by Suzan Battah
She tried to remain calm and lighten the current black mood hanging between them. But he was too pissed off. He couldn’t even look at her. “This is not how a relationship is supposed to be,” he forced out between clenched teeth. “Did you do it on purpose?”
She rolled her eyes. He couldn’t possibly be serious. “What? Don’t be ridiculous. My phone died. And I take full blame for not calling you back and letting you know. But I did leave a message at the Augustine…”
Chris cut her off with an impatient wave of his hand. Then he stopped and repeated what she had said. “You left a message at the Augustine?”
“Yes, as soon as I sorted the mess out. I called your office, but you were in a meeting. Now, if your assistant is incompetent, that is not my problem.”
He lifted an arrogant brow. “You were annoyed with my interference. That’s why you didn’t ring me direct. You do have my cell number.”
“Okay, I was a little annoyed with you. I’m sorry I missed your calls. But Chris, really… what does it matter?”
His eyes darkened with annoyance. Every time she spoke his eyes would widen, then narrow and darken. She wasn’t appeasing him at all, only making the situation worse. “This isn’t how a relationship is supposed to work.”
“Oh, come on!” Julia tried to make a joke of it. “So tell me, how is a relationship is supposed to be? I’m not sure what to make of our relationship. We have to schedule time to see each other, is that normal? We’re just having fun anyway.” She gave a strained laugh, her heart beating erratically in her chest. He was being so serious.
“This isn’t a joke, Julia. We’re just having fun? That’s an insult.”
She couldn’t believe the sudden turnaround in the discussion. Her mouth felt dry. Getting a glass of water, she drank deeply. He came up behind her. His hands circling her hips, and he kissed her neck tenderly. “We are connected, and that’s not just a fling.”
Julia shrugged offhandedly. How did they manage to get into an argument about the two of them? Just because she forgot to charge her cell phone, they were in the middle of a serious discussion. And she didn’t want this to be serious. “We’re from different worlds, yet we manage. There’s your idea and my idea of what we are.” She shrugged again. “We don’t always have to think the same.”
He released her in an instant. “I live in a different world to yours, right? You’re the one living in a world of her own.”
Shaking his head, he grabbed her arms and pulled her close toward him. She could feel the intense emotion radiating from him as he pressed her hand next to his heart.
“Can you feel that? That’s what it felt like when you didn’t answer your phone for two hours!” His voice rose considerably.
“I’m sorry.”
“My heart tightened and I couldn’t breathe. I thought something bad had happened to you. I called the hospital.”
Taken aback by the emotion behind his words and the shimmering stare of his eyes, the sudden force of understanding gripped her. With her hand flattened against his chest, she could feel the anxious rhythm beneath her fingers. She pulled away, shocked. He had been scared for her. The reality sank in. She remembered that feeling all too long ago and she didn’t like how it made her feel.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” She tried to comfort him but he let her go, moving away. When she reached out to touch his cheek, he turned from her, shifting his shoulder so she wouldn’t touch him. The rejection hurt. Julia frowned because the look on Chris’ face made her heart squeeze painfully. He looked so hurt. It wasn’t until that moment that she really saw deep down the feelings between them.
“I’m going home. I should’ve known what you meant the first time you said you didn’t want a relationship. It would have caused a lot fewer problems,” he muttered. “You actually meant it, literally. I’m glad you’re okay.”
Julia grabbed onto his arm frantically, turning his face so that he was looking at her as she tried to find the words. The sour taste stuck in her throat. Pain constricted in her chest, and now the thought of losing him was driving her actions.
“I care about you. I care about you so much,” she whispered. “I’m still learning so much about you. I’m sorry you were worried. I thought we were just having fun. It was only supposed to be fun, nothing serious.”
“Is that how you think I feel?” he demanded harshly. Grabbing her chin, he forced her to look at him, as she had just done to him. “When you asked me to go away with you, were you just playing with me!”
She glanced away, unwilling to see the intensity in the depths of his eyes. To see would mean to believe there was much more between them. She wasn’t prepared for that yet.
“Damn it, Julia.” Chris banged his fist against the kitchen table, frustration making him on edge and jerky. “Don’t just close off and dismiss what we feel. I can’t keep my hands off you and I don’t want to just fool around.”
Julia closed her eyes, saying sadly, “There’s so much you don’t know about me.”
“I know you’re hiding something. There’s a secret and you’re afraid to share it. I want to know what you’re afraid of.”
Julia’s chest heaved up and down. Everything was coming out right now. He knows I’m hiding something.
She felt her head throb. His eyes were looking straight through her. She was lost as to what she should say or do. She just knew that she didn’t want to lose him. She tried to pull him down for a kiss, but he resisted and turned away when she attempted again.
“Why won’t you kiss me?” She kept trying to get closer, but he held her away. Now he was the one closed off, his expression unreadable.
“Are you going to talk to me?”
“If I said I don’t want to talk about it, what would you do?” she asked carefully.
It took a moment of reflection and thought. “I have to go,” he said finally, “or I’ll say something stupid.”
