by Reber, Tina
I couldn’t stop laughing. “Thanks! I needed that.”
“Come on,” she said while pulling me off the box in the corner. “Let’s get you focused. It will be like training an athlete.”
Our Saturday night crowd was unusually light. I didn’t have a band scheduled, so I presumed that we wouldn’t have as many customers, but since Ryan had been to my place twice, every night seemed to be busy. I wondered why tonight was different. I noticed that the influx of extra women was missing. A few guys came in, but when they saw that the place was devoid of a hearty selection of women, they packed up and left.
“I thought we would be getting hammered by now,” Marie huffed. “Where is the second wave of customers?”
One of the ladies sitting at the bar chimed in. “Ryan Christensen’s whereabouts were posted on the Internet. My girlfriend called to tell me that the cast is eating at The Synful Grill. It has a new nightclub attached called Synergy. She said the bar is so packed that you can’t even walk through the place.”
“I’ve been there once,” Cory said. “There’s a ten dollar cover charge just to get in. Drinks were really expensive too. I’m sure there are lots of women there tonight.”
Great! Apparently Ryan was occupying his time with other activities. I wondered if it was because I didn’t reply to his last text about seeing him tonight. Would he move on that quickly? Apparently…
It was almost eleven o’clock when my phone rang instead of vibrating. I listened to my new ringtone, letting the song play out so I could hear the lyrics. My smile was huge.
“Hey you,” Ryan breathed out. “Are you working hard?”
“No, not really. We’re kind of dead, actually. What are you up to?” It was hard to hide my enthusiasm.
“I’m at some restaurant. We just finished eating.”
“Wow. This late?” I looked at my watch. “It’s almost eleven.”
“Sorry I didn’t call you earlier, but we had a director’s meeting at eight and then it took a while for all our food to come out. The food pretty much sucked. It was disappointing,” he snickered.
“I promise I’ll feed you better tomorrow.”
“Hmm, I’m looking forward to it!” he stated.
I thought about the song that he chose to put on my phone, wondering if his feelings were that genuine. I’m yours, the lyrics informed.
“I really like my new ringtone!” I smiled. Despite his motives, he managed to somehow find my favorite song.
“Good! I’m glad,” he sighed, sounding relieved.
“Pretty deep though, don’t you think?” I asked, prompting him to explain the reason why he chose that song.
“Maybe that was the intention,” he retorted. “I wanted to get a message across so there’s no confusion.”
I swallowed hard, my subconscious fighting to protect me from getting crushed again.
“I love Jason Mraz,” I continued, trying to stay on the lighter side. “He’s one of my all-time favorites.”
“I know. You have all of his CDs - minus the one that’s in my possession,” he said, laughing quickly.
I thought about how he held me this morning and how desperately I wanted him to hold me again…in his warm arms.
Could he be mine forever?
“So… am I to understand that you’re mine?” I asked teasingly.
“I can be yours if you want me to be, Taryn,” he whispered.
My breath hitched from his words. My pulse quickened and my fingers started to tremble.
“Is that your intention?” I asked, still skeptical.
Ryan cleared his throat. “My intention is to let you know where my heart is. The rest… the rest is up to you,” he said softly.
I took another deep breath. My own heart was thumping in my chest now. “So… now what? Where do we go from here?”
“We give it a chance,” Ryan declared quite convincingly.
Chapter 10 - Possibilities
It was almost midnight when Ryan secretly entered through the back door of my pub. The light was turned off, so the kitchen was dark when he arrived. He had his jacket hood pulled up over his head again and his trusty messenger bag was slung over his shoulder.
I had just locked the door behind him when he dropped his stuffed bag on the floor and slowly walked to stand in front of me.
“Hello,” he whispered and gently smiled, bending slightly to give me a hug. Without hesitating, he slipped one hand around my waist; his other hand pressed higher on my back.
This hug was different – way different from his normal approach. He always hugged me around my shoulders; my arms would go around his waist.
His new stance surprised me and naturally forced my arms to wrap around his shoulders. My nose skimmed across his chest when he pulled me in. God he smells good!
His fingertips pressed into my back as his lips softly kissed my forehead.
Fire burned through my veins; the touch of his lips on my skin sent a wave of arousal through my core. My hands responded instantly and instinctively and without conscious intervention I started to caress his neck.
The light from the bar peeked through the cracked kitchen door, illuminating his cheek in the darkness. My fingers reached to trace the light on his face. He looked down at me with smoldering eyes.
Slowly he leaned towards me and pressed his lips to mine. His first kisses were tender, pausing to rest his lips on mine (I suppose to measure my reaction) but my mouth encouraged him to proceed.
I felt his lips part as the soft tip of his tongue joined in with his kiss. His mouth was soft, wet, and completely hypnotic. Desire for him shot through every cell in my body, consuming my every thought.
He placed his warm hand on my neck to hold my face to his as he kissed me passionately.
My protective shell of self-preservation shattered into a million pieces as the entire outside world ceased to exist. Our lips moved together in perfect harmony as his tongue glided against mine.
