by Reber, Tina
She stood right in front of me and grabbed my wrist.
“Taryn, you are so attractive and lovable. Everyone sees it. He sees it. But you are the only one who doesn’t. You’ve let lowlifes like Thomas strip away your self-esteem. And it’s pretty apparent that Ryan likes you, because he’s not paying any attention to them.”
I looked away from her to notice he was watching me. Just then Mr. Baseball hat waved his money in the air.
“I’ve got to wait on someone.” I wiggled free from her grip.
“Do you need another one?” I asked.
“Hi. My name is Jesse. What’s yours?” Mr. Baseball Hat asked.
“Taryn,” I said with a forced smile.
“So Taryn, do you work here every weekend?”
“Um, yes.” Here we go again…standard lame approach.
“Do you know what the band’s name is that’s playing tonight?” he asked.
“They call themselves ‘Being Frank.’ Do you like them?” How presumptuous of me; he’s just trying to be friendly.
“Yeah, they are really good! But seriously, tell me that guy doesn’t look like Art Garfunkel!”
His comment made me laugh. We all teased Frank because he did look like Art Garfunkel.
“You see it too, don’t you?” Mr. Baseball Hat joked with me, laughing out loud. “It’s the hair!”
I nodded in agreement. My mind flashed back to Frank putting Pete in a head-lock one night for that comment.
“I can’t say that I disagree with you. Yes, he does look just like him.” I laughed. “But whatever you do, don’t make that comment to him!”
I was wiping the tear of laughter away from my eye when I noticed Ryan sit down three bar stools away from my new admirer. Standing dutifully behind him was one of his bodyguards.
“So Taryn, I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me sometime. Go have some fun. What do you think?” Mr. Baseball Hat choked out.
Something about the nervous look on his face was funny to me. A small chuckle accidentally escaped my throat. The poor guy looked slightly petrified but yet he found a moment of bravery, and here I was being rude.
I quickly flashed my eyes over to Ryan. Ryan’s body stiffened in his seat and I noticed his grip got tighter on his glass. It looked like he was holding his breath.
“I’m very flattered, Jesse. But I’m going to have to say no. Sorry.” I was actually watching Ryan’s reaction out of the corner of my eye.
Ryan let out a big sigh as his lips twitched into a smirk. I think he actually wanted to smile but fought the emotion. I didn’t hide mine – I let the smile come out on my face.
“I figured you had a boyfriend anyway but it couldn’t hurt to ask.” Jesse shrugged.
Ryan finished his beer and slid his empty glass forward on the bar. “Excuse me, miss, can I get another beer please?” he said with a confident smile.
I grabbed his empty glass and tapped him a fresh beer in a clean, frosted mug.
I set the glass down and turned the handle of the mug so he’d be able to pick it right up in his hand. He slipped a ten-dollar bill on the bar and winked at me.
I left his money lay next to his glass and walked away; I had to wait on another customer and I had no intentions of accepting his money. I was wondering where Marie disappeared to when I noticed that she was over by the stage talking to Frank.
I watched as Ryan and his bodyguard walked back to the table to join his friends; a flock of women trailed behind him. I had to suppress my anger.
When the band finished their song, Frank started talking in the microphone. “Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a very talented lady here with us tonight, and if you give her some encouragement, maybe we can convince her to come up here and play for you.”
I looked up and scanned the crowd for the person he was talking about. I started to clap with everyone else.
“Taryn,” Frank called out as he looked at me. “Why don’t you come up here and play for these nice folks?”
My clapping hands stopped clapping. It felt like my hands were glued together.
“Oh, no.” My head spun as the shock set in. “No!”
“Come on, Taryn! One song!” Frank jeered. “Come on everyone, let’s give her a warm welcome!”
“No.” I was shaking my head so hard I was making myself dizzy. “No, I can’t.”
Marie grabbed my arm and forcefully pulled me out from behind the bar. “Go show ‘em how special you are,” she whispered in my ear then gave me a shove towards the stage.
