by Lydia Rose
“Nothing,” Jennifer said, then paused, “Nothing yet.”
“What’s going on, Jen?”
Jennifer filled in Joyce on her conversation with Arlene. The silence she received after telling her told Jennifer what she knew already. “This isn’t good, is it?”
“Career wise, it’s wonderful, but Reese is going to be devastated.”
“I know,” Jennifer said softly.
“You can’t ask her to go with you? You can’t put her in that position of choosing her career over being with you.”
“If I don’t ask her to go with me, she’ll be hurt,” Jennifer insisted.
“How long do you think Arlene will have you doing publicity?”
“I don’t know. I have to be in Chicago next week to go over her plans.”
“Be honest with her. Let her know how important this is to you. Make her understand that this doesn’t change anything between the two of you.”
“Thanks for the advice, Joyce. I guess I’ll see you next week sometime.”
“Call me if you need a ride from the airport.”
Jennifer began making dinner as she waited for Reese to get home from work. She spent the afternoon trying to find the right words to tell Reese about her leaving. Jennifer decided they would have a quiet dinner before she broke the news to her.
Jennifer was standing at the kitchen sink washing her hands when Reese came in the back door.
“I’m home,” Reese said with a smile as she walked over to the sink.
Jennifer turned reaching for a towel as Reese captured her mouth. “Well, hello to you too,” she said with a smile. “Go upstairs and get changed and I’ll get the food on the table.”
Reese was about to leave when she stopped and looked at Jennifer’s face, “Is anything wrong?”
“No,” she said, trying to wear a wide smile. “Go on before the food gets cold.”
Reese ran up the stairs putting on her normal fare of shorts and a t-shirt. The table was ready by the time she reached the kitchen. “The food smells good.”
The two women took their seats and Reese began telling Jennifer about her day. Her gut was humming with doubt as she carefully watched Jennifer. There was something that Jennifer had to tell her, but it was obvious that she didn’t know how to tell her. Her food suddenly didn’t seem appetizing as her fork moved around the plate. She reached for Jennifer’s hand causing her to finally meet her gaze. “You may as well spit it out. I know there’s something you want to say.”
“I can’t believe you can still do that to me. You did that to me that first summer. You knew when I wasn’t happy, when I needed to bitch. Time has done nothing but made you faster on the draw.”
Reese laughed, trying to hide the fear she felt in her heart. “You can tell me.”
Jennifer looked at her face. “I spoke with Arlene today.”
Reese raised her eyebrows.
“She’s my publisher,” Jennifer explained.
“I thought for a second you were talking about an old girlfriend. Sorry, go on.”
“Well, Arlene loves my book. She said everyone in the office loves the book, too.”
Reese wanted to interrupt, but she let Jennifer continue.
“She thinks the book is going to be a best seller,” Jennifer said softly.
“That’s wonderful, Jen. I’m so proud of you.”
“Maybe you won’t be once I tell you the rest.” Jennifer touched her hand. “I have to go back to Chicago next week.” Jennifer picked up her plate and placed it on the counter. “Arlene has all these plans for me before the release of the book.” Reese still hadn’t said a word and Jennifer continued, “I don’t know all the details yet, but it sounds like it’s going to be a long process.”
“So you aren’t sure how long you will be gone?”
Jennifer shook her head. “No, I’m sorry, I don’t know.”
What isn’t she telling me? Is she trying to tell me she won’t be back? Reese looked at Jennifer. “Are you planning to ever come back?” Her question was so soft that Jennifer leaned closer to hear her.
Jennifer smiled. “This isn’t the end of us, Reese.” She lifted Reese out of the chair and took her in her arms. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” Reese said, but her heart felt as if someone was squeezing it tight because Jennifer wasn’t asking the question she needed to hear. She knew she could never leave her job and run off to Chicago with her, but why isn’t she asking me?
Jennifer’s phone rang into the quiet. She walked into the living room and picked up the phone. “Yes, Arlene,” she said, without facing Reese.
