In any ordinary life (In any oridnary Book 1)

by Clare Stanley Midgley

  ” John Stanton. If you want to know about any man in my life it would be him he was the only one left me for another girl. What about you…..you mentioned a fiancé,” James fastened his coat as the sea breeze ran through his clothes.

  ” I did I was engaged to a girl. A woman Catherine I was with her a while. We met at medical school to my parent’s approval. I don’t know it wasn’t right she wanted to live a life that I never felt comfortable in. She wanted the accolade of being the wife of a surgeon. That I could give her, but nothing else I didn’t like who I was when I was with her.

  Then I met you and you shouted, screamed and swore at me and then you cared for me and put me back together.

  It was strange in my world I was right all of the time. I suppose I played god but you there was no edge no superficial meaning you meant what you said and you kept your word and people respected you and loved you for it.

  My dad is a doctor and my mother was a nurse I don’t think I ever talked about them whilst working with you. That was it my life then though. Circulating around people whose job it was to be right and according to you everything I did was wrong so it knocked me down off my pedestal. I never disliked you for it. In fact I think I welcomed it. That’s when I knew my relationship with Catherine was all wrong, I had relationships with other women and she knew and as long as I kept up appearances nothing mattered, sex was a game I liked to play. I’m not going to lie Jeanie getting what I wanted came easy.

  You on the other hand I didn’t understand, love wasn’t a game the people in your life all had meaning no matter how trivial the part the played and all I wanted to know why?

  I’ve never felt anything like the way I feel about you.”

  ” James…you don’t have to...” Lighting another cigarette he sat on the steps of the sea wall.

  ” You see I do because you make me want to. I’m an arsehole I know it and I come from a long line of arrogant self righteous arseholes I was told it in medical school but without you I wouldn’t be a surgeon, without you I couldn’t have changed my life around and without you I don’t think I would have ever felt love. I believe that.” Taking him by the hand she led him down to the beach his warm palm filled her with possibilities and hope that a future with him would be worth it.

  “Come with me” Jeanie stood on the beach bear footed and waded within the freezing cold sea water she loved the outdoors and always seemed at peace listening to waves crashing along the shoreline. The cold sand trickled between her toes reminding her of visits she had there with her father.

  “How can you do that it’s freezing! You will end up with hypothermia…Jeanie…” She ran through the small ripples of the tide enjoying the free time. James stood watching her enjoying her freedom, and in a way felt privileged to be part of something special.

  Racing up to him she grabbed his hand dragging him towards the waves and as the water followed behind he picked her up and flung her around as if she was on a merry-go-round. The laughter echoed through the cold as if spring had taken a glimpse at winter.

  Sitting on the sand she buried her feet trying to keep them warm and as she lay down her hair became unravelled and filled with mustard coloured grains which entangled the strands together. James lay down next to her watching the grey coloured sky slowly block out the frosty winter sun and as the white flakes began to fall James placed Jeanie’s hand in his. The peace the tranquil placing of snow outlined around them and as the cold touches which brushed against their skin Jeanie closed her eyes and breathed in the quiet air. She needed to soak up the madness which had been the last week of her life. The sound of the waves soothed them both as they lay together on the beach. Neither one wanting to disturb in fear their precious moments may be over.

  Sitting up the sand spilled down her back like a river looking across the water she clutched at James’s hand as if to save herself from falling, “Come on time for a brew I think” walking up the beach Jeanie sat back on the steps which graced the sea wall brushing off the sand James helped her with her shoes.

  ” There’s a hotel at the bottom” Jeanie bit her lip and laughed playing on the unintentional innuendo.

  ”Sorry I thought you where suggesting a different way of warming up” rubbing her cold feet he breathed into his hands.

  ” Is that an offer or a suggestion” Jeanie cocked her head to one side and looked into his eyes as their previous conversation opened up more avenues she couldn’t wait to walk down. He had made her remember their friendship he had also made her remember that there was more to life.

  Rubbing her shoulders he looked at his watch, “I think we better make tracks. Plus we’ve still got to face the music with your mum.”

  The hours just lying on the beach had spoken volumes and as they made there way home the picturesque images of small farm dwellings covered in ice and snow unearthed themselves through the scenery. The warm comfort of knowing that she was happy and content was enough for Jeanie to realise that she was looking forward to becoming Mrs James Watson.

  Darkness had fallen before arriving home and as they pulled up Jeanie was expecting the worst. The house was alive with every room lit and the fiery glow penetrating through the heavy curtains. Pushing the door open and half expecting a barrage of abuse Jeanie found the house in practical serenity greeted by the usual family chaos.

  Her mum was waiting at the kitchen door and with her apron tightly pulled around her waist she clenched her fists around a small jug in one hand and a dishcloth in the other.

  “Tea’s on there go and warm up you both look froze.” Jeanie was shocked expecting arguments and pandemonium. Entering the parlour James was made to take a seat next to her aunt and as Iris played the piano and May sang a medley of songs.