My heart was beating so hard in my chest I felt like I could pass out. “Remind me to fire you after this,” I griped at her.
The crowd clapped as I made my way to my piano. I was so embarrassed.
“What am I supposed to play?” I asked Frank.
“Whatever you want,” he answered. “We’ll try to back you.”
I took a deep breath and adjusted my piano bench. It had been quite a while since I played in front of people and now was not the best time for a panic attack.
I ran through the songs that I knew by heart. My eyes glanced across the crowded pub and I saw Ryan standing and watching me. As I thought of him, one particular song came to mind.
“Mmm, thank you.” I adjusted the microphone to my lips and blew out a heavy sigh to get my nerves in check.
“This song is one of my all time favorites and I hope you like it. Ahm, it’s called ‘You’ve got a friend.’ ”
I placed my fingers on the keys, took a deep breath, and started to play.
The music flowed and I miraculously remembered the lyrics and notes. I felt the strength and courage surge into me as my fingers danced over the keys.
As I played, I felt that every word, every note was meant for Ryan and Ryan alone. I hoped that when he closed his eyes he did think of me, and if he needed me all he had to do was call out my name. There was no explanation for my overwhelming feelings - I was drawn to him like a moth to a flame.
For a brief moment, our eyes met from across the room. Ryan was the only one I wanted to look at. He had the most glorious smile on his face as he stood to watch me play. I pushed the keys with extra force, wishing that he could realize that this song was for him.
To my amazement, I received a standing ovation when I finished. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as the embarrassment washed over me. I briefly covered my face with my hands. I looked over at Ryan again; he was still standing and clapping with a huge smile on his face, his head slowly shaking back and forth.
I politely thanked everyone and quickly turned the microphone off. There was no way I’d do another song. Pete was standing by the front door, clapping frantically. His cheers were definitely the loudest.
“Miss Taryn Mitchell everyone!” Frank yelled into the microphone. I took a brief bow and quickly stepped off the stage.
It was hard to walk back to the bar through the thick crowd. Hands I didn’t know touched me and patted me on the back and people were in my face complimenting me. It was a very uncomfortable feeling and for a moment I wondered if this was how Ryan felt all the time.
I walked right past Ryan, even though he was smiling from ear to ear. I tried to return the smile but I was too flustered to even look at him. He reached for me but I didn’t stop. I was almost at a run when I ducked into my stairwell; I just needed a moment to calm down and get my nerves in check.
I only made it up four steps before crashing down to put my head in my hands. My heart was about to burst out of my chest and it was hard to breathe.
My eyes shot up when I heard my stairwell door open. Ryan slipped around the corner and shut the door quickly behind him. He was smiling and laughing lightly to himself as he stood there staring at me.
“Is this what it’s like for you?” I asked, covering my heart with my hand to slow the pounding.
“Well, that depends,” he said. “Are you referring to the extreme embarrassment or the full out panic attacks?”
I just nodded and gasped in a few deep b
reaths of air.
“Either way… yeah!” He nodded.
“Hey, come here.” Ryan reached out to me, taking my hands in his. He pulled me into a nice hug, wrapping his strong arms gently around my shoulders.
“You were absolutely breathtaking up there,” he whispered, reassuring me. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about.”
His hand held my head to his chest and he softly kissed my hair; it felt confusingly natural to hold him. I clasped my hands together around his waist and pressed my face deeper into his chest. The soft scent of his skin was like an aphrodisiac, making me crave him even more.
I closed my eyes and felt my heart rate slowly coming down while he ran his hand over my back to sooth me.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. Just breathe with me,” he said softly.
Chapter 6 - Respite
“I have off on Sunday and Monday and I’d really like to see you… that is if you don’t already have plans with one of your admirers,” Ryan teased. I noted the tone of sarcasm in his voice.
