by Reber, Tina
“If you were going to leave a note for someone who was supposedly still asleep, wouldn’t you put it where they would see it, like on a table or the nightstand? How did it get on top of the bed?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I answered. “And it doesn’t change the fact that there was some girl’s black panties on his floor, Marie. Maybe he’s not sleeping with Lauren, but he had some girl in his bedroom.”
“Taryn! Ryan is not screwing around on you! Was his bed made or was it still slept in?” she asked.
“It was made,” I said, wondering what her point was.
“Housekeeping,” she said, drawing some conclusion.
At this point the damage was already done. The only thing left to question was whether the damage was irreparable or not.
“I’ve been feeling like all the odds have been stacked against us from the very beginning,” I muttered. “As if that wasn’t hard enough, fate keeps throwing Kyle at me on top of it. If it wasn’t for him, I’d probably still be wandering around in a daze in the Miami airport.”
“Taryn, what was Kyle doing in the airport?”
“You know, I asked him that on the plane. He said he was there on a job but his assignment was finished. Ryan said he saw Kyle on one of the sets last week. Ryan called Kyle’s company to have him removed, so Kyle wasn’t supposed to be in Miami anymore. Ryan told me that Kyle was instructed by his company to stay away from me.”
“I know,” Marie admitted.
My wide eyes locked onto her face. I hadn’t told her about Kyle being in Florida. That was a fight between Ryan and me that I kept to myself.
“You know the paparazzi took your picture with him in the airport. That’s why Ryan is so pissed,” Marie informed cautiously. “There are pictures of Kyle hugging you.”
I threw the covers off and hurried to my computer. Pete and Tammy were in the living room watching Sunday night television.
I searched one of the online sources for paparazzi photos that I knew of. It was hard to get past the viscous headlines.
“Oh God!” I groaned, viewing pictures of me looking like a drowned rat. “Does Ryan think I look happy to see Kyle in any of these shots?”
I studied the picture of Kyle hugging and consoling me. “Look, my arms are straight. I’m not even hugging him back. And here it looks like I’m pushing him away from me. How could Ryan even think that I have feelings for this guy?”
“How could you ever doubt Ryan’s love for you?” Tammy whispered.
“I never doubted Ryan before, but when I saw the love letter and the panties… and then got a phone call telling me that he was with the other woman at that moment – what was I supposed to think?” I retorted.
I looked back at the pictures on my computer. “When I was on the plane to come home, I guess I started to agree with Kyle. He said that all things happen for a reason and maybe it was better that all this happened now instead of having Ryan leave me after we’re married and bring children into this world. That’s usually when all the celebrity marriages end.”
Marie groaned angrily. “That slick bastard.”
I looked at a few more pictures, reliving the devastation I felt at the time they were taken all over again.
“The note said that he’d let this go on long enough. I didn’t know what to believe.” My fingers trailed down my computer screen.
Marie couldn’t wait any longer; she punched a few keys on her cell phone. “Ryan, what did you find out?”
I knew Ryan had Marie’s cell number; I never knew Marie had his.
“Housekeeping said there weren’t any undergarments on the floor when they made his bed,” Marie whispered over the phone to me.
She informed him about how the bellboy must have put the note on the bed and her suspicions about Kyle’s involvement.
“He wants to talk to you.” Marie smiled, holding out her cell.
“Hi,” I whispered apprehensively. I didn’t know how he would react to me.
“Hi,” Ryan said softly. “Are you okay?”
“No,” I admitted; the burn of remorse seeped into my chest. “I thought I lost you.”
“Tar, Honey…” He breathed heavily. “Why, I mean, how could you think?” Ryan’s voice cracked.
“I yelled for you. I ran after you!” His speech quivered. “I didn’t know why you left me.”
