I tried not to be sad about reality intruding on the secret little happiness cocoon we’d created tonight, but it was hard. While he was here, it was easy to shut out the world. Once he was gone, I’d have to be alone with my thoughts. Who knew what that would be like? “Just a little while longer, okay?”
He smiled. “You know I can’t say no to you.”
I flipped onto my back and looked up at him. “Tell me we’ll be okay.”
“We’ll be okay.” He said the words, but I could see in his eyes, he wasn’t sure exactly how. How could he be? There was Abby to consider. His parents. My family. Our professional lives. Our reputations. It was easy to say we didn’t have to care what people thought, but the reality was, we did.
But not right now.
“Wes. Kiss me.”
He brought his lips to mine, a sweet, gentle kiss that was meant to be reassuring, but doubt had begun creeping into my mind. How were we going to do this? When were we ever going to see each other? I twined my arms around his neck and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss, frantic to get as much of him as I could. What if tonight was all we ever had? More than anything, I hated not knowing that I was doing something for the last time. He sensed the urgency in my body.
“Hey,” he said softly, running his hand over my hip. “It’s okay, sweetheart. This isn’t goodbye.”
“What if it is?” I searched his eyes. “What if you walk out the door tonight and…” But I couldn’t bring myself to say what I was really afraid of. What if loving me is bad luck? What if something happens to you? What if fate is against us? “And you decide this is too difficult? I don’t even know when I’ll see you again.” I’d begun to sound a little desperate in a bad way, and I hated myself for it—this was only our second “date,” after all—but I was out of practice at calibrating my emotions.
“Hannah. Listen to me.” Wes’s eyes looked darker than usual. “I didn’t come over here and confess ten-years’ worth of pent-up feelings about you just to get you into bed. And I’m not going to give up on us just because our situation is difficult.”
“What if you decide I’m too difficult?”
His brow furrowed. “Are you fucking serious?”
“Yes! I’m not that girl at the diner anymore, Wes. She was young and fun and carefree. Her whole life ahead of her, every door open. I’m thirty-fucking-five. I have a child. I’m moody and sensitive and carrying a fuckload of emotional baggage. I get anxious about everything. I have panic attacks. I cry easily. I don’t have any boobs, and your mother doesn’t like me.”
He put two fingertips over my lips. “Shh. I know you’re not that girl in the diner anymore. I’m not that guy, either, the one that let you get away. I know who you are, Hannah. And you still have a life ahead of you. I know it’s not the one you planned, but it’s still a life. I want to be part of it.”
“But—”
He kept his fingers on my mouth. “And don’t even get me started on your body. I think it’s pretty clear I adore every inch of you.”
“But—”
“And it’s my mother who’s difficult.”
I pulled his hand down. “I’m still scared.”
“I know you’re scared. I know, for you, these feelings came out of nowhere, and they’re shocking. You probably feel like the world suddenly started spinning in the opposite direction.”
I nodded, my eyes filling, because he understood me so well.
“It’s okay, Hannah. We’re going to figure this out. Maybe not tonight, maybe not tomorrow, but we’ll figure it out. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises,” I whispered. “Life makes them impossible to keep.”
“Not for me,” he murmured against my lips, kissing me softly. “And not that promise.”
I wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t. It’s not that I thought he was lying to me. I knew he believed what he said, but I’d learned to be wary of absolutes.
Nothing, and nobody, was yours forever. And the moment you thought they were, the moment you let go of fear and settled into contentment, taking for granted that all your dreams would come true—that’s the moment you lost it all.
My sheets smelled like Wes, and I was slow to get out of bed the next morning. When my alarm buzzed, I turned it off and lingered for a few minutes. I wondered if he was awake yet. He said he liked to run early, but he hadn’t left my house until nearly midnight last night. Maybe he’d be too tired.