  Irene placed the pot on the table in front of the fire, leaning over to James she whispered softly. “She’s different that one, special, she worries me always has done, she looks after all of us and in some way I don’t know what I would do without her. Make her happy she’s the glue that binds us together and she deserves the best. Don’t tell her mind, she would never hear of it from me.”

  Patting James on the shoulder she returned to her seat next to the hearth. Irene smiled at her contently; however inside Jeanie felt uneasy and still waited with baited breath what her mum would do next.

  James looked over at Jeanie stood against the door and as she leant on the frame he felt lucky to know she wanted to be with him. Catching his stare she nodded not just acknowledge him but to allow his contentment and consent to his comfort.

  At the end of the concert her aunt’s snores filled the living room and deciding it was time to take her to bed Irene insisted some of her daughters helped.

  Jeanie sloped around the corner and sat beside James. The cosy warm fire was burned intensely spitting and hissing in the dimming light and as James teased Jeanie’s hand and she became fascinated with his touch. “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like this….” pulling her closer to him he ran his fingers across her lips “I promise I will make you happy.”

  Irene stood at the door and watched the pair through the smoked glass, sighing deeply she knew she had to let her go.

  “What you doing?” May had appeared and startled her.

  “Don’t do that.” Irene scolded, “Leave them alone….he seems ok?” Irene patted May’s hand gentle as to reassure her and as May made her way upstairs she sighed again under her breath.

  “I hope so, I really hope so.”

  The drive back to the barracks seemed too short and as she stopped just before the gate James leaned wanting to take her with him.

  “I want you to have this,” he took a small envelope out of his jacket pocket and passed it over, “Don’t read it now but tonight,” he kissed her softly on the cheek, “Thank you for today and say thank you to your mum again for me.”

  Jeanie hung onto the letter in her hand as it started to scrunch under her clasp she couldn’t leave the night at that.

  “Jame
s, wait,” she pulled him close and kissed him ardently. He held her so tight she didn’t want him to go.” I’ve been thinking about us. I mean. Oh god here I go again mumbling. Here I go just bare with me.

  I feel you when I sleep, every touch, every kiss. But today, today was different it wasn’t about what we did the other night.

  We have a good friendship well we had and today we just enjoyed each other’s company but tonight I don’t want to let you go so if July is booked then that’s ok with me that’s all I’m trying to say..”

  Jeanie bit her lip awaiting the anticipation of an answer; instead James nodded his head and held her close. As he left the car he turned and waved and as he disappeared through the gate she wanted him desperately. As he stomach played with its nervous knots she would have done anything to make him stay. Instead she was driven away by restricted gates, guards and dogs with a desperate longing to see him but never knowing when it would be.

  In the lay by she clutched the letter to her chest not able to concentrate much on anything else. As she looked up at the window a face peered through the car and a voice she had heard a thousand times echoed around her.

  Getting out with a jolt she stood in the middle of the lane looking around the soldiers. Thinking it was a figment of her imagination the sound of his voice echoed violently in her thoughts. As she walked back to the car she played the scene over and over again.

  ” I could have sworn it was him it couldn’t be it was ten years ago the last time we met.” Starting the car again the voice appeared in the dark.

  “John Stanton.”

  Chapter 6

  Walking around the back of the house and through the kitchen she stopped unable to get the voice of her past out of her head. Questions surrounding how he left filled provoked an uncontrollable reaction and as she sat alone she remembered how cruel she had been.

  John had cheated, drank and hit her and after ten years of hurt maybe James was to be the cure. Taking off her coat her memories drifted over the years of her life which that man had tortured. The short journey home had made Jeanie feel more out of control than ever. She was never irrational but with everything that had happened nothing was a comfort.

  Locking the door she made her way upstairs and crept into bed not matter what it was another busy day tomorrow and she had to be up for 3.00 am.

  As she graced her bed the blanket felt warm and safe and as she curled up with her knees tucked tightly against her she watched the embers die in the fire. Her eyes felt heavy and sore and she could hear the hail start to rattle the window pain. Remembering the letter she raised her hand to the bedside cabinet and slowly started to tear the seal.

  “Jeanie I started to write this letter whilst still at the factory. I went to post it several times and couldn’t. Then your father died and I didn’t know what to do. I wanted you to know I love you and you’re the only woman possibly that I have ever truly been in love with.”

  Turning the page a crumpled soiled piece of paper fell from the remainders of the envelope. Noticing a mark Jeanie realised that this letter had been dated, posted and returned over two years ago.

  “Jeanie, I have started this letter a thousand times never knowing what to say or whether you would take the content seriously. The impact that you have had on me has been immense and there is no other way of saying this. I have left my fiancé. I am currently writing this letter in a grotty hotel room in the middle of nowhere and if I’m honest slightly drunk not knowing if this is the right thing to do. Especially when you don’t know how I feel and how you make me feel.