“The note… it said you were going to end it with me. I thought… you and Lauren.” The tears streamed down my cheeks. “I was going to wait and show it to you and make you tell me to my face that she was what you wanted, but then some man called and I saw you in the restaurant… I didn’t know you were filming… I swear I didn’t know.”
“So you were going to give up? Just like that?” Ryan asked.
“If Lauren is what you need to be happy, what’s the point in fighting? Would it ever make a difference and change your mind if you wanted someone else? I’ve been there before, Ryan. Once one person in the relationship veers off course, there’s nothing that can bring them back.”
He was silent. I could hear him breathing. His lack of conversation frightened me even further, but I waited.
“How…” he choked on his words. “How can we ever… make it… if you don’t believe in me?”
The hollow pain shot back into my chest. He was veering off course.
“I do believe in you!” I defended. “I do.” My words came in pleading whispers. “But how was I to take evidence that stated otherwise?”
Ryan’s breathing became louder, labored.
“What happens the next time some fan sends some bullshit letter that you think is real? Are we going to be right back in this same spot again?” he snapped angrily.
“No, we won’t, because reading some letter that arrives in the mail is a lot different than finding a love note from your co-star ex-girlfriend and silk panties that aren’t mine on the floor next to your bed in your hotel room.”
“I’m afraid now that you’ll never be able to trust me,” he muttered.
I could hear it in his voice and I knew him well enough to know he was trying to convince himself otherwise.
“That depends…” I uttered softly, wiping my tears.
“On what?”
“If you give me a chance to have a next time,” I sighed, fearing his answer. If he wanted an out, here was his opportunity.
Ryan huffed in my ear. “I don’t know,” he murmured. “Tar, I’m an actor. This is what I do. If you can’t trust me…”
I closed my eyes as new tears burned my face.
“What about you?” I asked, my tears clogged my throat. “Are you going to think I’m having affairs with other men when you’re not around? You think I arranged to run to the arms of that asshole? I still don’t remember how I ended up at the airport, Ryan.”
I wiped the back of my hand across my eyes.
“I’ve seen the pictures of me in the terminal. Do I look happy in any of them, because I thought they were an accurate representation of how completely devastated I was.”
“I know,” Ryan sighed. “I’m trying to get past the fact that it’s Kyle in these pictures, but I can see how torn up you are.”
For a moment, we were both silent. I was remembering the almost catatonic state I was in when those pictures were taken. Ryan was apparently logged on to his computer. Even still, one question remained unanswered.
“Just tell me, whose black panties were in your bedroom?” I asked, careful not to accuse him.
“Honey, I swear I don’t know. I have no idea how they got there, but I can tell you that I’m going to find out. I swear to God there is no one else.”
“You swear?” I asked for his vow.
“On my life,” he confirmed.
“Taryn, you know that I love you, but if you can’t trust me, you have to let me know now.”
“I want to trust you, I do. I love you so much!” I broke down again. “Please, please… just for one moment… put yourself in my shoes.”
> He breathed heavily. “Why do relationships have to be so damn complicated?”
I thought about every wonderful moment we spent together and the times when things became difficult.
“Our relationship only got complicated when we allowed other influences to affect it. Things were perfect when we stayed hidden away in our apartment.”
Ryan laughed lightly. I hoped he was picturing holding me just as much as I was picturing being in his arms.
“So where do we go from here?” he asked.
I remembered saying the same line to him once earlier in our relationship when we were at a crossroads. There was only one reply that fit.
“We give it a chance,” I whispered his line back to him.
Chapter 35 – Answers
“My arm feels strange,” I muttered, rubbing my hand over the skin on my left arm for the first time in six weeks. “It looks smaller too.” I pulled my shirt and coat sleeve back down to stifle the chill I got from the cold weather.
Marie took her eyes off the road for a second and smiled at me.
After the nightmarish last few days, I was finally able to start seeing things clearly.
“So tell me – how did you know where Ryan was planning on taking me for my birthday?” I asked, wondering how she was going to avoid answering. Marie had been very careful with her answers last night, skirting around subjects and giving me cryptic replies.