Curling up on my side, I wrapped myself in the bedding a little tighter and stared at the sunlight that was just starting to filter through the blinds. It didn’t seem possible that it was the same sun that had risen and set yesterday. Everything was so different. The world was not the same place.
I still couldn’t believe it—Wes had had feelings for me all these years? He’d wanted me from the start but had been too shy to say anything? He’d watched Drew and I fall in love, always wondering what if? That must have been so hard. I didn’t regret my years with Drew, but I did feel an ache in my heart for Wes. I knew what it was like to have a silent, unrequited crush on someone. Who didn’t? But how awful to be the one who introduced your crush to the person she married. To serve as best man at the wedding. To make a toast declaring them “true soul mates, a match made in heaven.”
Later that night at the wedding, while Drew was drinking with some of his college buddies, I ran into Wes just outside the entrance of the venue. I’d needed some air, and he said he had, too. Big parties were never his thing. I remembered thanking him for his toast, and he told me how happy he was for us.
“So many people keep saying they can’t believe Drew wants to settle down,” I’d said, fanning my face. “I’m beginning to get a complex about it.”
“You’ve got nothing to worry about.” He stood with his hands in his pockets and spoke softly but confidently.
“Really?”
“Really.” Then he’d said something to me I’d never forgotten, but hadn’t thought about in years. His words came back to me now with startling clarity. “I knew the moment I saw you that you were the one.”
It had made me feel so good. Of course, I’d assumed he was talking about Drew, but maybe there was another layer of meaning beneath the words.
And what about all the years since the wedding? Had he stayed away because seeing us was painful? Because he felt guilty?
I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling, pulling the sheet to my chin. This was so fucked up. What were we going to do? Just because he’d had feelings for me all that time didn’t make this palatable to the public.
I closed my eyes and shook my head, thinking if it was anyone but Wes, people would probably say things like good for you, it’s about time you got out there. Plenty of people in my life wanted me to be happy, to move on, to find love again.
Just not with my dead husband’s brother. Because that was absurd.
Groaning, I threw the blankets off and sat up. Wes and I might understand each other, but no one else would get why or how we made sense. I couldn’t even imagine what the Grief Police would throw my way. I didn’t want it. I wasn’t ready for it.
But love comes without warning.
Margot came into the kitchen with a grin on her face. “Hannah. Someone’s here for you.”
“For me?” I paused on my way to the oven with a tray of scones. It was about eight-thirty and we were busy this morning, much busier than we’d thought since the high season was over.
“Yes.” The grin widened. This morning she and Georgia had asked me how it had gone last night, and then teased me mercilessly about the way I’d blushed in response. “Go say hi.”
My heart was beating fast and loose in my chest. Was it really Wes? I glanced at Georgia. “You okay for a minute?”
“Of course.” She took the tray from me and stuck it in the oven. “Go on.”
“Parlor table,” Margot called out. “And I’m right behind you with the coffee.”
With a glance at my clothing—
nothing too special, I’d been totally distracted while dressing this morning—and a quick tightening of my ponytail, I pushed open the swinging door, went through the crowded dining room and into the parlor. At a table for four by the front window was Wes, Abby, Lenore, and Dr. Parks.
My stomach somersaulted as I approached. “Well, hello. This is a treat.”
“Hi, Mommy.” Abby beamed at me.
“Hey.” Wes’s voice sent a little shiver up my back. Wes and I exchanged smiles, mine nervous, his relaxed. “We decided to take a little field trip. Give Mom a break from the kitchen.”
“I told them I didn’t need a break,” Lenore said, more than a trace of annoyance in her voice. “Hello, dear.”
“Good morning, Lenore. Doc.” I nodded at them both as Margot began pouring coffee for the adults. “I’m so glad you came. Welcome.” Lenore had wandered in a few times to sniff around, but to my knowledge hadn’t eaten a meal here.
“Morning, Hannah,” Doc said cheerfully. “What’s on the menu today?”