“I booked you on a flight Tuesday morning out of Newark. I emailed the information to your email. I also sent you two copies of the book via Federal Express. You’ll have them tomorrow morning.” Jennifer didn’t comment. “I sent a copy to Chicago Morning Live. I hope to have you on there the following week.”
Jennifer shook her head. “I thought we were going to discuss all this when I got there? Now you have me already scheduled to do a show?”
“I didn’t want you to change your mind, so I’ve started the train.” Arlene’s voice showed her excitement.
“I’ll see you Tuesday when I get in,” Jennifer offered quietly.
“Good bye, Jennifer,” Arlene said, before she disconnected the call.
Jennifer put the phone down and slowly turned around. Reese was still sitting at the table as if she were in a daze. She walked into the kitchen and began putting the food away.
Reese remained in her seat, afraid her legs wouldn’t support her if she stood up. She watched as Jennifer cleaned up.
Turning from the sink, Jennifer asked, “Are you okay, Reese? I know this is a big shock, but there isn’t anything I could do about it.” She knelt next to Reese. “I’m sorry.”
Reese looked at Jennifer and tried to smile. “I am very proud of you. Please know that,” she said, taking Jennifer’s hand. “I’m just surprised that this is moving so fast.”
Jennifer lifted Reese into her arms. “I am too. Arlene is going to have me do a morning TV show immediately. I’m not prepared for that.” She squeezed Reese. “As she said, the train has started.”
The two women sat on the couch with the television playing in the background. Neither woman was saying much as they both were lost in their own thoughts. When they finally went to bed, they made love, but somehow it seemed different. It didn’t hold the passion they normally shared. It was slow and intimate.
Reese came home the next night from work to an empty house. An open box sat on the kitchen table and Reese lifted the flap and saw Jennifer’s book. She reached in and pulled out the hardbound book. Her eyes went to the back cover and ran her fingers over Jennifer’s picture. “Oh Jen, I’m going to miss you so much,” she said out loud.
“I’m going to miss you too,” Jennifer said, walking in and wrapping her arms around Reese’s waist. “We will talk every day and will Skype and if the slave master gives me any time off, I’ll fly back here for a visit.”
Reese turned around and kissed Jennifer’s mouth. She wondered if Jennifer realized what she had said. Her mind screamed, back for a visit was what she said, and not fly home, which is what I wanted to hear. Reese just smiled without voicing her fears. “Where were you?” Reese asked as she turned around.
“I went to pick up dinner.” Her smile was wide.
“Where is it?” Reese asked, not seeing anything.
“It’s next door with your mom. I thought we’d have dinner at their house tonight. Go upstairs and get changed and I’ll go help your mom set the table.” Reese walked toward the stairs. “Have you told your parents anything?”
Reese shook her head.
“Let me bring the book and we’ll tell them at dinner.”
By the time Jennifer walked into the kitchen next door, Carol had everything ready and the Chinese food already in bowls.
“You bought enough food for an army, Jennifer,” Caro
l said, and looked at the book she had in her hand. “What’s that?”
“My new book,” Jennifer said, handing her the copy. “I thought you might want to read it.”
“I’d love to.” Carol opened the book and saw Jennifer had dedicated it to Reese. She read the dedication out loud. “To Reese, who made this story possible, and made all my dreams come true.”
Reese walked into the house in time to hear her mother’s words.
“That’s beautiful, Jennifer.”
“Thank you,” Reese said, taking Jennifer’s arm.
Richard walked into the kitchen and saw the three women huddled around something. “What’s this?” he asked, peeking over their shoulders.
“Jennifer’s book,” Carol said, closing the cover. “You will sign this for me?”
“Of course.”
“Well, let’s eat before the food gets cold,” Carol insisted.
As they ate, Reese remained relatively quiet. She wore a smile, but her eyes showed the sadness that was hidden.
“Is this your first hardcover book?” Carol asked.
