by Reber, Tina
“Who is this?” I asked. “Hello?”
I tore the paper off the pad and grabbed my purse.
“2950 West Palermo,” I read the address to the taxi driver and then shoved the paper back in my pocket. The rain came down in buckets, causing the car headlights to glare off the windshield. The skies were pitch black from the storm blasting Miami. The dark and ominous clouds brought the wind, which caused the rain to blow sideways. Loud thunder started to rumble between the lightning flashes.
I sat on the edge of the back seat, staring wildly out the front window of the taxi. I saw the road sign indicating Palermo Ave. My throat became tight with anticipation.
The taxi driver pulled over to the curb.
“2950 Palermo.” The driver pointed at the tall office building. “That’ll be fourteen-fifty.”
I grabbed a twenty out of my wallet; my hand shook as I handed it to him.
“Do you want a receipt?” he asked in a rough voice.
“No,” I said quickly, my hand was already pulling the lever on the door.
I gave the cab door a shove and hurried through the rain towards the shelter of the entrance. Frightening thunder rumbled through the sky; the earsplitting crack made me instinctively duck while it echoed loudly off of the tall buildings. I flinched from the sound; knowing my luck I’d probably get struck by lightning today too.
I looked at the big numbers on the gray stone building… 2950. It was a bank with several floors of offices above it.
I was utterly confused. What the? Was someone playing a cruel joke on me – sending me on some wild goose chase? I pulled the paper back out of my pocket to double check the address, but instead of the address, I was looking at Lauren’s note again. The note I held in my hand was definitely not a joke.
Restaurant on corner, my memory informed quickly. I looked up and down the street, unsure of which way to go. I was in the center of the block.
Fueled by the evidence clutched in my hand, I started walking fast down the sidewalk. The rain soaked through my clothes; my wet feet slipped uncomfortably inside my leather boots. My hair that was once nicely done was completely drenched. I shivered from the wind and pulled my purse back up on my shoulder.
I wished I had an umbrella to shield me from the rain. I flipped up the little collar of my shirt just to keep the water from dripping down my back.
Two men were standing near the corner, huddled next to a building, wearing plastic rain jackets. Both of them held cameras with long, white lenses covered by a clear plastic sheath. Their lenses pointed towards the opposite street corner.
I looked across the street to the window. There was the restaurant and there was Ryan, visible from the street. My breath caught from seeing him. Rain dripped from my hair and down my face; my mascara bled and burned my eyes as I tried to focus through the downpour.
I saw Ryan lift Lauren’s hand off the table. The two cameras clicked in a rhythmic hum.
He twisted the ring on her finger.
I felt the tears build in my eyes and unbearable pain cracked into my chest.
He picked her hand up and wrapped it in his, smiling at her before kissing her fingertips.
Horror and denial swirled through my soul like toxic fumes.
“No,” I whispered out in pain.
Then Ryan stood up from his chair, leaned across the table, and pressed his lips to hers. Right there in public… The cameras sounded like the knives that sliced my heart to shreds.
Anger, resentment, and pure hatred welled in me as the last fragment of my heart was torn from my chest. I made it halfway across the street before I was stopped by oncoming traffic.
A car came screeching to a halt, hydroplaning in the rain and missing me by inches. I was frozen in place; my eyes were locked on Ryan’s face. No other vision mattered.
The driver honked his horn repeatedly, but I couldn’t move. Part of me wished he would just hit me and end the pain once and for all.
Do it! Hit the gas and finish me!
Lightning flashed over my head but I didn’t flinch this time. It would take a direct hit by a bolt of electricity to restart my heart.
The driver was impatient; his hand stayed on the horn longer the second time.
“Why?” I sobbed in the street. Losing our unborn child was nothing compared to the excruciating pain I felt now.
Right at that moment, it happened – before my very eyes – my greatest love turned into nothing more than another man I wasn’t good enough for.
“Hey lady! Get out of the street!” the driver yelled at me through his open car window, blaring his horn at me again. I glanced in his direction; his viscous tone distracted me.