“Well, we have fresh pastries, eggs any way you like them, delicious bacon from a local farm, potatoes of course, and I’m making herb waffles with sausage, peppers, and a fried egg on top.” I felt Wes’s eyes on me like hot maple syrup pouring over my skin. I couldn’t even look at him.
“That sounds delicious. Sign me up.” Dr. Parks sat back in his chair.
“John, that doesn’t sound very healthy for your heart,” Lenore chided, placing a hand on his arm. “Why don’t you have some plain scrambled eggs?”
This from a woman who shoveled fried chicken and smothered pork chops down everyone’s throat.
“Nope.” Doc stuck out his chin. “I want the waffle.”
“It’s divine,” put in Margot.
Lenore took her hand from her husband’s arm and sat back with a mini-huff.
“I’ll have the waffle, too,” Wes said.
“Can I have a plain waffle, Mommy?” Abby asked.
“Sure, honey.”
“What would you like to drink?” Margot asked Abby.
“She’ll have apple juice,” I answered. “Would anyone else like juice?”
“Orange, please,” said Wes.
“Do you have cranberry?” Lenore asked.
“Of course,” Margot said.
Lenore seemed almost disappointed that her request was easily fulfilled. “I’ll have that.”
“And something to eat for you?” Margot asked.
With a sigh, Lenore looked around like she might find inspiration on someone else’s plate at another table. “I’ll try the fresh pastries. And maybe some fruit? Do you have grapefruit?”
“Not today, but we’ve got Michigan peaches, plums, and raspberries that will make your mouth water,” Margot said with a smile I recognized as her Customer Smile. “I’ll put together something lovely just for you.”
“Thank you, dear. Bless your heart.” Lenore picked up her coffee and took a tiny sip.
“I should get back to the kitchen,” I said. “I’ll try to come out again before you leave.”
“Don’t worry, dear. We know you’re busy,” Lenore said.
“Thanks. Okay to pick up Abby around two?”
“Of course. No rush at all.”
“Uncle Wes said we can make snow cones this afternoon, Mommy. And if it’s nice, we can go out in the canoe.”
“But you have to dress warmly,” Wes told her. “It’s chilly on the water.”
“Sounds like a fun day.” I made eye contact with everyone for exactly the same amount of time. “See you later. Enjoy your breakfast.”
Back in the kitchen, I felt like I could breathe again. I looped my apron over my head and started browning the sausage for the waffles.
“Wow. Lenore is really something,” Margot said behind me, taking the juice bottles from the fridge.
“Tell me about it.” What Lenore was was annoying. What she would be was another complication for Wes and me. Another obstacle.
“I’ve never seen her be like that, so fussy and prim. Almost like she was too good to be here.”
“Pretty sure I bring out that side of her.” I poked at the sausage a little harder than necessary.
“Why?”
I shrugged and admitted the truth. “She’s never really liked me.”
“Shut the fuck up. Who wouldn’t like you?” Georgia asked, checking on the scones.
“I don’t get it. What’s her problem with you?” Margot placed the glasses of juice on a pretty silver tray.
“Who knows? I think she might have had a different kind of wife in mind for Drew.”
“Like who?” Georgia stuck her hands on her hips.
“I don’t know. Someone she knew? Someone Southern? Someone smarter, prettier, funnier? Someone with an education? Someone with two parents and a family name like Beauregard, not Randazzo?” I knew I was being childish, but Lenore always managed to bring out the worst feelings of inadequacy in me, and my emotions were running on high today.
Margot sighed heavily. “My mother is that way too about family names. She doesn’t like them to have more than one or two syllables or end in a vowel. You should have seen her face when I told her I was marrying a Valentini!” Be right back.” She swung through the dining room door.
Georgia and I worked in silence for a few minutes before she spoke. “That really stinks that she treats you that way. Especially in light of what’s going on with you and Wes. Do you think she’ll give you a hard time?”
