by Reber, Tina
Bill was sitting in a dark brown recliner chair in the family room that was off of the kitchen. He was reading the newspaper and peeking over the top of it to occasionally watch television. It made me smile, fondly remembering my own father sitting in his favorite chair reading the newspaper.
I followed Ryan up the tan carpeted stairs to his room. He smirked at me as he pushed the last door on the right open with his shoulder. His old room had one four-paned window centered on the wall that overlooked the front yard. He flipped on the bedroom light, illuminating the lamp that sat on the single nightstand next to the bed. The light cast a shadow on the plain beige walls and new tan carpeting.
He had a dark oak desk with an old computer and printer sitting on it. On top of his tall wooden dresser were two baseball trophies and a small decorative lamp. And in the corner of his room stood a wooden coat rack, long empty of coats and clothing.
A tinge of sadness flowed into my chest. His room, the room he spent all of his life growing up in, was obviously cleansed of most of his things. He didn’t have an apartment, a house, or even an old bedroom that was his anymore. All the fragments of his existence were boxed up and put aside or forgotten.
I understood why he was dying to get in his car the moment we arrived. That car was the only thing that was his… truly his. More importantly, I now knew why he moved in with me so quickly and was rushing the thoughts of building a house by a lake. My love was desperately craving a home… a connection… a safe haven to call his own - for he had nothing in this world but a suitcase and another lonely destination.
I dropped my bag off my shoulder and grabbed the front of his jacket with both of my hands. I wanted him to feel the depth of my love for him through my lips. I was desperate for him to realize that he was no longer alone in this world; that as long as I had a breath still left in my lungs I would provide him shelter and be his safe haven in all this uncertainty.
He slipped his fingers underneath my jacket and pushed it back over my shoulders. His coat came off next. He walked backwards to the bed, pulling me down with him. We kicked our shoes off and twined our clothed bodies together, passionately kissing each other.
“I love you,” I murmured on his lips, staring directly into his open eyes when I said it.
“I love you too,” he breathed back.
I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat while he softly stroked my hair. He kissed my head several times and wrapped his arms around me tighter, conveying his own message of love back to me.
All too soon our unspoken conversation was interrupted by his mother’s voice. She was yelling up the stairs that Nick and Janelle were here.
“Hey, Brother!” Ryan greeted Nick with a hug. I stayed off to the side, smiling and waiting to be introduced.
Ryan and his brother had similar features, but Nick took after their father more than Ryan did. Nick had darker brown hair and was just an inch or two shorter than Ryan in stature, but close your eyes and you couldn’t tell which one was speaking. The similarity of their voices was uncanny.
Ryan hugged Janelle next, kissing her on her cheek.
“Hey movie star!” she kidded him. “How are you doing?”
Janelle was just a little shorter than I was, but she was adorable. She had highlighted light brown hair, which was straight and cut blunt at her shoulders. She wore trendy black framed glasses and had a captivating smile.
“Nick, Janelle, this is Taryn.” Ryan beamed.
Nick pulled me in instantly for a big hug. “It’s so nice to meet you! Welcome to the family!” he whispered in my ear.
“Thank you! It’s nice to meet you too!” I uttered back.
Janelle and I hugged next. She too welcomed me to the family. Ryan had already captured their daughter, Sarah, in his arms. The baby started to cry.
“She hasn’t seen you in six months, Ryan,” Janelle said, taking the baby from him. Poor Sarah was still crying.
“How old is she?” I asked.
“Ten months,” Janelle answered.
“She’s beautiful!” I tugged gently on her lacy outfit. “Look at the pretty flowers on your dress.”
The baby stopped crying and looked at me.
“Hi Sarah! It’s so nice to meet you! You look so pretty in your little dress!”
The baby smiled at me. Janelle looked at the baby then looked at me, smiling too.
“Can I hold you so mommy can take her coat off?”
Janelle leaned the baby towards me and I lifted her into my arms.