She was quiet for a moment. I could tell she was thinking about what to say before she said it.
“Ryan told me so we’d cover the bar while you were gone,” she replied easily.
“Oh.” I nodded.
Her reply seemed almost rehearsed. I sensed there was more to it than what she was willing to share, so, while we were on the subject, I tossed out my next question.
“And how did you and Tammy know about the evening gowns?” I stared at her while she drove.
She sighed heavily. “Ryan asked me to verify your shoe size because he wasn’t sure if you wore a seven or a seven and a half. Considering how banged up you were, he wanted you to feel glamorous on your birthday.”
Marie nudged me in the leg. “Do you have any idea how freaking lucky you are?”
I thought about her statement. Several reasons for me to feel lucky came to mind. First and foremost was the fact that the SUV didn’t kill me.
She glanced over when I didn’t answer.
“Do you know what Gary got me for my birthday?”
“I know he took you to dinner,” I remembered. “Didn’t he buy you a bracelet?”
“That was for our wedding anniversary. No, for my birthday we went to McD’s and then he took me to CostMart so we could get a new air filter for my car. I got a cheeseburger and an air filter, Taryn!”
“Did he at least change your oil too?” I teased.
“No! And it took him almost two weeks to put the damn filter in my car!”
I couldn’t help but laugh at her.
“I tell ya, that Ryan Christensen is one hell of a romantic guy," Marie blurted, but then, very suddenly, she appeared to have said too much.
“What do you mean – romantic?” I asked, hoping she’d explain her interpretation of the word.
“Nah,” she muttered. “Just the dresses and stuff.”
I felt terrible – Ryan never got to see his planning come to fruition. I stared at Marie; there was more to her thoughts, but she apparently had reasons not to share them.
“I really blew it, huh?” I muttered the obvious.
Marie shrugged and shook her head. “If you would have only stayed in his suite for fifteen more minutes.”
“Oh, now what?” I groaned, wondering what else I screwed up.
“You don’t want to know,” she dismissed.
She glanced over at me quickly, observing my “just tell me already before I kill you” facial expression.
“Masseuse, makeup artist, hair stylist… Ryan hired a team to pamper you,” Marie uttered.
“Oh… fuck…” The word slipped through my lips.
“Yep!” Marie concurred. “Taryn, if you want a marriage to survive, you have to be willing to fight for it,” she counseled.
“I think I’ve learned my lesson,” I admitted. “Marie, you know I’ve been really worried. After the accident and with losing the baby, I knew he was blaming himself. Part of me still wonders how long we’ll last before he moves on to a relationship that doesn’t cause him pain.”
Marie rolled her eyes and groaned.
“I wish I could be so sure about things as you all appear to be,” I defended my current level of insecurity.
“If you only knew,” she muttered under her breath.
“Okay! What the hell is that supposed to mean? I heard you mumble over there, so tell me already. What is it that I obviously don’t know?”
“Come on, lady! Gas is on the right!” Marie complained about the slow car in front of us.
“Marie!” I shouted.
“What?” she shouted back at me.
“Thirteen years we’ve been best friends. Thirteen!”
Marie’s phone chimed, saving her from having to answer my question.
“Hey, what’s up?” she said happily.
“I’m telling you, Ryan, I’m willing to bet she told Kyle about your dinner plans. I’m sure that would have set him off. I’m waiting out in the car for Taryn; she ran into the store for bread.” Marie covered her lips with her finger so I’d stay quiet.
“She just had her cast cut off at the doctor’s and now I’m going to take her for a new cell phone.”
Marie held the phone away from her ear again. Ryan was apparently upset about something.
“Sorry! I didn’t know this required a security escort! Okay, okay…” she said sarcastically. “I’ll make sure she calls that big refrigerator-sized Jamaal guy from now on. But it’s too late now - we’re already out. You know she won’t go for that. Fine. Fine! I’ll see what I can do. Okay! Jeez!”