She was waiting, but he didn’t answer her question. He approached her, brushing her fringe behind her ear. Framing her face with his hands, he kissed her lips. But the moment she reached out to bring him closer into an embrace, he let go and walked away.
Chapter Fifteen
Chris felt terrible. He was the biggest fool twice over. He knew drinking wasn’t the answer, but even so, he had gotten out a bottle of his best tequila and used this along with a few beers to drown in his sorrow. Brooding was the only thing he felt like doing. He had been so close to breaking through to her and now he was sitting alone in his hated condo, wishing Julia was sitting beside him.
After leaving Julia, he had driven around for half an hour. He had finally stopped off at the pier to calm himself down before heading back to his Key Biscayne condo to mope. He hated the condo so moping came hand in hand with his surroundings.
The place was covered with plastic drop sheets, buckets of paint and brushes with sheets of newspaper scattered everywhere. A few design books were open on the coffee table, reminding him of Julia. Not that he needed any reminders.
A late movie was playing on the television. He glared at it, but his sour mood didn’t stop the cheery display on the screen. He switched the thing off and threw the remote across the room. He growled, playing the scene of their argument over and over again in his head.
What is she hiding? Why is she so scared?
The buzzer rang on the intercom. Chris muttered and got up to see who wanted to disturb his brooding. “What?” he grumbled, allowing all the bitterness out in that one word.
“Chris, can I come up?” Julia’s voice drifted over him.
It was like a celebration erupted in his body. She had come back to him. “Sure,” he spoke gruffly, pressing the security lock to let her through the gate. He opened his door, waiting.
When she got closer, she halted when she saw him standing there leaning against the doorjamb. He relaxed his arms, encouraging her to come forward. He wanted her more than ever, and just looking at her made his stomach knot with t
he familiar desire.
She approached him slowly. When she finally reached him, she touched his arm, rubbing upward toward his shoulder. His skin came alive at her touch.
“I’m sorry for what happened. I just want you and everything that you want,” she murmured, shaky and nervous. “I want you, whatever it takes. Tell me we’re okay.”
“It’s okay.” Chris opened his arms, giving her the opportunity to move closer into his space. She kissed his bare chest and neck.
“I’m sorry, forgive me. I won’t let you go,” she whispered into his ear. “Please just give me time. It’s hard for me to express what I feel. I care about you, Chris. I really do. I didn’t mean to make you…”
Chris hushed her gently, cradling her in his arms. He thought his heart began to sing the moment she said those words. She said them so quietly he knew it to be true. So whatever they were, her doubts had nothing to do with love. Her fear came from some other source. And given time, he would squash it into the ground.
He kissed her on the nose, lifting her into his arms. She smiled, a little surprised, as he closed the door behind them.
“In a couple of seconds, I’ll be the one apologizing,” he whispered, nipping lightly at her neck, as he lay her down on the couch. Then he ever so gently began to caress her body, slipping her panties down her legs. Her surprise turned to quick delight, and he grinned at her response.
It didn’t take long for her to respond to his passionate heat. His hands held her naked buttocks in a firm grip. It felt just right to Chris. He grinned, content with making up this way. She belonged with him. Julia raked her nails deep in his arms and Chris soaked in the pleasure of her hot, wet tightness.
They moaned together as the sensations began to overwhelm them. He moved with slow rhythmic thrusts before picking up a faster pace. Julia tilted her hips forward, which set them off on a tidal wave of pleasure. Both joined in their release at once.
When their pulses calmed to semi-normal, Julia let out a satisfied breath, her arms still shaky. He brushed her hair away from her face, as his breathing and heart returned to its regular pace.
“Am I forgiven for spontaneous combustion?” he asked, cheekily. She rubbed his jaw, still rough because he hadn’t shaved.
Resting back against the couch, a smile brightening her face, she traced a finger down the center of his chest, to his abdomen, further to the waistband of his pants.
“For the best three minutes of my life. No way.”
“Three minutes?” He laughed, resting his head on her shoulder, while they got their breath back. “Pretty sure it lasted longer.”
“Maybe three and a half minutes.” She sighed mockingly.
He couldn’t stop laughing then. Julia relaxed in his arms and played with his hair, then ran her hands up and down his back. Several heartbeats passed while they lay together in blissful silence.
Chris felt so much relief that they had overcome the drama of the day. It still amazed him how they were evolving as a couple. He hadn’t expected such a passionate relationship.
“Do you think we have too much sex?” she asked softly into the silence.
He chuckled. “Sometimes.”
“Don’t you think that’s strange?” She lifted his chin so he could look at her face, tired and adorably sexy.
“No, just very lucky.” He leaned over to kiss her lips nice and slow. “It gets better each time.”
***
Late Wednesday afternoon, Julia was soaking in a bubble bath in Chris’ tub. They preferred to have a lazy day where all they did was relax. No work, no phone calls allowed on their cell phones, just complete relaxation. Her family were starting to get suspicious, their curiosity about her relationship with Chris was making them nosey. With no calls allowed, Julia was grateful today of all days. Normally, Sundays were the best days for them both. However, this lazy day turned out to be on Wednesday this particular time.
