by Reber, Tina
“What’s up with those two?” Marie whispered to me. She sat down on one of the counter stools.
I rolled my eyes.
“Did you meet Kelly and Kat?” I asked her.
“Yep.” She nodded. “They are so cool! Tammy is down there with them now. Kat is really funny!”
“I’m sorry I didn’t get to introduce you to everyone. I’ve been distracted.”
“No kidding!” Marie giggled.
Suzanne started talking to Francesca; even though she was talking quietly, she apparently wanted me to hear what she was saying. She wasn’t that quiet.
“You know the studio will be upset once they discover he’s dating someone. It’s all about how he’s packaged. And as long as he’s publicly single, his fan base will be higher and his movies will make more money. You don’t think that they will allow him to be seen with her, I mean she’s not even famous. Won’t take them long to put an end to it.”
Even though she was appearing to be a mean and vindictive person, I wondered if there was any truth to her comment. Would the studio tell him who he could and could not date? Did he have to sign a contract or something which governed his personal life? I didn’t know anything about the rules that came along with being famous.
“So Taryn…” Suzanne chimed up, interrupting my private thoughts. “How did you and Ryan meet?”
I smiled briefly before turning around.
“I’m so surprised Ryan didn’t tell you that story himself, Suzanne! Perhaps you should ask him how we met. He tells the story much better than I do.”
“No, he didn’t mention you at all,” she retorted. “He’s such a good actor and a good liar that I wouldn’t believe anything he tells me anyway.”
Marie’s eyes shot up to look at me. She was instantly aware that this was a confrontation and not a casual conversation.
“I wouldn’t know about his acting abilities. I’ve never seen any of his movies,” I replied over my shoulder. “But when he looks at me I can tell he’s being honest. He has no reason to pretend with me.” I laughed quietly; only Marie could see me.
“Yes, well, enjoy it while it lasts. In a few more weeks he’ll be leaving. Then what will you do?”
The smile on my lips quickly faded. The bitch found my weak spot.
She noted my pause and used it to her advantage.
“You honestly didn’t think he would stay here, did you?” she said condescendingly in her annoying accent.
When I didn’t respond, she threw her next dagger.
“You did! How pathetic! You probably think what you have with him is special; like you are the first girl in this town that he has tried to sleep with. I hate to be the one to inform you but you aren’t the first. My dear Ryan is such a talented actor. It’s all the same, from town to town, how easy they all fall for him. He tells them what they want to hear so he can get laid. Pity how he leaves them all broken-hearted.”
I had a sharp knife in one hand and a long tined fork in the other. The thought of stabbing her in her heart crossed my mind.
“Besides, we are leaving for Scotland soon, and he is contracted for movies immediately after that. He doesn’t have time for a relationship. He’ll be traveling the world, and you know the saying ‘out of sight, out of mind.’ He’ll think of you only until the next girl opens her legs.”
Kelly’s words about how I had to be strong flashed through my brain. Marie’s words about this being a part of his life flashed after that. But I looked at Marie with desperation. I had no comeback for Suzanne’s comment.
“Yes, we all know that Ryan has obligations, but I don’t think that will be powerful enough to keep these two apart,” Marie replied in my defense. “When I see how Ryan looks at you,” she said to me, “I just know. That man is falling in love with you. You two are perfect for each other. You’re his soul mate.”
Temporary relief washed over me and a smile broke across my face.
“Soul mate?” Suzanne scoffed. “Oh, he really has done a number on all of you! He should get an Academy Award for that performance!” She clapped. “You really have no idea how many women he has slept with, do you? And he made every one of them feel like they were his perfect match.”
“You never know. Maybe Taryn is his perfect match. The way he holds her and kisses her, it’s what his heart wants, not what the script says he’s supposed to do,” Marie fired back.
“Foolish American women. They are all the same,” she said to Francesca. “Let me guess… he’s been calling you and texting you? So typical for Ryan; that’s how he gets them to fall for him. He probably uses the same lines on each of them too!” She rolled her gaze over to me.
“Ryan is an actor! He gets paid to fool people into believing he’s something he’s not. It is extremely difficult for people in our industry to have long standing relationships, especially when you lie for a living.”
I momentarily had a vision of tossing her off the edge of the roof.
“Ryan is a young man in his prime. He has no desire to settle, not when the world is laid out for him and he has all these opportunities. All the parties, all the women… they are just toys to him,” she stated emphatically.
“His next movie starts filming in January. He’ll be gone for months. After that we have hundreds of photocalls and junkets to promote Day of Dawn. We still don’t know where we’re going to film the third movie, but I can say with confidence that it won’t be here.”
Marie glared at her. “Other actors have relationships and get married all the time. I don’t know why you think Ryan would be so different.”
Suzanne sat up straight in her chair. “Married? Ryan? I don’t think so. He isn’t the marrying type. Besides, everyone knows that in the end, famous celebrities always marry celebrities.”
“Not always,” Marie argued. “Matt Damon looks quite happy. The way I see it, it’s the relationships between actors that always end up in divorce.”
“Yes, well these momentary distractions could end up costing him his career. He’s already been warned by the director to get focused,” she said callously.