“Hi there! Do you want to go for a walk?” I paced around the living room with Sarah. She started to babble at me, telling me a big story and I answered her with sweet comments of my own.
I took her little coat off while she cooed at me.
“Say hi Uncle Ryan!” I waved her little hand at him. Ryan was forever smiling at me.
“Where’s my little peanut?” Bill asked for his granddaughter. “Come to grandpa!” He took the little girl out of my arms.
Sarah didn’t like it; she started to cry again.
We all moved into the family room, and Janelle set up a little play area on a blanket on the floor for her daughter.
Sarah was still crying while being passed around from person to person. Ryan tried holding her again but she didn’t want any of it. Her little face was turning red. I sat next to him on the couch and started talking to Sarah. I was glad she stopped crying so Ryan could enjoy holding her.
“What is it with you and kids?” Ryan asked me. “You’re like a freaking drug to them.”
His comment was absurd. I rolled my eyes and dismissed his question.
“See? Watch.” He held the baby away from me and she started to cry. He moved the baby next to me and she stopped. He repeated his little test and she cried when he held her away. The third time he did it, Sarah cried in both places.
“There goes that theory,” I kidded him.
“What are you doing to my poor child?” Janelle yelled.
“Experimenting,” Ryan replied. “Every time we’re around kids, they’re drawn to Taryn like a freaking magnet. Watch!”
I thought he was making a big deal out of nothing.
He held Sarah away from me; she was still crying. Then he put Sarah on my lap. I stood her up on my legs and held her to my chest. Sarah grasped my heart necklace in her tiny fingers.
Ryan grinned at me smugly when Sarah stopped crying. He held his hands out. “See what I mean?”
“It’s not me, it’s this necklace,” I defended. “Maybe it has special powers.”
“No, I think it’s you!” Ryan chimed back.
Sarah was busy playing with my necklace. Her little face puckered up with frustration when she couldn’t get my pendant in her mouth. I made a funny face back at her which caused my nose to tickle. That’s when I caught the scent of something else. I held her little bottom closer to my nose to confirm my suspicions.
“I’m not a drug, Ryan, I’m a laxative.” I stood up with the little girl to get her changed.
“Did she poop?” Nick snorted when he asked.
“Yep. Constipated children seek me out wherever I go.” I laughed.
“Bet Ry was a bit constipated when he stumbled onto you!” Nick joked.
“I was definitely backed up, that’s for sure,” Ryan mumbled under his breath, adjusting the waist of his jeans. “But I sat on Taryn’s lap for a few minutes and then I felt better.” Ryan grinned at him devilishly and Nick cracked up laughing.
I smirked at Ryan’s comment.
“What?” he questioned my reaction.
I handed Sarah to him. “Here, go do another rite of passage,” I suggested jokingly.
“What? Do you want me to change her? I don’t care.” He was all cool and confident.
“She’s eating solid foods now, Ry. Sure you won’t gag?” Nick asked.
“Give her to me,” Janelle instructed. “I’ll take her upstairs. We don’t want the superstar to get his hands dir
ty!”
“You punks don’t think I’m up for the challenge?” Ryan questioned assertively.
“Ten bucks says you gag,” Nick taunted. “What do you say, Dad? You want in on this bet?”
Bill reached into his pocket, searching for money.
“I’ll take that bet!” Ryan retorted. “Both of you!” He pointed.
The entire family followed Ryan upstairs to Nick’s old bedroom. Janelle placed a pad down on the bed and readied a new diaper. The rest of us stood around watching. All eyes were on Ryan, waiting for his reaction.
He undressed Sarah down to her diaper and had to ham it up by cracking his knuckles and wiggling his fingers.
“I should get the camera,” Nick mused.
“Nicholas!” Ellen scolded.
“What? Do you know how much money I could get for one picture of the movie star changing a poopy diaper?”
Janelle and I started laughing.
“Not as much money as you could get for a pair of his dirty underwear on eBay,” I mumbled.
“You both suck! You know that?” Ryan was peeling back the tape on the diaper and had to stop because we were teasing him.