Of course she would, but I didn’t want to think about it. “It’s fine. And you know, it isn’t so much that she treats me poorly, because she really doesn’t. And she adores Abby. She just gets under my skin sometimes.”
“All mother-in-laws do that.”
We got busy in the kitchen, and I never did have time to go out and see how they liked their meals, but if the empty plates were any indication, they’d enjoyed every bite. Margot said Wes and Dr. Parks had raved about the waffles, and even Lenore had offered a few compliments on the pastries, fruit, and crème fraîche.
After work, I went over to pick up Abby, and Wes answered the door. “Hi, beautiful.”
I blushed as I stepped inside. The house smelled good, like fresh-baked cookies. “Hi.”
As soon as the door was shut behind me, he grabbed me and planted a huge kiss on my lips.
“Wes!” My eyes frantically skimmed the room beyond him.
“Don’t worry, they’re down on the beach. That was for making me breakfast. Thank you.”
“You came to eat at my restaurant, silly. You paid for breakfast.” My heart would not stop racing. I felt like a schoolgirl with her first crush.
“Still, you made it and I’m grateful. It was excellent.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
“Want to go down?”
“Sure.” I followed him through the house and down the steps to the beach, where Lenore and Doc were sitting in chairs watching Abby play in the sand. “Hi, everyone,” I called, giving them a wave.
“Here.” Wes offered me the only other chair on the beach, which had probably been his. “You take this. I’ll get another one.”
I sat down, and a moment later, Wes returned, opened up a chair, and set it right beside mine.
“Wes? Daddy and I are going to take a little walk,” called Lenore, dragging Doc to his feet. “Back soon.”
“Okay.”
“I hope Abby’s been good,” I said.
“She’s been a riot. So much energy. We made snow cones and took the canoe out and played Barbies and we were in the middle of a very competitive game of hide and seek when she got a better offer and left me stranded in a closet.”
“What?”
“Yeah. I was hiding in the front hall closet and she was looking for me, but I heard my mom say, ‘Abby, want to make some cookies?’ Abby shouted ‘Yes!’ And that was that. She abandoned me for chocolate chips.”
I was laughing uncontrollably at the thou
ght of him in that closet, ditched by his six-year-old niece. “She has a short attention span sometimes.”
“Now you tell me.” We sat in silence for a moment, each of us staring at the lake. When he spoke, his voice was much quieter. “I can’t stop thinking about last night.”
“Me either.”
“Any regrets?”
“No. You?”
“None.”
“I mean, I can’t say my feelings about what we’re doing aren’t complicated. They are. And I’m still working through it. But I’m not sorry.”
“Good. There’s no pressure here, Hannah. If you need time, you’ve got it.”
“Are you sure?”
He reached over and squeezed my hand. “I’m not going anywhere.”
My insides warmed. “Thank you. Maybe if we can just keep it to ourselves for a while. I think that would help me.”
“Of course. I won’t say anything to anyone.”
“I feel like I should tell you, though, I mentioned something to Margot and Georgia at work yesterday.”
His eyebrows shot up. “You did?”
“Yeah. I needed someone to talk to and I was panicking about coming here last night. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I’m okay with that. You trust them?”
“Totally. I also mentioned you at Wine with Widows.”
“Wine with what?”
I smiled. “Wine with Widows. It’s what I call my little Wednesday night therapy group. But trust is sacred with those ladies.”
“Jeez, I feel like I should have more friends or something. You’re so popular.”
“Haha.” I swatted his arm. “I’m not really that social at all, especially since Drew died. I just tend to have the occasional meltdown in front of my small circle of trust.”
“Am I in your circle of trust now?”
I smiled at him. “You’re at the heart of it.”
He nodded in satisfaction. “Good.”
We chatted a little while longer since Abby was playing so nicely, and were still sitting there when Lenore and Doc returned from their walk.
“Don’t you two look cozy,” Lenore commented. Was there a note of suspicion in her voice? Behind her sunglasses, her eyes seemed to dart back and forth between us.
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