I smirked at him. Apparently I wasn’t the only one slightly jealous. “Don’t be ridiculous.”
“Me?” he sounded shocked.
“Yeah, you! Like you have any room to talk!”
He frowned at me.
“Well anyway…” He leaned up on the stairwell wall. “I was wondering if you and I can go do something together.”
I sat back down on the steps. As much as I wanted to refuse him and protect myself I no longer had the will to do so. I couldn’t deny this powerful attraction to him any longer. “What did you have in mind?”
“Anything,” he breathed out desperately. “I just need to get away.” He lightly tapped his head back into the wall.
“I don’t have any plans,” I willingly admitted. “Monday night is poker, but you already know that.”
“Yeah, speaking of which, I’d like an opportunity to win some of my money back.”
“Sure. I’d be happy to take all of your chips this time!” I snickered.
A few moments of silence passed. I just stared at the scuff on my shoe, trying to calm myself and banish the confusion he was reaping in my mind. Ryan appeared deep in thought.
“Huh,” he sighed. His eyes glanced up the stairs.
“What?” I looked over my shoulder to see what he was looking at.
“Nothing,” he said, shaking his head. “I was just thinking about the last time I was in this stairwell. I was in a lot worse shape than you were a few minutes ago.”
He made me laugh. “Perfect place for panic attacks then, huh?”
“I was actually thinking that it’s more of a gateway to peace. Insanity out there…” He motioned to the door. “Respite in here,” he stated firmly.
“Are you ready for more insanity yet?” He reached out his hand and pulled me up from my step. “You can’t hide in here forever.”
I groaned. “No, I like respite better.” A big sigh escaped my lungs. “I’m glad you came tonight.”
“Me too,” he said gently, looking me in my eyes. His fingers stroked my cheek. “Just think, I could have missed your stellar performance and your private panic attack all in one night!”
“Don’t be an ass!” I attempted to poke him in the rib with my finger but he caught my hand in his. The touch of his hand on mine did strange things to my heart.
“Come on, sweetheart.” He motioned with his head, leading me to the door. “Insanity is waiting.”
I slipped out the door first. Ryan stayed behind for a few minutes so we wouldn’t cause too much of a stir appearing from the same place together.
One of his security team was standing guard right outside the stairwell door, doing a good job earning his keep.
I resumed my spot behind the bar and was greeted by Marie and Tammy, who were grinning from ear to ear at me.
“So am I fired or am I getting a raise?” Marie kidded.
“You were spectacular up there!” Tammy gushed. She gave me a quick hug.
I rolled my eyes, smiled at them both, and went back to business tending bar.
It was almost one thirty in the morning when my cell phone vibrated in my pocket; Ryan was texting me from the booth.
“too many eyes watching I will call u tomorrow”
“ok ru filming?” He was watching me type back to him.
“yeah all day n night too maybe til 1am?” He typed with a frown on his lips.
“I will b here” I typed.
“think about where to go Sunday please”
“I will”
“Promise?” He was staring at me now.
I looked over at him, smiled, and crossed my heart.
Ryan shoved his phone back into his coat.
I watched him head for the door; his security had him flanked. The second he stepped out into his personal rendition of insanity, I could hear women screaming and see the flash of cameras illuminating the dark street.
I spent a good portion of Saturday morning trying to come up with ideas of where to go on Sunday. It wasn’t like I could take him anywhere in public without causing a scene. I wondered what other celebrities did for fun. I’d seen plenty of pictures of famous stars out and about doing normal things like trying to get a lousy cup of coffee or having lunch. The simple fact that I saw pictures of them doing those ordinary things made me realize that there are few things they could do without being followed.
I remembered the words that Ryan had muttered under his breath that first day I met him: “the things we take for granted.” I knew now what he meant. No longer could he simply walk out of a store or restaurant without being hounded for pictures or autographs.
Do celebrities ever get used to the insanity or do they just develop a way of tuning it out? Ryan’s fame was still fresh and I knew that he didn’t like all the attention.
