“I can’t, Paul, not yet. I still have something I have to do.”
“Can we do it together?”
“Not this, Paul. When you didn’t meet me I agree to…” Choking on the words the crying took over and I couldn’t finish what I needed to say. I fell back covering my face bawling. There’s no way to change my future for the next year. I’m leaving him and my heart pounded to near explosion from the sadness that engulfed me.
He crawled over me, “Jess, what did you agree to do?”
I rolled away from him curling up to a pillow hugging it. He lay down beside me wrapping his arm around me.
5
I woke to Paul opening the curtains with the biggest grin on his face. He’s so cute with his messy hair in the morning. He pulled back the covers and grabbed me by my ankles pulling me to the edge of the bed, “It’s going to be a great day. Come on sleepy head.” He let go and I rolled over and crawled back up to the pillows, “I’m not going. I like sleeping in a real bed.”
Laughing and pulling my ankles till they dangled off the bed dropping them and grabbed my wrists to pull me to sit up on the edge of the bed. The next thing I knew I was over his shoulder. I pretended to be a limp rag. He moved around the room and walked out. I reached up grabbing the shirt to cover my butt. Paul held Matt’s door closed as we went by it.
“You can put me down now.”
He laughed walking into the bathroom.
He set me down in the tub and I glared at him. “I need to go to the dorm.”
He opened the medicine cabinet and set my shampoo and conditioner on the toilet. He smiled and pulled out spritz spray and then he bent down and pulled out a blow dryer. I shook my head surprised that he has all my supplies here at his apartment.
He walked over to me smiling, “You need to wake up first.”
He turned on the cold water making me screamed, “You jerk that is freezing.” I reached for the hot water.
He backed out of the bathroom, “Remember, Matt is here and you…” He looked down at me, “are wearing a white T-shirt.”
After he backed out closing the door I looked down to see what he meant. Yep, completely see threw. War of the Roses came to mind, how would I get back at him. I took the shirt off and then the underwear wondering what he was planning on me wearing to the dorm to get my clothes.
Paul
Keeping her here with the intention for her to see what it would be like to live with me. My hope for her to like it here replayed in my head over and over as I went to make breakfast. She had to be happy here to stay with me for the rest of our lives. Matt stumbled out, “You slept with her?”
I glared at him, “Yeah, we slept!”
“You’re happy?”
“Yes, I am. Do you want breakfast?”
“You’re cooking, yeah. What was with the screaming?”
“I put her in the shower and turned on the cold water.”
He laughed, “She’s the type of girl that will get revenge.”
“Jess, no. She wouldn’t do that.”
He laughed out loud. I finished and made three plates. I ran to the bathroom, “You take longer than I remember.”
She opened the door and I backed away. With only a towel on she walked across the living room to the table. Matt’s mouth hung open. I walked over to him and hit him in the back of the head to remind him he was staring. He choked, “I’ll finish this in the living room.”
He picked up his plate and moved to the couch. Jess looked down at the table so I asked, “Are you hungry?”
She smiled and walked towards me, “Are you?”
Confused, and a little irritated, “Jess, Matt is here. You should get dressed?”
She laughed, “Yeah, and what am I supposed to wear for underwear?”
I shook my head and laughed with the thought Commando.
She walked up to stand directly in front of me, “I bet you didn’t think about that when you put me in the shower.”
I smiled at her with the biggest grin shaking my head no.
“Besides, someone else may need a cold shower.” She opened the towel in front of me making my heart pound so hard I heard it in my ears. With every intention of staying in control I concentrated on her eyes, but when she moved my attention move south. What a perfect body. Her breasts were the right size to fill my hands or my mouth, either fine by me. My eyes still wandered further south when she swished her hips. Her waist thin, milky, and smooth; I could play for a while with that belly button. A throbbing in my groin my eyes ventured further over her body almost to the sweet spot when she dropped the towel. I grabbed it quickly wrapping it back around her pulling her against my body.
It might sound like a growl when I yelled, “Matt!”
“Yep, I'll eat this in my room. I told you, Paul.”
“Woman! What are you trying to do to me?”
Dancing with sparkle her eyes met mine. Her mouth parted just slightly when the corners of her mouth twitched to a smile. When her hand stroked against me I closed my eyes. If she wasn’t careful I would do it right here on the table, take her like breakfast.
Her giggle; a painful delight, “Told you someone else needs a cold shower.”
She took the towel from my hands and wrapped it around her and sat down across the table from me. She crossed her legs and sat there smug and took a bite of a piece of bacon. I walked over to her and leaned down to her ear, “You are cruel.”
She laughed, “You’re the one that wanted to see me in a wet t-shirt, Paul.”
She’s right I needed a cold shower after that display. That’s pure evil on her part. This is going to be fun. I had five weeks to win her over before school’s done and it’s going to be the best five weeks of our lives.
After a shower and dressing I worked on a wardrobe for her to leave the apartment in. As I set out a few things she strolled into the room.