“What the hell is wrong with you? Are you trying to get yourself killed?” the man continued shouting.
What the hell was wrong with me?
The lights of the oncoming traffic made starbursts in my blurry eyes. I was crying so hard that I forgot where I was for a second. My feet moved unconsciously; I followed the yellow lines, hoping they would lead me to a place where the pain would stop.
My fingers found a door handle in the dark. I dropped Lauren’s poison-penned note, leaving it behind on the sidewalk. I didn’t need it with me anymore. I had witnessed all the proof I needed with my own eyes.
“Taryn!” my memory called out in a muffled tone, strangely in the sound of Ryan’s voice, but I couldn’t respond to it. Darkness had already taken me under.
“Where to Miss?” Some man asked me. “Miss?”
“Hu… home,” I breathed.
“And where is home?” the man asked.
My lips quivered as I found the will to speak. “Airport.”
Desolation and despair enveloped me again, choking my ability to breathe. All my hopes and dreams that involved Ryan were shattered.
My phone chimed that stupid ringtone, reminding me of his biggest lie that crushed my soul... he wasn’t mine anymore.
I rolled the car window down and tossed out my cell phone, releasing his song to the wind.
“Taryn?” I heard a man’s voice calling my name. My mind must really be playing tricks on me. Now I’m hearing voices. So this is what a nervous breakdown feels like. At least I’m not crying anymore.
“Taryn, wait up.”
My legs trudged on their own, instinctively following the rest of the people hurrying around me. If I follow them far enough, maybe the flashing lights will stop?
“Hey! What are you doing in the airport?”
My eyes glanced over to my right; someone was talking to me. That’s when I noticed Kyle’s face.
“Stop taking her picture! Enough guys!” he yelled.
I saw an arm press out in front of me, shielding me.
“Why are you soaking wet?” Kyle asked quietly. “Taryn, just keep walking.” Something annoying was pushing into my back, forcing me to walk forward faster.
I felt cold and numb and utterly devastated. Creeping death must be inside me now, devouring everything.
Kyle glanced around my feet. “Where is your luggage?” he muttered.
I looked down at my hands - they were empty and trembling. The edge of my blue cast stuck out the end of my sleeve; water dripped from the gauze packing.
I couldn’t remember if I was supposed to have anything in my hands or not. Instantly my chest tightened and it felt very hard to breathe.
“Hey, hey…” Kyle pulled me into his chest. “Calm down. Shh, it will be all right. I’m here.”
I tried to block him with my hands. I wanted him to stop touching me. No man would ever touch me again.
He whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry, babe. I’ll take care of you. Let’s get you home.”
Chapter 34 - Shattered
“Taryn, sweetie. Thank God!” Marie rushed to my bedside. “It’s gonna be okay. We’re here.” She wrenched her hands around my neck and shoulders to hug me.
Pete was frantically turning on all my bedroom lamps. It was dark outside so I presumed it
must be night again. My eyes were swollen; I had a hard time focusing them in the new light.
“Should I call Nine-One-One?” Tammy asked in a panic from the opening where my bedroom door once stood.
Marie ran her hand across my face to wipe my hair from my eyes.
“Taryn, talk to me. Do you need to go to the hospital?” Marie’s voice cracked when she asked.
Extreme sadness burst back into my chest and I started to weep again. I doubted any hospital in the world would be able to mend a shattered heart.
“I don’t think she needs an ambulance, Tammy,” Pete said from the other side of my bed. I felt him pet my hair.
“Oh, Taryn, it will be all right!” Marie hugged me tightly. “Sweetie, what happened?”
“It’s… over,” I choked out. It was pure agony to say the words out loud.
Marie looked over at Pete and shook her head.
“Tell us what happened,” Marie whispered.
“I saw him with her,” I uttered between sobs. “I saw it with my own eyes. He touched her face, and kissed her hand, and I watched as he leaned over the table to kiss her. Right there in the restaurant for everyone to see.” The magnitude of my admission crushed me again.