“Yes.” She looked at Reese before continuing. “Lesbian books aren’t mainstream so they usually are only available in soft cover. Arlene, my publisher thinks this book is going to be big.” Jennifer reached for Reese’s hand. “I leave for Chicago on Tuesday morning to start pushing my book.”
Carol looked at Reese whose eyes were on Jennifer’s hand. “How long will you be gone?” she asked, glancing at her husband.
“I’m not sure. I’ll know more once I get back to Chicago. I’ll come back to visit whenever I can.” Jennifer squeezed Reese’s hand again. “Maybe Reese can even come out to visit me when she can.”
The meal was finished in soft conversation. Richard stood at the end of the meal and said, “Jennifer, why don’t we go into the living room and you can tell me about this book,” he held up his hands, “since I seem to be the only one who doesn’t know about it.”
Jennifer smiled. “Sure.”
This left Reese and Carol in the kitchen alone. As they put the left overs away, Carol quietly said to her daughter, “So what do you think about all this?”
Reese smiled. “I’m very proud of Jennifer. This is a big deal for her.”
“Yes, but what about you? Did she ask you to go with her?”
Reese shook her head and looked away to hide the tears.
“Well, she knows you can’t just leave your job and go off with her,” Carol offered.
“I know, Mom, but she never even asked me,” Reese said softly against her mother’s ear.
Jennifer walked back into the kitchen. “Well, now everyone is caught up.” She looked at Reese. “Would you like to take a walk?”
“Yes,” Reese said softly.
“I’ve packed the leftovers so you don’t have to cook tomorrow.” Carol lifted the bag toward Jennifer.
“I thought I would take Reese out for dinner tomorrow night,” Jennifer said, putting the bag down.
“Well, you will have leftovers for Saturday night.”
“I can see I’m not going to win this battle,” Jennifer said, picking up the bag.
They said their goodbyes and Jennifer went next door to put the food in the refrigerator.
“Okay, I’m ready,” Jennifer said, meeting Reese at the bottom of the driveway. “Which way would you like to go?”
“Let’s go up to the beach,” Reese responded.
As they passed Susan’s house, Jennifer said, “I saw her husband outside on my way back from picking up the food. He’s a skinny dork, isn’t he?”
“She married him.” Reese sighed. “It’s no excuse to cheat on him the way she does.”
“He has no idea?” Jennifer asked, trying to understand how blind he could be to his promiscuous wife.
“No one has said anything to him.” Reese shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe they have an open marriage. He does spend a lot of time out of town.”
“I guess that works for some people. I know a few couples who have that type of relationship. They don’t care as long as each of them isn’t blatant about their affairs.”
Reese glanced at Jennifer and asked, “Could you live with a relationship like that?”
Jennifer thought a moment. “No. I don’t think so. If you’re not happy with one person, then move on.” She turned to Reese. “Don’t you think that would be better?”
“Yes I do. I can’t imagine living with someone knowing that they sleep with other people.”
Jennifer laughed. “So I don’t have your permission to have one night stands with my groupies?”
Reese knew Jennifer was kidding, but she had to set ground rules now. “No, Jen, you do not have my permission to do that.”
“Just checking,” Jennifer said with a chuckle. “Where would you like to go to dinner tomorrow night?”
“Surprise me,” Reese said with a smile.
“Okay, I’ll make reservations somewhere for seven o’clock,” Jennifer responded, knowing she was going to have to do some research tomorrow or ask Carol Caldwell.
***
Monday morning, Reese went into the bathroom to get ready for work. Jennifer watched her from the bed as Reese came back into the room.
Reaching for her bra, Reese looked at her. “Is something wrong?”
“I’m going to miss you Reese,” Jennifer said as she tucked her hand behind her head.
Reese walked over to the bed sitting on the edge. She took Jennifer’s hand in her own. “I will miss you more than I can say. I can’t believe that we finally found each other again and you’re leaving.” She cupped Jennifer’s chin and said, “We don’t do very well as a long distance couple.”