“Perhaps it was something on the set that was distracting him and taking away his focus?” I pointed out. “Maybe someone was having a bad costume day or was behaving like a spoiled brat? Or perhaps someone is still harboring feelings from something that happened once a long time ago? I’m sure those moments of irritation affect his performance as well.” Swallow that one Bitch! I said to myself.
That was the final straw for her. She abruptly got up from her chair, shoving it back and out of her way with extra force. Francesca stood up two seconds later. The scowl on her face was evident too.
“Don’t overcook my steak,” Suzanne huffed as she retreated for the door.
Chapter 12 – Served
“What the hell was that all about?” Marie asked the second Francesca slipped through the door.
“I’m not sure,” I sighed. “I think Suzanne is in love with Ryan. At least she’s acting like it. What the hell did I get myself into?”
“Don’t worry about her. He obviously doesn’t care about her,” Marie declared.
I put the steaks back on the grill for their last cycle. As I poked them with the fork to move them around I thought about Suzanne’s statements. What was I going to do once Ryan left Seaport? I was caught up in the moment again with another guy who was still leaving for good in a few weeks.
“Taryn, you look like you want to cry. Don’t let those bitches get to you like that.”
“Marie, she’s right. They are leaving soon. He’s got movies to make and he has to travel to many other places after this. How can it possibly work out?”
The smoke from the grill was making my eyes sting even worse. “Long distance relationships never last.”
“Don’t think that!” she yelled at me. “He cares about you!”
“So what? It doesn’t matter how we feel about each other. He’s going to have to leave eventually! Once he leaves, tha
t will be it. This relationship, if that’s even what it is, was doomed from the start.” I felt the pain that precedes my tears crack into my chest.
“He’s beyond famous. And once we’re not around each other, temptation will be all around him. There are a million pretty women out there for him to choose from and I’m sure he’ll form bonds with the next hot actress he has to work with.” I had to breathe. Reality was setting in.
“I’m kidding myself to think he’ll want to maintain a relationship with me. He’ll never be able to stay faithful to me, and why should he? He’s young, and single, and certainly not in a position in his life to settle down with someone. I’m nothing more than a stupid piece of ass.”
I wiped my eyes. My eyeliner was noticeable on my finger. I felt the tear form and drip down my cheek.
Marie rushed around the grill and gave me a hug. I couldn’t hold the tears in anymore thinking about losing him; they streamed down my face.
“What happened?” Ryan yelled, running over to where we stood.
Marie answered him. “That Suzanne is a bitch! She’s lucky I didn’t punch her.”
“What did she say to you? Tell me!” He started to pull on my arm.
Marie let me go and I turned to take the steaks off the grill. I sniffed back my tears and tried to stifle the sobs that ebbed up my chest as I threw each steak in the pot. I couldn’t look at him.
“Give me the fork,” Marie ordered, relieving me of steak duty.
Ryan grabbed my upper arms and spun me around with force. “Taryn, Sweetheart, what did she say to you? Tell me right now!”
I just shook my head. I couldn’t stop the tears. I also didn’t want to have this conversation with him while Marie was present.
“Marie, would you please take the steaks downstairs for me? Please? I need a moment,” I muttered. Ryan was wiping my face with his fingers.
“Please, tell me what she said,” he pleaded.
“She said a lot of things, Ryan. Mostly she reminded me repeatedly that you’re leaving soon and you’re not coming back here - and thinking about that hurts… so bad.” I squeezed my eyes shut; fresh tears rolled down my face.
“She informed me that you’re leaving for Scotland soon, and that you have many other movie commitments and so many other places in the world to be.” I swallowed hard, trying to pull myself together. I didn’t want him to see me crying over him. I wiped my cheek.
“Funny, I knew all along that you wouldn’t be staying here. How could you possibly…”
“That bitch! I’ve just about had enough of her shit!” he yelled.
I didn’t fully understand why he was mad at Suzanne.
“Don’t blame her. She didn’t say anything that I hadn’t already considered. I just didn’t need her to remind me today.”
I looked away when I realized the day of reckoning was happening now.
“I should have never let myself get this attached,” I said, chastising myself. I started to take a step back to walk away, but Ryan grabbed my arms again. I tried to squirm out of his hands but he tightened his grip.
“This is exactly why…” I didn’t finish saying it out loud. My hands clenched into fists. In my mind, the inevitable heartbreak was already here and I was furious with myself.
“Oh, God. Why did I let this happen? I’m so stupid! I should have never, ever…” Fresh air stuttered down my throat.
“Taryn?” Ryan’s face twisted with confusion.
I knew he didn’t understand why I was so distraught.
“I’m sorry, Ryan. I knew this moment would come eventually. That’s why I tried to just stay friends. I don’t want to put this on you. It’s my problem.”
“What are you saying?” He shook my arms.
I attempted to wipe my eye, trying to find the internal strength to say the words. I love you, but I can’t keep you.
“I’m saying we shouldn’t see each other anymore. Then when you leave in a few weeks, no one gets hurt.”