His kissing was far better than I could have ever imagined. I tried like hell to remember why I had denied myself this type of pleasure for so long, but the heat from his ragged breath surged right into my head and melted my brain.
His hands were holding my face when he broke away from our kiss. He wrapped his arms around my body.
No, don’t stop! What was left of my brain pleaded for him to keep kissing me.
“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Ryan whispered.
My heart was beating so fast, I wondered if he could feel it pounding through his jacket. I took a half step back and bumped into the counter behind me; I was quite light-headed. My hand was clenched on the front of his jacket when I staggered back; my grip pulled his body forward.
Like a lightning flash, he grabbed me under my arms and lifted me up onto the counter; his forcefulness turned me on even more.
My fingers wove into his hair and my legs wrapped around his hips; our lips expressed our mutual desire. He pressed himself into me; I could feel through his jeans that he was completely aroused. My mind raced, thinking about having him inside me.
His fingers clenched and clawed at the back pockets of my jeans, pulling me forward and bumping me into him. I envisioned him making love to me right here on this counter. By the way he rubbed into me, I was sure he was thinking the same thing. I softly moaned as the hunger turned to passion.
The intensity of our kissing calmed and slowed until our lips rested together. We both smiled.
“I don’t remember. Did I even say hi?” Ryan whispered, joking with me.
“Yes. You had me at hello!” I giggled on his lips.
He chuckled in my mouth.
“I think you have me confused with another famous actor,” he said, kissing me in between laughs.
His mouth locked back on mine, convincing me that this amazing connection between us deserved a chance to grow.
Both of our hands had already found skin; his hands were under my shirt and midway up my back. O
ne of my hands had skimmed down his neck and underneath the collar of his T-shirt.
I had his bottom lip between my teeth when thoughts of Marie walking in on our make-out session started to put a damper on my lust.
“You know… before we get busted…”
I slipped off the counter and into his arms.
Ryan gathered his bag from the floor. I was amused to see that he had to adjust his pants. His arousal was definitely noticeable.
I peeked out the door before attempting to sneak him from the kitchen to the stairwell. Most of the crowd had disappeared. There were only about twenty people left in the pub, but I still wanted to get him upstairs unnoticed.
Ryan had just slipped through the stairwell door as Marie came around the corner at the same moment. She was looking for me and I was busted.
Her face broke into an exultant grin when she saw what I was up to. “Ryan?” she mouthed as she pointed to the door.
I shrugged. My shameful smile was enough of a confirmation for her.
“Glad to see you’re taking my advice! Go on, I’ll lock up. There are only a couple of people here. Pete and I will take care of it. Go, have a great night!”
I was halfway up the steps when Marie called me back. I tossed my key to Ryan.
“I’ll be right back,” I said to him, nodding for him to go on without me. I trotted down the steps and almost ran right into Marie.
“You forgetting something?” she teased, holding out a chilled bottle of champagne.
Ryan had his coat off and was in the living room when I walked into my apartment.
“Gift from Marie.” I handed the bottle to him. “She saw you. Sorry,” I apologized. “Don’t worry, she won’t say anything.”
“Do you want me to open this?” he asked, even though he already started to peel the foil off the top.
“Sure. Let me get some glasses.”
He popped the cork and poured as I held the glasses. Ryan slipped one glass from my hand and held it up.
“To… possibilities.” He tapped his glass gently into mine and flashed a sultry smile at me.
“What time do you think you’ll be done tonight?” he asked, sipping his champagne.
“Actually, I’ve been given the rest of the night off. Marie and Pete will close tonight.”
“Really? You’re done for the night?” He sounded pleased.
“Yep. We weren’t that busy for some reason. Guess there was some big commotion going on at the Synful Grill tonight – took most of my customers away.”
He tilted his head to give me an annoyed look.
“The only reason I know that is because one of my customers received a message that you were there. She said your location was posted on the Internet.”
“Unbelievable,” he muttered. I could tell that upset him.
“Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
He stopped me. “No, no, I’m not mad at you. It’s just messed up. I can’t even go out to eat without it being a huge pain in the ass. It’s like having a stalker, only they travel in packs. I don’t know why they even give a shit.”
He started rubbing his face hard, so I tried to think of something that would get his mind off of this path.
“Hey, would you help me a second?” I held out my hand to pull him up from his seat. He willingly followed me to the kitchen.
“Can you pull the other trays of steaks out of the fridge? I need to flip them.” I had fifteen steaks marinating for our Sunday dinner.
“These steaks look awesome! What’s in the juice?” he asked.
“Ah, that’s a trade secret. I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you!” I teased him. “I’m going to need help carrying these up to the roof tomorrow. Can I count on you to help me?”
“Absolutely!” he replied, wincing at me like I would need to ask that of him.
I could tell that his upset mood was slowly lifting. His gears were pretty easy to switch.
“The marinade is only the first part of the process. There’s a whole grilling technique too.”
“Is that a trade secret too, or are you going to share that?”
“Truthfully I stole the idea from an article in Maxim Magazine.”
“What are you doing reading Maxim? Looking for your picture?” He nudged me with his elbow.