I wanted to take him somewhere that he could just be himself. I laughed at myself, thinking that the only idea I had so far was for us to hide in my stairwell.
Hmm… someplace away from people; someplace where he could move around and yet remain unnoticed. Private… secluded… fun… safe. Then the idea struck me.
“Hi Uncle Al, it’s Taryn. How are you?” After a few moments of pleasantries, I got down to business. “Is anyone using Pappy’s shack this weekend? I have a friend visiting me from out of town and I thought it would be a nice place to go for a day trip.”
With my newfound brilliance, it was time to put the rest of the plan into action. There were supplies I would need to get and things to pack in the car. I made a list so I wouldn’t forget anything and headed to the store.
Two hours later, I had all the items on my list and the trunk of my car packed with essentials. I was trying to get to the closet in the third bedroom when Ryan called.
“Hey, how are you?” I asked, groaning as I pushed a few heavy boxes out of my way.
“What are you up to?” He started laughing at the grunting noises I was making in the phone.
“Digging out my cooler. It’s buried under some boxes.”
“Cooler? What do you need that for?”
“I need it for tomorrow. Shoot…” I yelled as the phone slipped out from under my ear. It landed on the floor. “Hello?” I asked in a hurry. I hoped I didn’t hang up on him and I was relieved when I heard him laugh.
“Sorry, phone slipped. Okay, you can stop laughing at me now!”
“So where are you going tomorrow?” he asked. I loved his sarcastic sense of humor.
“Oh, that’s a secret. You’ll see when we get there,” I teased.
“Secret? You’re really not going to tell me where we’re going?”
“Nope. It’s a surprise. I’m pretty sure you’ll like it though.” I laughed. “You’ll just have to trust me.”
“Uh oh. Now I’m worried!”
“Worried?” I tsked. “No worries. You’ll be well hidden from the public. The place we are going to is… private. But we’ll have to drive a few hours to get there.”
“Now I’m intrigued!” The excitement in his voice was noticeable.
“Oh, and you’ll need warm, comfy clothes because we’ll be spending some time outside. Pack some extra clothes too, just in case.” Visions of one of us falling in the lake crossed my mind.
“Now I’m really intrigued!”
“Good. You’ll have to tell me how, when, and where I can pick you up tomorrow.”
“I was thinking about that,” he sighed. “You know I can’t just hop in your car at the hotel. Maybe you can pick me up at the set, but…” I could hear him breathe pretty hard.
“What?” I asked.
“I’m going to have to hide so I can get off the lot unnoticed.” His voice was troubled.
“Hide? How? You want to hide in the trunk?” I joked, trying to lighten the concern in his tone.
“Ah, just bring a blanket. Damn, I hate this,” he huffed.
“Ryan, it’s all right. I understand. We’ll do what we have to. It’s no big deal.”
He explained how to get in the catering entrance and that he’d leave my name with the gate security. It was the easiest way to get to him, but it was still tricky. Rumors were being leaked off the set all the time, and he was concerned that the paparazzi would follow us. His plan gave me another idea. There was one more phone call I had to make.
“Tammy, hey. I need a favor…”
Early Sunday morning I pulled up to the gate on the enclosed lot; it was a few minutes before nine o’clock. The entire location was penned in ten-foot privacy fence and cement block. It was very intimidating. The guard that greeted me had a pistol strapped to his hip.
“Hi. Taryn Mitchell. I have a delivery,” I said to the guard. He looked over his clipboard of names. I had to show him my driver’s license as proof of identity and he made me open the back so he could look inside before letting me proceed.
“Go on.” He waved and motioned to another security guard to move the barricade.
I parked next to a line of catering vehicles and noticed Ryan hanging out by one of the tents. There were people mingling all around so I tried to blend.
“Good morning, Mr. Christensen,” I greeted him with a tip of my hat. A few people walked past us.