily with the new interface, it was something that I could fix easily enough once I logged back into The World. Reassuring Kyarina that I’d be able to get several trainers set up remotely, I finished off the email with a heartfelt thank you for all of her hard work and hit send, before opening up the email from Orion.
The email started out much as I expected. Orion’s first sentence confirmed that Minny was alive and well, before going into the explanation of what went down with the raid. His firsthand report on the creatures that lived in the sulfuric springs was a lot more detailed than Kyarina’s. It quite honestly surprised me that any of them had made it out alive. The Devil Dog had nicknamed the creatures Zerg-Horses in his email which sounded apropos with their black insect-horse description that he’d given. As predators went, they sounded wicked as hell, especially with the magic smoke screen they were able to produce at will.
I was just debating with myself whether or not a larger raid was going to fare any better against these nasty monsters, when Orion started explaining about his meeting with the Matriarch. From what he’d written, she sounded like a modified version of the Queen of Blades from StarCraft with her arm-like blades and antenna mane. The only thing she was missing were wings and, you know, the whole not being humanoid part.
At first, I half wondered if the Marine had been drinking or something as he explained how he believed that the Matriarch could possibly become an ally and that he was planning to head back into the sulfuric springs alone to talk with her in the morning. Though the more I read, the more I felt like he might be onto something. Besides, it made sense that I wouldn’t be the only one that was able to make friends with monsters. While the Helm of Inaxidor made the process a whole lot easier than the empathy that Orion was describing, it was still ultimately up to the player and their outlook on being open to such an approach.
Wishing Orion luck, I finished off the email, reiterating that we needed the situation settled one way or another. Acquiring those mana accumulation crystals were at the top of the list of needed strategic resources. They weren’t just important for our defense of BrokenFang Hold but for the growth of our budding fleet of new ships and other “Magicpunk” technology.
Shaking my head at the nerdgasm I was having, I hit send. I knew that as soon as I said Magicpunk that my LAN party friends were going to give me a rash of shit about being an uber nerd. What-the-fuck-ever, I personally thought it had a nice ring to it. While Steampunk technology might be something that could be created in-game, why even bother if you could do the same thing with magic?
Laughing at my own thoughts, I went through the handful of emails that were left. None of the messages were anything important. Just everyone talking shit and showing off their mounts, mostly because Glen, Kitty, Fluffy, and Tony didn’t do “Whats” app. Well not just their mounts, but the leather-chainmail barding that they’d picked up too. I made a mental note to look around to see if they had anything available for Neysa as I got down to business.
Starting up a new email, I quickly typed up an update about everything that had went down the day before. It covered our troubles with pulling Domenic out of his valley, our fight with the Chaos Storm Alliance, the Orc horde sweeping across the area, and the Dil-Hilth that I’d fought in Palnisdale. Out of everything, the Dil-Hilths worried me the most, which was why I probably spent so much time describing the hidden threat of these creatures.
Rereading my description of the creatures, I swore it sounded more like a write up of some crazy anime-Hentai porn monster than a real MMO type of creature. I could already hear the rash of shit everyone was going to be giving me about the odd description of the battle in the email. While I knew their tones would change real quick once they saw the actual video of the fight, until then I just assumed I’d be hearing a lot of trash talk. I knew the worse would be AJ and Hefe going on about how their asses are exits only. Though I had no doubt I’d be catching a rash of shit from everyone that missed out on the excitement of the final boss fight and the impromptu Naked Raid, I thought, silently chuckling to myself. I guess they shouldn’t have been so quick to dip out as soon as we reached Palnisdale.
Reading over what I wrote, I couldn’t help the cold shiver of terror that ran down my spine at the memory of being paralyzed and helpless from the psionic attack as the perverse monster stroked itself off while explaining how it was going to sodomize me. Truly, it was one of the scariest things I’d faced yet in-game. It was even worse than being nearly eaten alive by the Sekolahian High Priest in the Sea Elf temple. As I hit send, I heard the loud beep that signaled the washing machine was finished with the bedspread and sheets.
Throwing everything into the dryer, I got the load started, before heading to the bedroom. Gathering up all of the mounds of dirty and partially dirty laundry that were piled up on the floor next to the bed, I got it all loaded up in the washing machine. I had to do something, because I was getting down to the bottom of the barrel on semi-clean clothes even with following the manly-man rule number one hundred and twenty-three on clothing. You know the one: you can always rewear clothing until it’s dirty or starts to smell.
Not that the rule was truly just for men, I thought with a chuckle, as I started up the load of darks. It was really a rule for any single person living alone. Women liked to say single men lived like slobs but, from my personal experience, single women weren’t any better. I’d been invited over on enough one-night stands to know what I was talking about and besides, except for the clothing I was planning on rewearing, I typically kept my place relatively cleaned up … relatively being the operative word.
Sitting down in front of my computer again, I pulled up the website for the nearest Domino’s Pizza and started creating a
n online order for delivery for around 10 P.M. tonight. I paused as soon as this week’s special popped up. It was a Cheese Burger Pizza with meat, onion, cheese sauce, and pickles. That should hold me until I could go grocery shopping on Sunday, I thought, as I changed out the pickles for jalapenos and submitted an order for four extra-large pies. Paying for it ahead of time and giving a nice tip, I added a note to put them inside the empty box by the front door. Verifying that I’d received the confirmation email, I closed the window and went to my Twitch channel’s forum.
The number of posts from new people uploading screenshots and short videos of their kills from the Naked Raid were outstanding. More than that, it had caused a noticeable increase in the number of members and views for my channel from other players in The World. Already, I could see a number of new posts going between the new contestants and the existing members about the destruction of Telrain. A quick glance through the top posts gave me a feel for what everyone was saying. Across the board, players were pissed off at Julie’s lies after seeing the unedited video of what had truly gone down in the Kingdom of Kader’s capital.
Opening up The World’s main forums, I saw that many of these same players had started posting their outrage on the main community forum. The titles ranged from “I just saw the unedited video of what went down in Telrain” to “That bitch lied out her ass about Telrain!” Instead of being curious about the truth, the general response from the community was unhinged to say the least. There were thousands of scathing posts ridiculing these forum posts as being from a bunch of murderhobos and PKers who were lying through their teeth and trying to destroy the game.
Sadly enough, I recognized many of those same names being from the Chaos Storm Alliance members I’d fought against over the last few days. The various guild members were slamming every post condemning Julie’s edited video as being from fake PKers’ accounts. With the large number of scathing replies, personal attacks, and actual threats being left, it basically forced the forum admins to shut down the individual threads before the players supporting me could reply to the egregious accusations.