Jessica
Oh my god he’s gorgeous. Standing here in front of me in nothing but a pair of jeans hanging low on his hips tempted me to touch. A fine cut man he has grown into with ab muscles that rippled, oblique’s that V, arms that bulged without flexing. No wonder they couldn’t keep their hands off of him, he took my breath away.
“Jess, I hope this is okay. You’ll have to go commando until you get to your dorm.” The thought made me grin from ear to ear. I had to take advantage of the situation, “Maybe you should bring some of your things here?”
I grinned but I shook my head. This is all going to be over in two weeks when I had to leave for South America. How could I let this go on knowing that it will be so painful for both of us? Realizing that I’d hurt the man that I loved. I needed to behave and push him away gradually. Maybe I should be a pain in his ass so he wouldn’t like me anymore. There are so many things that I loved about Paul, like the way he looks at me, the way he touches me, the way he holds me, and most of all the way he loves me no matter what I do.
He moved around me intending on leaving the room, so I turned to watch as he pulled a shirt over his head. He glanced back at me grinning, “You have to hurry or you are going to end up going to class without anything on under that.”
With that grin of his, how am I going to push him away?
We walked up to my dorm room hand in hand. God I missed this so much. He waited in the living area while I went to my room to change. When I came back out he was helping Karlie with something in her school work, but stopped immediately when I came out. His face went white with fear that I was going to be angry and Karlie turned to me, “Jess, he is such a good tutor; you should let him tutor us still.”
Laughing with a sigh when I replied, “I didn’t make him quit. You have to ask him.” Our eyes met with challenge.
I wanted to know if he’d choose me, or if he had to do more with his life. His challenge happened to be me or work.
He gave me the crooked little smile but spoke to Karlie, “No, I can’t. I have neglected Jess way too much. I need to have more time to spend
with her.”
It put a smile on my face to hear him say that, because we only had about two weeks and then it would be over again.
He held out his hand for me to take, “Are you ready?”
I nodded and took his hand following him out of the room. We walked to class together, “Jess, I will be waiting right here for you when you are done.”
“Don’t you have class or something?”
He raised his eyebrows, “Yeah, something.”
I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I let go of his hand to walk into class. He pulled me back, “Aren’t you going to kiss me?”
I raised my eyebrows teasingly, “You think I want to kiss you in public, Paul? People might get the wrong idea.”
“That’s the idea. I am in love with you.”
I smiled embarrassed as a few people walked pass me into the room. His hands came to my face and he kissed me passionately. He took my breath away and he gasped as I pulled away. Oh, my goodness, I am so in love with him all over again. I walked in backwards staring at him, “You’ll wait for me?”
He nodded with the most pitiful face. Being apart for this hour and a half is going to be torture.
After the school day I went to my dorm. He was still in class but I put a bag together. Karlie walked in, “I thought you were lying to me about Paul, and you were fantasying about the guy.”
I laughed, “We have been together for four years, except this year, but our hearts still belong to each other.”
“So why did you break it off with him anyway. I’d never let that one go.”
“He was too busy for me, and it made me sad all the time, but now I wish I didn’t have to leave.”
“Iaesha?”
I nodded.
“Does he know?”
I shook my head. “I gave her my answer when he promised me he’d meet me at the cabin and then he didn’t show up so I said yes.”
“He looks at you like he is in love with you.”
“Yeah, I hope so, but he gets busy and I need more attention than what he gave me. It’s always a competition with his business, his first love.”
“Are you going to tell him?”
“Not now. He won’t let me go and now I have to go.”
“He is going to be heartbroken.”
“Me too. I love him with my whole heart.”
“Yeah, I noticed.”
“Please don’t tell him; let me when the time is right.”
She nodded as he came storming in, “Jess!”
I held my bag up, “Just getting a few things in case I end up in the shower again.”
Karlie laughed, “Getting right to it I see.”
“No!” Paul said with disgust, “She needed to wake up, that is all.”
He took my bag and my hand. My heart thud a little faster. I’m in heaven. On our way back to his apartment we stopped to picked up dinner for three, not leaving Matt out. Paul said if he didn’t make Matt food the guy would never eat. He doesn’t cook.
We ate dinner the three of us and I detected a funny grin on Matt’s face all through dinner. I nudged him with my foot to get him to stop but he kept smiling and would giggle to himself a little now and then. Paul and I made plans for the whole week and our time together. I knew that all my free time would be here with him. Trying to push him away slowly wouldn’t happen; I needed him so badly right now. We moved to the living room where we did our school work, but I finished first. Now with my school work done I stood up and put it away. Reaching over the back of the couch I tickled Paul’s ear. He shooed me away, but I persisted on attention and whispered in his ear, “I need time.” He grabbed me and pulled me over the couch to his lap. When his eyes met mine they were full of desire for me. He needed play time too. Gesturing to Matt still studying, Paul let me get up. Matt got the hint without us asking. He stood up sighing, “I guess I am going to finish in my room.”
Crawling on the floor towards him I pulled on his leg, “Matt, please don’t leave us alone.”
He shook his leg, “Jess, stop it.”