“Who, Taryn? Who was he with?” Pete asked gently.
“Lauren. He was with Lauren. All the rumors about them… they’re true.” I barely had the will to speak.
“Taryn, Ryan was filming,” Marie spoke cautiously.
I stared at her face through my tears, wondering why she believed him.
“Sure he was. That’s why the paparazzi were there,” I muttered.
She grimaced at me. “What’s all over your shirt?”
I looked at my chest, noticing yellow spots on the fabric.
“I think I threw up last night,” I sputtered. Another crack of unbearable sadness struck my heart.
“Come on; let’s get you in the shower.” She tore the blankets off my body and wrapped her arm around my back to help me out of bed.
“Have you eaten anything?” Marie asked, walking me to the bathroom.
I felt confused and weak. I couldn’t remember when I ate last. When I shook my head, the motion made me feel dizzy.
“Tammy, see if you can make something for Taryn to eat,” Marie requested.
“I’m not hungry,” I whispered. I deserved to feel the emptiness inside my chest. After all, it was the result of my own stupidity.
“Taryn! You have to eat!” Marie scolded, turning on the shower.
“What happened to your cast?” She peeled a big chunk of the casing off. The gauze padding was hanging out over my hand.
“I got it wet,” I answered, pulling on a piece of cotton thread that hung out from the hole around my thumb.
“Pete, do you have any tape? Look at this! It’s falling apart. I’ll call her doctor tomorrow.”
Pete came back with his toolbox. I wished he would have just cut it off instead of wrapping it in silver tape.
“Why didn’t you call us, Taryn? We’re your friends!” Tammy stressed, pulling my sweatpants off my body. “You’re not alone in this!”
“Tammy, let’s just get her washed.” Marie pulled my T-shirt off over my head and tossed it across the bathroom. “We need to wrap her cast in plastic first.”
“I’ll go strip her bed then,” Tammy volunteered. “Are these her antidepressants? Here Taryn, take this. Drink.”
“Can you stand or do you want me to run a bath?” Marie asked, pushing back the shower curtain.
I stepped into the shower, noticing that the bruises on my stomach were almost completely gone but I had a fresh black and blue mark on my thigh. I couldn’t remember how I got that one.
The hot water actually felt good on my skin although it stung a little on my face where I had been rubbing my eyes.
I used my right hand to push the water through my hair, hoping that the stream would somehow reach my memories and cleanse them of the nightmares.
A few long strands of hair dislodged and tangled around my fingers like a spider web. Oh how I wished they would have been strong enough to pull the misery from my mind before breaking away from my head!
Marie handed my toothbrush to me. “Brush your teeth while you’re in there.”
I let the water stream into my dry mouth, swallowing some to quench my thirst. I was feeling weak and tired and utterly miserable, so I leaned up on the wall.
Will I ever find the strength to move on?
The shrill of a cell phone ringing startled me. I knew it wasn’t mine. My cell phone was probably in pieces on a Florida highway by now.
“We found her,” I heard Marie whisper. “She’s in the apartment…” Her voice trailed off.
I knew it was Ryan she was talking to. I wondered why he even cared. Maybe he was feeling guilty for crushing me? I had no pity for him. He could wallow in his guilt for the rest of his life for all I cared.
The shower curtain pulled back slightly and Marie popped her head into the opening.
“You’re not going to get clean that way!” She frowned at me. “It helps if you actually let the water touch your body.”
She pushed her sleeves up on her arms and turned the water diverter to shut the overhead shower off.
“Here, let me help. Sit down in the tub.” Marie pushed the drain plug down and started to fill the tub with hot water. She swirled her hand around in the water by my feet.
“Sandy said that she’s having a bunch of specials down at the salon this month. We should go get our nails done. She has this new foot soak stuff; she says it smells like peppermint…”
“Who were you just talking to on the phone?” I interrupted her.
She stopped washing my shoulders and put more soap on the sponge. Her lips pursed together and I knew she didn’t want to say his name.