“Taryn,” Nick whispered, “Gather up some of my brother’s ass-stained shorts and sell them quick so we can all go to Hawaii for Christmas.”
“You’re a dick!” Ryan looked directly at his brother. We were all laughing. “You can all just shut the hell up and get your money out!”
Janelle slapped a few wet-wipes in Ryan’s hand.
“Okay, I’m going in,” Ryan announced.
“Is that what you say to all your women?” Nick teased.
Ryan was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe.
“Boys!” Ellen yelled. “Poor Sarah is waiting! Change her diaper already!”
“Nick, go get the scuba gear.” Ryan had tears coming out of his eyes.
“Forceps, lantern, flame thrower…” Nick spit out his words with laughter.
“Move, I’ll do it.” Janelle was getting impatient.
“No! I got this!” Ryan gasped between laughs, trying to pull himself back together.
He hesitantly pulled the diaper back, briefly exposing the green explosion that awaited clean-up.
“Oh!” Nick shouted loudly.
“Damn baby! What are they feeding you?” Ryan teased.
“Beer and eggs with a side of peas, obviously.” Nick laughed.
Janelle dove right in, cleaning up her daughter.
“Now stop. I can get it.” Ryan elbowed her out of the way. “They sell these baby wipes by the truckload, right?”
“Yeah. We buy that stuff by the pallet,” Nick volleyed, laughing. “We don’t mess around with the single tubs anymore.”
“You could always take her outside and hit her ass with the hose,” Ryan suggested.
“Nah, we save that for when she’s got the shit smeared all the way up her back,” Nick answered.
“I’ll take you both outside and hit you with the hose,” Janelle warned. I couldn’t stop laughing at their banter.
Ryan had the baby all cleaned up and was wrestling with the new diaper when he told his dad and brother to pay up. He handed Sarah off to Janelle.
I was standing with my arms folded when Ryan sauntered over to me. “Next one of those is all yours.” He cracked me hard on the butt.
“Go wash your hands. It’s time for dinner,” Ellen ordered.
We were gathered at the dinner table when Nick started in on me.
“Taryn, Mom tells me you haven’t seen any of my brother’s movies.” Nick leered at me.
“I think I’m the only one on the planet who hasn’t,” I joked. “He thought I was lying when I told him that.”
Ryan kicked me under the table so I kicked him back. I clipped him right in the ankle by accident and he winced from the pain. He pinched me in retaliation.
“We should watch it tonight. Break her in.” Nick pointed his dinner fork at me.
“You can do whatever you want, but I’m not watching it,” Ryan stated firmly.
“What do you say, Taryn? You want to watch Seaside?” Nick asked. “See what a big-time actor he is?”
Ryan scoffed at his comment.
“No, that’s okay.” I knew that it would make Ryan uncomfortable. “Maybe some other time.”
“You should watch it. It’s really good!” Janelle added. “I’ve read all the books too. Then you’ll know why all the women worship him,” she said teasingly.
I looked over at Ryan and smiled. I knew why they worshipped him, but their reasons were completely different from my own.
“I’ll watch it sometime, but not tonight. Besides Nick, Ryan tells me that you’re a lousy poker player. I was curious to see if he was right.” I felt Ryan squeeze my thigh.
After we cleared dinner away, we started playing cards. Ryan was right; Nick couldn’t bluff his way out of a paper bag if his life depended on it. Needless to say, the poker game didn’t last too long before egos got in the way.
We played a different board game, which was a lot more fun. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. I think I fit right in with his family and their teasing, although Nick seemed harsh on Ryan sometimes.
Little Sarah was hungry and needed a bottle.
“Give her here,” Ryan requested, removing Sarah from her grandmother's arms.
The visions of him holding and feeding her added one more reason for worshipping him to my private list.
It was close to midnight when we finally crawled into bed together. I was tired from the flight and the delicious dinner that filled my stomach. Ryan’s bed was only a full-size; not quite as roomy as the queen-sized bed we shared at home even though we never slept apart in it. Hmm… at home… the thought of those words made me smile.