I stroked his leg leaning against him, “You shouldn’t leave us alone.”
Paul grabbed my legs pulling me back to him, “Yes, he should.” Crawling over me he pinned me down as he hovered over me.
I reached again, “Matt, help me.”
“No, I like when you two are together. Sorry, Jess, you will have to fend for yourself.”
He walked into his room and closed the door.
Grinning from ear to ear, Paul is mine for the rest of the night.
His body pressed to mine the arousal evident. Possible this is the night we show each other how much love is there.
His fingers touched my cheek, “Do you like to torture me?”
A little nervous with the inclination of making love to Paul I shook my head no and pushed for him to get off me. He sat back watching me get up, “So am I on the couch tonight?”
Shrugging while walking away to the bed room I closed the door behind me. I needed a couple of minutes to compose myself. After changing into sleeping shorts, yes they were really short, and a camisole that sat just above my belly button I walked back out making my way around the couch to Paul. He sat on the floor with his legs stretched out in front of him crossed at the ankle just viewing the TV. Stepping over him to demand his attention he didn’t hesitate letting his eyes trail up my body. His hands not able to stay off me traced my calves. I sat down on his lap facing him. Admiring his features I ran my fingers against his forehead, and then traced them down his cheek. He gazed deep into my eyes and gave me that great smile. My fingers found a dimple and I traced my fingers deep in it. A touch of embarrassment touched his face as his gaze dropped from mine, “Jess, are you going to marry me?”
Whispering, “Someday Paul.”
His eyes came back to mine full of worry, “You still love me, right?”
I wanted to show him how much, “I have always loved you, Paul.” More determined to make him understand I held his face to mine, “And I will always love you. Just sometimes we let other things get in the way.”
He agreed, “Then you need a cold shower little girl.”
Heaving my chest in front of him hoping he would notice how much I have changed, “Are you sure I am a little girl, Paul?”
His hand came to my chest and his finger slipped under the edge of the camisole tracing it down to the cleavage. He was shaking his head as his eyes followed his finger, “Your right; you’re not a little girl anymore.”
Taking his hand in mine entangling our fingers together. I laid my head to his shoulder with my nose along his neck so I’d smell him. He wrapped his arms around me, “Jess, what is it that you have to do?”
Nudging his neck before I pushed to get up, “I don’t want to talk about it Paul. Can we do that later?”
He watched me as I put out my hand for his. He followed me to the bed room, but stopped at the door waiting for me to tell him what we were doing.
I pleaded as I noted the gaze on his face, “Can you sleep with me?”
He smiled and crawled onto the bed next to me. I curled into him tracing my hand up and down his chest watching him breath. He stroked my arm and kissed my head. He’d have night mares tonight. He always did when he worried.
6
The nightmare did come in a wave of whimpers and body twitching, but I soothed them by whispering in his ear, “I am here Paul.”
Back before he and I ever had a relationship his girlfriend had died when a garbage truck ran into them. She had gasped his name as her last word. The guilt he carried haunted him for so long. My dad had given him hope by hiring him to help with our cabin, and then referred him to others. That is how he started his business. He would sometimes stay at the cabin with us. At first I would hear him in the other room, but after we got to know each other he would come to my room and fall asleep sitting up next to the bed with his fingers barely touching me.
After he figured out that I would wake when he ca
me in he started sleeping on the bed with me. I would run my fingers through his hair to sooth him; sometimes I would just wrap my arms around him to hold him. It wasn’t until we started dating that dad put a stop to that, but if he had a bad dream he would still show up and I would still do what I could to comfort him. He always told me he slept better when he could hear me breathing. Nothing ever happened when he would come into my room, except the need to sleep next to him.
I wanted to wake Paul the same way he woke me the other day. Sliding from the bed I snuck out and started breakfast. When I had a couple of pancakes done I knocked on Matt’s door, “Time to eat.”
“What?”
“Matt, it’s time to eat.”
As I heard him get up I went back to Paul’s room opening the curtains. Not having to say get up to him, because he already pulled a pillow over his face. Yanking down on the covers my eyes took in every inch of his amazing body. Hearing me giggle to myself he peeked from the edge of the pillow, “What are you giggling about?”
I bit my lip, “You’re not a little boy.”
He rolled over covering his head more. I crawled over him and rubbed my hands up his back, “Did you need to stay in bed today?” I leaned down and kissed his back.
When he rolled to his back he took the pillow from his head and covered himself.
I giggled more witnessing his morning hard-on.
“You don’t want to kiss me like that unless you’re asking for it.”
A rise my eyebrows with the biggest grin on my face I teased, “I am asking for it, but the stove is hot and ready.”
Quickly I scooted to the end of the bed pulling him by the ankles; he didn’t budge an inch. He laughed and threw the pillow at me, “Out, unless you plan on helping me with this.”
I ran out of the room. Matt filled his plate as I came back to the kitchen moving to the stove I flipped the pancakes. He shoved a huge bite in his mouth, “Jess, are you moving in with us?”
Losing You: a prequel to It's Not Over Page 6