  I am sorry I could not do more to help your father I respected him greatly and he was a good man. I wanted to save him for you. Seeing you the day after the funeral at work took me by surprise. I suppose life still goes on but I did not expect you back so soon. I thank my peers as they have given me something much more than I could ever wish for. You.

  I have one confession though and on my last day I walked into the locker room the door was open. I didn’t mean to pry but you stood their still and silent under the water you looked lost in thought. You are also one of the most beautiful creatures I have ever gazed upon.

  You’re so beautiful Jeanie that just the thought of being close to you makes my heart skip a beat. I wanted to take you away. I wanted to wrap you in my arms and tell you everything would be ok but I couldn’t.

  I remember standing in your garden watching you comfort everyone else watching you walk through your own pain the make sure those around you were at peace. Your patience and time for their needs astonished me. You were hurting but they came first. Your selflessness makes me ashamed. It made me question my own insecurities and my own foolish pride.

  We sat in your office that night drinking our sorrows away and I woke up with you in my arms and as I watched the sunrise I dreaded the thought of letting you go.

  I can’t forget that kiss Jeanie. The way your soft lip met mine and the way the ever cell and nerve ending electrified with your touch. But I can’t forget what you made me promise either.

  I have hurt so many people and my mum doesn’t understand neither does my father. My mentor on the other hand can’t believe the change in me.

  This letter won’t make any sense the way I feel about you makes no sense to me.

  All I know is that I am in love with you Jeanie Rutherford and I have never felt this way about anyone. You have taken my heart and I never want to escape the way I feel about you and I am not going to stop until I make you my wife.

  I am in residency at the moment and my new address is on the back of the letter. I would love to see you and I know we need to talk. Just promise me you will come.

  Yours always, James,”

  Jeanie’s heart sank as all the pain and heartache could have been eradicated in one swift move. James was standing right in front of her loving her and she hadn’t noticed.

  Pulling the quilt tight around her she remembered his kiss. In fact in the months that followed she had dreamed about it. She had always felt it was out of pity only now to realise it had meant so much more.

  Folding the letter up tight she placed it into the top drawer sliding the drawer closed she realised this was her first ever love letter. It seemed ironic that James was the first of everything.

  After a couple of hours Jeanie wearily arose unable to stand the noise which had been filling the house for most of the night. Jayne had been up four times during the night and sleep wasn’t an option. The cries had rang out loud and clear down the hallway and no matter how much she had tried to block it out she was awake.

  Making her way downstairs she saw exhausted and sore Ivy nursing the baby close to tears.

  “The baby has been feeding every hour and I don’t know what to do. She won’t sleep and I can’t.” Jeanie could see the guilt she felt making the child a bottle but with each incessant scream she was brought closer to breaking point.

  ” Stop it your tired. Don’t be stupid go and get some rest. Give her to me.” Ivy wiped the tears away feeling more useless with every passing second.

  ” I don’t know if I should. I mean that just makes me useless doesn’t it,”

  “Ivy you need help stop it and go she will be fine with me.”

  Jeanie stood at the kitchen window feeding Jayne’s vivacious appetite and as the baby drank Jeanie began to sing a series of lullabies to quieten the infant for sleep.

  Rocking gently side to side she felt completely at ease and instantly felt the longing for a child of her own.

  “Sorry I just I can’t think straight.”

  “Its ok she’s settling down now get into bed.”

  “I don’t deserve this after everything I’ve…doesn’t matter.” Jeanie smiled knowing a little rest and reassurance would put her right.

  Swaddling her tight in her crib and ushering Ivy back into bed Jeanie sat for a while making sure both mother and baby where comfortable. Not saying a word she stroked Jayne’s blanket mesmerised by how small and precious
she felt.

  Creeping around the door she smiled to herself at the sight of them both. Creeping carefully down the old staircase she sat on the bottom step she started to put on her boots.

  ” That was a good thing you did for your sister.”

  “Jesus mother just announce yourself before you do that you frightened me to death.” Irene handed her a hat and scarf and a wry smile.

  “I was just saying that was a good thing you did for your sister but I just wanted a quick word about James.”

  Wincing at the door step Jeanie turned to face her,” Ok…go on.”

  “Don’t take that tone. You don’t know what I’m going to say. I have had a good talk with your Aunt and sisters. I like him, he will be good for you and I appreciate what you’ve done for us. You look after us and we need to stop relying on you.

  You need to live and as a mother I have held you back and I’m sorry. We’ve decided as a family we need to do a lot more so starting from tomorrow I will be working down at the factory, I can’t do what you do, but your sister’s can learn and we are all ready. Right then off you go, and don’t forget tonight you have got the dance at the parish rooms, you need to be there to pick all of them up so be sharpish.”

  Jeanie stood flabbergasted on the step, not only had she been forced out the door she had been given a speech by a woman who had openly detested any relationship she had.

  “She appreciates what I’ve done, they have to stand on their own two feet, live my life” It was too much for her to comprehend and regurgitating it wasn’t going to make it taste any better.