Ryan’s body molded around mine, keeping me snuggled and warm in my comfortable cocoon. My back rested on his chest as it does every night.
Ryan huffed in my ear. He was grouchy and restless.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” I whispered.
“I can’t sleep.” He tugged on my T-shirt. “Can you take this off? I need to feel your skin.”
I hesitated. At home we always slept naked, but we weren’t at home.
“Don’t worry, my mom won’t come in here.”
I took my top off and tossed it to the floor.
“Ah, that’s better!” he snickered. “This is sort of exciting! Might get busted by the parents having a naked girl in my bed.”
I giggled softly when he squeezed me. I understood what he was talking about. I felt like a teenager breaking the house rules.
“We’ll have to be quiet then,” I whispered flirtatiously.
He rubbed his stubbly chin on my shoulder before opening his mouth to playfully bite me. It made me giggle again.
“I love it when you bite me!”
He twined our fingers together.
“I know,” he whispered. “And it also drives you crazy when I run my nose down your neck.”
“Yes,” I confirmed. “And it drives you insane when I bite your earlobe.”
I turned over to face him.
“My parents think I’m sleeping over at Jenny’s house tonight. Are you sure your parents are sleeping?”
He smiled and laughed softly, growling when he palmed my rear in his hand.
“Maybe tomorrow night we can go parking in that fancy car of yours,” I teased.
“I’ll have to do you on the hood,” he groaned seductively. “We can’t go parking in the Shelby tomorrow. We have a limo taking us to a hockey game, remember? How about this? If I promise to respect you in the morning, will you give me your virginity tonight?”
“Is it going to hurt?” I shyly asked, batting my eyes.
“I’ll be very gentle, I promise.”
The sound of Ryan’s mom clanging pots and pans down in the kitchen woke me up. I had promised her I’d help since she had planned to cook a feast.
“Ellen, this pi
e is ready to go in the oven.” I slid the glass pie dish out of my way and wiped the flour off of the recipe card. “What’s next?”
She handed me another recipe card.
“This is Ryan’s favorite,” she whispered.
“What’s Ryan’s favorite?” Ryan asked. He was sitting at the dining table with his legs stretched out, scanning through his cell phone.
“Pumpkin roll?” I answered.
He looked up and smiled. “Put extra filling stuff in it, please.”
Ellen stood next to me. “You’ll have to double the recipe for the cream cheese filling. I think I have enough of everything.”
I was reading the recipe card when I heard Ryan huff. He proceeded to text someone.
“Everything all right?” I asked.
“Come here. I want to show you something.”
He handed his phone to me and I read his reply.
“Flattered but not interested very happy w someone”
I looked at him, confused.
“Hit send,” he instructed. I did what he told me to do.
“What is this about?”
He slipped the phone out of my hand and tapped the screen a few times before handing it back to me. There was another text message.
“Hi! Next time ur in LA want to go out? Promise u will have good time all night guaranteed!”
I felt my lips curl in disgust after reading that. I handed his phone back to him. “Who’s that from? Anyone you even know?”
He tapped another button and showed me the name of the very famous actress who sent that message. I was shocked.
I looked at him and shook my head.
“Don’t get mad!” he cautioned. “I’m not interested in that. And you saw the exact message I sent back.” He took a sip of his coffee. “Besides, sleeping with her would be like sleeping with half of Los Angeles. Yuck!” He shuddered and stuck out his tongue, trying to be funny.
“How many of those offers do you get a day?” I asked.
“Don’t worry about it. All you need to know is how I reply back.”
“How many?” I asked again.
“How many guys ask you out each day?” he sharply retorted. “I’d say we’re just about tied.”
I stood at the sink, washing some of the dirty dishes while hoping that the overwhelming jealousy would burn away my other insecurities. He had met thousands of women, dated well-known actresses in the past, traveled the entire globe and visited exotic locations… why he would want to settle for just one woman when he could have so many was beyond me.