“Why can’t she keep studying at home?”
“I’ve suggested that, but she had her heart set on taking some classes in animal husbandry over at the community college. It’s driven a wedge between us, and now, here I am, an Amish widow writing books, with my beloved Englischer uncle living on my place and a teenager dealing with her hormones who thinks her mother is crushing her dreams. It’s a little beunruhigend…a little unsettling. Maybe the elders are right.”
“Right about what?”
“I had a visit from the local elders. They think I am in a dangerous position.”
“Dangerous?”
“Yes. The Bible says that a woman needs the covering of a husband, especially if she’s going to be in a position to be deceived. They want me to start considering some of the local men who seem eager to court me.”
Bobby gave a low whistle and leaned back in his chair. Then he spoke.
“Jenny, you are a different kind of Amish girl. You’ve been through hard times and good. You grew up in an Amish family and were raised by my closest friends. Then, at a very difficult point in your life, you found out that one side of your bloodline is Englisch, and the other is Amish. You married an Englischer who became one of the finest Amish men I ever met. So you have a built-in conflict. Englisch or Amish? Who are you, really? And now Rachel is getting to the age where she’s sorting through the same questions. I think you may have to make a bigger choice than you really understand.”
“What do you mean, Bobby?”
“I think your elders are right. I think if you stay Amish, you should marry again and live this life the way it has been lived for centuries—turn your back on the world and everything that’s in it. But if you keep going with your books, I think there might come a day when you have to go out in the world a lot more than the Amish are willing to allow. And so you have to decide who you are and what God—”
“What God is wanting for my life?”
“Yes, Jenny…what God wants for your life.”
On the way back from Paradise, Richard and Jeremy passed a large field. Some men were working in the field with a horse-drawn piece of equipment. It was moving down rows of green plants and digging them up. Something inside Richard made him pull over to the side of the road. He climbed out of his car and walked to the fence.
Jeremy got out and followed him. “What is it?”
“Those men, Jeremy. What are they doing? They’re Amish, aren’t they?”
“Yes, they’re Amish, and they are digging potatoes. The horse draws the digger down the rows and the men follow after, bagging the potatoes. Why?”
“I don’t know, Jeremy. I have the strangest feeling that I’ve been here before, standing at this fence, watching Amish men harvest their crops.”
Richard stood a moment longer, and then he began to softly sing. “Lassen Sie ihn, der gelegen hat, seine Hand auf dem Pflug nicht sehen sich um!”
Jeremy stared at him. “How on earth do you know that song, Richard?”
Richard turned with tears streaming down his face. “I don’t know, Jeremy. What does it mean?”
“ ‘Let him who has laid his hand on the plow not look back!’ It’s an Amish song.”
Richard’s knees buckled, and he started to fall. Jeremy leaped forward and grabbed him.
“Richard, what is it?”
“I don’t know, Jeremy, I just got very weak. Can you get me into the car? You’ll have to drive.”
“Sure…come on, my friend. Let’s get you someplace where you can rest.”
Jeremy helped Richard in, and then he got into the driver’s seat and started the car.
“I’m going to take you to my apartment, Richard. You should stay there tonight.”
“That’s fine, Jeremy. I don’t know what’s happening, but I have a splitting headache, and I need to lie down.”
Jeremy put the car in gear, and they drove off. Richard turned to look at the men in the field one more time. He pressed his face against the window. The glass was cool against his skin.
What was that, Lord? What was that?
The next day, Jenny went to Bobby’s house and called Jeremy’s office. She waited a few moments, and then Jeremy’s secretary answered.
“Kerusso Publishing, this is Judy. How can I help you?”
“Jeremy King, please.”
“I’m sorry, Mr. King isn’t in the office. Can I take a message?”
“Would you please tell Mr. King that Jenny Hershberger called?”
“Oh, Mrs. Hershberger, I didn’t recognize your voice. Jeremy is at home. He said if you called to give you that number. Do you have a pencil?”
Jenny wrote down the number and called Jeremy’s house.
“Hello, this is Jeremy.”
“Jeremy, it’s Jenny.”
“Jenny, how wonderful it is to hear your voice. How are you?”
“I’m fine. I’m sorry I missed you yesterday. You asked me to call you.”
“Yes, I did, Jenny. I need to talk to you. It’s very important. Can you meet me today?”
“I have some things to do this morning, Jeremy. Would this afternoon be okay?”
“Certainly. Where?”
“At the Friendly Farmer?”
“Yes, I was just there having lunch with a friend. In fact, that’s what I want to talk to you about.”
“Is that the ‘we’ you mentioned in your note?”
“Yes, Richard Sandbridge. I’ll tell you more about it when we meet. Four o’clock?”
“Sure. See you there.”
Jenny watched Bobby drive away, and then she walked into the Friendly Farmer restaurant. She looked around and saw Jeremy at a table by the window. He stood up and waved.
“Jenny, over here.”
Jenny walked over and sat down across from Jeremy. He looked good, handsome as always, and obviously glad to see her.
“Do you want to get something first?”
“A cup of coffee, Jeremy. I’m really not hungry.