“Yeah right! My uncle got my dad a subscription for Christmas one year and there was an entire article on how to grill food.” I shrugged. “So how do you like your steak? Are you a rare or well-done kind-of guy?”
“Medium-well. I’m not crazy about seeing my food bleed.” He shuddered.
“Me too!” I said, shocked that we had another thing in common.
When we finished in the kitchen, Ryan started to peruse my DVD collection. “Can we watch a movie? You have one that I’d like to see.”
He kicked his shoes off and made himself comfortable on the couch. When I sat down next to him, he held his hand out to me.
“Hey, come here,” he whispered. He repositioned his body so I was lying on his chest.
Ryan smiled at me and kissed my forehead softly. His finger gently raised my chin and he kissed me tenderly. I was surprised that he didn’t try to make out with me again. Instead, after a few loving kisses, he just held me in his arms while we watched the movie.
I’d seen the movie he chose a few times before, so it was hard for me to really pay attention to it - especially since I was snuggled in his arms. Ryan was softly stroking my hair and my back and it made me very relaxed. I was so comfortable lying on him, I felt myself drifting.
“Taryn, sweetie. Wake up,” Ryan whispered groggily. He shifted his body underneath me so he could sit up.
I rubbed my eyes and noticed the clock – it was a few minutes till two. Ryan slipped into the bathroom.
I waited for Ryan to finish so I could take my turn.
“Do you mind if I stay?” he asked. “If not, I can always jog to the hotel. Hopefully the paparazzi are sleeping.”
“It’s pretty late,” I whispered, not knowing how to convey my thoughts. I didn’t want him to run anywhere.
We gazed at each other for a moment; I watched his mouth curl down in disappointment. I, too, felt the same sadness thinking about him leaving. There was only one answer. “Stay,” I whispered.
“Do you have an extra pillow?” His eyes flashed down the hallway to the living room. I guess he was offering to sleep on the couch.
We stood there in the hallway leaning on opposing walls in silence, just staring at each other, waiting and gauging each other’s reaction. He was trying to be a gentleman and not force his way into my bedroom without an invitation, but in my mind, the couch in the front room was too far of a distance between us. Things would be a lot different in my bedroom tonight from how they were last night, and we both knew it. The door to physical contact and sexual intimacy had been opened.
I held out my hand, craving for him to hold me in his arms like he did this morning. Ryan gently smiled and placed just the tips of his fingers on mine. I curled his fingers into the palm of my hand and led him into my dark bedroom.
I turned on the little lamp that sits on my dresser to softly illuminate the bedroom and quickly slipped into the bathroom to change. Ryan waited for me to return. He stood there, staring at me as he peeled his shirt off over his head. His chest and arms were strong and defined, and the light from the lamp made his skin glow.
I watched him open his jeans and take them off his long legs. He tried to lay his pants on my bedroom chair but he missed; some loose change made ting sounds on the wooden floor when it fell out of his pockets. He quickly stripped his socks off and tossed them one by one to the floor.
Ryan slid into bed and adjusted the pillows until he was comfortable. We inched closer to each other and I hesitantly rested my hand on his bare chest. I wanted to let my fingers roam free but my hand was inconveniently frozen in place.
He slid down the bed until our eyes were at the same level. We gazed in
to each other’s eyes and he gently stroked my cheek; those unspoken words of the possibilities of what could happen next flowed between us.
His fingertips guided my face to his as he softly kissed my lips. His touch was so gentle it made me smile.
Slowly, sensually, our hands touched each other’s bodies. Our fingertips lightly trailed over each other’s skin, taking the liberty to explore uncharted territory.
His hand pressed in the small of my back as he pulled me closer; his kisses completely aroused my body. Softly he bit and sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and I moaned from the pleasure.
I ran my hand down his back, pressing my fingertips into his skin to massage his muscular frame. I had wanted to feel his body for so long now and I was finally getting my wish.
His hand gripped my hip in response, sending another shockwave through my veins. I could feel his fingers tense and press into my hipbone as I ran my tongue over his luscious lips.
My fingers trailed down his chest to his stomach; his body quivered lightly under my touch. I could feel that he was completely aroused.
I was getting too carried away in the moment; a few minutes more of this and there’d be no turning back. Doubt, fear, crept into my thoughts, quelling ecstasy and desire. I placed my flat hand on his chest and lightly pushed back away from him; I needed a moment to catch my breath. I rubbed my eyes as the sensible person who lives in my brain spoke up.
“Taryn, I understand. I want you so bad, but I don’t want to do anything you’re not ready to do,” Ryan whispered.
I had no will left. My body craved to feel him - all of him. My thoughts wrestled with that desire as all the warning bells went off in my head.
He wrapped his fingers around my wrist and moved my hand away from my eyes. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I’m worried.” I shrugged, trying like hell not to appear like an immature, neurotic mess. My words came out in a whisper.
“What are you worried about?”
I took a deep breath and sighed.
“I know you’re not…” I murmured, stopping myself. “I don’t do casual very well. Sex for me involves emotions and in reality… you’re not going to be here for much longer.” The words were difficult to say.