“I wasn’t talking to anyone,” she lied. “Here, wash your body.” She squeezed some shampoo onto my hair.
“Sandy also told me about this new shampoo she got that has seaweed and plankton mixed in it, but I told her that it didn’t sound very appealing. I mean have you smelled the ocean lately? Who wants to wash their hair with crap floating in the o…”
“Marie, I heard you talking to someone,” I interrupted again. “Please don’t lie.”
Her fingers froze for a moment in my hair.
“I love you, Taryn. We all love you. You are the closest thing I have to a sister in this world. And I know you are in pain right now, so I want to help you get past it so you can see things clearly.” I felt her fingernails scrub my scalp.
“You know exactly who I was just talking to. I know you’re upset, so I’m not going to say his name out loud, but he is the reason we knew to look for you,” Marie admitted. “He called me. He called Pete. He begged us to get through to you when you wouldn’t answer his calls. None of us even knew you came home.”
“I don’t want you talking to him anymore,” I commanded hoarsely.
“Let’s just finish getting you clean and then we’re going to get some food into your body. You need to re-examine the situation with a fresh attitude, okay sweetie?” Marie dismissed my order.
“Promise me you won’t talk to him anymore. It’s over,” I whispered.
“I can’t do that,” she muttered.
“Promise me!” I begged, looking her in the eyes.
“No!” Marie said with conviction. “I will not promise that!”
“Then choose – right now – him or me!” I demanded with new tears in my eyes.
“Tammy? Can you get me a big plastic cup from the kitchen please?” Marie yelled over her shoulder. “Wash your stinky pits. You smell like shit,” she fired back, rummaging through the cabinet below the sink. “Here’s a new razor.”
I took it from her hand and threw it at the garbage can. “Those aren’t mine. You can throw all of those blue ones in the garbage.”
“Listen! I know you’re hurting. And I also know you’re miserable and confused. But don’t
piss me off on top of it!”
Tammy handed her a cup. Marie repeatedly filled it with water and dumped it on my head to rinse my hair.
“I made spaghetti,” Tammy informed while Marie was helping me get dressed. “That’s about all the food she has in this apartment. I’ll have to go grocery shopping.”
“Thanks, Tammy,” Marie said. “But I think it’s time that Taryn resumes her life. Tonight we’ll just relax and make sure she eats and takes her medicine. Tomorrow she is going to get out of this apartment and start pulling her life back together.”
Marie tossed a T-shirt from the dresser to me. It was one of Ryan’s.
“This isn’t mine, it’s his.” I cast the shirt aside on the bed.
“So what? Put it on.” Marie tossed it back to me. “Maybe you’ll remember all the reasons why you love him and used to trust him?”
The sobbing started again. “I don’t want to remember.” I threw the liar’s shirt at the wall. “The sooner I can forget the better.”
“Does it smell like him?” Marie asked, sniffing the cotton shirt she retrieved from the floor. “No? Well I can fix that.”
She took his bottle of cologne off the dresser and spritzed his shirt. Then she spritzed the air a few times, wafting the air with her arms.
“Stop! Don’t do that!” I cried out. I didn’t want to deal with anything that reminded me of him.
“Stop what? Stop remembering the man who loves you? Stop remembering that he exists?” Marie yelled.
“Marie!” Tammy barked. “Is that really necessary right now?”
“Yes! Yes it is! It’s called ‘tough love’ and she needs to snap her ass back into reality as quickly as possible!” Marie insisted, stabbing her finger at me. “Time is of the essence here.”
She threw his T-shirt at me. “Put it on,” she ordered - almost a dare.
“Go to hell!” I spit my words at her.
Marie spritzed his cologne in the air again. The smell of his scent permeated the air, reminding me of happier times.
“So help me God, I will kick your ass if you do it again!” I screamed at her.
“Go ahead and try! You’re so weak from starving yourself that a light breeze could blow you over,” she sneered. “Put on Ryan’s shirt.”