A half hour later, Julia came out of the bedroom with a beaming smile on her face. She flopped into a heap onto the couch with a delighted hum of pleasure.
“That was so good.” She hugged her body.
Chris glanced at Julia briefly, but went back to checking his emails on his laptop. Clearly, he was going against their pact of “no work lazy days,” and she shook her head in disapproval.
“Are you working?” she demanded, kneeling to peek over the back of the couch at him. He was sitting on a barstool at the kitchen counter, still glaring at his laptop screen.
“No. Who is Carlos?”
She fell silent. She mustn’t have heard him right. Finally, she went on as if he hadn’t asked that. “Well, I feel fantastic after that bath. Chris, I thought we weren’t going to work today.”
“I asked, who is Carlos?”
Julia blanched. She felt his anger in his tense body and heard it in his tight tone. She didn’t want to tell him. It felt like her world was collapsing around her.
“What?” She swallowed with difficulty, her breath stopping in her lungs. She knew she had heard him right the first time. Hearing her late husband’s name in his voice made her sick. She didn’t know how to talk about Carlos without breaking down. How was she to explain that to Chris?
“You heard me.”
Being confronted so unexpectedly put her on the defensive in an instant. “Who told you about Carlos?” she asked, a little stiff in her movements as she sat up.
He stopped what he was doing, spinning on the bar stool to give her his full attention. “First, answer my question, Julia. Who’s Carlos?”
How do I tell him? How do I tell him? How do I tell him?
Her two worlds, past and present, were colliding. She wanted to throw up. “He’s just… he was… uhm, oh God.” She couldn’t say it.
Chris turned away, unable to look at her. She didn’t want to lose him, but she just couldn’t open up. As moments of silence stretched uncomfortably, he became even more annoyed. Then he stood, the bar stool toppling, and headed straight for the bedroom. Julia tried to beat him to the door before he could shut the door on her, but she crumpled to the floor. She banged her hand against the carpet. She lifted herself up, waiting for him to come out. He swung the door wide and she surprised him by grabbing him.
“Christophe, please, it’s hard for me to explain. It’s not what you’re thinking. Carlos is gone… he’s gone. Carlos is dead.”
Chris took in a deep breath, bracing his hand against the doorjamb. “Okay.”
Ever so gently, she touched his bare chest, needing to still feel the connection between them. Despite all the emotional turmoil, he did not reject her touch. She rested her cheek against his shoulder and his hand skimmed down over her head. Then ever so softly, he placed a kiss against her temple.
“Who was he to you?”
“It’s hard for me to talk about Carlos,” she said, hoping he would drop the subject.
“Why?”
“Look, you really don’t want to know. It’s complicated.”
Chris shook his head, going into the kitchen for a glass of juice. When he returned, he said, “I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t want to know. And will you stop pussy-footing around the issue. Just tell me who was he. Damn it, why can’t you tell me?”
“Because I loved him!”
Her declaration echoed throughout the penthouse. Their eyes met in a sudden battle. Chris didn’t say anything. The look of surprise and hurt flickered across his face before he looked away.
Coldly, he cleared his throat before speaking, “Well, while you were in the bath, your mother called to remind you about tonight’s celebration. She insisted you be ready at six. I’m going for a surf.”
“Chris, please just give me time.”
He ignored her, disappearing into the bathroom. A few moments later, he came out in his board shorts.
“Christophe?”
He didn’t answer, not even looking back. The door banged heavily behind him on his way out.
She knew she had to
tell him about Carlos. But she didn’t know how to tell him and if she had it her way, she wouldn’t talk about it at all. The weariness of sorrow came over her and she crawled into his bed. Taking a deep breath, she thought about how to set things right.
Julia tried to rest, waiting for Chris to come back. She couldn’t relax at all. She tried to read a book, but her mind kept wandering as the clock ticked by. There was still no sign of Chris.
When two hours had passed, Chris still hadn’t come back. She ventured out onto the balcony, hoping to see him below. The beach strip was quickly becoming deserted. Surfers were packing up and moving off the beach. It was clear that a storm was coming. Wind gusts were blowing sand everywhere and the waves were choppy. The weather was changing rapidly, the sun clouding over, the sky dark and menacing.
She had to find him.
Julia shrugged out of her robe and pulled on her shorts, slipping into a top. Panic built up so quickly. She wouldn’t forgive herself if he was hurt or sick because of her. The moment the rain started pelting down, she rushed out the door to search for him. The elevator seemed to take forever as it glided down several floors to the lobby. She rushed out before the elevator doors had completely opened. A few staff and guests watched her hobbling through the foyer and out the front entrance of the hotel with curious stares.
Julia was so blinded with panic that she didn’t see him standing at the front of the Augustine entrance talking with the valet. The rain had started to pelt down heavily. She almost limped out in front of a car in her rush to cross the road over to the beach. But Chris saw her and yelled, “Julia! Julia!”
She stopped across the road on hearing her name. Relief washed over her in waves when she spotted Chris. She waited for another car to zoom past and headed back across the road, soaked and dripping wet from the rain. She grabbed his arm. “Where have you been? Please get into a hot shower. I don’t want you to get sick.”