Jennifer took Reese’s hand and kissed her palm. “I think this time, we’ve learned to communicate. Please, Reese, if something is bothering you, please let me know. I will do the same. Okay?”
“Okay,” she said, bending down kissing Jennifer’s mouth, but she couldn’t find the words to say, ask me to go with you.
Jennifer’s hand cupped Reese’s breast and she pulled her down into her arms.
“Sorry, honey, as much as I would love to stay…” her sigh was loud. “I don’t have the time this morning,” she said, pulling away.
“Oh, you’re no fun,” Jennifer joked.
“I’m going to make you sore when I get home,” Reese said with a kiss to Jennifer’s mouth.
“Is that a promise?” Jennifer asked, laughing.
“That’s a guarantee.”
Reese kept her promise when she came home from work. They had a late dinner and then they walked up to the beach.
“It’s going to seem strange that I won’t be able to see the beach every day.” Jennifer grabbed Reese’s hand and they ran toward the water. She pulled out her cell phone and said, “Kneel down with your back toward the water. This way I’ll have my two favorite views to look at every day.”
“I want one of those too,” Reese said, taking Jennifer’s phone from her. “I’m going to email this one to my phone so I can see you every day too.”
They sat in the sand and Jennifer asked, “So how was work today?”
“My dad is going to retire and he wants me to run the firm,” Reese said softly.
“That’s wonderful, Reese. I’m so proud of you.” Reese didn’t comment. “What’s the matter, Reese, isn’t this something you want?”
“Three months ago, I would have been thrilled.” She shrugged. “Now I’m not so sure.”
“It’s a great opportunity for you to grow the business or keep it small. It will be your decision.”
“I know it is, Jen. I’m just feeling sorry for myself. I just can’t believe you’re leaving me again.”
Jennifer put her arm around Reese. “Reese, I’m not leaving you because I want to.” She inhaled deeply. “It’s because I have no choice. It’s my job.” Jennifer squeezed her again. “You don’t know how badly I wanted to ask you to come with me, but Joyce said I
couldn’t put you in that position.”
“You wanted to ask me?” Reese asked as her voice choked out with a cry.
Jennifer took Reese into her arms. “Don’t cry. Of course I would love you to come with me, but I knew Joyce was right. You have a job to do, just as I have.” She looked at Reese’s face. “You thought I didn’t want you to come with me?”
Reese shrugged, wiping her eyes.
“Oh, honey, I never wanted to leave you. I wish I had never written that damn book.”
“No, Jen. I proud of what you wrote and the awards I’m sure you are going to receive. I’m just going to miss you and I know you will miss me too.”
“Don’t ever doubt that, Reese. I love you and I can’t wait to finish publicizing the book and get back here.” Jennifer stood and held out her hand to Reese. “Let’s go home and I’ll show you how much I’m going to miss you.”
Later that night, Reese whispered to Jennifer. “Please wake me up before you leave. I know you have an early flight, but I want to say good bye to you in the morning.”
“Don’t worry, Reese. The car won’t be here until seven thirty and I won’t leave without saying good bye to you.”
Reese was up at six thirty the following morning. She found the bed empty and ran down the stairs.
“I’m still here, Reese,” she said as Reese came down the stairs. “How about a cup of coffee?”
Reese took a seat at the table, but asked. “Can I make you something for breakfast?”
“I’m not really hungry,” She took the seat next to Reese. “Don’t look so sad,” she said looking at Reese’s face. “We will talk every day and the time will fly by.”
“How can it fly by when I don’t even know how long you’ll be away,” Reese insisted.
Jennifer pulled out the emails that Arlene had sent. “Well, today I’m meeting Arlene to go over her plan. Tomorrow, Arlene has an agent coming to talk to me about what she can do to promote the book.”
“You have an agent?” Reese asked, knowing the more she heard the longer Jennifer would be away.
“I never needed one before, but Arlene thinks it’s time. Reese, can I fax you the contract to review? Of course, I will pay you.” Jennifer reached for her hand. “I would like you to be my attorney. Is that something you would be interested in being?