Marie dropped her cell phone back in her purse. “He can be a real pain in the ass sometimes,” she mumbled.
Things were not making sense to me. Why would Kyle get pissed if Ryan took me out to dinner? Even if Ryan took me to an expensive restaurant, which of course he would have, why would that set Kyle off?
“Marie - what the hell is going on?” I said in a tone demanding an explanation.
She took a deep breath. She was silent for a long time before she answered. “Kyle was poking his nose around down in Florida.”
“I know that,” I admitted.
“Well, the part you probably don’t know is that Kyle told a few people that you asked him to go down there. Word got back to Ryan that you sent Kyle to see if Ryan was cheating on you.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” I groaned and rubbed my face. “You know I didn’t do that, right? I swear I had nothing to do with him being there.”
“I know. Ryan and I had a long talk about it too,” she admitted. “Mike checked with his boss at Protection Services. Kyle was reassigned immediately, but instead of going on the new assignment he took two weeks of personal vacation time. That’s when he stayed in Florida. Kyle knew you were coming.”
“I can’t believe Kyle would do all of this! What did he think? That I wouldn’t find out?” I shouted. “How convenient that he was in the airport at the right time. He was probably following me.”
“Ryan said he saw Kyle going in and out of Lauren’s trailer a lot. I wonder if she was doing him?” Marie mused.
“No wonder Ryan was so mad the other day when I talked to him… Kyle was going after all of his women.” Anxiety started to take me down again. “Marie, you know what… just take me home, please.”
“No, I’m taking you for a new phone. You and Ryan need to keep in touch and work this out,” she stated emphatically.
“Why? I haven’t spoken to him since last night. You’ve talked to him more than I have. You keep saying stuff to me about marriage, heck, I’ll b
e lucky if this relationship lasts another week.”
“That’s it! I’ve had enough of your negativity. God! Arg!” she groaned at me. “And you wonder why I slapped you last night. I want to slap you again right now! Taryn, just TRUST me!” she shouted as she turned the car ignition off.
“When we go in there I think you should get a log of all the calls made to your number. We’re going to find out just who the hell called you that day in Florida,” Marie said as we walked towards the store. “Oh, and Ryan asked me to try and convince you to use his credit card to pay for the new cell. He wants to replace it for you.”
I huffed as I opened the door. “I don’t think so.”
“Don’t fight it. You need to get used to spending your husband’s millions,” Marie kidded me.
I scoffed at her comment. My mind was elsewhere.
“I wonder if Lauren’s boyfriend knows that Kyle was inside her trailer?” I was thinking about Lauren’s fidelity or lack thereof and if her boyfriend was pissed.
“What boyfriend?” Marie asked. She stopped walking.
“Isn’t she involved with that actor, Lucas Banks? That’s the guy she dumped Ryan for, right?” I figured Marie would be up on the latest celebrity gossip.
Marie drew in a big breath. “Tar, she hasn’t been with Lucas for months. Lauren told Ryan that she and Lucas were still together and madly in love, but I just sent a link to Ryan’s phone this morning of pictures of Luc and some model kissing in public to show him that Lauren has been lying.”
“Why are you sending pictures?” I felt lightheaded again. “Why does Ryan care about any of that?” My thoughts immediately returned to visions of Ryan and Lauren together.
“Ryan and I both think that Kyle didn’t act alone in this. I think Lauren wanted you out of the way so she could get back with Ryan,” she said quietly.
The old, familiar burning feeling entered back into my chest.
The minute we returned to my apartment, Marie went right to work, analyzing my cell phone history and making phone calls.
“This is going to be harder than I thought,” she groaned. “Customer Service is telling me that this number is a payphone in Miami.”
She drew another circle around the numbers on my cell phone call log and then dropped the pen onto my kitchen table.