Jeremy held up his cup, and the waitress nodded and came over. After the coffee was served, Jeremy turned to Jenny and gazed at her.
“You look wonderful Jenny, beautiful and—”
“What did you want to see me about, Jeremy?”
“Oww!” Jeremy smiled and rubbed his forehead. “There’s that hammer again. Honestly, Jenny, one of these days you are going to knock me right out of my chair.”
Jenny laughed. “Okay, Jeremy. I’m sorry. I am glad to see you. But you know that it’s hard for me to put up with fluff and flattery.”
“Telling you that you are beautiful is a serious issue to me, Jenny. No fluff in it. But let’s talk about that later. I want to share some things that are happening. Have you ever heard of Richard Sandbridge?”
“No, who’s that?”
“He’s a songwriter-producer and one of the principals of Charis Records.”
“What’s Charis Records?”
Jeremy laughed and took a sip of coffee. “Okay, I forgot. You don’t listen to music or the radio or records, and you would know absolutely nothing about the recording industry. Charis Records is a Christian record company that records and sells Christian music. They’ve been around for several years but didn’t really break out until Richard Sandbridge, an already established secular songwriter, became a Christian and moved over from his label to Charis. Since then, they have virtually taken over the Christian recording business.”
“So how does that relate to you, Jeremy?”
“Richard has become the vice president in charge of artists and repertoire for the company and a main stockholder. Pretty much what Richard says is what happens at Charis. Richard came to me with a proposal. He wants to buy Kerusso Publishing.”
“But that’s your life!”
“Yes, but here’s the other part. I’m going with the company. I’ll stay on as president of Kerusso and become a stockholder in the umbrella company Richard set up. I get to run Kerusso exactly the way I always h
ave, but now we’ll have almost unlimited resources at our disposal. Richard is particularly interested in Dear Jenny. He also knows that you are a terrific fiction writer. He wants to put your book out as soon as possible.”
“The book about Jenna’s quilt?”
“Yes. With their promotion budget and our connections, we can make that book a national best seller. You would become very famous, my dear.”
Suddenly Bobby’s words rang prophetically in Jenny’s heart. “Jenny, I think you may have to make a bigger choice than you really understand.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
The Offer
JENNY CONSIDERED WHAT JEREMY WAS saying. His conversation was animated, but as he spoke, Jenny began to drift away. It was as though she were hearing Jeremy from far away, and his words were an echo in her mind. She began to imagine herself traveling about the country, but the woman she saw in her mind was wearing Englisch clothing and driving her own car. She lived in a fine house, and the phone was ringing—people wanted her, loved her, needed her. She was married again, and it was Jeremy, and they were embracing…and then it was as though Jonathan walked into the room…
“Jenny!”
She jerked back to reality to see Jeremy looking at her with a puzzled expression.
“What? I’m…I’m sorry, Jeremy, what were you saying? I’m afraid I drifted off.”
“Jenny Hershberger, sometimes you can be the most frustrating woman!”
“What?”
“What I’m saying is very important to me, and it could be important to you too.”
Embarrassment flooded over her like a hot shower. She tried to sound contrite. “Tell me again. I was very rude.”
Jeremy gathered himself and started again. “Jenny, I want you to marry me! I can’t be more plain than that.”
Something inside Jenny twisted like a snake. “We’ve talked about this before. If I marry you, I have to leave the church, and I—”
“Jenny, can’t you just be honest with me for once? You keep putting up smoke screens. Do you care for me or not?”
Jenny looked down at the table. “I care for you a great deal. You are generous and kind, you love the Lord…”
“So if you care for me, what should stop us from being together? Some religious mumbo jumbo?”
Jenny started to speak, but Jeremy silenced her. “Let me finish. I’m going to speak as plainly as I can. You may not like me after I say this, but you will at least know that I care for you enough to tell you the truth.”
“Jeremy, please! I don’t want to go where you want to take me. I know what you’re going to say—”
“Do you? Do you, Jenny? I want you to face up to something. You were very happy to be Amish when you lived with your parents in Apple Creek, or so you thought. But the truth is, you struggled all your life with the uncertainty of your past. Then Jonathan came along, and you fell in love with him. You would have gone away with him without a moment’s hesitation. You would have left the Amish religion behind and lived your life with Jonathan in perfect contentment. Then you found out you were half Amish by birth, and again you were torn. But Jonathan saved you from having to deal with the questions when he became Amish. So you had your cake and ate it too.”
Jeremy paused and looked at her until she met his gaze.
“And now, Jenny Hershberger, you have the same two paths set before you again. And you’re struggling because you don’t have absolute certainty of what God really wants you to do. This is what I know. In your heart you’re not as Amish as you think you are. I think you would leave the church for the right reason. And I think that if you were really honest with yourself, you would admit that I could be a big part of the reason you would leave!”
There! It was out in the open! It was the thing that Jenny had been wrestling with all her life—the question that pestered her like a little dog barking at her heels. It was the unspoken dilemma that gnawed at her in her dreams, the shadow that lurked just around the corner…was she really Amish?
Jenny’s whole life came flooding in on her. Loving memories were set against her deepest fears, hope for the future crashed against the agony of loss, glory fought with tragedy. Jeremy’s words were like a maelstrom, and she was going down. She felt as if she were drowning.