His mouth fell open. “What? No!” he shouted. “NO! Why are you doing this?”
“Ryan, we both know that you’re leaving soon! Then what? We’re going to try to have a long distance relationship? I’m not that naïve.” I wiped my face.
“The more time I spend with you, the harder it will be when you go. This relationship doesn’t stand a chance and I know you know it! So why pretend that anything good can come from it!
“Let’s just end this now instead of prolonging the inevitable. Then when you leave you’re free to be with whomever you want to be with. No strings, no worries… no regrets.” As hard as I tried to stick to my guns, my tears were pouring uncontrollably down my face. I had to look away.
“It’s already too painful and I’m already too attached to you,” I muttered under my breath.
“Taryn, honey, look at me,” he pleaded. I noticed his voice crack.
I shrugged my shoulders, trying to escape from his hands. “I can’t.” My heart was breaking and I wanted to get away from the source of the pain.
“Please?” he begged.
“No. No,” I said adamantly, my voice trembled uncontrollably. I tasted the salt from my tears as they dripped across my lips. I struggled in his hands, but he still wouldn’t let go.
“No. It’s all right.” I swallowed hard. “You don’t have to say anything. You don’t owe me. Let’s just go back to the party and when it’s over we’ll say our goodbyes.”
My words burned in my throat and my heart crumbled to pieces. I had to let him go.
As much as I love you, you can never be mine.
His hands shook my arms.
“Please, just… let me go,” I whispered between sobs.
“Taryn? No! No! Please baby. Look at me. Look into my eyes. Please!” It almost sounded like he was crying too.
“Look at me!” he shouted.
The moment I looked up, new tears streamed down my face. I didn’t want him to see me like this.
“I have no intentions to walk away from you or let any amount of distance ruin this. Will it be difficult for us? Yes. Will it hurt me just as bad to be away from you? Yes.”
Tears fell from Ryan’s eyes.
“But one thing I know for sure…” He held my chin up to make sure I wouldn’t look away. “I am falling in love with you.”
My knees felt weak. I hadn’t expected that response from him.
“With you, Taryn!” he stressed, looking directly into my eyes. “I don’t want anyone else - just you. And no matter where I am, wherever I go, you’re the only one who is holding my heart.”
He felt that I wasn’t resisting so he eased up on the grip he had on my arm. His grasp that once kept me from running away now held me up where I stood.
“We’ll figure out a way to make it work. I promise,” he solemnly vowed.
“I have plenty of time between my schedules to come back here, and when I can’t be here, I’ll get you on a plane. No matter what, I’m not going to let you go.” He stressed his last words.
“I’m falling in love with you, too,” I confessed, looking up into his warm, blue eyes. “That’s why it hurts so much.”
He pulled me into a comforting embrace and crushed his lips on mine. I felt the weight of my uncertainties lift off my heart as I read his lips and the message his kiss conveyed. Knowing that he wanted me, hearing that he didn’t want it to end, was exactly what I needed to move forward.
His kiss ended and he sighed heavily.
“Oh, Sweetheart, don’t worry. You’re not gonna get rid of me that easily.”
“That’s good to know,” I murmured on his chest.
Ryan hugged me, stroking his hand over my hair.
“I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure how long you and I...” I sniffed. “If this, between us, was only until you left Seaport.”
“No. That was never my intention.” He kissed my head.
“The way I feel about you, and after our incredible night and this morning…” I tossed my head b
ack and took a moment to breathe.
“I don’t know about you, but my feelings for you started way before that!” He tried to joke.
“Mine too,” I admitted. “But Suzanne kept picking until she found my weakness.” I sighed, collecting myself further.
“Ryan, I know you have obligations that will tear you away from here. Suzanne informed me of all of them, emphasizing how much you need your freedom. The thought of never seeing you again was excruciating. Allowing myself to fall madly in love with you and then having to let you go for good, I don’t know if I could survive that.”
Ryan softly kissed me. “I know how you feel. A few minutes ago when you broke up with me, I felt that same excruciating pain.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered, drowning in regret for hurting him.
“It’s okay, honey. I understand,” he said while gently rocking me back and forth.
I wiped the moisture from my cheeks. “I’m sorry for falling apart.”
“Stop apologizing. It’s all right.” He hugged me tighter. “Just don’t ever break up with me again.” He sounded truly rattled as he kissed my forehead.
“I swear I never will. The same goes for you,” I muttered.
“I’ve already fallen for you so you’re stuck with me,” Ryan assured me.
“You know my parents are coming here in two weeks, and they are expecting to meet the woman I told them I’m falling in love with – you!” He smiled and rubbed my cheek with his thumb. “I’ve already told my mom how crazy I am about you.”
I nodded my head and smiled back. “I really want to meet your parents.”
He softly kissed me and rested his forehead on mine. “And I want you to meet them. I’m looking forward to introducing them to my one and only girlfriend.”
I wondered if the other woman in his life knew where his heart was. “I think Suzanne is in love with you too. She said some really hurtful things.”
“Did you get her back?” He sounded hopeful.
“I got one good one in there. Marie got her a few times too. It was like she wanted the challenge.”