“I don’t want to deal with this, Jeremy! Please, this is too hard.”
But Jeremy kept boring in. “Jenny, I’m your friend. But more than that, I love you with all my heart. I’ve loved you for seven years, like Jacob loved Rachel. I want you to be my wife. I want you to live in freedom. I know you love God, and He is what you need—not some outward dress or behavior that you think will make you holy but cannot. You’re not under the Law, Jenny. You’re under grace. Until you accept that, being Amish is hanging like a great millstone around your neck. You’ve got to make the choice, Jenny.”
“But I love the Amish way, Jeremy. It’s my whole life. It’s everything to me…”
“Come on, Jenny! I love the Amish faith too—I grew up in the church, remember? But after I got over the absolute agony of being pushed out by a liar, I found that God had been working for the best all along. I am where I am supposed to be. And it hasn’t drawn me away from my faith or robbed me of my salvation.”
“But I’m afraid, Jeremy. It’s all I know.”
“You’re afraid because you think the elders are right. You’re afraid because you think you can lose your salvation if you’re not Amish. And I can tell you, that’s just not true. ‘By grace you are saved, through faith, and that not of yourself. It is the gift of God.’ ”
Jenny remembered Jonathan’s words, spoken to her so long ago. “The Amish church doesn’t save us, Jenny. It’s our relationship with Jesus that saves us.”
Jeremy spoke again, and his words were gentle. “Please, Jenny. I know you’ve prayed about this before, but you always had the excuse that you were Amish and I’m not. Now I think you have to honestly face up to a choice that has been the great struggle of your life. And if you really pray about which path you will walk down instead of praying about me, I think you’ll find the answer.”
Jenny focused on his face. He is kind, he loves God, and he loves me. What more can I ask for?
She sighed and then said, “Jeremy, you’ve asked me to pray about this before. I thought I had worked it all out with God. I thought I could just go on being Amish and life would be perfect. But it’s not perfect, Jeremy. It’s full of tragedy and doubts, fear and uncertainty. And you’re right. The question of who I really am has plagued me all my life, and I need to resolve it, once and for all.”
Jeremy took her hand. “I’ve waited for a long time and I need you to choose. Kerusso Publishing and Charis Records are having an event in three days. Richard Sandbridge and I are announcing our merger. It’s going to be a celebration. I would love to announce our engagement at that event too. If you can’t say yes by then, I will know you’ve made your decision, and I’ll let it go and never speak of it again. If we are to be married, I need you to be with me one hundred percent. Will you give me your answer in three days?”
Jenny knew that what he was asking was right. She needed to move on with her life, however it might turn out.
“Yes, Jeremy. I will tell you in three days.”
It was dusk in Paradise. Jenny sat in her mama’s old porch swing, watching the sky turn from pink to orange to indigo. As the light began to fade, the crickets picked up their courting song in the shadows around the house. Jeremy’s question echoed in Jenny’s heart.
“Will you give me your answer in three days?”
As Jenny pondered and prayed, she heard the sound of a horse-drawn buggy coming up the driveway. As the buggy approached, she could see that Abel Ramseyer, the new Lancaster bisschop, was driving. Seated next to him in the buggy was a man who looked familiar. The bisschop checked his horse at the gate, and the two men climbed down and walked up the path to the porch.
“Guten abend, Jenny.”
“Guten ab
end, Bisschop Ramseyer.”
The other man took off his hat. The bisschop turned and placed his hand on the man’s shoulder.
“This is my friend, Isaac Augsburger.”
Jenny stood and greeted the men with a handshake. The bisschop looked uncomfortable, but Isaac was personable and friendly. The bisschop spoke.
“We were driving by and I was…uh, remembering our conversation of last week, and…uh…I…”
Isaac laughed and broke in. “Abel isn’t doing well with this, is he Mrs. Hershberger? I’m an old friend of Abel’s. I’ve lived in another district for many years, but since my wife passed on, I’m moving back here to Paradise…the community I was raised in.”
She smiled and motioned toward the door. “Won’t you come in?”
The bisschop nodded, but Isaac put a hand on his arm. “It’s a nice evening, Jenny. Do you mind if we sit on the porch?”
Jenny pointed to the chairs set beside the swing. The three sat together in the cool of the evening. After a while Isaac spoke.
“I’ve come with Abel to make my case to you…Jenny.”
“Your case?”
“Yes, my case. I understand you lost your husband some time ago…so you understand what it means to lose….someone you love.”
Jenny had sensed what this was all about as soon as the men pulled in the driveway. But the still-fresh hurt on Isaac’s face and in his voice touched Jenny deeply. She would listen.
“Ja, Isaac, I do understand very much.”
“Well, then.” Isaac let out a breath of relief. “Since we both know the…loneliness of the widowed life…there’s no sense in beating around the bush, is there? The fact of the matter is that I’ve come to ask your permission to begin courting you.”
Jenny smiled. “I had a feeling that this was not just a social call, Bisschop.”
Jenny's Choice (Apple Creek Dreams #3) Page 22